Most Wednesdays I participate in Jamie Ridler’s Wishcasting. I didn’t last week because I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the rules that I wished to break. At my base, I really like to follow rules.

Today’s prompt hit me like a ton of bricks. Today’s Wishcasting prompt is

What do you wish to change?

I had some difficulty this morning as I was processing the idea of change while writing my morning pages. My head isn’t in the greatest place right now. I’m prone to pessimism and negativity. I think most of the time I do a really good job of keeping that under control and well-contained, but particularly the last couple of weeks have worn on me. I can feel it creeping up and wrapping around me. This morning as I was thinking about change, I was overwhelmed with everything that needs to be changed.

The reality of the situation is that, like I said yesterday, there’s so very much in my life that is good. Not everything is awful and terrible and in need of change. Right now, it’s so easy for me to run off the rails.

As I finished up my writing and drew my daily affirmation card, this is what came up today:

And that’s the base of what I need to change. My thoughts. The last year and eight months, where it has felt like I could do nothing right no matter how hard or how long I worked, have taken their toll on me, and I have lost my confidence and belief in myself. I am filled with fear (which is normal, but it’s hardly to control right now), insecurity, doubt, and distrust. This is not who I have always been, and it needs to change.

My thoughts and beliefs about myself need to change. I’ve got to be gentler with myself, reminding me that I am capable, I can do this, I can be successful.

There are a ton of other things I could write about needing to change, but right now this is what is most important.

In your own life, what do you wish to change?