On this, the third day of Reverb13, Kat McNally offers the following
Each day for 31 days, I sat quietly for a few moments with my eyes closed and my hand on my heart and asked, “Heart: what do you need?”
And then I listened. Sometimes the answer cam in the form of a word. Sometimes an image. Sometimes a sensation.
Try this today. What does your heart have to tell you?
And from Project Reverb, we have
Brave: What was the bravest thing you did in 2013?
Last night after I my meditation ended, I continued to sit on the floor and I asked my heart what it needed. So many things kept coming up, but having just meditated, I was good to let them come – and let them go, waiting for the one that I truly needed to keep coming back and stay.
And of all those things, rest kept coming back to the top, again and again and again. It finally was like a drumbeat in the back of my head, and I guess it must be true. This morning I had difficulty getting up – arms and legs leaden, moving in slow-motion. When I got home from work and my errands, I laid down for a moment and woke up an hour and a half later.
After a week away from work, you’d think that I would have gotten the opportunity to rest, but it was a hectic break, one that was emotionally draining. It wasn’t restful.
I was reading another reverber’s blog last night (I can’t remember who – there are so many of them!) and she said something about wanting time away to sleep as late as her body would let her, days with no real direction other than wherever she decided to go and my soul leapt at that thought. I can’t remember the last time that I had the opportunity to recharge in such a deep manner.
And I need it.
Not sure when I’ll get it, but I need it.
As for bravery, I think that’s ground we’ve covered several times in the past – my fearful nature and how it is often a daily battle to get myself together. But you’d almost never know it. I think, though, the bravest moment of the year for me came that Friday afternoon in August as I sat in my former boss’s office, watched her struggle to keep herself composed, and knew that there wasn’t a thing that I could do to change what was happening to me. I had several choices that I could have made at that moment in time, but my heart told me that the best move was just to let it go. No recriminations, no anger, no blame.
Being brave in that moment was due to having assessed my own responsibilities for the position that I found myself in. I could look at my actions, or lack thereof painful as that is to say, over the last year and a half and know what I had done that contributed to where I was. I also knew what others responsibilities were as well, but knowing that didn’t change the ultimate outcome so there wasn’t any use in making a scene about it. Being brave allowed me to leave with my dignity – and it allowed me to respond to those who were ugly and hateful to me (including my previous boss who sent me a gleeful text about how what goes around comes around and a receptionist who was giddy about karma being a bitch. I always wonder if those people stop and think – if that’s what they believe, then what must they have done to someone else in order to have deserved what happened to them?) with grace and composure.
Being brave in that moment also allowed me to appreciate what a gift I had been given. I knew for a year that I needed to leave that job – that it was killing me and there was no possible way for me to make it work – but I was still there. In the last month I’d gotten serious about finding something else, sending out resume after resume and even having a couple of promising interviews. But that afternoon forced my hand. And it was a wonderful relief.
In what ways have you been brave this year? And what does your heart need right this moment?