Today from Project Reverb, we have the following:
Work: What sort of work did you do in 2014? Was it new to you? Did you take on new responsibilities? Change jobs? Or take on a new task at home?
I love it when the prompts are easy to answer.
This year I worked as an English teacher for grades 7-12 at an alternative school. It made for some very frustrating days and some difficult decisions, – even some scary moments (I had tables, trashcans, and chairs thrown at me. Students came close to assaulting me. Threats were made against me) but I worked with a great group of people – people who were willing to go out on a limb for you and support you – regardless of what was going on. I think my principal was one of the best I’ve ever had – recognizing what her people were up against, giving them the support and ability to do their job, and then getting out of the way so they could actually do their jobs. If there was a question about how or why something was done, she was always willing to talk things through and let you know about the hows and the whys. While I was deeply unhappy about being so very far away from home, I was very happy to be working with the people I did.
That all changed in late October.
I’m now an Academic Coach, which is a job I’ve held previously and that I really wanted to get back to, at an elementary school, which is something I am wholly unfamiliar with. My experience is in the 6-12 world so dropping down to work with babies (or what I think of as babies) is a bit of a shock. Elementary students are not my preferred clientele. My grandma Alex taught K-2 for 30 some years and loved them. I’ll never forget her asking me why I didn’t want to teach the little ones because “they love their teacher so much!” I just couldn’t picture it. I still can’t quite picture it.
I’ve been very unhappy about the way the change happened, and I’ve been very unhappy about the change in working conditions. Today, though, today – with 1.5 days before we leave for winter break – I think I’m finding some peace. I am under no illusions that things can ever go back to the way they were, but I do see a direction to head, and I feel like I have some purpose. Purposeful is one of my Core Desired Feelings, so the last month or so of limbo has been hell for me. I feel like now I know what I’m supposed to be doing with this role, and I’m ready to dive into it. That shift – that clarity – will hopefully make the next five months bearable.
And Kat McNally brings us this prompt:
How can you stop being an a**hole, get out of your own way and make room for more of your magic to happen in 2015?
I think I make the answer to this question harder than it has to be. What I really need to do is trust more. Have faith that things are going to work out. Look for the bright side.
I say this here all the time, but my nature is essentially negative. My dear Sweet Husband has been known to call me “Ms Negative” or “Ms Negativity” trying to pull me out of every funk I attempt to wallow in. (Ask him about the Kansas City Royals’ World Series run this year. Poor guy) I’m never going to be the person who is telling you how and why it can be done. While I might not tell you how and why it CAN’T be done, I’m thinking it.
I like to poison my own well before someone has a chance to, and while that can save me a little – maybe- in the short-term, protecting me from disappointment and hurt, in the end all it does is keep me stuck.
There are plenty of people out there who believe in me and who want me to be successful. I don’t think I can be pulling the wool over that many pairs of eyes. One, maybe two? OK I can pull that off. But I can’t be fooling all these people who support me.
As I get caught up on the posts I didn’t write last week, today I’m working on Day 12. The prompts for both days are remarkably similar.
The prompt from Project Reverb for Day 12 was:
Future self: Write a letter to your future self, telling the future you about what you hope for you.
And from Kat McNally, we got this prompt courtesy of Amy Taylor-Kabbaz:
It all starts with kindness. Everything I have learnt, everyone I have interviewed, every word I have studied has guided me to this simple but profound conclusion: true happiness begins and ends with self-kindness.
No more guilt. No more shoulds. No more comparison.
And the very best way to give your weary soul some kindness at the end of this year? A love note.
Write a letter from you to you… filled with forgiveness, love, and a big bear hug.
Well, alrighty then. I said on someone else’s post that I loved the idea of love letters, and that I needed to write more of them. I suppose there is no better place than to start than with myself.
I see you working so very hard, and I know that it is no where near enough for you. You wonder why you can’t seem to get it together, why things seem to be easier for other people, why you struggle when others don’t seem to have such a hard time. I want you to know that I believe in you, and I know that you are going to get to exactly where you need to be.
Your timeline is uniquely your own. You’ve known that for the longest time. I know you know that, but I also know that knowing doesn’t change how tough it can be to go through the shit, slogging ahead and wondering when you’re eventually going to get into the current and ride the easy waves rather than fighting to make any forward progress. Knowing it and being OK with it while it’s happening are two different things. It’s OK. It’s OK to be frustrated by the pace. It’s OK to know that good things come to those who wait…and be tired of the waiting.
You’re going to get there. I know it. And guess what? When you are there, it’s going to be like now – except a little better. You’ll have time to do the things you want to do, and you’ll be at home doing fulfilling, meaningful, purposeful work. But really – the little details of life and how you respond to them – it’s all going to be a lot like it is right now. Minus the frustration. I know you know that too, but it’s just a reminder.
So this time while you are waiting for tomorrow to get here with the fulfillment of all your hopes and dreams is important. Don’t sell it short, as hard as it is. You’re here going through it for a reason, and you’ll soon be where you want to be. This time is important.