What an incredibly long day. It is sad commentary when the highlight of your day is going to the dentist and having a tooth prepared for a crown.
I have to find some way to deal with the stress and anxiety that this job is producing in my life right now. The entire time I was at the dentist (almost 2 hours), I was nauseous because I was worried about what might happen while I was gone, what thing might pop up that would reveal further incompetence, what crisis would explode that would require me to do some fancy footwork.
I think that the problem is that I take things too seriously or too personally. My boss keeps telling me, “This too shall pass.” and I feel a pit in my stomach when it happens because I wonder if it means that I too shall pass. The thing that I believe is that if that were to be the case…it would not be an easy road, but it would be OK. Eventually. Life is difficult, but things happen the way they are supposed to. If I’m not meant to be successful in this arena, then while it would be a blow, it would not be unrecoverable. And perhaps it would be the thing I needed to motivate me to get real about what it is…exactly…that I want and expect from my life. Where am I going, what am I working towards? What am I supposed to be doing?
It is what it is, and I have to remember that. No more, no less.
Easier said than done because if I could remember that every day, I would be writing much the same thing day after day, year after year.