Things have been incredibly hectic at work the last couple of months. I’ve been working a ton of overtime, and there’s no end in sight. I remarked today that I couldn’t remember the last time I cooked something for dinner. I’m not home in time to eat.
I had on my to-do list tonight to sweep, dust, mop, and do laundry. I suppose that after I got home at 9:20, I could have gotten started at least on the laundry rather than sitting down to have left-over pizza and try to figure out how to set up the WordPress app on my phone. I bet doing any one of those things would have helped my eyes much more than sitting here and catching up on facebook. I’m sure that it would have helped with that gross pet smell I caught a whiff of when I walked into the living room (for what it’s worth, I practically hosed the house down last night with Febreeze and Odormute. If there is one thing that I cannot stand is to have the house smell like animals live here. I mean…they DO in fact live here. But it doesn’t have to smell like they do. Drives me batty)
I am hopeful that maybe tomorrow night I’ll get to come home shortly after I’m supposed to. I’d like to be walking out the door no later than 6:00 because while a job is a really, really good thing, there has to be some way to get the rest of my life in alignment and balance. I want to be able to get up and take my overweight doggie for walks. I want to be able to come home and have dinner with my sweet husband. I want to organize my photos and decorate my house.
There are tons of things on my to-do list, many of them I say that are priorities for me. Like my health. Like photography. Like writing. Like cultivating my marriage. Like nurturing my creativity. Very little of that is happening because I am spending so much time at work.
I recognize that there are times when work should be a priority, and I know that my job is in an extremely precarious state right now. I need to be working hard and making things happen. There are other people in the building who are working hours that are as long as mine. But I am wary of building a habit and expectation. Once things are back on track at work, am I going to be expected to maintain this kind of schedule and productivity? My relationship and my passions can take this neglect for a little while, but it’s already been a little. Awhile will soon be here.
It doesn’t help that for the last several weeks we’ve not had time to relax together on the weekends. We’ve been busy running to Hattiesburg to one thing or another. That which would naturally be time for us to reconnect, or to engage in the things that feed our souls, has been lost. Friends are supposed to come visit this weekend, and while I’d like to be able to spend the weekend just with my dear husband, those friends need the same kind of connection we need. Perhaps spending time together, playing board games, watching movies, having good food might be what all of us need at this point. There is something to be said for needing to grow with other couples and build those relationships.
But I want to spend time with my husband. I want to sit on the beach, have a beer, and listen to our wedding playlist. I’d like to go to a movie with my husband. Sit on the front porch and chat. Connect. Relax. Build memories for ourselves.
But there is work. *sigh*