It’s Wednesday, which means it is time to wish with Jamie at Jamie Ridler Studios. Today’s prompt is
What Risk Do You Wish to Take?
I dragged myself out of the bed at 3:15 this morning so I could begin the process of getting ready to make the drive from the coast to Hattiesburg and back to work for the day. Shortly there after, I saw this post from Jamie, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
I still haven’t come to much of a conclusion.
I’m not a huge risk-taker. Probably because I’m such a chicken. Scardy-cat if you will. As a recovering child perfectionist and a closet sufferer of impostor syndrome, I cannot stand to fail. Or to fall short, which in my book is often the same thing. So I very rarely take risks. I like to think that I work really hard to ensure that whatever it is that I decide to do is going to be successful…and that’s why I have been successful.
At the same time, I recognize that there is a limit to how well that strategy is going to work for me in the long-run, and the truth of the matter is that I’ve already bumped up against it time and time again. There’s a reason why the saying “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” exists.
I took a big risk a few weeks ago and put myself out there to be a Desire Map Book Club leader. That’s about the biggest thing I’ve done in a long time. I’m a weird mix of introvert and extrovert and while I enjoy being around new people, it takes a little bit for me to put myself out there. But I’m excited about it. My word for the year is Connection, and I’m looking forward to making connections with a bunch of new people. (you? Are you one of them?)
It also felt like a big risk to go back into the classroom. I haven’t taught–really taught–in a long time, and when I left teaching, I wasn’t feeling very good about my abilities. I also wasn’t feeling very good about the state of the teaching profession. I’m still not too hyped up about where teaching is heading, but I am feeling pretty solid in my ability to convey a lesson and to reach children…even if some days are rougher than others. Where I am now feels much better than where I was, and I’m glad for this place that I have landed. But getting back into it felt scary…and risky.
Right now, I think that the risks I wish to take all surround my creativity. I want to open up and risk asking a photographer I know if they (yes I know the pronoun reference is wrong. Can you tell I’ve been teaching grammar a wee bit lately?) would be willing to let me apprentice with them. Tag along, learn, watch, do some work, play around a bit. My biggest problem is time. There’s a lot on my plate, and as last week’s wish evidences, I’m already exhausted. I think this would have to be something that waited until the summertime. But I need some time to work up my courage and get myself ready to actually put myself out there. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. Really hard. And it’s asking a lot of someone.
And I want to do something a bit more concrete and reaching with my writing. I’ve been using this space to work out what I want to do with my writing, but I feel a bit like I’m spinning my wheels, which is why my 31 Days project is all about finding inspiration. I have an idea of where I would like this to head, what I would like it to eventually lead to, but I need to have the guts to actually begin making moves in those directions. And giving this space the time and attention that it needs for those endeavors to be successful. Nothing happens without work. And I haven’t been putting in the work. The risk is huge. Failure is a constant worry, but looming even larger than that for me is the risk to my family. I already feel a little over-extended. Finding even more time for the work of my heart, when there’s so little time for the love of my life, will be a tricky balance to negotiate.
How about you? What kinds of risks do you wish to take? Let me know in the comments and think about joining us at Jamie Ridler Studios.