I have meant to write. I had a calendar. Before the new year I’d spent a bit of time thinking about the direction I’d like to take my creative work this year – more of an emphasis on photography and writing, an effort to focus to myself around what I feel are the things that are important to me. I felt pretty good about where that was going to head.
I don’t know.
A friend posted on Facebook about how the New Year didn’t have that hopeful new year feel to it, and that really articulated what I’ve been feeling for these first three weeks of 2014.
I don’t know what it is, but 2014 doesn’t have that optimistic, hopeful, anything-is-possible feel to it. Nothing terrible has happened. To anyone I know. But there is this terrible feeling of foreboding – like any moment the bottom is going to fall out and there will be this great deluge of suckage.
These moments occasionally happen in my life. I sometimes get tapped into a cosmic river of negativity and it has a profound effect on me. When it happens, though, I usually have this vague notion of unease and disquiet – like something bad is about to happen to someone I know. I make sure to warn those I care about to take extra caution, I let them know I care about them. And in a couple of days, it goes away. It usually amounts to nothing.
This isn’t like that, though. This is everything all at once. It’s not depression. I’ve been there before, and this isn’t that.
I’m ready for whatever this is to go away, and I guess the only way for that to really work is for me to show up. Do the thing in spite of the thing. Back into my routines and my rhythms. Refusing to wait for whatever and instead doing those things that I need to do in order to move forward.
So. That is the plan. I am ready to begin working through the plans I have for 2014 regardless of whether 2014 is ready for me or not. I am ready to *trust* (which is my Word of the Year) that things will fall into place to support me in that work.
With that in mind, my intentions for the week are as follows
- Show up
- Pursue my desires
- Feel creative and strong
- Be mindful of my health
How has your 2014 started? And what are you planning for the upcoming week?