Some weekends are full of things to do, rushing here and there, and so packed to the gills with stuff that there is a real need for an unwinding. This weekend unwind does not chronicle one of those weekends. This weekend was one of supreme laziness. I’m not sure exactly how that came to be, but I suppose there are times when that is exactly what you need to do.
This past week was rough. I spent the first part of the week exhausted, and by exhausted I mean barely able to keep my eyes propped open despite getting some sleep and consuming too many cups of coffee to count. I think part of it was about the weather as it’s been really cold and icky here in Mississippi, as I said in Friday’s post. But there’s more to it than that. I’ve referred to it as my “storms,” and the storms have been fierce this weekend. I think that it’s probably a good thing that we didn’t have a ton of things to do this weekend because I don’t know that I would have been able to do them anyway. Whether I am able to drive myself to work in the morning or not is a question at this point.
I’ve known for a long time that there’s something wrong with me. For as long as I can remember I’ve had “episodes” – I have a “little” seizure, time slows down, and I feel a bit like I’m moving through molasses. Afterwards, I usually have a migraine. A long while back I saw series of doctors who concluded that my problem was atypical migraines – those who actual thought there was something wrong with me.
It’s just been something I’ve lived with for the longest time, but things are getting worse. I’ve alluded to what I think it is here several times before but because I don’t know for sure, I haven’t let that particular cat out of the bag. Sweet Husband has been pressuring me to go to the doctor because he’s worried, but I have resisted. Mainly because I have shitty insurance that doesn’t cover anything, but my symptoms are reaching a critical mass. He wanted me to go in December, but I know this is going to be an expensive prospect with at the least a CT or MRI, possibly an EEG, and god knows what other tests. At the very least there will be several doctor’s visits. I didn’t see the point in going in December, working towards a deductible that would start over again in January. I’ve lived with these symptoms for at least 20 years; what’s another month?
So we have the name of a doctor, and I’ll make a call to set up an appointment early in February. Because it may well take that long to be seen but more than that, I haven’t been paid since December 19 and won’t be paid until January 30. And because as scary as this some times is, I’m as equally afraid of knowing what it is or afraid it will be yet another time when medical professionals look at me like I’m crazy and pat my hand before sending me on because they assume it’s all in my head because they can’t find a reason for it. SH is beautiful in that he says if that happens then we go to another doctor. You’d think after 20+ years of this I would have psyched myself up enough to be able to handle whatever it is, but I need a little more time to get ready.
As I waited for the storm, I slept and read, watched the Cowboys lose and crocheted. While my Sner was here over Christmas, I got back into crocheting. I’m a fairly simple stitcher. I don’t know how to do things that are fancy and I have no real idea what they’re talking about when they say “gauge”. I’m not one of those who can learn by reading or seeing. I have to have someone show me and then help me do. Usually when the Sner is here, she can show me and then I can do. But I bought the yarn and decided on the pattern right before she left. I showed the Sner the pattern, and what I thought it meant. She confirmed my understanding and headed on home.
Since she left I’ve been working on a scarf – or rather an Outlander-inspired cowl. I kept having to rip out the first four rows because they didn’t look right. Today the light bulb went off, and I found my smaller hook. Wonder of oh wonders it works now. I’m so proud of myself for figuring it! Yay me!
I’m about half-way done. I need another skein of yarn to get it done, so I suppose I’ll take care of that this week. I really am excited about having figured it out all by myself.
Very exciting, isn’t it?
I did have time to think about the coming week, though, so I suppose it’s all good.
I’m not sure how well using my Core Desired feelings worked for last week, but I can’t tease out whether it was the fact that I was exhausted or if it was that the way I structured things wasn’t working. I’ll try it again this week and see if it works any better. Since I didn’t do so well with my intentions last week, I’m going to leave everything the same and see where it gets me. hopefully I’ll have a better report next weekend.
I hope ya’ll had a fantastic weekend! Did you do something fun? Something more exciting than crocheting? Tell me about it!