It was another good weekend. It seems those are our default, and I’m just fine with that. Last weekend and my feelings were a blip. Even though Sweet Husband was sick this weekend, which limited what we did, and even though his football teams lost. He came up his parents’ this weekend, and it was nice to not have to make that drive on Friday or again today. Thankfully after resting most of the day on Saturday, he’s feeling much better today. He’s still going to the doctor tomorrow, but he’s better.
As for the weekend, perhaps the best part of it was last night. We haven’t been to a bonfire in a really long time, and we’ve been talking a whole lot about having a bonfire on the beach. While the fire at our friend’s wasn’t a bonfire in any sense of the word, it was about the communion. Our friends have experienced quite a bit of change in the last several months. Everyone is either parents or about to be parents, which leaves us as being the only ones.
I try not to think about my infertility because it’s not an easy subject on which to dwell. It is difficult, though, when confronted with a beautiful, perfect baby, to maintain that ambivalence. Sweet Husband, of course, couldn’t come inside and hold sweet Gracen, but I spent quite awhile with her. So incredibly sweet. And of course, we talked about it. It’s only painful when it comes out into the light.
I always say that it’s not so painful for me, myself; it’s much more painful for me when I think about Sweet Husband. Right now, though, it’s really painful for me. And there’s not much that can truly be done about it. It is what it is until it isn’t.
Beyond that, though, it was good to be out around a fire, passing around a jar of apple pie, talking, laughing, and making new memories. It’s interesting to see the change in dynamics. There wasn’t music blaring this weekend. There was a video baby monitor with frequent looks at it to make sure that everything was good or to see if Daddy was doing it right. The party lasted as long as it ever did, and I think both of us were reminded that we’re missing a lot by being away from these friends. It’s not that we aren’t building a cadre of friends on the Coast, but it’s more that there is an allure of old friends and habits.
When we begin thinking about where we will eventually wind up, there are lots of difficult decisions to be made. I’ll be applying for jobs on the coast, and he’ll be looking for a job up here. I believe in my heart of hearts that it will be much easier for him to find a job than it will be fore me. We don’t want to leave the Coast, but…I don’t know if we’re going to have a choice.
So. The weekend was good.
And now it’s time to begin thinking about the new week and what I want to accomplish during that week.
- I want to continue to practice my self-care habits – writing, meditating, getting enough sleep.
- I’m taking part in a few different monthly challenges and during this coming week, I’d like to make the effort to connect with other participants in those challenges. Right now I’m doing good to get my own content taken care of, and I’m working to get more organized as far as that is concerned. But I want connection, so I need to make that effort.
- Get the retirement plan in place. I just need to make a call and have that happen. Which reminds me…I need to call Sweet Husband and have him give me some information about that.
Not too many things on the list this week but enough.
How was your weekend? And what are you looking forward to in the new week?