I follow several different blogs, and I get writing prompts from a couple of them a couple of times a week. One of today’s prompts was about being the bearer of my own truth.
I suppose that means that it becomes time to think about what my own truth is.
I’m not sure that I ever knew what my truth was. I’ve been working on figuring it out for quite awhile, and I’m not sure that I’ve quite gotten there yet. Particularly with the changes in the last year or so, it has gotten even harder to figure out who I am and where I’m going.
Since I like lists, perhaps a list can help me get to what my truth is.
- I’m a wife. I think it’s a little odd that I put that as the very first thing. It’s one of the more recent things. I don’t think, though, that it is how I essentially see myself. It’s not a huge part of my identity. It is the most recent addition to who I am, and I guess that is why it occupies such a primary position.
- I’m playing at being a writer. I really want to be a writer. I have no clue what I want to write. I’m not a novelist. I know that for certain. I am not a poet. I know that for certain, too. That leaves just a few things to write about of interest to other people. I have some ideas, but the problem becomes finding an audience. I suppose, though, that I can worry about an audience once I know for sure what I’m writing.
- I play at photography. I want to be better at it, but right now, I just don’t have the time.
I guess that line about “I just don’t have the time” gets to the heart of the matter in most things for me. I don’t have the time. I don’t make the time. Here tonight I’m writing. Last night I wrote. I didn’t take the time this morning to do my morning pages. I haven’t taken the time today to snap some photos. I haven’t take the time to exercise or care for my body in the ways that are most valuable and important to me..
I do, though, sit on my ass. I spend way too much time on the internet. Doing absolutely nothing. For a long time, instead of really living my life, I’ve been substituting a virtual life for a real one. I spend too much time dreaming about what I want and where I’m going rather than actually making those things happen.
I suppose when it comes right down to it, we are the bearers of our own truth. We just have to have the bravery to face it. Difficult to swallow when you realize that you are the problem. Becoming the solution is even more difficult, as years worth of my ramblings here have proven. Baby steps, I guess.