There’s so much that has been running through my head the last several days, but as usual, it’s taken me quite awhile to process exactly how I want to say it and what exactly I think about it all. Sometimes I have to write about it so I know what was important for me to take away from the experience.
I’m still not exactly sure what I want to say that won’t be hateful. I spent a lot of time this weekend frustrated and upset by the smallness of others. I’ve spent a lot of this week frustrated by the smallness of others. It has taxed my resolution of the past few months to let go. I’ve had to remind myself that I don’t get to control other people and that their actions are their own to be responsible for. I have a hard enough time keeping myself straight; I can’t take on the issues that rightly belong to someone else.
I think that part of the problem is that I’ve gotten out of the routine that helps to bring me peace and keep me centered. Over the last week I’ve made the choice to not go for my walks in the morning and I’ve not taken the time to sit with my thoughts and get my morning pages done. That’s my fault. While we were traveling it certainly would have been difficult to get my exercising done, but the truth is that I could have gotten it done if that’s what I wanted to do. I even packed my shoes so I could go for a walk. But I didn’t. I had my writer’s notebook with me, and I didn’t write. Those were choice I made, and those choices made it much more difficult for me to deal with the things that happened around me.
And perhaps that is the lesson. Perhaps that’s what I take away from this weekend and its interaction with hateful, terrible people. I have to practice self-care. I need to make sure that I am doing the things that I need to do in order to care for myself. I can’t let the dysfunction of others distract me from what I know is best practice for me.
I’m getting back on the wagon. I didn’t walk this morning, but I did write. I’m not sure I’ll walk tomorrow, but I will write. This weekend I’ll immerse myself more fully in the practices that I know bring me calm and peace, those things that center me.
There are too many amazing things happening in my life for me to get pulled down by the smallness of those who are living the lives that they don’t believe they deserve or refuse to acknowledge they created. I just have to keep reminding me that I need to focus on those things that move me forward.
How do you deal with unpleasant people? How do you get back on track when you’ve gotten distracted from your purpose?