Today’s prompt is courtesy of Kate Muehe.
Home: Where was ‘home’ in 2012, figuratively or literally? How will you make ‘home’ in 2013?
For the great majority of my life I’ve been looking for a place to call home. I think when you grow up bounced around, it is difficult, I think, to understand what “home” means. As a kid there were lots of different places that could have been home — my grandparents’ (at one point in time, three different sets of them), my mother’s, my father’s, multiple cities, multiple states. I don’t remember it being a particularly unsettling thing or being insecure about having a home when I was a kid because everyone, in each home I journeyed to, loved me, but it did make knowing what home meant difficult.
For the longest time I’ve been trying to subscribe to the notion that home isn’t necessarily a place, and that there can be multiple places that are home Home is about a feeling. That’s what I’ve been thinking, and I’ve been struggling terribly with that. I’ve lived lots of places, and most of those places I’ve lived there on my own. It’s been very difficult to call some of those places in home. In fact, when I lived in Kentucky, I very rarely called it home, meaning that it was the place that my heart resided. In that off-handed way that you say, “I’m going home”, I called Louisville home, but it wasn’t Home.
I knew that Home was a different place, which is why I left Kentucky. I miss Kentucky, but it wasn’t comfortable in that way for me. Here is where I’m supposed to be. And that’s because I’m with the people I’m supposed to be with.
I never thought I’d wind up staying in Mississippi. I thought it was going to be a brief rest on my way to where I was supposed to be. Here, though, is where I found a home. There is a wonderful sense of security in knowing that even if I happen to get annoyed, there is someone here who loves me, and I won’t be facing whatever comes alone. There is comfort and security and care.
The actual house we live in here isn’t what makes it a home, and while I do love this house because there is so much to love about it. the place. It is, not, though where I see us spending a great chunk of our life. Maybe another year or so, but not forever. The truth, though, is that this house, an apartment, somewhere else, whatever. It doesn’t matter because I have this whole family that is lovely and supportive and amazing. I have home now, and it is incredible.
This year has been about Matt and I creating our home, and it’s not just the physical space. In fact, we haven’t done a whole lot with the inside of the house. I still need curtains in the bedrooms, and there are furniture needs that have got to be taken care of soon. But we’ve been building our home…the emotional space that we occupy together. Interior design and the rest of it will come together when it does. What I have now is more important.