Today’s post is courtesy of Grave and Most Glorious.
When did you really want to call it quits? (Did you?)
This is an easy one. From about May through September, I dreaded going into work. I’ve had some crazy bosses in the past. I’ve had some bosses that blew hot and cold. I’ve had mean bosses. I have never had a vindictive, mentally unstable boss. I’ve never had a boss ask me to do unethical things. I’ve never had a boss who picked out a person and then tortured them.
I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I knew something was off. I could feel her making overtures, trying to pull me in, but something told me from the beginning that my former director wasn’t quite right. She talked about how other people needed to do their jobs, but she sat in her office browsing pinterest, craigslist, and overstock.com. I was expected to do my job, but no one ever told me how to do my job.
There were a couple of times when I talked to people about what was going on. When my CEO came to specifically investigate what was going on, I told him I didn’t know who to trust, that I had serious concerns, and I spent most of my days afraid. Those were words that went unheeded.
It happened again in a meeting with a Vice President and my boss. It was a terrible meeting, but I think it was the beginning of a turning point. I raised my voice; I was visibly upset. But more importantly, the VP got to see my boss treating me the way she treats everyone else. Hyperbolic interrupting and drama. I can’t remember exactly how many times I had to say, “Please let me finish.”
Every day I struggled to get out of bed and go to work. Every day I was looking for something else. If I didn’t need this job and the salary that it provided, I would have quit. My sweet husband told me to quit; we’d figure something out. I agonized over what to do, who to trust, and how to best protect myself and the people I worked with…many of whom are wonderful, hardworking people. It was torture.
I’m glad I didn’t quit, though. Things are better. All it took was changing one person, demonstrating that corporate was truly interested in healing the damage done. I am not glad that my former boss lost her job; I would have preferred that she make changes, but I think her own issues made that impossible. She has landed on her feet. For the time being. And while I’m working a lot of really long hours now (didn’t get out of the building tonight until almost 11) and there is stress, I don’t wake up nauseous and dreading each day. I might dread a day or two now and again, but it’s not a constant in my life.
I think my job could be on the way to being a source of happiness and accomplishment for me. There’s a good team in place, and I have a great team of mentors, I think. I’m glad I didn’t quit. I really, really wanted to, but I didn’t. I’m stronger than her, and I am excited about what 2013 brings in terms of my career.