I came across several things I wanted to write about today, but as I come to the end of a long day, there is really only one that resonates with me still. Today’s prompt from Write Alm is “I Dared…”
I think we’ve discussed before how much of a scaredy-cat I can be, how if I let myself, I’ll be a paralyzed mass of fear. There are days that I’m not sure how I get out of bed because I feel my insides shaking with terror. There are times when I think that the only thing that gets me up and moving is fear – fear that I’m going to wind up like my father, fear of those childhood memories of abject terror. If for no other reason than to stave off the madness, I get up and put one foot in front of the other.
I kind of think that life is like that. We keep moving until we’re somewhere new and our movements are about staying one step ahead of the wolves, even if those wolves are our personal demons.
As for the things I’ve dared, when I look back over this short life, despite my self-identification as a coward, there has been quite a bit of ballsy action.
- I bought a house. By myself.
- I moved across the country. By myself.
- I moved again. By myself.
- I stood up for what I believed to be right with regard to teaching my students.
- I not only took the classes for my PhD, but I struck up a conversation with a woman I didn’t know at a bar and found the group that I studied for my dissertation.
- I went to NYC. By myself.
- I went to DC. By myself (although to be fair, Sweet Husband was supposed to join me there, but a severe gout attack prevented him from being able to wander and sight-see with me).
- I have camped all over this country. Mostly by myself but occasionally with a sweet Cobbie doggie.
- I canoed through the swamps. By myself.
All of those things are pretty impressive to me. But what really stands out to me is that I dared to take a chance on Sweet Husband. At his weekly “debrief” Friday, we were all talking about our types and our relationships, and the truth of the matter is that my husband wasn’t anything like I’ve dated before. I resisted him. For a long time. And then because I wasn’t sure about what I wanted, we kept our burgeoning relationship a secret. For a long time. He has turned out to be exactly what I didn’t know I was looking for or even needed. I occasionally feel quite a bit panicked when I think about all that I could have missed. It’s one dare that I am forever grateful that I took for it has changed everything.
What about you? How have you dared?