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January 22, 2012

Late Night Update

I feel infinitely, incredibly old. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind and just when I feel like I'm getting my feet under me, I'm on my knees again.

The good thing is that in spite of the fact that the hits keep coming, it feels like everything in my life is moving in the right direction. There's hope, and that is a good thing.

The last few weeks have been hard, particularly last week.

Matt was here last weekend. He was here again this weekend. For some reason, it is harder these days. When I was leaving him once every couple of months and there was a drive of 9 hours between us, it was easier. It is terrible when he leaves and has to go back to Hattiesburg. I think that maybe it's because it's so very close. I could go up to Hattiesburg and spend the night with him. I could get up early and drive down here to work. I could. But I don't. Because it really is too much. I need to be here with the dog and the cats and starting our lives. I have not yet had to make the drive back to Gulfport without him. I'm not looking forward to that.

The good thing is that there these separations will be of short duration. Everything is pointing to Matt being down here the weekend after Bryan's wedding. That means I've got 5 weeks. That's doable. I can handle that. It's just another thing.

I can't quite figure out the job. It's not bad. Certainly not that. It's just different than any other job I've ever had in my life. I'm not sure yet--and I've worked there two full weeks now--what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. I think that everything will eventually be OK, but it's stressful in the meantime...not knowing what it is that I'm supposed to be doing, how I'm supposed to be doing it, etc.

The bright spot right now is my relationship. There have been some bumps in the last couple of weeks, but we are OK. We're working on communication...doing our daily devotional, although we don't do it daily. It's hard for me to really get into the devotional because it is incredibly religious. I knew that's how it was going to be, but when I'm doing it with him each day, it takes me a minute to look past the religious message and see the point the author is making. Often it is a very good thing, and it prompts discussion between the two of us. It is giving us things to think about, and that is good. We are working together to make sure that we're on the same page. We're talking together and getting ourselves straight. That is worth the discomfort of the religiosity.

I'm happy. I can say that. My life is feeling like there is some equilibrium. I don't feel like I'm alone. This is what I what I have been waiting for.

I haven't made any resolutions, really, for this year. I haven't had the time to do that. And that, I believe, is OK. The biggest things is that this is the year I will marry one of the greatest men I know. Beyond that...creating a strong, healthy marriage...what else do I need to resolve for this year? Better health might be a good one, and I think I'm going to be working on that. However, right this minute, I don't know if I can give that a lot of my thought these days. There are less than 3 months now until the wedding. There is an incredible amount of stuff that has to be done between now and then.

In the meantime...that's all I've got for tonight. More tomorrow perhaps. Or tomorrow maybe I'll be doing my Mondo Beyondo homework and begin thinking what my dreams are for the next year. I get the feeling they could be HUGE.

Last Updated January 22, 2012

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January 22, 2012

Late Night Update

I feel infinitely, incredibly old. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind and just when I feel like I'm getting my feet under me, I'm on my knees again.

The good thing is that in spite of the fact that the hits keep coming, it feels like everything in my life is moving in the right direction. There's hope, and that is a good thing.

The last few weeks have been hard, particularly last week.

Matt was here last weekend. He was here again this weekend. For some reason, it is harder these days. When I was leaving him once every couple of months and there was a drive of 9 hours between us, it was easier. It is terrible when he leaves and has to go back to Hattiesburg. I think that maybe it's because it's so very close. I could go up to Hattiesburg and spend the night with him. I could get up early and drive down here to work. I could. But I don't. Because it really is too much. I need to be here with the dog and the cats and starting our lives. I have not yet had to make the drive back to Gulfport without him. I'm not looking forward to that.

The good thing is that there these separations will be of short duration. Everything is pointing to Matt being down here the weekend after Bryan's wedding. That means I've got 5 weeks. That's doable. I can handle that. It's just another thing.

I can't quite figure out the job. It's not bad. Certainly not that. It's just different than any other job I've ever had in my life. I'm not sure yet--and I've worked there two full weeks now--what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. I think that everything will eventually be OK, but it's stressful in the meantime...not knowing what it is that I'm supposed to be doing, how I'm supposed to be doing it, etc.

The bright spot right now is my relationship. There have been some bumps in the last couple of weeks, but we are OK. We're working on communication...doing our daily devotional, although we don't do it daily. It's hard for me to really get into the devotional because it is incredibly religious. I knew that's how it was going to be, but when I'm doing it with him each day, it takes me a minute to look past the religious message and see the point the author is making. Often it is a very good thing, and it prompts discussion between the two of us. It is giving us things to think about, and that is good. We are working together to make sure that we're on the same page. We're talking together and getting ourselves straight. That is worth the discomfort of the religiosity.

I'm happy. I can say that. My life is feeling like there is some equilibrium. I don't feel like I'm alone. This is what I what I have been waiting for.

I haven't made any resolutions, really, for this year. I haven't had the time to do that. And that, I believe, is OK. The biggest things is that this is the year I will marry one of the greatest men I know. Beyond that...creating a strong, healthy marriage...what else do I need to resolve for this year? Better health might be a good one, and I think I'm going to be working on that. However, right this minute, I don't know if I can give that a lot of my thought these days. There are less than 3 months now until the wedding. There is an incredible amount of stuff that has to be done between now and then.

In the meantime...that's all I've got for tonight. More tomorrow perhaps. Or tomorrow maybe I'll be doing my Mondo Beyondo homework and begin thinking what my dreams are for the next year. I get the feeling they could be HUGE.