I am participating in Kat McNally’s April Moon 14, a two week reflective writing challenge. Each day, Kat sends an email with a single word prompt to spark some time during the powerful time between the total lunar eclipse and the full moon. Participate with us!
The prompt for day 12 is
What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?
I keep thinking about rivers and how they (we) all flow to the sea. We start in these vastly different places, and we’re all struggling through obstacles – some times we’re parched and barely a trickle and other times we are raging, more than we or those around us can handle, occasionally we are blocked and have to work around or through the opposition, if we’re lucky we just to get to meander our way through.
It is how we react to those times when our flow isn’t optimal that we figure out who and what we are truly meant to be. Adversity sucks when we are going through it but I’ve come to believe that at least for me, it brings the best and worst of me to the fore. Part of the struggle is not letting the worst parts flood me, rage out of all boundaries, submerge all that I am. I usually find that the hardest part of it all is containing my own negativity.
Beyond that tortured metaphor, I suppose flow is all about finding that sweet spot, getting in a rhythm. This afternoon I was determined to get my front porch in order – get the new plants potted, rearrange furniture, clear away the wreckage left from unusually cold winter. I was focused and in the zone – I’d found my flow – and any distractions, much to Sweet Husband’s annoyance, were met with irritation. I had things to do, and I was motivated to do them. That is what flow is about for me: when I’m doing the work and I want to do the work and the work doesn’t feel like work.
I wish I found myself flowing with my writing more often. Writing is work for me and it often feels like work – I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what people want to read, I don’t know how to get the words on the page mirror the thoughts in my head. I carry my writer’s notebook with me but beyond my morning pages (which I think are more like a diary/journal entry than anything else), I don’t use it. There are too many other things – like front porches that need organizing, houses that need cleaning, drapes that should be sewn – that get in the way, crowd my mind and keep me from reaching a state of flow. Even with my morning pages or my writing here, I’m constantly thinking about what else needs to be done or could be done during that time. One of these days – maybe in June when the stress of 4:00 a.m. wake-ups in beds that aren’t mine is gone. That porch is awfully inviting. Especially after a walk on the beach.
(The daybed will eventually have a lovely blue floral cover on it. I’m on the hunt for a cheap twin mattress to replace the uncomfortable on that’s currently there. My sweet Sner has graciously sent me fabric and has told me what I need to do to sew the cover. I can do this. I know it.)
What does flow mean to you? Let me know in the comments.