September 2009

Linked Wonders

Wonderful Images

Wonderous Writing

Teaching Wonders

Wonderful Cooking

Daily Wonderings

September 2009

September 30, 2009

Evening Update

It's the end of the month, which means a natural moment for reflection. And interestingly enough, there was an opportunity for that this afternoon.

My shoulder is, of course, still killing me (more about that later), and I was having a particularly awful moment this afternoon in a PD that I was attending. My counterpart, who has a child two years older than me and one three years younger, blew me a kiss and said, "Kisses for your boo-boo." Then she asked when do kisses on boo-boos stop working? It makes me stop and wonder. In order to figure that out personally, I think I'd have to dig up memories I'd prefer not, but it is something to wonder about, particularly when you consider today's news about parenting by lying.

She said, though, that maybe kisses for your boo-boo do still work. She's been married to her current husband only a short while and isn't quite sure what she's doing there. After a talk with him, she realized that the kisses for her boo-boo were working and were making the whole thing better.

And then I had a conversation with a friend (who is going with me tomorrow night to see Shooter Jennings and JJ Gray & Mofro) about what it takes to make a woman happy. I'm pretty sure that I know what it is. For myself. For most women. Pay attention to me. NOTICE me. Make me think and feel that I'm important and special to you. If you can do those things, then your relationship is going to be pretty smooth. There are certainly other things that can be thrown into the mix; oddities of personality. But if you make me feel like I'm a priority in your life? I'm happy. Don't? And you can kiss my ass.

I'm no longer interested in waiting for someone to be better. I don't doubt that people get better, that they can be better. The problem is that I don't know that I have the patience anymore to wait for people to be better. Or rather, I don't really have the patience to be anyone's transition girl anymore. I want someone who is ready for me because I think I'm ready for that next step. If folks aren't ready to take that step with me, then move on. Dammit.

I know there's more for me to say about those things, but right now...a little cloudy. As I mentioned, my shoulder is killing me. This morning, I got tangled up in a doggie, a kitty, and a baby gate. I instinctively put my hand out to catch myself, and I thought I was going to pass out. Sat on the floor for a few minutes to catch my breath. It was that bad. Then later in the morning, I got in front of a kid who was trying to get back to the monster who'd beat the shit out of him. He never even came close to touching my shoulder, but the jostling and movement of trying to keep him away from the other kid was enough to make me cry. I'm afraid to raise my arm. Putting on a coat or a jacket is enough to make me cry. People ask me if I'm OK when they see me because the pain is becoming a part of me...wearing me down.

Camping this weekend. Buying a new air mattress on my way out of town. I've got the tent and most of the stuff but the cooler and my clothing in the car already. Those things, of course, are the hardest to fit in. There are a lot of little things to remember. I make a list, and I've found a few things already that I've forgotten. I have, of course, just gone on and packed those things as necessary. The cooler is in the tub, soaking. I have boiled the camping coffee pot with white vinegar and several cycles of just hot water to make sure that it is clean and doesn't add any gross flavor. I've bagged up sugar and ground coffee. Friday on my way out of town, I'll stop and get a new air mattress and some propane for my camp stove. Maybe another lantern since my gray one is dead. I'm only taking food for dinner and breakfast. I'll figure lunch out on Saturday somewhere along the way. I'm sure there will be something interesting to be had.

Going to finish my cocktail, have a little something else and head to bed. Hopefully I won't be late to work tomorrow. Like I have been the last two days.

September 29, 2009

Evening Update

Shoulder is still sickeningly painful. Went to the chiropractor this evening, and the electric stimulus was enough to make me cry, even though it was turned down from where it had been. Just the few movements he put me through were enough to take my breath away. I currently have a web of hot ink tape around it. It's supposed to help take the pressure off it, pulling my shoulder back. I'm doubtful, but then again, I hurt.

I can handle pain. I'm good with handling pain. I don't like to be in pain, but I'm not one to scream and yell or cry when I'm in pain (I'll whine about it here but other than that...eh). Today two different people stopped me in the hall and asked me what was wrong. I swear I slept last night, but I look like I'm about 2 weeks behind in sleep. The chiropractor said part of the reason why he wants me to now go for an MRI and to see an orthopedic doctor is that he can tell just in my face and the tightness of other muscles in my body (almost all of them it seems) are indicating that the pain is taking a toll on me. I walk around holding my shoulder so that it doesn't move.

It's an ache and a hot throb and shooting pain so sharp that I know what it means when people say they saw "stars". Just writing...the tiny movements of writing...are killing me. I'm afraid to raise my arm past about 60 degrees away from my body because that's when it starts to hurt.

I have to call insurance tomorrow to see if the MRI is covered and if it is, if my chiropractor can refer me directly or if I have to go to my primary doctor first.

In the meantime, I'm going to have another cocktail and hope some of this pain gets knocked out.

September 28, 2009

Evening Update

Kind of a pretty crappy day. I can't remember if I talked yesterday about thinking that the steriods I'd taken for my shoulder had worn off, but I'm fairly certain that's what has happened. My shoulder is nauseatingly painful right this minute. I've spent the better part of the day trying not to cry. I can lift my arm about shoulder height, and then it's incredibly painful. Moving my arm across my body kills. Moving it over my head is breathtaking.

I don't mean to whine, but holy shit it hurts.

I smell cat piss. I don't know where it's coming from, but it is annoying me.

I've had a cocktail (a strong one), and I'm going to take something else to help with the pain. Going to head to bed right after it starts to kick in.

September 27, 2009

Evening Update

It's been a lazy weekend for me. I shopped and shopped and shopped yesterday. Brought home a pair of shoes, a new purse, and a cabinet/end table to house my stationary collection. Speaking of which, I have a serious problem there. Waaaaaay too much stationary in my house. I suppose that it'll be OK in a few months. In just a week or so, I'll get rid of 4 packages of Halloween cards. Relatively soon I'll be getting rid of my Christmas cards. The cabinet is full, though. Or at least as full as it can be and still look like it's not over-stuffed.

I'm not entirely happy with it. It's the right height and size, but it is not the right color. I need to refinish it, and I think I want to do it in blue. I've got these funky colors for my furniture, and I think a cottage-style paint job would be fantastic. How about you? What do you think of that idea? And anyone want to come up for a weekend and help me do that?

I have finally decided what I will be doing next weekend. I had thought about West Virginia. And then maybe Springfield, IL. And perhaps Chicago. I decided that I'm going to go camping in the Great Smoky Mountains. It's fall, and I hope that there will be some color to see. I need to schedule my annual trip to western Kentucky. Wonder when I can make that happen? Maybe in 2 weeks? The weekend of the 10th is the Race for the Cure. Hmmmmmm...

I picked up an old camping coffee pot while I was out shopping yesterday. It's a percolator that I won't feel bad about putting in a fire or using on my camp stove. I'll just have to remember to grind my coffee beans before I leave here. I could take my tea kettle and coffee press, but I don't know that I want to take two bulky things when I can get away with one. You know?

I'm watching The National Parks on PBS. As I said this summer, it is incredibly amazing to me that we have these places set aside for us--all of us--to enjoy. For the pittance of an entrance fee, we are allowed access to some of the most incredible sites in the world. It is also amazing to me how close we came to not having those places. Even after Yellowstone was set aside, it was almost lost to commercial development.

Capitalism is not always the best model, and when thinking about the National Parks, I think it is clear that they do not fit within the parameters of capitalism. They do allow for free market competition because the free market is not always the thing that knows how best to utilize or capitalize on resources. Just because you can make money off of something does not mean that you should have the ability to do so. Sometimes we, and the land, have to be saved from ourselves.

There is something magical about the power of the wilderness. It gets into your soul. Your lungs can be filled a little fuller when you're out there by in the freshish air. Life drops away, and we are reminded that this thing we are doing h ere, this journey we are on essentially a simple one. All of the little things that complicate our existence will ultimately not matter. We will live and die in the shadow of this force that continues despite our best efforts to harness it and bend it to our wills. We are insignificant, but this connection we have to the land, to the places where we begin and end, are what's important. Being good stewards of this planet, allowing it to create and recreate itself, is what we are called to do.

Did I mention that I've been lazy this weekend? I had a bunch of reading curriculum to write, but I didn't get to it. Not really sorry about it. I'll work on it this week at work. I did read a book, though. My principal has been handing me books to read, and the latest one is Stealing Lincoln's Body, a nonfiction work about the formation of the Secret Service and how it morphed into an agency to protect the President. It was originally about ferreting out counterfeiters. Not a bad read. Quick. Not the best read either, though. I have another one from him that I need to take with me this weekend when I go camping, although I really do intend to take some writing work with me.

I am smelling cat piss, but I have no idea where it's coming from. I suppose I will buy another bottle of that Nature's Miracle stuff and hose down everything in the living room to get rid of the smell. I'm sure that with the rearrangement of furniture, someone is letting me know that she is unhappy.

Two weekends in a row, I've made gravy for my doggie. *sigh* I remember my Sner doing that occasionally, although for me it hasn't been deliberate. It's been that I screwed up the gravy. My pork chop gravy didn't turn out so well, and I cooked the sausage gravy this morning. So. It's been a wonderful weekend for her in general. She got a pig femur bone last night to chomp on and this morning she got gravy. We took a short walk this morning, too. So. Good weekend for this little girl. All of that is giving her a bit of gas, though. *sigh*

Kind of ticked with the apartment management. I was taking a nap this afternoon when the noise from downstairs woke me up. It was literally so loud that it shook me. I laid there waiting for it to stop, but of course it did not. I got up and called the office who told me to call dispatch to get the courtesy officer out. He then gave me that number to call. So all this time when I've been told to call the office, not the right thing to do. They've not been dealing with the problem while telling me that they have. THAT makes me cranky as hell. WTF?

I read this article today, and it always makes me think. It is interesting that this article comes on the heals of the workshop that I attended Friday which was about "cultural competency"...or honoring the kids that come to you. I posted the article on my facebook page, and one of the responses was, "how do these parents who are encouraging their kids in this way know that it's not just a fad?" Somewhat ironic in that the article talks about how when straight kids start thinking and talking about their attraction we don't ask them, "Well is this a fad you're going through? Just a phase? Are you sure?" We have far to go.

And with that, I've got to go to bed. There's school tomorrow. Even though Yellowstone is on the television, and I really want to watch it because it's so beautiful.

September 23, 2009

Evening Update

I am cranky. Very, very cranky. It's been coming for awhile, but I think I'm in full-blown bitchiness. I'm sure it probably has something to do with the fact that I've been in pain now for two months. I'm sure it also has to do with the fact that I'm entering week number two of a period. Whatever it is, though....I'm pissy.

I think that perhaps what is bothering me most, other than the crap from work, which is another whole story. But I'm feeling pretty strongly that patterns in my life are beginning to repeat, and I've really got no need for that. So. Yeah. Whatever.

My shoulder hurts. It was so bad this morning that I almost didn't go to work. Then, of course, I made it worse this afternoon by cleaning the house. Like my Sner, when I'm upset, I tend to clean. Taking out the garbage and lifting the vacuum was probably not the smartest thing I could have done. I slept on a heating pad last night, and I've got it on my shoulder as I type.

Need to take the doggie out, have some chocolate, finish this bottle of wine (I made a really good dinner tonight) and go to bed.

I'm not going to head for the direction of Atlanta next weekend. It appears that I will be camping. Probably in West Virginia. Maybe in North Carolina/Tennessee around the Cades Cove area? I dunno. We shall see. Or maybe since it's a long weekend, I'll go to Springfield, IL to the Lincoln Presidential Library. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Taking the doggie out. Maybe I'll have come up with something good to talk about when I get back.

I'm watching the Mackenzie Phillips interview on Oprah, and I have to say, wow. I suppose that nothing really is shocking, so this isn't a big surprise. I mean, it is, but at the same time when you put drugs and people who kinda operate outside the norm to begin with together, when things that are outside the norm happen, then I'm not surprised. I suppose that there's a chance that she's lying about the whole thing, but I can't imagine subjecting yourself to such. It's one thing to say you were molested by your father. It's another to say you engaged in a consensual sexual relationship with your father.

It is interesting, I think, that she tells the story now that her father is dead. One of the books that I've read about writing is that sometimes we censor ourselves because we're afraid of who we'll hurt...that we can't tell *our* stories because we're afraid of how the people who populate our stories are going to react to them or be affected by them. I know that there are things I'd like to write, and things I do write for myself, but they go no further than the little black books that are lined up next to the television (I need to find a better place to put them). There are things that I think and believe about people and the impact that they have on my life that cannot be said. Some folks I don't really care whether I hurt or not, so I'm not concerned about that. People closer to me, though...it's a different story.

I'm watching the news, and they're talking about people who stole storm grates. I don't understand. Why would you want to steal storm grates? What is that about? Why would you want to steal storm grates? How high do you have to be to think that would be a good idea?

I'm still up so I can watch the news. We were supposedly on the news today. I was in a PD during the 5:00 broadcast, so I missed it then.

September 22, 2009

Evening Update

Went to the chiropractor this afternoon for deep tissue massage. It hurt quite badly. He says that he doesn't undersatnd why I'm not having any relief with treatment. To him, it doesn't feel like there's anything broken or torn inside there, and while things are still tight, they should be loosening up. However, they are not. So. I am to report back to him in a week, and if there is no improvement, then he is going to refer me to an orthopedic doctor.

Gonna get the ice pack and finish this cocktail.

Wish I had some pudding. Some tapioca. Or some chocolate. Or maybe some flan.

Lots of work done today. Lots more to do tomorrow. I'm working on strategey lessons for reading comprehension. They are all mine, apparently. Good to know.

Tired. Irritable. Cranky. Going to bed.

September 21, 2009

Evening Update

Didn't go to work today. Major change in the weather, which means I have a hideous headache. Slept most of the day, and now I feel like I'm running a fever. Feel all clammy and gross.

I have paid my bills tonight. Two more to mail off tomorrow and then all is well in the world. *sigh* I hate paying bills. It took me a minute tonight to find the extra checks. I always keep them in the same spot, but I didn't dig enough. Have to admit that I was slightly panicked when they weren't immediately visible. This weekend, I need to buy a bed frame for the spare room and a little desk/table to create an office like space.

I went to northern Indiana (and Michigan!) this weekend to do a modified version of camping. First time I've ever camped in a travel trailer. It wasn't bad. Kinda reminds me that I want one of these. I don't know where I'd store it right now, but I want one. Those Amish folks are crazy. Crazy I tell you. Me, I was just sitting back and observing a bit. Crazy.

There were a few moments of sublime beauty in the weekend. One of them being all the stars in the sky by firelight Friday night. Really makes me want to be out in the woods by myself for a bit. I'm thinking that I will be camping in West Virginia in two weeks. I've pulled out my camping book, and if I'm not visiting Betsy in the ATL, I'll be somewhere that I can hopefully see some amazing fall colors. They were beginning to turn as I headed north, and I'm hoping that there are colors to the east of me. I need to go ahead and request my day off in mid-late October so I can do my annual trip to western Kentucky.

I'm fatigued, and I believe that I'm going to need to start taking iron again. I'm entering week two of a psuedo-period. I guess that's going to be a nice conversation with the doctor when I see him next month.

Speaking of doctors...I go to see the chiro again tomorrow. He's doing deep tissue, which scares me. That's his last chance. It's been a month, and really there's been no change in the pain. Today it hasn't really hurt at all, but then again, I haven't used it at all because I've been busy sleeping. The more I move it, though, the more it hurts. *sigh* I don't want to go to the doctor and spend all of that money...and I most certainly don't want to think about surgery.

Feeling a little out of sorts right now. I know part of it is the planetary alignment and all of that good stuff, but I'm feeling a little forlorn. I've finally made a decision, and now I kinda feel like I'm regretting the decision. Almost like I'm falling into old patterns, and that's not a place I want to be. So. Guess we'll see if something changes soon because if it doesn't...I'll be unhappy.

I might go see Jessica Lea Mayfield on the 26th. She's playing in Lexington. I'm liking what I've heard of her. I was thinking about the Monsters of Folk on Halloween because I don't have any Halloween plans, but the tickets are a little pricy for my tastes. So. We'll see.

September 15, 2009

Evening Update

I have been ill all day long. I walked out of a classroom this morning thinking that I was so angry that all I wanted to do was go rip the tails off lizards. I'm not sure where the hell that came from, but that's what I thought. I can't remember ever breaking tails off lizards (I didn't really like lizards), but I was just that angry this morning.

I'm afraid that I may need to find another place to live. Came home at a quarter to five and found a bag of garbage laying in the common area. I needed to go pick up a package at the office, and I let them know. Yeah guess what's still in the common area? It better be gone tomorrow. I pay too much to live here to put up with that kind of shit.

I think Imma finish this cocktail and head for the bed. I'm tired and grouchy. I know what would help with my mood, but it's out of the question right now.

My shoulder is killing me. I've almost reached the end of my steriod pack, and that means that next step is to call the doctor and make an appointment for an MRI. I really, really am worried about this thing. Have I mentioned that it hurts?

I've heard this song a couple of times, and I love it.

September 13, 2009

Evening Update

It's been a lazy, lazy Sunday. I didn't go to bed last night until almost 3, so the doggie and I slept until about 11. Then I went to a couple of bookstores looking for my missing children's book. I didn't find it, but I looked. I have picked up three other books that I think I might work well, so we'll do some lesson planning around them tonight so that I can actually teach a decent lesson tomorrow and then again on Tuesday.

Today is Beth's birthday. There's a big ol' party going on out at Gumbo Acres because it was also the Saints home opener. I really, really wish I was there. I was tempted to. I could have left out after the Race for the Cure yesterday and made my way south. I would have had to have taken tomorrow off...*sigh* It's probably good that I didn't go. I've got way too much here to do. Plus, it would have been expensive to go, and I don't really have that money right this minute. *sigh*

NFL football officially kicked off today, and my boys have won. The Cowboys won! It's a good start. Now, of course, I don't expect them to continue winning, but if they do, it'll make me a happy, happy girl. Someone may need to think about getting me a Cowboy's jersey for Christmas. Just sayin'. The Saints have also won, as have the Broncos. The Chiefs stunk it up, but I suppose all can't be perfect in the world. It's appearing as though the 49ers may be going to win, and that is like sucking on a lemon for me. I hate the 49ers. Hate them! I need to move back south so I can watch my teams play; I got to catch the end of Cowboys game. *sigh*

I went to the chiropractor on Friday for the deep tissue massage. It hurt. Badly. and I'm not sure how much it helped. It felt better in the immediate aftermath, but the truth is that by the time I got home, it was hurting again. The doctor said I'd be "touch tender" in the days following the massage but not that night, and by the time I was in the car, my shoulder was already touch-tender. It's hurting again. Not as badly. Probably a 3 most times, up to a 7-8 when I move it wrong. I was in much better alignment when I went in Friday, so I'm only going once this coming week.

All of that to say that I have started taking the steroids. I didn't really want to, but I didn't know what else to do. When I finish those later this week, if it doesn't feel better, then it's back to the regular doctor to schedule an MRI. It has to stop hurting.

I made my way to downtown Cincinnati on Saturday morning for the Race for the Cure. While it wasn't the fantastic party atmosphere like in New Orleans, it was a really good Race. Maybe the biggest in which I've taken part? It was a sea of people in and around downtown Cincinnati. They had the marching band from Miami University there to kick things off and several small ensembles encouraged us with music as we made our way along the course. We crossed the river twice and there were people stretched out as far as the eye could see. It took a little over an hour to do the 3.1 miles simply because there were so many people. It was hard to move. Downtown Cincinnati is lovely, though, and I could picture having a good time there one night.

My colleague couldn't make it so it was just me. I should have taken the doggie with me. All the registration stuff says no pets, but then there are pets all over the place. So. Cob is going to the Louisville Race. Imma get her a pink bandana and make sure that she's all super cute with her black self.

After the Race, I made my way to Trader Joes and bought $63 worth of groceries. *sigh* I'll be camping in Amish Country this coming weekend, and I anticipate that I'm going to leave that shindig early enough to stop at TJs there and do a little more shopping.

So in other places, the subject of adulterers has come up. It's always amusing to me to read those responses and see who supports what. The hypocrisy always get me. Cheating sucks, but let me tell you how much I'd love to get you naked. Cheating sucks, but don't tell anyone that I've been screwing a married man for the last however long. Cheating sucks, but if the right woman would give me the time of day, I'd cheat all day long. Whatever.

The other thing that gets me is the people who say that if their partner were cheating on them, it would be over. Period. End of sentence. No thought about it, no consideration, just done. Now the thing is, due to my past experience, I know that most women (and men for that matter) do not in fact leave their philandering partner. They either hang in there full of resentment and anger, or they make a sincere attempt at reconciliation, or they fight harder for their spouse. That's what they do...despite their assertion that they would leave in a heartbeat.

For me, the question comes down to what it really means to love someone, and to my way of thinking, even if someone has hurt you, if you can just throw them away, then you didn't love them very much at all. If you can't be bothered to make an attempt to salvage what you had if the other person is willing to make an attempt at reconciliation, to do what needs to be done to reassure you and make you feel secure in your relationship again, then you don't really love that person. You may have loved the person you thought they were, or the person you wanted them to be, but you didn't really love them.

So what does it mean to love someone? I struggle with that all the time. I think that love has to involve some sort of selflessness. That it's about the other person that you're with. You put them first and desire their happiness. The other side of that is, though, that you don't allow yourself to be hurt as a result of someone else's behavior. You can acknowledge who and what they are and set limits for yourself. Don't have to allow yourself to be hurt by someone else simply because you love them. If they don't agree to stop the hurtful behavior, then you can certainly remove from them the ability to hurt you.

If you're willing to commit to someone, particularly if you're going to say something as weighty as "for better or worse, til death do use part", then it seems like you should really mean it. Does it get much worse than an affair? People make mistakes, and I'm not sure there's a bigger one than an affair. If you aren't willing to go through the fire, then how committed are you? All of that, of course, is predicated upon the idea that your partner stops the hurtful behavior is willing to make amends. If they're not willing to do that work, then yeah, throw in the towel.

I guess this whole thing is further complicated for me because sexual fidelity isn't really my make or break issue. There are thousands of ways to kill a relationship, and some of those thousands are much bigger than mine. One of the ways to kill the relationship is to tell the person subtlety (and not so subtlety) that your love is conditional and you aren't the safe haven they thought you would be. If you can't be your imperfect self with your partner, then who can you be your true self with? There is a line, true...I don't think that you should let everything hang out and do things that you know will hurt another person, but if you can't expect a little bit of room to flounder with the person you love and how is supposed to love you, then what's the point?

I don't know. I'm sure it doesn't make any sense because I need to spend a little bit more time thinking about it.

There is some work that is calling my name, and I need to have dinner.

Tonight is the final episode ever of King of the Hill. I love this show but I don't watch it often as I should.

September 10, 2009

Evening Update

I am in pain. I've been in pain since yesterday afternoon, although now it's not just my shoulder. Now all of me aches.

I couldn't sleep last night because my shoulder hurt so bad. I had my second appointment with the chiropractor yesterday, and this time he focused on the "knots" around my shoulder. On my back around those ribs that are out and then on my pec and through the arm pit. It hurt. I have a high threshold, I think, and I was near tears. It didn't make anything better, either. He told me that he wants to do some deep tissue massage tomorrow afternoon, and I'm scared. What he did Wednesday hurt enough; I can't imagine what tomorrow afternoon will be worse. He told me that he didn't want to hurt me but that it would be uncomfortable working through the layers and that the following day would be worse.

I hope it's not because I have the Race for the Cure in Cincinnati on Saturday. I really want to go do it. My colleague isn't going to be able to go after all, so that means I can stop at Trader Joe's. I'm sad that she won't be able to make it, but shopping will be good. Even though I am broke. *sigh*

As some of you may have noticed, there was a little bit of disruption of service this week. I've switched webhosting services, and I think everything is up and running now. If you come across anything that isn't working (broken links, pages that are messed up, etc), please shoot me an email and I'll get to it as soon as I can. Thanks.

In other news, did you all see or hear about the outburst during President Obama's speech last night? I am completely and utterly appalled. The thing I keep coming back to is that so many people in this country whinge and bitch about how kids have no respect or don't know how to behave, but here we have a member of Congress who has yet to learn that there are places and times that are appropriate for dissent. When the President is addressing Congress? Not the time or the place. So if our kids don't get it and have no idea of what is appropriate or civil or decorous, then whose fault is that? When we can't respectfully disagree with each other, how in the hell do we hope that children can get it right?

I'm going to be teaching a lesson of Monday and Tuesday that requires a picture book that I could not find at three books stores this evening. I am going to check one more and I'm going to check the public library. In my hunt this evening, i found AD: After the Deluge, which is a graphic novel about Hurricane Katrina. I think it was Sunday? I happened upon it on book tv on CSPAN. I haven't gotten a chance to really look at it yet. I'll do that this weekend.

Have I mentioned that I hurt? Right now, just sitting here typing, on a scale of 1-10, I'd say the pain in my shoulder is at an 8. It's making me nauseous and I want to cry; it hurts that bad. I think on Sunday, I'm going to start the steroids. I should have asked the doctor for something for the pain because Advil isn't cutting it. Rum isn't helping either.

Seriously, it's all I can think about right this minute, so I'm going to take my doggie out and try to go to bed...or take something so I can go to bed...

September 8, 2009

Evening Update

I've been exhausted all day long. Literally I couldn't stay awake during 1st and 2nd blocks. It was a good thing that the teacher and class had to go down and have pictures taken. I could snooze a little bit and not get caught. It was about 6 when I finally made it home after a stop at the doctor's office and the pharmacy, and I took an hour nap. I'm ready to go to bed now.

I've registered for the Cincinnati Race for the Cure this Saturday. I think a colleague from work is going to go with me. Should be a fun morning. It takes place in downtown Cincinnati, around the Great American Ballpark (where the Red's play) and near the river. I must remember to take my camera with me. Hmmmm...wonder if she'll be up for a stop at Trader Joe's on the way back?

Anyway. I feel snaggley and disconnected right about now. I wonder if the natural progression of things when friends no longer in close proximity go through a period of hyperconnectivity and then a gradual release as people realize that absence really doesn't make the heart grow fonder and it's more like out of sight, out of mind.

I watched Obama's address to students today. Did you? The controversy about it would be laughable if it weren't for the fact that a lot of people really do still have a problem with what he said...simply because he said it. Obama has disappointed me. I wanted him to be better than what he has been. I needed him to be better than he has been, but at the same time, I can still recognize when he does something that rings "right"...or at the very least, isn't wrong. With this address to students, though, I think it needed to be said. I don't know how many people will actually hear it, but one of the things that I think needed to be said repeatedly and was only a sentence was about having to do things even though you don't like them, or they don't seem applicable. Yes, sometimes you aren't going to want to do your homework (or your dissertation), but if you want to get where you're headed, then sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to, things that aren't really pleasant. There are some things that you just have to do, and somewhere along the line, we've raised a couple of generations of kids who don't understand that. There are times I forget it.

The deeper issue, though, is that we are so incredibly polarized as a society. I wonder what the hope is for us. The middle ground is supposedly where more of us in this country live, but as we hear more and more incendiary things from each side, we are pushed closer to the ideological poles. I avoid most political discussion for that very reason. I don't need to go any further left. I don't want to be any further left. I read, and I'm informed, but I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I don't want to listen to what passes for "debate" in this country. As long as we can't be reasoned with each other, then I don't see a lot of potential for us. That pessimism makes me sad, even though I am naturally a pessimistic person.

Anyway. I go back to see the chiropractor tomorrow. My shoulder has been killing me. I'm afraid that I may have re-injured it on Saturday night/Sunday morning when I got home from Extract. In order to get the idiot from downstairs to shut up, I repeatedly threw a couple of teachers editions of literature anthologies on the floor. I know it wasn't the most mature thing to do, but it worked. I would have gone down and knocked on his door, as I've done many times before, but the last time he was such a dick about things. Calling the management doesn't help. He finally turned down whatever the hell it was, and I was able to get to sleep. But I noticed after that that my shoulder was hurting pretty badly.

Just in case I don't notice anything really changing with the chiropractor, when i was at the doctor's this afternoon, he gave me a steroid pack to specifically target the swelling. So. If shoulder doesn't feel better on Friday, then I will start the steroids. I just want it to stop hurting...and I'm really, really hoping that it's not that I've torn my rotator cuff. If it's that, you can bet that I'll be getting that taken care of while I have decent insurance.

I did a bunch of writing this morning about something, but I can't remember right now what it was. If I weren't lazy and tired right now, I could go pull my notebok out of my purse and look at it. Maybe tomorrow. But not tonight. Tonight there's some ice cream calling my name, and then it will be into the bed for me.

September 7, 2009

Evening Update

I so don't want to go back work tomorrow. I almost hate having days off because then I get out of my routine. But we've talked about this many, many times before, so I'm not going to go through that routine again.

When I left you all late Friday night, I was preparing to go up to Antique Alley in Indiana. I did that. Some real antiques up there, and really not bad prices on them, I didn't think. I bought an old Minota 35mm camera. I think when I get the spare bedroom put together or when I get another shelf put up here in the living room, I'm going to make a little display of cameras. I have this old Minota, the Brownie we found at GrandSner's, and my 35mm. I think that would be kinda cool. (Then again, I could just be a dork) I didn't find anything else that I really couldn't do without so I didn't buy anything else. I suppose part of the problem was that I was looking for a couple of very specific things when I went.

On the way home, I stopped at the Premier Outlets in Edinburgh. Spent a bunch of money at the Lane Bryant outlet (got bras for $20 each, a camisole that I needed, a cute shirt, and some capris) and a little bit of money at the Aldo outlet, where I picked up the most fabulous pair of heels ever. They're a huge heel, and they're a patent zebra pattern. Oh my lord so fabulous. You may be thinking, what in the world is she going to wear with zebra pattern heels? Well, let me tell you: jeans and black/white/red sweaters/tops, black slacks with black/white/red sweaters/tops, gray slacks with black/white/red sweaters/tops...a red dress I have hanging in my closet that I've never worn because I didn't have the right shoes for them. Do I need to go on? When I say they are fabulous, they are truly fabulous.

I took myself off to the movies Saturday night because I wanted to see Extract. From the trailer, it looked like it would be hilarious. Not so much. It was slow and not all funny. If you're considering watching it, I'd say wait to rent it. It would be an OK rental; not worth the $10 it cost me to see it. However. I did go to the theater by house. It was really, really nice. Some different vendors in there: Otis Spunkmeyer cookies, Sbarro pizza, Nathan's hotdogs, Ben and Jerry's. Best of all: a bar. For $21.95, you can get a movie ticket, an appetizer, a soda, and a burger/entree. Not a bad deal. I like more, though, the idea of getting a drink and not having to sneak it in to the theater. That entertains me much more. Although the sneaking it in isn't bad either.

Yesterday was some serious shopping. Labor Day sales and all. I went down to the Zappos.com outlet where they were doing the infamous 50% off everything in the building. That wonderous sale allowed me to pick up 4 pairs of shoes for $77. Sweet jesus! That 4 pairs of shoes includes a pair of Steve Madden black heels, some Clarks brown wedges, a wicked pair of red heels, and a pair of light camel heels. I need one more pair of shoes and I'm set for the year (some lower heeled black shoes). Well...except for boots. I could use a pair of boots or two. Also got some good deals on stuff at Macy's that was on clearance, as well as at Steinmart, where I also picked up new pillows for the bed. Need two more and that's done. While I spent the grocery money on my shopping splurge, I feel pretty good about the things I got. Versatile and good quality; will serve me well. Since the sale goes through the end of the month, with my next paycheck, I'm going to cruise down and see what else Zappos has to offer (shoes that were considered sandals were at 70% off...sandals are both toe and heel open).

I managed to sleep until 9 this morning before the doggie woke me up. I took her out and I went back to sleep until 11, at which point I got up and made some of the best sausage gravy I've ever whipped up. Then it was a little more shopping (cute blouses at both Dillard's and Macy's...the ones by my house) and a nap. Been a lazy, lazy day. Lazy, lazy weekend.

Speaking of shopping, when I was putting things in my closet last night, I took things out. I put five new pairs of shoes in the mix, took 10 old pairs out. I got things out of drawers and the closet that I either hadn't worn or shouldn't wear. All of that stuff went to the Goodwill today. I probably need to continue the purge with the other closet. In my cleansing, though, I noticed that I have probably three times as many tops as I have bottoms. I know why that is. I am not fond of my lower half. I hate trying on pants/skirts/capris. So I don't. However. I need to. The last couple of weeks during my shopping, I've been making a conscious effort to try on slacks/jeans/capris. That has resulted in black and khaki capris and a nice dove gray pair of slacks. I've tried on jeans because I need a new pair of those too, and nothing is making me happy yet. I'll keep looking, though. I think that part of problem is that I don't want to pay a whole lot for them.

So. Pants. Unless it's a really, really good deal, I can't buy anymore tops until I get a better selection of bottoms.

For those of you who drink them, my local Target had their 24 oz bottles of Propel on sale for $0.50 each. I stocked up.

During my shopping yesterday, I picked up a cute little coupon holder. It's the perfect size for me since I don't actually clip a lot of coupons, but the ones I do, I needed somewhere to put them. Now I've got them. Found it at TJ Maxx for $4. Has a pad for making a list. Yay for bargains!

I'm actually pretty excited that all of my laundry is done. Including the ironing. It's put away. I can look in the closet in the morning and be assured that I can find something to wear. That's a happy feeling. I've also made my lunch for tomorrow. I haven't done that the last week and a half. I've missed it. It was a pain to broil the chicken and slice it up and crack the pecans and bag up the pita chips, but it'll be worth it tomorrow.

Only two more mornings without coffee.

I need to get to bed. More tomorrow. Maybe.

September 4, 2009

Evening Update

It's actually the 5th, but I'm too lazy to change the header to reflect that. Sorry.

I got some bee-yoo-ti-ful flowers today at work. They're really quite lovely. Pink snapdragons, two shades of pink carnations, yellow daisies. Just to brighten my day. And they did. Only one other person has ever sent me flowers in my life, and that was Aunt Imogene. I'm not sure if I count those or not as she was a florist. But no boy has ever sent me flowers. Until now. It's very, very sweet, and I love them. I'm a lucky girl that such a sweet boy thinks of me and wants to make me happy.

In other news, I had my first appointment with the chiropractor. It was OK. He thinks I'm suffering from hypothyroidism, and he thinks that he can get everything working right with a combination of manipulation and vitamins/supplements, although he thinks I'm on the right track with the vitamins that I currently sometimes remember to take. He thinks that what's going on with my shoulder is fixable. He laid me on the table-thingie and attached electrical patches to my shoulder to stimulate it while I was having my back stretched. Then it was on to the actual adjustment. The only thing that was even slightly concerning was when he was adjusting my neck. When he pulled straight back on my neck, it was shocking. Then kinda folding my head back on my shoulder was a little weird. I have two appointments next week.

I also have an appointment with my regular doctor next week. I'm going to take him the bottle of Ativan and ask him for something else. While the chiropractor seems to think that my panic attacks and response to stress are due to my hypothyroidism, but just in case they're not, I'd like to have the option of taking something. I will also probably talk to him about high blood pressure. I know part of why it is so high at the doctor's office is because I don't like doctors, but I'm afraid that the rest of it is more than that. I think that the chiropractor can probably help me with that too, but. I'd like to have options there too.

I think this weekend is going to be about getting my house in order and getting myself organized and feeling settled. That means getting the spare bedroom taken care of (I'm going to look for a little desk so I can set up a printer, etc in there). To that, I'm going to take a little road trip. A friend got me a subscription to Midwest Living and in the last issue, they had a road trip through some antique-rich areas just outside of Indianapolis. I know what I would be looking for in those antique/thrift shops. Then on the way home on the interstate, there's a large outlet mall. Might stop and see if they have the mattress pad & pillows I need for a decent price.

Anyway. More later today. I'm going to go have a nap and then get ready to go.

September 1, 2009

Evening Update

My new mattress is here! I tried to take a nap on it right after it arrived, but I think the jeeter's children were home alone (and I'm pretty sure that they're too young to be home alone). There was all sorts of screaming and yelling and banging and jumping around. Although there is often lots of screaming and yelling down there, I didn't hear his voice, and what it really sounded like was kids having fun. At one point I could hear them counting like they were playing hide and seek. I suspect, because I might have been a kid at one point in time, that perhaps they were jumping off the dresser onto the bed. I was very tempted to go down and knock on the door and tell them to be careful because if their dad came home and caught them mid-jump or mid-scream or mid-childhood fun, he'd tear them up.

I sometimes feel like I need to call about this guy. I don't think he hits his kids, but there is a ton of yelling, and that can be just as damaging as anything physical. I should do it. I should call. If he were hitting them, I definitely would. So what keeps me from calling about his screaming?

At any rate, my new mattress is here. Thankfully, the faculty meeting (where there was another slight *sigh*) was over quickly, and the delivery guys were calling me as I was at the post office putting lumpy mail on its way to who it belongs to. I made it to the house in record time, although I almost stopped to get cash. I didn't have any money to tip the delivery guys with, but they apparently didn't care. They stripped the old mattress and box springs out, put the new set in, as well as taking the mattress off again because we forgot to put the skirt back on the bed, in about five minutes.

Now that I have the new mattress, I need a couple of things...like a new mattress pad and definitely new pillows. Not decorative pillows but real pillows that I sleep on. Mine are a couple of years old, so that means they need to go...to the spare bedroom, which needs a bed frame. As soon as I put that together in the spare room, then y'all can come visit. The door will be open, and y'all can just come on. What do you think about that? I could also use some new sheets...deep pocket. I feel like I have to crawl up into the bed. The box spring is the tall one, while my old one was the low profile.

I'm feeling even worse today. I woke up and just felt like hell. The stress of trying to get all of this stupid testing done, as well as all the of the rest of it just about did me in when I left. Now that I'm home, it's killing me. I should have gone to the store and bought stuff to make chicken noodle soup, but I passed on that for some hot and sour (good for my blood pressure *sigh*). I guess tomorrow will be the chicken noodle soup night, along with the doctor. I don't know which urgent care clinic I can go to, but I'm going to go to one if I feel like this tomorrow morning. I have to go to work because I have testing set to finish up, and I have my evaluation meeting tomorrow afternoon. I have to go to work on Thursday because I'm at a training. I can't be sick right now.

And speaking of that, I really don't think that I'm going to go camping this weekend. I'm sick and my allergies are acting up. I really, really don't need to be sleeping in a tent when I'm feeling like this. But. I do have a thought. It's a stupid thought, but a thought nonetheless. Since I'm staying home, there's the WorldFest. Or I could just stay home and get well, lay out by the pool and sweat this sickness out of me. We shall see.

I read this article today, and I'm just astounded. I believe that teacher unions serve a very, very valid purpose. Having been in a couple of uncomfortable situations as a teacher, and having thought that perhaps I might need my union last year when administration was on a power trip, I know the value of unions. On the other hand, I don't know how any union can stand behind a system that makes all of our teachers look bad. If you're an alcoholic, passed out at school, you deserve to lose your job. Period. Full stop. If you're abusive to children, you deserve to lose your job. If you can't manage a classroom and create an environment conducive to learning, you deserve to lose your job. If you put children in danger, then you deserve to lose your job. If you don't know your content and won't make an effort to learn it, you deserve to lose your job. If you can't fulfill the responsibilities of your job, you deserve to not have it. There is no defense for those types of things. None.

The thing that floors me is that if you're an over-staffed teacher, and aren't particularly interested in finding another job, you can continue to draw a paycheck. What? Are you serious? I need to move to NYC and get a job with the school system. All I have to do is hold on for three years and get tenure. NYC, the place where tenure really is for life. Beyond all of that, though, is the idea that poor teachers, those who should not be teachers, reflect on all of us. I won't claim to be the best teacher in the world. I won't even claim to have been a good one, but the fact remains that I was interested in being better. I had control of my classroom, and my students were learning. I believe that with all of my heart. I saw problems and looked for ways to fix them; I wasn't content to just be. I cared enough about what I was doing to want to at least try.

*sigh*

On the same subject of teaching, I also read this article about reading workshop. I don't know if I would go full-on reading workshop anymore because I do think that there's something to the idea that we need to have some sort of shared cultural knowledge. I don't think there's anything wrong with giving students lots of choice in terms of reading material, but I also think that part of a teacher's job is to help guide students to texts that they might not choose on their own. I think that we can help students walk through texts that challenge them. As teachers we can help students make connections that they might not automatically make on their own, and that is the job of the educator in the room. But choice yes. Definitely yes. Give them choice in what they get to read. By all means.

OK. Feel like hell. Gonna finish this glass of wine, put the comforter in the duvet cover, and hit the hay.

Last Updated October 4, 2009

This page is the copyright property of Jen. Please direct any comments or questions to her by clicking on this email link.

September 30, 2009

Evening Update

It's the end of the month, which means a natural moment for reflection. And interestingly enough, there was an opportunity for that this afternoon.

My shoulder is, of course, still killing me (more about that later), and I was having a particularly awful moment this afternoon in a PD that I was attending. My counterpart, who has a child two years older than me and one three years younger, blew me a kiss and said, "Kisses for your boo-boo." Then she asked when do kisses on boo-boos stop working? It makes me stop and wonder. In order to figure that out personally, I think I'd have to dig up memories I'd prefer not, but it is something to wonder about, particularly when you consider today's news about parenting by lying.

She said, though, that maybe kisses for your boo-boo do still work. She's been married to her current husband only a short while and isn't quite sure what she's doing there. After a talk with him, she realized that the kisses for her boo-boo were working and were making the whole thing better.

And then I had a conversation with a friend (who is going with me tomorrow night to see Shooter Jennings and JJ Gray & Mofro) about what it takes to make a woman happy. I'm pretty sure that I know what it is. For myself. For most women. Pay attention to me. NOTICE me. Make me think and feel that I'm important and special to you. If you can do those things, then your relationship is going to be pretty smooth. There are certainly other things that can be thrown into the mix; oddities of personality. But if you make me feel like I'm a priority in your life? I'm happy. Don't? And you can kiss my ass.

I'm no longer interested in waiting for someone to be better. I don't doubt that people get better, that they can be better. The problem is that I don't know that I have the patience anymore to wait for people to be better. Or rather, I don't really have the patience to be anyone's transition girl anymore. I want someone who is ready for me because I think I'm ready for that next step. If folks aren't ready to take that step with me, then move on. Dammit.

I know there's more for me to say about those things, but right now...a little cloudy. As I mentioned, my shoulder is killing me. This morning, I got tangled up in a doggie, a kitty, and a baby gate. I instinctively put my hand out to catch myself, and I thought I was going to pass out. Sat on the floor for a few minutes to catch my breath. It was that bad. Then later in the morning, I got in front of a kid who was trying to get back to the monster who'd beat the shit out of him. He never even came close to touching my shoulder, but the jostling and movement of trying to keep him away from the other kid was enough to make me cry. I'm afraid to raise my arm. Putting on a coat or a jacket is enough to make me cry. People ask me if I'm OK when they see me because the pain is becoming a part of me...wearing me down.

Camping this weekend. Buying a new air mattress on my way out of town. I've got the tent and most of the stuff but the cooler and my clothing in the car already. Those things, of course, are the hardest to fit in. There are a lot of little things to remember. I make a list, and I've found a few things already that I've forgotten. I have, of course, just gone on and packed those things as necessary. The cooler is in the tub, soaking. I have boiled the camping coffee pot with white vinegar and several cycles of just hot water to make sure that it is clean and doesn't add any gross flavor. I've bagged up sugar and ground coffee. Friday on my way out of town, I'll stop and get a new air mattress and some propane for my camp stove. Maybe another lantern since my gray one is dead. I'm only taking food for dinner and breakfast. I'll figure lunch out on Saturday somewhere along the way. I'm sure there will be something interesting to be had.

Going to finish my cocktail, have a little something else and head to bed. Hopefully I won't be late to work tomorrow. Like I have been the last two days.

September 29, 2009

Evening Update

Shoulder is still sickeningly painful. Went to the chiropractor this evening, and the electric stimulus was enough to make me cry, even though it was turned down from where it had been. Just the few movements he put me through were enough to take my breath away. I currently have a web of hot ink tape around it. It's supposed to help take the pressure off it, pulling my shoulder back. I'm doubtful, but then again, I hurt.

I can handle pain. I'm good with handling pain. I don't like to be in pain, but I'm not one to scream and yell or cry when I'm in pain (I'll whine about it here but other than that...eh). Today two different people stopped me in the hall and asked me what was wrong. I swear I slept last night, but I look like I'm about 2 weeks behind in sleep. The chiropractor said part of the reason why he wants me to now go for an MRI and to see an orthopedic doctor is that he can tell just in my face and the tightness of other muscles in my body (almost all of them it seems) are indicating that the pain is taking a toll on me. I walk around holding my shoulder so that it doesn't move.

It's an ache and a hot throb and shooting pain so sharp that I know what it means when people say they saw "stars". Just writing...the tiny movements of writing...are killing me. I'm afraid to raise my arm past about 60 degrees away from my body because that's when it starts to hurt.

I have to call insurance tomorrow to see if the MRI is covered and if it is, if my chiropractor can refer me directly or if I have to go to my primary doctor first.

In the meantime, I'm going to have another cocktail and hope some of this pain gets knocked out.

September 28, 2009

Evening Update

Kind of a pretty crappy day. I can't remember if I talked yesterday about thinking that the steriods I'd taken for my shoulder had worn off, but I'm fairly certain that's what has happened. My shoulder is nauseatingly painful right this minute. I've spent the better part of the day trying not to cry. I can lift my arm about shoulder height, and then it's incredibly painful. Moving my arm across my body kills. Moving it over my head is breathtaking.

I don't mean to whine, but holy shit it hurts.

I smell cat piss. I don't know where it's coming from, but it is annoying me.

I've had a cocktail (a strong one), and I'm going to take something else to help with the pain. Going to head to bed right after it starts to kick in.

September 27, 2009

Evening Update

It's been a lazy weekend for me. I shopped and shopped and shopped yesterday. Brought home a pair of shoes, a new purse, and a cabinet/end table to house my stationary collection. Speaking of which, I have a serious problem there. Waaaaaay too much stationary in my house. I suppose that it'll be OK in a few months. In just a week or so, I'll get rid of 4 packages of Halloween cards. Relatively soon I'll be getting rid of my Christmas cards. The cabinet is full, though. Or at least as full as it can be and still look like it's not over-stuffed.

I'm not entirely happy with it. It's the right height and size, but it is not the right color. I need to refinish it, and I think I want to do it in blue. I've got these funky colors for my furniture, and I think a cottage-style paint job would be fantastic. How about you? What do you think of that idea? And anyone want to come up for a weekend and help me do that?

I have finally decided what I will be doing next weekend. I had thought about West Virginia. And then maybe Springfield, IL. And perhaps Chicago. I decided that I'm going to go camping in the Great Smoky Mountains. It's fall, and I hope that there will be some color to see. I need to schedule my annual trip to western Kentucky. Wonder when I can make that happen? Maybe in 2 weeks? The weekend of the 10th is the Race for the Cure. Hmmmmmm...

I picked up an old camping coffee pot while I was out shopping yesterday. It's a percolator that I won't feel bad about putting in a fire or using on my camp stove. I'll just have to remember to grind my coffee beans before I leave here. I could take my tea kettle and coffee press, but I don't know that I want to take two bulky things when I can get away with one. You know?

I'm watching The National Parks on PBS. As I said this summer, it is incredibly amazing to me that we have these places set aside for us--all of us--to enjoy. For the pittance of an entrance fee, we are allowed access to some of the most incredible sites in the world. It is also amazing to me how close we came to not having those places. Even after Yellowstone was set aside, it was almost lost to commercial development.

Capitalism is not always the best model, and when thinking about the National Parks, I think it is clear that they do not fit within the parameters of capitalism. They do allow for free market competition because the free market is not always the thing that knows how best to utilize or capitalize on resources. Just because you can make money off of something does not mean that you should have the ability to do so. Sometimes we, and the land, have to be saved from ourselves.

There is something magical about the power of the wilderness. It gets into your soul. Your lungs can be filled a little fuller when you're out there by in the freshish air. Life drops away, and we are reminded that this thing we are doing h ere, this journey we are on essentially a simple one. All of the little things that complicate our existence will ultimately not matter. We will live and die in the shadow of this force that continues despite our best efforts to harness it and bend it to our wills. We are insignificant, but this connection we have to the land, to the places where we begin and end, are what's important. Being good stewards of this planet, allowing it to create and recreate itself, is what we are called to do.

Did I mention that I've been lazy this weekend? I had a bunch of reading curriculum to write, but I didn't get to it. Not really sorry about it. I'll work on it this week at work. I did read a book, though. My principal has been handing me books to read, and the latest one is Stealing Lincoln's Body, a nonfiction work about the formation of the Secret Service and how it morphed into an agency to protect the President. It was originally about ferreting out counterfeiters. Not a bad read. Quick. Not the best read either, though. I have another one from him that I need to take with me this weekend when I go camping, although I really do intend to take some writing work with me.

I am smelling cat piss, but I have no idea where it's coming from. I suppose I will buy another bottle of that Nature's Miracle stuff and hose down everything in the living room to get rid of the smell. I'm sure that with the rearrangement of furniture, someone is letting me know that she is unhappy.

Two weekends in a row, I've made gravy for my doggie. *sigh* I remember my Sner doing that occasionally, although for me it hasn't been deliberate. It's been that I screwed up the gravy. My pork chop gravy didn't turn out so well, and I cooked the sausage gravy this morning. So. It's been a wonderful weekend for her in general. She got a pig femur bone last night to chomp on and this morning she got gravy. We took a short walk this morning, too. So. Good weekend for this little girl. All of that is giving her a bit of gas, though. *sigh*

Kind of ticked with the apartment management. I was taking a nap this afternoon when the noise from downstairs woke me up. It was literally so loud that it shook me. I laid there waiting for it to stop, but of course it did not. I got up and called the office who told me to call dispatch to get the courtesy officer out. He then gave me that number to call. So all this time when I've been told to call the office, not the right thing to do. They've not been dealing with the problem while telling me that they have. THAT makes me cranky as hell. WTF?

I read this article today, and it always makes me think. It is interesting that this article comes on the heals of the workshop that I attended Friday which was about "cultural competency"...or honoring the kids that come to you. I posted the article on my facebook page, and one of the responses was, "how do these parents who are encouraging their kids in this way know that it's not just a fad?" Somewhat ironic in that the article talks about how when straight kids start thinking and talking about their attraction we don't ask them, "Well is this a fad you're going through? Just a phase? Are you sure?" We have far to go.

And with that, I've got to go to bed. There's school tomorrow. Even though Yellowstone is on the television, and I really want to watch it because it's so beautiful.

September 23, 2009

Evening Update

I am cranky. Very, very cranky. It's been coming for awhile, but I think I'm in full-blown bitchiness. I'm sure it probably has something to do with the fact that I've been in pain now for two months. I'm sure it also has to do with the fact that I'm entering week number two of a period. Whatever it is, though....I'm pissy.

I think that perhaps what is bothering me most, other than the crap from work, which is another whole story. But I'm feeling pretty strongly that patterns in my life are beginning to repeat, and I've really got no need for that. So. Yeah. Whatever.

My shoulder hurts. It was so bad this morning that I almost didn't go to work. Then, of course, I made it worse this afternoon by cleaning the house. Like my Sner, when I'm upset, I tend to clean. Taking out the garbage and lifting the vacuum was probably not the smartest thing I could have done. I slept on a heating pad last night, and I've got it on my shoulder as I type.

Need to take the doggie out, have some chocolate, finish this bottle of wine (I made a really good dinner tonight) and go to bed.

I'm not going to head for the direction of Atlanta next weekend. It appears that I will be camping. Probably in West Virginia. Maybe in North Carolina/Tennessee around the Cades Cove area? I dunno. We shall see. Or maybe since it's a long weekend, I'll go to Springfield, IL to the Lincoln Presidential Library. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Taking the doggie out. Maybe I'll have come up with something good to talk about when I get back.

I'm watching the Mackenzie Phillips interview on Oprah, and I have to say, wow. I suppose that nothing really is shocking, so this isn't a big surprise. I mean, it is, but at the same time when you put drugs and people who kinda operate outside the norm to begin with together, when things that are outside the norm happen, then I'm not surprised. I suppose that there's a chance that she's lying about the whole thing, but I can't imagine subjecting yourself to such. It's one thing to say you were molested by your father. It's another to say you engaged in a consensual sexual relationship with your father.

It is interesting, I think, that she tells the story now that her father is dead. One of the books that I've read about writing is that sometimes we censor ourselves because we're afraid of who we'll hurt...that we can't tell *our* stories because we're afraid of how the people who populate our stories are going to react to them or be affected by them. I know that there are things I'd like to write, and things I do write for myself, but they go no further than the little black books that are lined up next to the television (I need to find a better place to put them). There are things that I think and believe about people and the impact that they have on my life that cannot be said. Some folks I don't really care whether I hurt or not, so I'm not concerned about that. People closer to me, though...it's a different story.

I'm watching the news, and they're talking about people who stole storm grates. I don't understand. Why would you want to steal storm grates? What is that about? Why would you want to steal storm grates? How high do you have to be to think that would be a good idea?

I'm still up so I can watch the news. We were supposedly on the news today. I was in a PD during the 5:00 broadcast, so I missed it then.

September 22, 2009

Evening Update

Went to the chiropractor this afternoon for deep tissue massage. It hurt quite badly. He says that he doesn't undersatnd why I'm not having any relief with treatment. To him, it doesn't feel like there's anything broken or torn inside there, and while things are still tight, they should be loosening up. However, they are not. So. I am to report back to him in a week, and if there is no improvement, then he is going to refer me to an orthopedic doctor.

Gonna get the ice pack and finish this cocktail.

Wish I had some pudding. Some tapioca. Or some chocolate. Or maybe some flan.

Lots of work done today. Lots more to do tomorrow. I'm working on strategey lessons for reading comprehension. They are all mine, apparently. Good to know.

Tired. Irritable. Cranky. Going to bed.

September 21, 2009

Evening Update

Didn't go to work today. Major change in the weather, which means I have a hideous headache. Slept most of the day, and now I feel like I'm running a fever. Feel all clammy and gross.

I have paid my bills tonight. Two more to mail off tomorrow and then all is well in the world. *sigh* I hate paying bills. It took me a minute tonight to find the extra checks. I always keep them in the same spot, but I didn't dig enough. Have to admit that I was slightly panicked when they weren't immediately visible. This weekend, I need to buy a bed frame for the spare room and a little desk/table to create an office like space.

I went to northern Indiana (and Michigan!) this weekend to do a modified version of camping. First time I've ever camped in a travel trailer. It wasn't bad. Kinda reminds me that I want one of these. I don't know where I'd store it right now, but I want one. Those Amish folks are crazy. Crazy I tell you. Me, I was just sitting back and observing a bit. Crazy.

There were a few moments of sublime beauty in the weekend. One of them being all the stars in the sky by firelight Friday night. Really makes me want to be out in the woods by myself for a bit. I'm thinking that I will be camping in West Virginia in two weeks. I've pulled out my camping book, and if I'm not visiting Betsy in the ATL, I'll be somewhere that I can hopefully see some amazing fall colors. They were beginning to turn as I headed north, and I'm hoping that there are colors to the east of me. I need to go ahead and request my day off in mid-late October so I can do my annual trip to western Kentucky.

I'm fatigued, and I believe that I'm going to need to start taking iron again. I'm entering week two of a psuedo-period. I guess that's going to be a nice conversation with the doctor when I see him next month.

Speaking of doctors...I go to see the chiro again tomorrow. He's doing deep tissue, which scares me. That's his last chance. It's been a month, and really there's been no change in the pain. Today it hasn't really hurt at all, but then again, I haven't used it at all because I've been busy sleeping. The more I move it, though, the more it hurts. *sigh* I don't want to go to the doctor and spend all of that money...and I most certainly don't want to think about surgery.

Feeling a little out of sorts right now. I know part of it is the planetary alignment and all of that good stuff, but I'm feeling a little forlorn. I've finally made a decision, and now I kinda feel like I'm regretting the decision. Almost like I'm falling into old patterns, and that's not a place I want to be. So. Guess we'll see if something changes soon because if it doesn't...I'll be unhappy.

I might go see Jessica Lea Mayfield on the 26th. She's playing in Lexington. I'm liking what I've heard of her. I was thinking about the Monsters of Folk on Halloween because I don't have any Halloween plans, but the tickets are a little pricy for my tastes. So. We'll see.

September 15, 2009

Evening Update

I have been ill all day long. I walked out of a classroom this morning thinking that I was so angry that all I wanted to do was go rip the tails off lizards. I'm not sure where the hell that came from, but that's what I thought. I can't remember ever breaking tails off lizards (I didn't really like lizards), but I was just that angry this morning.

I'm afraid that I may need to find another place to live. Came home at a quarter to five and found a bag of garbage laying in the common area. I needed to go pick up a package at the office, and I let them know. Yeah guess what's still in the common area? It better be gone tomorrow. I pay too much to live here to put up with that kind of shit.

I think Imma finish this cocktail and head for the bed. I'm tired and grouchy. I know what would help with my mood, but it's out of the question right now.

My shoulder is killing me. I've almost reached the end of my steriod pack, and that means that next step is to call the doctor and make an appointment for an MRI. I really, really am worried about this thing. Have I mentioned that it hurts?

I've heard this song a couple of times, and I love it.

September 13, 2009

Evening Update

It's been a lazy, lazy Sunday. I didn't go to bed last night until almost 3, so the doggie and I slept until about 11. Then I went to a couple of bookstores looking for my missing children's book. I didn't find it, but I looked. I have picked up three other books that I think I might work well, so we'll do some lesson planning around them tonight so that I can actually teach a decent lesson tomorrow and then again on Tuesday.

Today is Beth's birthday. There's a big ol' party going on out at Gumbo Acres because it was also the Saints home opener. I really, really wish I was there. I was tempted to. I could have left out after the Race for the Cure yesterday and made my way south. I would have had to have taken tomorrow off...*sigh* It's probably good that I didn't go. I've got way too much here to do. Plus, it would have been expensive to go, and I don't really have that money right this minute. *sigh*

NFL football officially kicked off today, and my boys have won. The Cowboys won! It's a good start. Now, of course, I don't expect them to continue winning, but if they do, it'll make me a happy, happy girl. Someone may need to think about getting me a Cowboy's jersey for Christmas. Just sayin'. The Saints have also won, as have the Broncos. The Chiefs stunk it up, but I suppose all can't be perfect in the world. It's appearing as though the 49ers may be going to win, and that is like sucking on a lemon for me. I hate the 49ers. Hate them! I need to move back south so I can watch my teams play; I got to catch the end of Cowboys game. *sigh*

I went to the chiropractor on Friday for the deep tissue massage. It hurt. Badly. and I'm not sure how much it helped. It felt better in the immediate aftermath, but the truth is that by the time I got home, it was hurting again. The doctor said I'd be "touch tender" in the days following the massage but not that night, and by the time I was in the car, my shoulder was already touch-tender. It's hurting again. Not as badly. Probably a 3 most times, up to a 7-8 when I move it wrong. I was in much better alignment when I went in Friday, so I'm only going once this coming week.

All of that to say that I have started taking the steroids. I didn't really want to, but I didn't know what else to do. When I finish those later this week, if it doesn't feel better, then it's back to the regular doctor to schedule an MRI. It has to stop hurting.

I made my way to downtown Cincinnati on Saturday morning for the Race for the Cure. While it wasn't the fantastic party atmosphere like in New Orleans, it was a really good Race. Maybe the biggest in which I've taken part? It was a sea of people in and around downtown Cincinnati. They had the marching band from Miami University there to kick things off and several small ensembles encouraged us with music as we made our way along the course. We crossed the river twice and there were people stretched out as far as the eye could see. It took a little over an hour to do the 3.1 miles simply because there were so many people. It was hard to move. Downtown Cincinnati is lovely, though, and I could picture having a good time there one night.

My colleague couldn't make it so it was just me. I should have taken the doggie with me. All the registration stuff says no pets, but then there are pets all over the place. So. Cob is going to the Louisville Race. Imma get her a pink bandana and make sure that she's all super cute with her black self.

After the Race, I made my way to Trader Joes and bought $63 worth of groceries. *sigh* I'll be camping in Amish Country this coming weekend, and I anticipate that I'm going to leave that shindig early enough to stop at TJs there and do a little more shopping.

So in other places, the subject of adulterers has come up. It's always amusing to me to read those responses and see who supports what. The hypocrisy always get me. Cheating sucks, but let me tell you how much I'd love to get you naked. Cheating sucks, but don't tell anyone that I've been screwing a married man for the last however long. Cheating sucks, but if the right woman would give me the time of day, I'd cheat all day long. Whatever.

The other thing that gets me is the people who say that if their partner were cheating on them, it would be over. Period. End of sentence. No thought about it, no consideration, just done. Now the thing is, due to my past experience, I know that most women (and men for that matter) do not in fact leave their philandering partner. They either hang in there full of resentment and anger, or they make a sincere attempt at reconciliation, or they fight harder for their spouse. That's what they do...despite their assertion that they would leave in a heartbeat.

For me, the question comes down to what it really means to love someone, and to my way of thinking, even if someone has hurt you, if you can just throw them away, then you didn't love them very much at all. If you can't be bothered to make an attempt to salvage what you had if the other person is willing to make an attempt at reconciliation, to do what needs to be done to reassure you and make you feel secure in your relationship again, then you don't really love that person. You may have loved the person you thought they were, or the person you wanted them to be, but you didn't really love them.

So what does it mean to love someone? I struggle with that all the time. I think that love has to involve some sort of selflessness. That it's about the other person that you're with. You put them first and desire their happiness. The other side of that is, though, that you don't allow yourself to be hurt as a result of someone else's behavior. You can acknowledge who and what they are and set limits for yourself. Don't have to allow yourself to be hurt by someone else simply because you love them. If they don't agree to stop the hurtful behavior, then you can certainly remove from them the ability to hurt you.

If you're willing to commit to someone, particularly if you're going to say something as weighty as "for better or worse, til death do use part", then it seems like you should really mean it. Does it get much worse than an affair? People make mistakes, and I'm not sure there's a bigger one than an affair. If you aren't willing to go through the fire, then how committed are you? All of that, of course, is predicated upon the idea that your partner stops the hurtful behavior is willing to make amends. If they're not willing to do that work, then yeah, throw in the towel.

I guess this whole thing is further complicated for me because sexual fidelity isn't really my make or break issue. There are thousands of ways to kill a relationship, and some of those thousands are much bigger than mine. One of the ways to kill the relationship is to tell the person subtlety (and not so subtlety) that your love is conditional and you aren't the safe haven they thought you would be. If you can't be your imperfect self with your partner, then who can you be your true self with? There is a line, true...I don't think that you should let everything hang out and do things that you know will hurt another person, but if you can't expect a little bit of room to flounder with the person you love and how is supposed to love you, then what's the point?

I don't know. I'm sure it doesn't make any sense because I need to spend a little bit more time thinking about it.

There is some work that is calling my name, and I need to have dinner.

Tonight is the final episode ever of King of the Hill. I love this show but I don't watch it often as I should.

September 10, 2009

Evening Update

I am in pain. I've been in pain since yesterday afternoon, although now it's not just my shoulder. Now all of me aches.

I couldn't sleep last night because my shoulder hurt so bad. I had my second appointment with the chiropractor yesterday, and this time he focused on the "knots" around my shoulder. On my back around those ribs that are out and then on my pec and through the arm pit. It hurt. I have a high threshold, I think, and I was near tears. It didn't make anything better, either. He told me that he wants to do some deep tissue massage tomorrow afternoon, and I'm scared. What he did Wednesday hurt enough; I can't imagine what tomorrow afternoon will be worse. He told me that he didn't want to hurt me but that it would be uncomfortable working through the layers and that the following day would be worse.

I hope it's not because I have the Race for the Cure in Cincinnati on Saturday. I really want to go do it. My colleague isn't going to be able to go after all, so that means I can stop at Trader Joe's. I'm sad that she won't be able to make it, but shopping will be good. Even though I am broke. *sigh*

As some of you may have noticed, there was a little bit of disruption of service this week. I've switched webhosting services, and I think everything is up and running now. If you come across anything that isn't working (broken links, pages that are messed up, etc), please shoot me an email and I'll get to it as soon as I can. Thanks.

In other news, did you all see or hear about the outburst during President Obama's speech last night? I am completely and utterly appalled. The thing I keep coming back to is that so many people in this country whinge and bitch about how kids have no respect or don't know how to behave, but here we have a member of Congress who has yet to learn that there are places and times that are appropriate for dissent. When the President is addressing Congress? Not the time or the place. So if our kids don't get it and have no idea of what is appropriate or civil or decorous, then whose fault is that? When we can't respectfully disagree with each other, how in the hell do we hope that children can get it right?

I'm going to be teaching a lesson of Monday and Tuesday that requires a picture book that I could not find at three books stores this evening. I am going to check one more and I'm going to check the public library. In my hunt this evening, i found AD: After the Deluge, which is a graphic novel about Hurricane Katrina. I think it was Sunday? I happened upon it on book tv on CSPAN. I haven't gotten a chance to really look at it yet. I'll do that this weekend.

Have I mentioned that I hurt? Right now, just sitting here typing, on a scale of 1-10, I'd say the pain in my shoulder is at an 8. It's making me nauseous and I want to cry; it hurts that bad. I think on Sunday, I'm going to start the steroids. I should have asked the doctor for something for the pain because Advil isn't cutting it. Rum isn't helping either.

Seriously, it's all I can think about right this minute, so I'm going to take my doggie out and try to go to bed...or take something so I can go to bed...

September 8, 2009

Evening Update

I've been exhausted all day long. Literally I couldn't stay awake during 1st and 2nd blocks. It was a good thing that the teacher and class had to go down and have pictures taken. I could snooze a little bit and not get caught. It was about 6 when I finally made it home after a stop at the doctor's office and the pharmacy, and I took an hour nap. I'm ready to go to bed now.

I've registered for the Cincinnati Race for the Cure this Saturday. I think a colleague from work is going to go with me. Should be a fun morning. It takes place in downtown Cincinnati, around the Great American Ballpark (where the Red's play) and near the river. I must remember to take my camera with me. Hmmmm...wonder if she'll be up for a stop at Trader Joe's on the way back?

Anyway. I feel snaggley and disconnected right about now. I wonder if the natural progression of things when friends no longer in close proximity go through a period of hyperconnectivity and then a gradual release as people realize that absence really doesn't make the heart grow fonder and it's more like out of sight, out of mind.

I watched Obama's address to students today. Did you? The controversy about it would be laughable if it weren't for the fact that a lot of people really do still have a problem with what he said...simply because he said it. Obama has disappointed me. I wanted him to be better than what he has been. I needed him to be better than he has been, but at the same time, I can still recognize when he does something that rings "right"...or at the very least, isn't wrong. With this address to students, though, I think it needed to be said. I don't know how many people will actually hear it, but one of the things that I think needed to be said repeatedly and was only a sentence was about having to do things even though you don't like them, or they don't seem applicable. Yes, sometimes you aren't going to want to do your homework (or your dissertation), but if you want to get where you're headed, then sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to, things that aren't really pleasant. There are some things that you just have to do, and somewhere along the line, we've raised a couple of generations of kids who don't understand that. There are times I forget it.

The deeper issue, though, is that we are so incredibly polarized as a society. I wonder what the hope is for us. The middle ground is supposedly where more of us in this country live, but as we hear more and more incendiary things from each side, we are pushed closer to the ideological poles. I avoid most political discussion for that very reason. I don't need to go any further left. I don't want to be any further left. I read, and I'm informed, but I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I don't want to listen to what passes for "debate" in this country. As long as we can't be reasoned with each other, then I don't see a lot of potential for us. That pessimism makes me sad, even though I am naturally a pessimistic person.

Anyway. I go back to see the chiropractor tomorrow. My shoulder has been killing me. I'm afraid that I may have re-injured it on Saturday night/Sunday morning when I got home from Extract. In order to get the idiot from downstairs to shut up, I repeatedly threw a couple of teachers editions of literature anthologies on the floor. I know it wasn't the most mature thing to do, but it worked. I would have gone down and knocked on his door, as I've done many times before, but the last time he was such a dick about things. Calling the management doesn't help. He finally turned down whatever the hell it was, and I was able to get to sleep. But I noticed after that that my shoulder was hurting pretty badly.

Just in case I don't notice anything really changing with the chiropractor, when i was at the doctor's this afternoon, he gave me a steroid pack to specifically target the swelling. So. If shoulder doesn't feel better on Friday, then I will start the steroids. I just want it to stop hurting...and I'm really, really hoping that it's not that I've torn my rotator cuff. If it's that, you can bet that I'll be getting that taken care of while I have decent insurance.

I did a bunch of writing this morning about something, but I can't remember right now what it was. If I weren't lazy and tired right now, I could go pull my notebok out of my purse and look at it. Maybe tomorrow. But not tonight. Tonight there's some ice cream calling my name, and then it will be into the bed for me.

September 7, 2009

Evening Update

I so don't want to go back work tomorrow. I almost hate having days off because then I get out of my routine. But we've talked about this many, many times before, so I'm not going to go through that routine again.

When I left you all late Friday night, I was preparing to go up to Antique Alley in Indiana. I did that. Some real antiques up there, and really not bad prices on them, I didn't think. I bought an old Minota 35mm camera. I think when I get the spare bedroom put together or when I get another shelf put up here in the living room, I'm going to make a little display of cameras. I have this old Minota, the Brownie we found at GrandSner's, and my 35mm. I think that would be kinda cool. (Then again, I could just be a dork) I didn't find anything else that I really couldn't do without so I didn't buy anything else. I suppose part of the problem was that I was looking for a couple of very specific things when I went.

On the way home, I stopped at the Premier Outlets in Edinburgh. Spent a bunch of money at the Lane Bryant outlet (got bras for $20 each, a camisole that I needed, a cute shirt, and some capris) and a little bit of money at the Aldo outlet, where I picked up the most fabulous pair of heels ever. They're a huge heel, and they're a patent zebra pattern. Oh my lord so fabulous. You may be thinking, what in the world is she going to wear with zebra pattern heels? Well, let me tell you: jeans and black/white/red sweaters/tops, black slacks with black/white/red sweaters/tops, gray slacks with black/white/red sweaters/tops...a red dress I have hanging in my closet that I've never worn because I didn't have the right shoes for them. Do I need to go on? When I say they are fabulous, they are truly fabulous.

I took myself off to the movies Saturday night because I wanted to see Extract. From the trailer, it looked like it would be hilarious. Not so much. It was slow and not all funny. If you're considering watching it, I'd say wait to rent it. It would be an OK rental; not worth the $10 it cost me to see it. However. I did go to the theater by house. It was really, really nice. Some different vendors in there: Otis Spunkmeyer cookies, Sbarro pizza, Nathan's hotdogs, Ben and Jerry's. Best of all: a bar. For $21.95, you can get a movie ticket, an appetizer, a soda, and a burger/entree. Not a bad deal. I like more, though, the idea of getting a drink and not having to sneak it in to the theater. That entertains me much more. Although the sneaking it in isn't bad either.

Yesterday was some serious shopping. Labor Day sales and all. I went down to the Zappos.com outlet where they were doing the infamous 50% off everything in the building. That wonderous sale allowed me to pick up 4 pairs of shoes for $77. Sweet jesus! That 4 pairs of shoes includes a pair of Steve Madden black heels, some Clarks brown wedges, a wicked pair of red heels, and a pair of light camel heels. I need one more pair of shoes and I'm set for the year (some lower heeled black shoes). Well...except for boots. I could use a pair of boots or two. Also got some good deals on stuff at Macy's that was on clearance, as well as at Steinmart, where I also picked up new pillows for the bed. Need two more and that's done. While I spent the grocery money on my shopping splurge, I feel pretty good about the things I got. Versatile and good quality; will serve me well. Since the sale goes through the end of the month, with my next paycheck, I'm going to cruise down and see what else Zappos has to offer (shoes that were considered sandals were at 70% off...sandals are both toe and heel open).

I managed to sleep until 9 this morning before the doggie woke me up. I took her out and I went back to sleep until 11, at which point I got up and made some of the best sausage gravy I've ever whipped up. Then it was a little more shopping (cute blouses at both Dillard's and Macy's...the ones by my house) and a nap. Been a lazy, lazy day. Lazy, lazy weekend.

Speaking of shopping, when I was putting things in my closet last night, I took things out. I put five new pairs of shoes in the mix, took 10 old pairs out. I got things out of drawers and the closet that I either hadn't worn or shouldn't wear. All of that stuff went to the Goodwill today. I probably need to continue the purge with the other closet. In my cleansing, though, I noticed that I have probably three times as many tops as I have bottoms. I know why that is. I am not fond of my lower half. I hate trying on pants/skirts/capris. So I don't. However. I need to. The last couple of weeks during my shopping, I've been making a conscious effort to try on slacks/jeans/capris. That has resulted in black and khaki capris and a nice dove gray pair of slacks. I've tried on jeans because I need a new pair of those too, and nothing is making me happy yet. I'll keep looking, though. I think that part of problem is that I don't want to pay a whole lot for them.

So. Pants. Unless it's a really, really good deal, I can't buy anymore tops until I get a better selection of bottoms.

For those of you who drink them, my local Target had their 24 oz bottles of Propel on sale for $0.50 each. I stocked up.

During my shopping yesterday, I picked up a cute little coupon holder. It's the perfect size for me since I don't actually clip a lot of coupons, but the ones I do, I needed somewhere to put them. Now I've got them. Found it at TJ Maxx for $4. Has a pad for making a list. Yay for bargains!

I'm actually pretty excited that all of my laundry is done. Including the ironing. It's put away. I can look in the closet in the morning and be assured that I can find something to wear. That's a happy feeling. I've also made my lunch for tomorrow. I haven't done that the last week and a half. I've missed it. It was a pain to broil the chicken and slice it up and crack the pecans and bag up the pita chips, but it'll be worth it tomorrow.

Only two more mornings without coffee.

I need to get to bed. More tomorrow. Maybe.

September 4, 2009

Evening Update

It's actually the 5th, but I'm too lazy to change the header to reflect that. Sorry.

I got some bee-yoo-ti-ful flowers today at work. They're really quite lovely. Pink snapdragons, two shades of pink carnations, yellow daisies. Just to brighten my day. And they did. Only one other person has ever sent me flowers in my life, and that was Aunt Imogene. I'm not sure if I count those or not as she was a florist. But no boy has ever sent me flowers. Until now. It's very, very sweet, and I love them. I'm a lucky girl that such a sweet boy thinks of me and wants to make me happy.

In other news, I had my first appointment with the chiropractor. It was OK. He thinks I'm suffering from hypothyroidism, and he thinks that he can get everything working right with a combination of manipulation and vitamins/supplements, although he thinks I'm on the right track with the vitamins that I currently sometimes remember to take. He thinks that what's going on with my shoulder is fixable. He laid me on the table-thingie and attached electrical patches to my shoulder to stimulate it while I was having my back stretched. Then it was on to the actual adjustment. The only thing that was even slightly concerning was when he was adjusting my neck. When he pulled straight back on my neck, it was shocking. Then kinda folding my head back on my shoulder was a little weird. I have two appointments next week.

I also have an appointment with my regular doctor next week. I'm going to take him the bottle of Ativan and ask him for something else. While the chiropractor seems to think that my panic attacks and response to stress are due to my hypothyroidism, but just in case they're not, I'd like to have the option of taking something. I will also probably talk to him about high blood pressure. I know part of why it is so high at the doctor's office is because I don't like doctors, but I'm afraid that the rest of it is more than that. I think that the chiropractor can probably help me with that too, but. I'd like to have options there too.

I think this weekend is going to be about getting my house in order and getting myself organized and feeling settled. That means getting the spare bedroom taken care of (I'm going to look for a little desk so I can set up a printer, etc in there). To that, I'm going to take a little road trip. A friend got me a subscription to Midwest Living and in the last issue, they had a road trip through some antique-rich areas just outside of Indianapolis. I know what I would be looking for in those antique/thrift shops. Then on the way home on the interstate, there's a large outlet mall. Might stop and see if they have the mattress pad & pillows I need for a decent price.

Anyway. More later today. I'm going to go have a nap and then get ready to go.

September 1, 2009

Evening Update

My new mattress is here! I tried to take a nap on it right after it arrived, but I think the jeeter's children were home alone (and I'm pretty sure that they're too young to be home alone). There was all sorts of screaming and yelling and banging and jumping around. Although there is often lots of screaming and yelling down there, I didn't hear his voice, and what it really sounded like was kids having fun. At one point I could hear them counting like they were playing hide and seek. I suspect, because I might have been a kid at one point in time, that perhaps they were jumping off the dresser onto the bed. I was very tempted to go down and knock on the door and tell them to be careful because if their dad came home and caught them mid-jump or mid-scream or mid-childhood fun, he'd tear them up.

I sometimes feel like I need to call about this guy. I don't think he hits his kids, but there is a ton of yelling, and that can be just as damaging as anything physical. I should do it. I should call. If he were hitting them, I definitely would. So what keeps me from calling about his screaming?

At any rate, my new mattress is here. Thankfully, the faculty meeting (where there was another slight *sigh*) was over quickly, and the delivery guys were calling me as I was at the post office putting lumpy mail on its way to who it belongs to. I made it to the house in record time, although I almost stopped to get cash. I didn't have any money to tip the delivery guys with, but they apparently didn't care. They stripped the old mattress and box springs out, put the new set in, as well as taking the mattress off again because we forgot to put the skirt back on the bed, in about five minutes.

Now that I have the new mattress, I need a couple of things...like a new mattress pad and definitely new pillows. Not decorative pillows but real pillows that I sleep on. Mine are a couple of years old, so that means they need to go...to the spare bedroom, which needs a bed frame. As soon as I put that together in the spare room, then y'all can come visit. The door will be open, and y'all can just come on. What do you think about that? I could also use some new sheets...deep pocket. I feel like I have to crawl up into the bed. The box spring is the tall one, while my old one was the low profile.

I'm feeling even worse today. I woke up and just felt like hell. The stress of trying to get all of this stupid testing done, as well as all the of the rest of it just about did me in when I left. Now that I'm home, it's killing me. I should have gone to the store and bought stuff to make chicken noodle soup, but I passed on that for some hot and sour (good for my blood pressure *sigh*). I guess tomorrow will be the chicken noodle soup night, along with the doctor. I don't know which urgent care clinic I can go to, but I'm going to go to one if I feel like this tomorrow morning. I have to go to work because I have testing set to finish up, and I have my evaluation meeting tomorrow afternoon. I have to go to work on Thursday because I'm at a training. I can't be sick right now.

And speaking of that, I really don't think that I'm going to go camping this weekend. I'm sick and my allergies are acting up. I really, really don't need to be sleeping in a tent when I'm feeling like this. But. I do have a thought. It's a stupid thought, but a thought nonetheless. Since I'm staying home, there's the WorldFest. Or I could just stay home and get well, lay out by the pool and sweat this sickness out of me. We shall see.

I read this article today, and I'm just astounded. I believe that teacher unions serve a very, very valid purpose. Having been in a couple of uncomfortable situations as a teacher, and having thought that perhaps I might need my union last year when administration was on a power trip, I know the value of unions. On the other hand, I don't know how any union can stand behind a system that makes all of our teachers look bad. If you're an alcoholic, passed out at school, you deserve to lose your job. Period. Full stop. If you're abusive to children, you deserve to lose your job. If you can't manage a classroom and create an environment conducive to learning, you deserve to lose your job. If you put children in danger, then you deserve to lose your job. If you don't know your content and won't make an effort to learn it, you deserve to lose your job. If you can't fulfill the responsibilities of your job, you deserve to not have it. There is no defense for those types of things. None.

The thing that floors me is that if you're an over-staffed teacher, and aren't particularly interested in finding another job, you can continue to draw a paycheck. What? Are you serious? I need to move to NYC and get a job with the school system. All I have to do is hold on for three years and get tenure. NYC, the place where tenure really is for life. Beyond all of that, though, is the idea that poor teachers, those who should not be teachers, reflect on all of us. I won't claim to be the best teacher in the world. I won't even claim to have been a good one, but the fact remains that I was interested in being better. I had control of my classroom, and my students were learning. I believe that with all of my heart. I saw problems and looked for ways to fix them; I wasn't content to just be. I cared enough about what I was doing to want to at least try.

*sigh*

On the same subject of teaching, I also read this article about reading workshop. I don't know if I would go full-on reading workshop anymore because I do think that there's something to the idea that we need to have some sort of shared cultural knowledge. I don't think there's anything wrong with giving students lots of choice in terms of reading material, but I also think that part of a teacher's job is to help guide students to texts that they might not choose on their own. I think that we can help students walk through texts that challenge them. As teachers we can help students make connections that they might not automatically make on their own, and that is the job of the educator in the room. But choice yes. Definitely yes. Give them choice in what they get to read. By all means.

OK. Feel like hell. Gonna finish this glass of wine, put the comforter in the duvet cover, and hit the hay.