November 2008
November 30, 2008
Evening Update
The doggie and I are home. We made it here around 6:00. Panicked for a moment because I couldn't find the house key and was afraid that I might have left it at Cari's. It was in the floorboard in the back of the car. Not quite sure how it wound up there, but I'm not going to ask a lot of questions. It's enough for me that I was able to get in the house. After I spent 20 minutes with the doggie, waiting for her to poo. *sigh* (We are still experiencing gas issues)
Speaking of the doggie, we had a rather interesting moment this afternoon. She's a very, very sweet doggie, and I've never had an "attitude" issue with her. Until this afternoon. *grin* We'd stopped in Evanston, IN to buy gas and coffee and to walk the pooch. It was a long stop because I kept thinking she was going to poo...did the poo dance several times...but nothing happened. When we finally got back in the car, she decided that she should get to sit in the passenger's seat rather than in the floorboard. I told her to get down, and she didn't. So I told her again and gave her a little push. Still nothing. Raised my voice and pushed a little harder. Nothing doing. Finally raised my voice again and pushed her off the seat. After that, she sat up, staring out the passenger's window. She wouldn't look at me. Eventually, she curled up in the floorboard, with her back to me. Took her about 50 miles to get over her mad. Funny doggie.
I wasn't feeling very well on the drive home. I started feeling shaky when we were leaving St. Louis Mills, where I just happened to pick up a really cute pair of black booties at Nine West for $20.00. As usual, I thought it was that I needed to eat, but it never, ever is that, is it? You'd think that one of these days I'd learn. I haven't yet. I got food and the feeling didn't go away. That makes for a very, very long drive. I was going to stop and see a friend, but with feeling so icky, that wasn't a good idea.
I am dreading going to work tomorrow. Think I'm going to wind up taking a pill. See how that works.
I've almost got the laundry done! Sweet! I should vacuum, but it's a little late for that. I wouldn't want to disturb my neighbors. I'll do it tomorrow afternoon when I get home from work. That should have me up to date with the cleaning. There is still stuff to be put away from moving, and I have to do something with all the boxes. Not quite sure what. I've also got to figure out what I'm going to cook so I have something in this house to eat. I have the turkey and I have stuff to make black bean soup. Which will it be? Probably the soup. Since I'm going out of town this coming weekend, turkey wouldn't be the best...although I could take it out of the freezer Friday afternoon and it would be ready to roast on Sunday when I got home. I think that's a good idea. Let me go put the beans on to soak. Actually, when I looked in pantry, I saw the bag of tortellini and the jar of sauce. I think I'll pick up some salad and garlic bread and call that good.
I was just thinking of what I wanted for Christmas (other than cash to pay for my tattoo). If someone were looking for a pressie for me, and had an extra hundred bucks laying around, you could get me one of these. Doug said he gave away his Chi, and that's what he's using now. He used it on my hair when he did my hair on Wednesday, and I liked it. I also really liked that stuff he gave me for it. I think there will be a couple of my friends who are going to get it as a Christmas pressie this year. Seriously, leaves my hair soft and shiny, and happy.
I was going to upload some really cute pictures of my doggie, but it's taken me forever to find a copy of the program my camera uses. *sigh* Tomorrow maybe.
Morning Update
We're up and waiting for the stores to open. There's an inch of snow on the ground here in St. Louis, and it's continuing to come down. I think that it's supposed to snow on my all the way across. It's warm enough that it shouldn't be slick, though. I'm thinking about a detour to visit a friend, but I don't know. It's an hour there, an hour back, and an hour of visiting. That would put me pretty late into Louisville. As much as I'd like to see them, I think I might wait until the next weekend and just make a trip over there for the weekend.
November 29, 2008
Evening Update
We're at the hotel in St. Louis. We've had an interesting evening thus far. First off, the doggie has gas. Terrible, terrible gas. It was so awful that we bought some air freshener for the hotel room. That's what happens when she eats food that isn't part of her normal diet. She is sweet in her gassiness. She'll fart and then turn around and sniff her butt. Like she can't quite believe that it's her butt making that smell. *sigh* After two huge poos, she's feeling (and smelling) better). I hope that means that the drive home tomorrow won't be quite so bad.
We went to Harrah's this evening to have dinner. The buffet was incredibly expensive and was really good. I'm not much of a buffet person, but I had lots of seafood. We gambled a little bit. At one point, I was down $70, but I hit a couple of things and wound up cashing out only $20 behind. That's good thing. The Sner was not quite so very lucky. She lost. Poor Sner.
On the way back from the casino, we decided to go a different way because we recognized some landmarks. We didn't exactly get lost, but it was a much longer, more circuitous route to where we wanted to be. Kinda funny that we wound up right at the hotel, but we needed to be the next exit up. To buy air freshner for the doggie's butt and to get some wine. Took forever to find a liquor store. We found the lingerie shop, but had to go to a grocery store for booze.
I'm watching True Blood. Season finale. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm glad that I missed this show until now.
Tomorrow the Sner's flight leaves around 2:30. That leaves a morning to do things. We saw a DIBA outlet on our way to the casino. Since I'm looking for boots, that might be a good stop for me. Online says that they're not open on Sundays, but it might be worth it for us to cruise by there. There's also a big ol' outlet mall near here, but it doesn't open until 11:00. The Sner has to be at the airport by 12:40. There's a Nine West Outlet, so I might find a pair of black boots there. Guess that means I won't be wearing my sweats home. *sigh*
I'm in St. Louis. One of these times, I'd like to go to the Arch and head up to the top. I've never been, and although I'm terrified of heights and have heard the ride to the top isn't all that pleasant, I'd like to do it. Maybe after I drop the Sner off, I'll take myself there and head up. If I can get a ticket.
I was irritated again today, and I just typed out this long paragraph. But I've decided to leave it be. I know the truth; I can admit to myself who I am and what I've done (maybe yesterday I should have phrased things differently), and that puts me much further ahead in the game than some other folks. Crying about it now, trying to defend myself now...pointless. I sleep fine at night, and I'm OK with the life I live. My life isn't some popularity contest. I've made mistakes, and I've learned from them. I'm comfortable with the direction I'm headed, and I'm good with the people who are a part of my life, although I will be more judicious about whom I share what information with in the future. Like I said, mistakes made, lessons learned.
It's amazing how much calmer my life is. It's like most of the stress has evaporated. There's still some associated with work, but I have to wonder now if the stress from elsewhere wasn't bleeding over to work rather than the other way around.
I've been trying to connect to the hotel's wireless network for the last half an hour. It's beginning to piss me off. I'll be on for a minute, and then I'm off. I could browse on my blackberry, but I hate browsing on my blackberry. Haven't totally figured out yet how to update my webpage from my blackberry, even though I do know how to access the control panel of my site from there. I"m sure if I played with it long enough, I'd get the hang of it.
November 28, 2008
Evening Update
I'm sick. Terribly sick. I have taken the miracle Advil & Sinus, but I'm afraid that it might be too late. *sigh* So sick that I did not get up for the buttcrack of dawn shopping deals. The alarm clock went off, I went to the bathroom, and then it was right back under the covers. Went to Wally World with Cari around 6:30. Was back home under the blankets in an hour. Bought cold medicine and five, $2.00 movies.
I did go shopping, though. This afternoon. It was after two before I made it to Springfield. Some good deals to be had if you were willing to look for them. Got the brown boots I was looking for. For the doorbuster price, even though it was three hours past that time. And I got to use a $5.00 off coupon on them. You know I'm going to be enjoying the hell out of $20 boots every time I wear them. After that it was off to Macy's...where with the additional 15% off coupon, I got two blouses for work and a casual polo for $20. After that, it was on to Lane Bryant, where everything in the store was buy one, get one. So. I picked up a black blouse and a white t-shirt. For $10. Then I made my way to Dillard's, where I got a Jones New York sweater for $19.50. It was on the 70% off rack, but it didn't ring up at that price. They weren't going to give it me for 70% off, but then they realized that there multiple sizes and colors of the sweater on the incorrect rack. Their fault. So...I got a $70 sweater for $19.50, which just happened to be a math error on their part. (I didn't correct them)
It appears that the Sner is tired of smalltown life. Under the guise of my illness and the weather, we will be departing for St. Louis tomorrow afternoon. I don't know if I'll stay the night with her tomorrow night in the Lou, but just in case, I reserved a pet-friendly hotel room...and one that has a shuttle to the airport. All bases covered.
I think I'm going to get started on my Christmas cards. Hummingbirds and Christmas cards...maybe a new tradition?
November 27, 2008
Morning Update
Happy Thanksgiving! It's Thursday morning around about ten in the morning, and I'm watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with the six year old, the three year old, and the rest of the family. All in all, it's not a bad place to be to take stock of life and all the things that are good.
I have new hair. Spent the evening with Doug yesterday, and he worked wonders. It's a much, much darker red than I've had in a long time. He didn't take a whole lot off the length, but he thinned it up considerably. I didn't really want to lose a lot of length, but I was willing to do it. We'd gone to Chinese for lunch, and my fortune cookie said, "Be adventuresome and try a new look." So. I did. Here it be. I'll try to get someone to take pictures, and then I'll try to get them posted. I make no promises as to when that will happen.
I think I am trying to get a cold. That does not make me happy. I started feeling it last night, and it's not any better today. The good news is that it's not any worse. Let's hope that it stays that way.
The drive here on Tuesday wasn't that bad. It was long, but not bad. Made it to St. Louis right about four hours after I left Louisville. Picked the Sner up, and then we made our way to Sullivan, MO where we had dinner at the Applebees. Now, In Sullivan, apparently Tuesday nights are karaoke nights at Applebees. And everyone who was singing sucked. They were really bad, and a few of them were even bringing their own CDs with them. So either they really wanted to sing those songs, or someone had told them they were that good. I debated about whether I should put my name in, but finally, I couldn't stand it any more, and I did it. I wanted to sing "Shut Up and Kiss Me", but that wasn't an option. I did "I Feel Lucky" instead. And, not to be immodest, but I rocked. So much better than anyone else who was up there singing. They wanted me to sing again, but we had to get going. It was still two hours home, and the doggie was waiting in the car, temperatures dropping.
I just got a message from the PSB.
Speaking of boys, I've to come up with a name for a boy. Right now I'm thinking that he's going to be the IDB. Imminent Danger Boy. Just because there's so much that could go wrong with this thing. I had done a little writing on Tuesday about how all of my danger signals were going off, but I'm still playing with fire. *sigh* It's fun, and hopefully it's going to remain just fun. I'm reminding myself that it's just to be fun. So. I hope that everyone else remembers that it's supposed to be fun. Because I'm having fun with it right now.
I suppose that I really need to get myself in the shower and together. I want to be cute. Since I have all of this really cute new hair. That's probably a good idea, huh? We'll see how it actually works out, though.
November 24, 2008
Later Evening Update
My bag is packed and my laundry is put away. Except for that one pair of pants. That I had to wash. And will have to wash again. Because a cat, more than likely Peach, pissed on. *sigh* I knew I'd been smelling cat piss, but I couldn't figure out just where it was coming from. From the pants. And from the down blanket. Which is currently in the washer. I was a little worried about that because it's like the world's tiniest washer and it's a king size down blanket. Eh. Whatever. It's working. I'm telling myself that the cat is stressed...and that's why she pissed all over everything. But damn. Stupid cat. *sigh*
I think I'm ready to go for the weekend. It's going to be difficult to get through tomorrow simply because I will want it over with, but it's only a few hours, right?
When I was at Best Buy returning a stereo cable today, I saw the new Guns N Roses album. I was tempted to buy it, but at $14...after waiting 17 years for it...I can wait a little longer. At least until it shows up on Amazon as a cheap digital download.
I waxed this evening. I think there was something wrong with my wax. It took forever to heat up, and it remained really thick. I think I did a decent job, but eh. Mostly plucked the eyebrows. The things we do...
There's not a lot else to say tonight, so I think I'm going to have some ice cream and go to bed.
Early Evening Update
I apparently had my dates screwed up. *sigh* Why do y'all let me get off like that? And not say anything? I need someone to keep me on track every now and again.
It was a rainy and dreary day here today. I did not want to get out of bed this morning. A couple of times during the night, I woke up to the sound of the rain. Actually, it was that I woke up to the sound of a text message and then I heard the rain. Several times during the night, it sounded like it was really coming down. I don't know how much we got during the course of the night/day, but we needed it. No thunder or lightning, although it was very dark and ominous this afternoon as I was driving home from the liquor store. (I picked up rum cream and the Sner's wine and a four pack of Kentucky Ale bourbon barrel ale) I don't know if it poured or not; I walked the doggie, and then I went came in to take a nap. That's what rain makes me want to do. Speaking of that, it was hard to get up this morning. I snuggled in the bed until 6, which was way late because I had to wash my hair. *sigh*
I was going to take the car tonight and vacuum out the trunk and the passenger's side where all of the dog hair is, but it was raining. So. Wood dirt in the trunk and the dog hair in the passenger's side. There are a couple of things in the trunk that need to get thrown away, but since the trash can is forever away, I'm going to do it tomorrow morning. I need to pack my bag tonight.
I wish I could take the dog to work with me and then just leave from there. It's feasible that she could spend the day in my office undetected, but. I'd be worried that the kids in the next room would get her riled up and before I knew it, she'd be barking her fool head off. Not that she barks her fool head off that often. Just that it's a possibility. Sweet as she is, it could happen. So, I'm going to take myself home as soon as they let me out of the door, and then I'll be driving those same miles in the other direction. I should probably buy gas before I leave too. *sigh* More miles. Dammit.
I should start working on my Christmas cards. Even tough I've only just gotten all of the Thanksgiving cards done. I suppose that I'm going to take them to Missouri with me. I was just looking at them and realized that the ones I purchased require extra postage. Dammit.
Going to pack. *sigh*
November 24, 2008
Early Evening Update
It's been a rather successful day, I think. The house is mostly clean (I still need to vacuum my bedroom and put some laundry away, but I'll get to that in a minute or two. I've hung some things up on the walls so it's beginning to feel more like *my* place. I still have some stuff to put up, but I'll get to that in a little bit. The spare bedroom is better organized, even though I still have a bunch of stuff in there that needs to be unpacked and put away. I've done my laundry, and everything is drying. I went to the grocery store and bought a 14.5 pound turkey that I will cook when I get back from Thanksgiving.
I've had this decorating idea floating around for quite awhile, and I think I'm about getting ready to put it together. Y'all know about my clock that doesn't work. I love that clock. It's big and it's got a weathered/antique look to it. Anyway, my decorating idea is to get a bunch of clocks...different sizes...but all with that same kind of look/feel to them, but with different finishes/cases/housings/whatever they're called. Put them all together on a wall. For some reason, a study of time appeals to me. It could be awful, but I'm picturing it like people do the walls of mirrors. (If you think it's stupid, hush. Thank you!)
So, when I was cleaning up in the spare bedroom, I found an email from Coach. It was dated November of 2001. That was right after that first summer. The emails were sent in the days after the Dana debacle. For those of you that don't remember all of that, or weren't around for all of that, I had gone to San Francisco to spend the weekend with a "friend" from Alaska. We'd met that summer in Hattiesburg, and she was coming for the weekend. If I got a room, there were tickets to a 49ers game and to Tony & Tina's wedding. Well. Dana's major goal that weekend, even though she had a husband at home in Alaska was to get laid. Which happened. She left the hotel with the waiter, telling me if she wasn't back by 9 in the morning, to do something. *sigh* OK.
That's the context. In my email to him, I'd talked about how I wouldn't be comfortable leaving with some stranger. His response was that he was glad to know that even though our relationship had progressed very quickly, casual sex wasn't my thing. So to speak. I might jump into a sexual relationship too soon, but I don't jump very often. The boy is the only person I've had sex with since February 2007. There was a puppy at the bar a year or so ago, but he wouldn't wear a condom so I walked out the door. I've recently fooled around with someone else, but there still hasn't been sex...in the technical sense. If things continue the way they are, there's a possibility that I won't be able to say that a whole lot longer.
I'm extremely nervous about that. It's not like he hasn't already seen me naked, so it's not that I'm nervous about. There's the possibility of pregnancy since I no longer have an IUD and am not on birth control. Even if he wears a condom, which would have to happen. That makes me a little nervous, but that's not what the big deal is about. The big deal is that I'm not all that good about separating sex and emotion. I talk a good game, but the truth of the matter is that I get invested. I'm still invested in the boy, but I recognize that nothing is ever going to come of that so there's no point in waiting for something that isn't going to happen. Add in that he's already moved on, and it's even more ridiculous. Even though I tell myself that it's nothing...just a thing...it's hard. And then there's being with someone else when I'm still tied, however tenuously, to someone else. There are all these emotions already roiling beneath the surface, and then making the decision to add another layer of feeling to it...some times I wonder where my head is. *sigh*
The best thing about this whole mess is that I have a month to continue to worry it. And rest assured that I will.
In other news, my colleague's husband has looked at my computer, and it started right up for him. *sigh* He says that he thinks the problem resides in how the power button is situated. Said it's not quite right, and he thinks he knows how to fix it. He's going to open it up and take a look. I should have my computer back in a week or so. I don't really care how long it takes, just as long as I get it back, and it doesn't cost me a fortune. You know?
I feel kinda like poo. My ears hurt and my throat is sore. I was supposed to have put together spreadsheets, but I haven't done it yet. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I'll spend the day observing one of my KTIP teachers...and getting those spreadsheets taken care of.
I'm thinking about a bob with bangs for my hair on Wednesday. I don't know. I may just tell Doug to do whatever he wants, keeping in mind that I enjoy being able to put my hair in a ponytail and that several boys have told me longer is better. Since they like to have something to pull. *sigh*
I'm going to check the sheets. I think I'm going to bed pretty early tonight.
November 23, 2008
Very Early Morning Update
I need to get to bed. I took a bath and finished all of the Thanksgiving cards. Like 43 total going out. I picked up some Crafty Girl cards on clearance at TJ Maxx this afternoon. One of them makes a perfect Thanksgiving card for a friend. It's another clearance weekend at TJ Maxx/Marsall's. An additional 25% off. I didn't find any good clothes. But I did find a canister for my coffee, although not a matching one on for the sweetner. I'm going to go to the ones across town tomorrow and see if there's anything of interest there.
I've got to do my nails tomorrow. And clean the house. My doggie is already in the bed. I should be with her, but I'm not. Because I'm a bad, bad mommy.
I'm going to make some bacon and pancakes tomorrow. Y'all eat your hearts out.
November 22, 2008
Early Evening Update
I'm tired. I went to bed last night around 1-1:30. And then I started getting text messages around 3:30. They continued until 4:30. I got up around 5:45 so I could take the car in to get it serviced. Spent three hours there, and then came home for a nap. After that was shopping. I picked up a charcoal gray wool peacoat at Burlington Coat Factory. $60. I wanted a bright blue one, for some stupid reason, but there wasn't one available. *sigh* I got a scarf, though, for some color. We'll see how that works for me.
I was pretty pleased with the car experience this morning. They were fast and efficient, and everything was taken care of. I got the oil change done, as well as the transmission serviced and a tune-up done. $370. I need to do the radiator flush. I asked them, and they told me that the brakes are good for another six months or so and that the tires are good for that long as well. Of course, with the driving I'll be doing next week and at Christmas, I'm sure it's going be sooner than six months. That's OK, though. I don't have to do it now, and that fact that I don't have to shell out $500 for tires and $400 for brakes. I was going to work on spreadsheets or write out Thanksgiving cards, but some old guy spent three hours talking to me. *sigh*
Vietnam veteran. Flew helicopters, was shot down, and captured. He walked very slowly and painfully, almost dragging his left leg behind him. I didn't ask, but I assume that is a legacy of his service. He mistakenly assumed that my political leanings were the same as his, but you know...sometimes, the thing isn't about making a point or arguing a point. I let him talk, and the listening wasn't that bad. I don't know what correcting his assumption would have done. He didn't say anything truly offensive. It wasn't like he was making racist statements. So...no need to get into it with him. I wouldn't want to be rude.
Read a recent discussion about what it means to be rude. Lots of focus on gossiping and that sort of thing, but no real recognition of other kinds of rudeness. Saying you'll help someone and then sitting back, watching while they struggle. Dominating conversations. Making plans that involve other people without consulting with them first.
It's easy, I think, to point out the flaws in others, and I know I'm guilty of doing that myself. It's not so easy to see flaws in ourselves. I try very hard to be honest with myself about who and what I am. I can't tell you how many times I've told the boy that I'm not a nice person, only to have him disagree with me. When I've vented, I've often said, "I'm angry and I probably shouldn't be..." or I've said, "I don't have experience with this, but...". I know that I can be small and petty. It's something I'm working on. I'm not lying to myself about it, though.
There are some truths that are hard to hear. There are some truths that there is no way to tactfully tell. There are people who believe that learning cannot happen with out some sort of "discomfort" or "pain". I buy the idea of "dissonance", but I don't know about "pain". Sometimes, maybe, though, it really does have to be pain. Maybe it has to be something that shakes us to our very core, challenges what we believe about ourselves. If we're smart, when we done hurting, we make adjustments based on those truths that are hard to hear. Sometimes, though, we just keep blundering along because we're not yet ready to hear the truth...even when it hurts.
I don't know where I was going with that exactly, but. Think I'm going to make a martini and get in the tub with a magazine. I need to shave my fuzzy legs.
November 21, 2008
Late Evening Update
My heart hurts tonight. I wonder if my family's holiday curse extends its way to the people I care about? I had yet to start holding my breath this year because, well...it's not after Thanksgiving. I don't know why because Grandpa passed away...seven? years ago Wednesday. So Thanksgiving isn't some arbitrary date whereby the waiting begins. It just begins when it begins, I guess. I'd heard some bad news from a friend's family a couple of days ago, but I didn't put two and two together.
A friend's son has been diagnosed with a very, very rare autoimmune disorder. They are in for a very rough ride, but I believe they'll be OK. The majority of cases recover with little residual effects. But there's a chance that things will not be so rosy. I'm not going to think about that, though, and I hope that they aren't either. I hope that they're focused on the fact that he's going to be fine. It's going to be a hard road for awhile, but he's going to be fine.
And I've just learned that breast cancer rears its ugly head again. I don't understand. I really don't understand. Sherian? A very fine, fine woman. Meta? A very fine, fine woman. Marilyn? A very fine, fine woman. Not that anyone deserves bad things to happen to them, but criminy. People who live lives of service and who are so very good? Why them? I understand that bad things happen to go people, but this? This thing in particular? Dammit.
The day started so very well, too. Well, not necessarily so very well, but interestingly, that's for sure. A text message and then a phone call. And seriously...I was happy and smiling all day long. Stupid really. Because it wasn't about me. Once again, I suspect that I was just convenient. That's OK. I'll pretend it was something else. I'm good at that.
I'm watching Love Actually. I own this movie, but I don't ever watch movies (I just found the other box of DVDs...I'd wondered where they had got off to). It doesn't much help with this melancholy, though, because well...it's all about folks realizing and find love (Title. Duh). It is a sweet movie, though, and for a minute, you believe in the possibility that randomly, those things can be within your grasp. Even if it is only for a brief minute that serves to sustains you until the next moment, far away as it may be.
In more prosaic news, the kiddoes were decent today. I didn't hear anything over the radio about fights or confrontations. The PTSA had a fish fry as a fundraiser after school. I paid for a sandwich, which was $4.00. I didn't want any bread. The fish wasn't as good this time as it was before I went to camping. But, giving them money to support them, that's OK with me.
I also ordered some cookie dough from the fundraiser that the band is doing. I'll be taking some Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk and some White Chocolate Key Lime cookie dough home to Mississippi with me. I'm pretty sure that the dough is made by the Great American Cookie Company. And if that's true, then the Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk was one of my two favorites when I worked at Park Lane mall, making cookies for GACC. (the other was the Chocolate Chip Pecan...and there wasn't any of that dough for sale. If my friend Fishie had shipped me pecans, I'd be making chocolate chip pecan cookies. Even though I have candy cane oreos and double chocolate chip pepperidge farms cookies in the pantry. Ice cream in the freezer)
I'm having a cocktail this evening, but I'm not exactly tearing it up. I have to get up and take the care in tomorrow morning. I think I'm doing the tune-up (it's been four years since I last had new spark plugs put in), the transmission service, and the oil change. The radiator flush and the brakes have to wait. I pray they don't tell me I need new tires. I'm pretty sure I'm getting close to needing those too. It seems like it never ends, although I know the truth of the matter is that I put off some routine maintenance when I didn't have the money to do it while working at The Walker Associates. I'll either do the rest of my Thanksgiving cards or I'll do the spreadsheets I've got to have done and ready to go on Monday while I wait. The good thing is that if it takes forever, there's a mall right across the street. Not that I need to spend money I don't have but I can browse and it'll be something to do while I wait.
My colleague's husband has my laptop. I really do hope that it's fixable. I'm sure it's fixable. The question just becomes how much it's going to cost me to fix it. *sigh*
The Kings of Leon are coming in mid-January. I'm thinking about going. I'm really liking that new cd...although I haven't listened to it in awhile because my Ipod needs to be updated. I bought a charger, so I could listen to it tomorrow if I wanted. I don't know where my headphones for it are. I only listen to it on the stereo or in the car.
Just cleaned the litter box. For some reason, my cats (and by that I mean, Blackberry) has decided that she likes to poo on the floor. If I don't clean the litter box every day, there's poo on the floor. And I have to say, that like today...I didn't clean the litter box in the morning. Got it in the evening. Poo on the floor. *sigh* I'm going to have to get the spare bedroom set up so I can take care of that problem. I guess that's what I'm going to do on Sunday. *sigh*
I should probably go to bed. It's midnight. I'm just not ready yet. I think I'm hungry, but I don't know. Maybe I'll smoke. That actually sounds like a good plan. Have some ice cream, smoke, go to bed. Dream about god knows what. Get up at 6:00 so I can take the car in.
Did I mention that I talked to Doug? And that he's going to do my hair on Wednesday night? I'm seriously thinking about a different style. Not shorter, really. But maybe some bangs? Something? I don't know. I've basically had the same hairstyle for a decade. Isn't it time to think about something else? Maybe?
I'm weepy and sad this evening. Have had my ice cream. Gonna go to bed.
November 20, 2008
Late Evening Update
It was another outstanding day at the insane asylum. Another staff member injured. At the end of the day, there was some sort of commotion going on outside my office, but I wasn't about to go check it out. No desire to get myself hurt. I called for help, but that was as far as I was going to take it. I'll tell a kid to knock it off; I'll even grab a kid by the arm or physically put myself in his way. But I'm not going to get myself in a situation where I'm going to get hurt.
So I went to the doctor this afternoon. I gotta say I wasn't really happy. I told the guy that I'd been experiencing some anxiety and some resultant symptoms from that anxiety. It's been better the last two weeks (I can't even begin to tell you how big a part of it being in my own place is), but just because it's good in the now doesn't mean that in a week or so, when the shit goes down at work again, I won't be experiencing panic attacks again? The doctor's first answer was to put me on an anti-depressant like Paxil. I told him that I wasn't interested in something long-term and that further I'm not good at taking a pill every day (we all know I'm not). His response? If you want to get better enough, you'll remember to take it. *sigh* So then his recommendation was to refer me to a therapist. I told him I'd be willing to consider that but I wasn't sure what that would do for me in the moment, as I'm experiencing some of these anxieties.
Finally, he said he could give me something that would directly work on the anxiety (thank you! That's why I'm here, which is what I told him!), but that he was only going to give me 15 of them because they're habit-forming. I repeated to him that I'm not a pill person. I wanted to tell him that I managed to keep a small amount of a certain substance around for 6 months but thought that would be inappropriate. It's kinda funny because according to my friend, he gave her a prescription for 90 pills. *sigh*
I suppose I understand. The pills are habit-forming. I get that, but. I don't know if I'm going to go back to him. It really kinda pissed me off that his answer to my situational anxiety was to give me anti-depressants. And then it kinda pissed me off that he said if I wanted to get better bad enough, I'd find a way to remember to take a pill every day. OK. Maybe. Not a great first impression. I'm not fond of doctors to begin with. I should have just lied to him and told him that I'd been taking it in Mississippi and Nevada and needed a doctor here to refill it for me. *sigh*
Talked to a friend of mine this evening for awhile this evening. He made me laugh so hard I choked, and now I have a slight headache. He was completely on a roll. Totally drunk, but on a roll. Good lord. I can't wait to see him when I go home at Christmas. He really does make me laugh.
It was snowing here this afternoon. It didn't stick around, but it was really coming down there for awhile. The doggie was not cooperating when I took her out. She was standing around...in the snow and the cold...just looking around like there was nothing going, no reason to hurry. At one point, she was covered in snow, like she was wearing a white coat. I have to say that the gray sky with the white snow and the bare trees along the steely lake was a very pretty picture. Soothing really. I'm not ready for snow, though. Just not. I'm not ready to drive in it; I'm not ready to deal with other idiots driving in it. *sigh*
Kentucky is putting a man to death tomorrow. I've listened to interviews, and I've heard what people have to say. I still can't can't behind capital punishment. I wish I could.
Taking my laptop to my colleague's husband tomorrow afternoon. I hope that he can fix it relatively (>$200) inexpensively. I really would like to have it back so I can post up some pictures. Plus, it's my computer. I miss it.
I was going to say something else this evening, but I can't remember what it was. I haven't said that in a long time, have I? Should probably go to bed. Y'all be good.
Morning Update
I didn't want to get out of bed again this morning, but I did. Even managed to get my hair washed and looking halfway decent. I'm wearing an outfit they have yet to see me in at school. It's funny what you find to wear when none of your light-colored bras are dry. I was reduced to wearing a pretty uncomfortable one yesterday. *sigh* It's not that I didn't have bras I could wear. There were plenty of dry dark ones and plenty of dry ones that don't have a lot of padding. I can't go walking around my particular school with visibly hard nipples, though. Just can't do it. *sigh*
I've got to figure out how to remove the stopper from the bathtub. My hair has seriously clogged the drain, and I need to fish it out. I don't know how exactly to do that because it's one of those that you turn and it drops down. I suppose I could google that tonight and figure out where to go from there. In the meantime, though, I'm thinking draino. Just saying. I'm not ashamed to say I take the easy way out some times.
Gotta go. Stuff to get done this morning.
November 19, 2008
Evening Update
I have to get another endorsement on my license in order to keep my job. All I have to do is pay for it. No additional classes or anything like that. Just more of my money. *sigh* And potentially, a revision to my contract, adding eight days to it. I don't know how I feel about that piece of it. I don't know why it's bothering me, but it is. It's like one more piece of me sucked into that place. *sigh*
My kids are all out here in the open. Well, not necessarily in the open. Peach is hiding under the end table at the end of the couch, and Blackberry is hiding under the dining table chair. Cobbler is moving from one side of the room to the other, trying to figure out which one she wants to antagonize/play with at this particular moment.
I'm really, really tired. I guess that cocktail was stronger than I thought it was, although I didn't make it any differently than I had before. I think I'm probably going to go to bed in just a few minutes. I'm going to grab my doggie and curl up for the evening.
I called the doctor. I'm going to go and see him tomorrow afternoon. Kinda nervous about that. *sigh* I really don't want to admit that I need something to help with the anxiety. Things have been better the last week or so, but I'm worried about the next time things get rough. Panic attacks, inability to eat, fatigue. I don't want to deal with that again. *sigh*
Tomorrow will be one week that the boy has been gone. I, of course, haven't heard from him. He's supposed to be gone for at least another week. I think. I'm worried about him; hope he's OK.
Early Afternoon Update
I can't figure out how to get the named anchor to work. *sigh*
I slept in this morning. It was hard to get out of bed. Probably because it was so very warm. Both the bed and the apartment. Get up I did, though. I'm here. I'm doing it. Yay me.
Interesting moment this morning in class. A little boy was having some difficulties so he and I were talking about it. All of the sudden, he looked at me and says, "You have a nice ass." Without skipping a beat, I told him that was inappropriate, and I kept on talking. He stopped me and said, "But they're the prettiest color!" Oh. Poor thing. Guess he needs to learn how to enunciate. *sigh*
The woman sitting next to me is eating. I can't stand to hear people eating. I don't know why it's a big deal for me, or how I was traumatized or whatever, but it kills me. People chewing with their mouths open; people who smack their lips; people who apparently didn't learn table manners. Kills me. She also ate all of the chocolate the presenter brought. Grabbed handfuls of it and said, "I'm bad, aren't I?" No...you're not bad. You're just a selfish pig. (7 other people sitting at the table)
The car was heavily frosted this morning. Heavily. I've got to buy a new scraper. The one that I had has a few tines broken right in the middle, so it was humorous to scrape the windshield this morning. The doggie did not want to stay out when we went to potty. I won't put her sweater on her when we go out for just a minute in the morning, but when we walk, she gets to wear her sweater. It's awfully cold outside, and she's used to being an indoor doggie.
Anyway. I'm starving, and the only thing sitting next to me is some twizzlers. I've had a few, and let me tell you...not that great. Twizzlers are not Red Vines.
Evening Update
I was going to update things last night, but my computer died. I first thought it was a problem with my power cord, so I went and bought a new one of those. Yeah, that's not it (power cord will be going back because it cost $120). Did a little reading online, and it may very well be the motherboard. Please god don't let it be that. If it's that, I'm screwed. SCREWED. It's been a couple of months since I did a back up, and there are a whole bunch of pictures taken since then. As well as a whole bunch of addresses collected, which is important as I'm sending out Thanksgiving cards.
Speaking of which...the first batch of cards went out this afternoon. One of them I wish I hadn't sent. This is twice now that this person has stuck the knife in between the ribs. I can understand once. Disagreement, say I'm not a "true friend", play both ends against the middle, whatever. But twice? The whole thing is stupid, really, but not surprising. It was stupid the time before. I'm tired of being stupid, though. So. Fuck it.
I'm still angry about it, but that's not going to change it. So. I have enough stress in my life to add to it with this bullshit.
Had dinner with a friend and her husband tonight. Had a few drinks, too. *sigh* I have pictures to post from this weekend (and last), but I can't do that until I get my laptop back (pretty please don't be the motherboard). Lots and lots of laughing, just a little bit of drinking, which was unlike our previous encounter. I've got to get up in the morning. They are leaving early tomorrow morning, so they weren't drinking a whole lot either. I can't wait to see them again in a month. I will be carrying a bunch of alcohol with me when I go because we picked up some fabulous little premade shots when we were out. We're going to be having those on our trip to New Orleans.
Betsy is home. If you'd like an address to send her a card, let me know, and I'll send it to you. I don't want to post her address publicly for everyone to see because I don't have her permission to do that.
It's gotten cold. I need to turn the furnace on. I moved the mattress last night so I could hook the electric blanket up, and it didn't help my back. My back has been hurting me since Saturday. It was 29 this morning when I left for work. When I got home from dinner this evening, the cars were already frosting. Turned on the furnace, and that lovely smell is in the air...that burning off of dust. *sigh*
My Sner told me this evening that she's bringing my Christmas present with her to Missouri. She also said it was something that I'd been wanting. Honestly, there's one thing I can think of that I've been wanting, but it's too much money for my Sner to have purchased *that*. So. She better put it in a bag or something when she gets it to MO, wrap when she's at the GrandSner's. Cuz I'm going to wait until Christmas to open it. That's the rule. (I gotta say, though...I kinda hope it is the one thing that I've been wanting. Even though I know it's not)
It's late, and I need to go to bed. I've got a lot of work to do tomorrow. After tomorrow afternoon's meeting, though, things should be relatively smooth sailing until we get back from Thanksgiving. I'm going to have to help teachers do some stuff, but that's OK. It'll help me feel useful. While things have been decent for me at work the last week, it's been a weird atmosphere. The kids are wound up. There have been major fights the last two days. Not quite sure what's going on with that, but something is.
Evening Update
I'm so incredibly tired. I was so busy today that I didn't get a chance to call the doctor. I'll try to get it done tomorrow.
What did I get accomplished today? Well. I did all of my paperwork, and I helped my interns get their stuff done as well. Had meetings for both of those. I'm hoping that the extra $2,000 is worth it. (which reminds me...when do I get paid for that? That could ensure a very, very nice Christmas pressie)
My friend Betsy is back in the hospital. Having surgery as I type. *sigh* Poor thing. It's probably not going to be a good thing. Now I add her to my worry list. *sigh*
Have I mentioned that I'm exhausted? I've had a cocktail and a quater. I have three fourths of one to go. I've had some crackers and some salmon pate for dinner. I will probably have some left-over lasange to round things out. I don't know if I'm going to make it through Grey's Anatomy. I suppose that's OK. As long as I can make it through Ugly Betty.
I talked to my Sner last night. She mentioned something about maybe she and Steve needed to come visit. That would be nice. I've come home, and we've met in Missouri since I moved to Mississippi four years ago, but I miss her. It would be nice to have her (and Steve) here for a little while. I'd either need to get a cheap bed for the spare room or I'd be sleeping on the couch while they're here, but either way, it would be OK.
I bought coffee this afternoon. Forgot the coffee filters and I left my coffee mug at school, but that's OK. A couple of cups of coffee in the morning, and I should be OK.
I hope that the boy is OK. I worry about him. A lot.
Angie Aparo is playing Saturday night in Nashville. That's two hours from here. I soooooo want to go. I could make the journey. Friends will be in town, but I could do it. Y'all think I might be kidding, but I'm serious. I've been wanting to see Angie Aparo for like 5 years. And he's going to be so close! Dammit!!!
I'm watching Celebrity Rehab. Steven Adler of Guns N' Roses fame is on the show this season. That just makes me sad. To see how far he's fallen, and with how much he had...I enjoyed him greatly back in the day. And to see him unable to speak intelligently (I don't know if he ever could) is just sad.
Open your eyes to the opportunities. That's what Betty's dad just said on Ugly Betty. What opportunities are lurking?
So...for the last month or so, I've been thinking about church. I get the feeling that it might be due to the inordinate amount of stress I've been experiencing lately and the desire to not have to deal with that stress on my own. I don't know if I'm feeling called by a higher power, but rather just a desire to have some sort of connection with other people. I dunno. I haven't done anything about it, but I've thought about it.
I'm supposed to teach two classes tomorrow. One of them was supposed to be sending me lessons plans to my gmail email account in the last hour or so. It has yet to appear. That makes me cranky. In the extreme. I think I might need ice cream to make me feel better.
Have I mentioned how tired I am?
I'm going to bed. It's only 10:00, but I'm taking mmy doggie to bed. She probably doesn't care, but it might be better for me in the morning.
Early Morning Update
Yesterday's confusion.
So, I was ready to walk out the door at 5:30 this morning. Showered, dressed, coiffed, and spackled. I don't have my paperwork done, but I've got a much better handle on it. I should be able to get it finished by the time I need to have it done. I'm not too entirely worried about it.
I'm exhausted, though. I've had two cups of coffee, and I'll be having at least one more, which will be the big cup that I take to work. There's a bunch of stuff to do at school today...after school...and I have to go to the grocery store. I've got some stuff here in the house that I can make, but I need some coffee. And coffee filters. And all of that good stuff.
OK. I have to go. I don't want to go, but I have to go. I need to remember to call and make an appointment with the doctor. Need to get that taken care of.
I'm so glad it's almost Friday. I think that tomorrow night, I'm going to come home and sleep. Just sleep. Rest and rest and rest.
Later Evening Update
So, I'm worried about a friend of mine. I think that there's something going on that I'm not being told. I can't quite figure out why I'm not being told what the true story is, but I do know that what I've gotten doesn't add up with the other things I've managed to put together. Whatever it is, I don't really care, and if it's what I think it might be (rather than what I've been told), I hope it's the thing that manages to help pull everything together.
It's one of those things where I have to evaluate what kind of a friendship I have with this person to begin with. I understand now that from the very beginning there have been lies and manipulation because along the way I've found out things that are hurtful and if I'd known them at the beginning, things might have been different, but then again, maybe not...because those things aren't really things that I care about too much. I understand where a lot of it comes from. I just wonder when exactly it stops. When I'm going to be good enough to get the truth. I'm still here, you know? As bad as it is and has been, as shitty as I've been treated, I'm still here. So...telling me the truth is going to do what at this point? It's not like I'm hoping there's anything more than friendship there now.
I just worry. Because I care. Even with everything. When X left, even though he hurt me terribly, I wanted him to be happy. Because I loved him, I told him that if he couldn't be happy with me, then he needed to go on and find whatever was going to make him happy. I don't know if wanting that happiness for someone else, regardless of how they've treated me, changes. I never got into those revenge scenarios. I've never quite understood how hurting someone else...or wanting them to hurt...makes me feel better. When you care about someone, you want what's best for them. Even if it's not what's best for you. That's why when Coach married someone else, I wished him well and much happiness. Even though it hurt me, and even though I disagreed with his reasoning. It was what was best for him. Or what he thought was best for him.
In other news, Matt made it home. And is out drinking. *grin* The boy does know how to have a good time. When he was here, I added a bunch of songs to my Itunes. I'm now at 5100 songs. *sigh* I'm currently listening to Paul Thorn live..."If you've ever been on the receivin' end, then you know what it's like. The losin' situation has been the story of my life. I ain't gonna let it beat me down and some day I'll prevail. I'd rather be a hammer than a nail."
I need to go to bed because I need to get up early and finish some paperwork. I don't know if I'm going to bed early, though. I had some coffee for dinner. That makes going to sleep a little on the suspect side.
For some reason, the "c" key on my computer doesn't like to work all the time. It's a little on the frustrating side to have to stop and check each time you type a word with "c" in it. Dammit.
I'm not very good on the phone. I'm talking to a teacher right now, and she's talking to me, but I can't really hear her. I don't know if it's her or if it's me, but it's killing me. I know that I have the same problem when I talk to SPWB. In that case, though, I think it's really about him. He's very quiet, and he mumbles.
Evening Update
Work wasn't that bad today. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. Had a meeting that was OK. Better than I anticipated it being. There was also some niceness in there, but I don't know what to make of it.
It's cold and rainy today. I've made coffee and will be lacing it with some Baileys shortly. I'll need to be up for awhile getting some work tonight. *sigh*
My head is killing me. I think I've got to dig out my mouth guard. Even though I'm feeling less stressed sine I moved into my own places. There's still that kind of pain in my head. I need to call the doctor and make an appointment to get some antianxiety meds.
Had a dream this afternoon that I was pregnant. *sigh* Not the kind of dream I want to be having.
I don't have a lot to say tonight for some reason. My head hurts and it makes it difficult to think straight.
Morning Update
I really don't want to go to work. *sigh* There's this pit in my stomach. I'm sure that it'll be fine when I get there, but right now it's killing me. It's gonna get better. I swear. If it kills me, it's going to get better.
When Matt was here this weekend, we were talking about girls who are in relationships with men who hurt them. He's got some friends who don't make the best decisions, and I, as we all know, I've been there, too. Sometimes, when you're in the middle of it, things aren't as black and white, cut and dry, as you see them once you're out of it. I don't know how to describe the dynamic and the thought process you go through when you're with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be. A lot of it is being afraid...that there's not going to be someone else out there to love you or want you or be with you, and that something is better than nothing. Sometimes, when I've been alone for a really long time, I still get caught in that trap with my thoughts.
There was a serious moment of the night, after several drinks, when Matt said that he wished all the boys and men who had ever hurt me where there in the bar, because he'd fuck them up. Not that he's a violent person, but he can be when it's necessary. Not that I'd want to see them hurt because I don't believe that's my path in this life. I think when we know better, we do better. That goes for them as well as me.
Anyway. Seven minutes. I have seven minutes before I have to get out of this house. There's a cup of coffee calling my name. *sigh*
Later Evening Update
Hell's bells. I suppose I have some updating to do, eh?
Matt left this afternoon. I was really sad to have him leave. I'm not sure if it was because it was him or if it was just because of the fact that there was a very friendly face here. Whatever, I didn't want him to leave. *sigh*
We had a really good time this past weekend. We did a lot of drinking, but we also had a lot of fun. When he got here, we hung out for a little while, and then we headed downtown. One of my co-workers told me that we needed to go to Kentucky BBQ for dinner, so we did. It was good stuff. Matt had the prime rib, and I had the baby back ribs. So very yummy. We played a couple of games of pool. I wound up winning one game because Matt scratched on the 8 ball. He was a pretty good coach because you know...I suck at pool.
After that, we decided to head to Fourth Street Live. We started at the Makers Mark Lounge. That was a quiet place to talk. Classy. Expensive, though. Since Matt got dinner, I bought the first round of drinks. Four cocktails (I had gin martinis...with house gin, which just happened to be what I've been drinking at home. Sweet...and Matt had Bookers) was $45 with the tip. Holy shit! After that, we went to The Pub and had beers. I did the Kentucky Ale Bourbon Barrel Ale, which was 10% alcohol.
After that, we went to Tango Sed Cantina, which is where TaTa and Trix and I went to when they were here. There wasn't as wild of a crowd there this time. Matt took a bunch of pictures of a bartender who was just barely dressed. There were a few tequila shots because they're free at various points during the evening. I think I'm probably getting too old for tequila. Or I don't drink it enough. Or the stuff I was drinking was too cheap. Whatever. I tried to keep it down, but I've sorta come to the conclusion that if I'm feeling like it needs to come up, then it should probably come up. So Matt blocked the view, and I puked in the trash can next to the stage. It was basically just the tequila, and then I was good to go. He, being a trooper, had three shots on top of all the beers and bourbon.
We left Tango Sed fairly early...maybe 1:00 in the morning?...and headed to Wick's for pizza. And more beers. We were probably in the bed by 3:00? in the morning.
Sunday was a pretty lazy day. The Saints game was on at 1:00, so we went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch it. Left during the 3rd quarter when it was obvious that the Saints were going to lose and the Atlanta fans behind us were getting obnoxious. After that we went to the Liquor Barn where Matt stocked up on beer that is unavailable in Mississippi and we made the decision to try Absinthe. He bought Lucid because it listed Wormwood as an ingredient, but it appears that we could have gotten by with the Kubler (which is about $20 cheaper).
We were going to go see some local bands Sunday night because of the cold weather and the spitting sleet, we decided it was a better idea to stay home and recover after the previous evening's drinking. Well...that and the absinthe. To be honest, I didn't notice much of a difference in the kind of intoxication, but I do know that it did its job quickly. Which makes sense because what we were drinking was 62% alcohol. It tasted like licorice, which wasn't that great, but once you got it down, it was pretty nice.
We watched some football, but spent most of the time laughing at Family Guy. Kinda sad that I missed the local music, but being at home was nice. Just chilling and relaxing. Some times the excitement of a visit isn't about going out and doing things. Spending time with people you care about is often as important.
Yesterday were trips to the distilleries. We managed to hit the Jim Beam and Makers Mark places. We would have gone to Heaven Hill but it isn't open on Mondays. Jim Beam was a little disappointing because it really isn't a distillery tour. You wander around a few museum type places, and then it's in to the tasting room where you get to sample two premium bourbons. Eh. Although the lady in the tasting room was very friendly. The Makers Mark tour was much better. Got to sample the "beer" and we actually went all the way through the distillery. That was fun. Bourbon at the end as well.
Matt used the GPS to get us to Makers Mark, and it took us back through the woods. Like banjo woods. Scenic, but. Yeah. We're out in the middle of nowhere, getting more nervous as we were waiting for the place to show up. Eventually, though, when all hope was just about lost, we found it.
I have pictures to post, but I doubt that's going to happen until this weekend.
I have a slight black eye. There's a purple spot under my left eye, and there's a bruise there. I don't know how it got there. I know that it wasn't there yesterday. Noticed it this morning.
I went to training today and came home early. Was feeling like poo, which is strange because I didn't drink last night. I was in bed by 11:00, which is earlier than normal. Kept feeling like I was going to puke. Matt was gone by the time I got back. Such a sweet boy. He picked up and took the trash out, put stuff in the dishwasher, and made the bed before he left. I called his momma and told her that she raised him right, in case she was wondering if her lessons took.
There's more to talk about, but I don't know if I want to talk about it here. Now. There were a couple of moments that made me wish someone else was here, but since that person wasn't here...
And it's not that the person who was here is bad. Just that there was some awkwardness there on several levels. I don't really want to get into all of those reasons. It's one of those things that just is. And who knows what happens next. If anything. I'm pretty sure that nothing has to happen. The problem comes in determining the response if it does. It could be a delicate balancing act. I'm thinking, though, that there's no real use in borrowing trouble, and I'm going to not worry about it.
At any rate, I gotta go to bed. I have to go to work tomorrow, and it's late. I've had some coffee so it's going to be difficult enough to get to sleep. It's cold here, and they're talking about snow flurries. I'm going to buy stuff to make beef stew, I think. And some corn bread. That sounds good, doesn't it?
November 8, 2008
Later Morning Update
OK...it's actually only an hour later, but I have gotten the kitchen completed. I'm also doing laundry. Which means I have to get the retractable clothesline hung in the spare bedroom. I think that's probably a good place for that to be.
I made really good coffee this morning. I made a whole pot of it this time rather than just enough for a couple of big cups. I'm seriously considering adding Baileys to the next cup. Because I can.
OK. On to making sure that the bathroom is clean. Then it's on to the living room/dining room. Ick.
Morning Update
Last night was sorta about being stressed about having company.
I got up early so I could finish organizing and putting away and cleaning. There's so much to do that it gets to be a little overwhelming. I think I'm going to start with the kitchen and laundry...then move to making sure the bathroom is clean. After that, it's out here to the living room. Will put away dvds and pictures. Hook up the electornics (get the speakers attached to the receiver). Then maybe, if there's time...the spare bedroom. Maybe. I don't know. That might be asking a little too much.
I think I'm going to make some coffee and get started. I'll check back in later. Y'all have a good Saturday and a happy weekend.
Evening Update
I've spent the day foggy, which means that the martinis I'm having for dinner this evening probably aren't the best idea. But, they seem like the right thing to do right this very minute. So. Well. You know.
The doggie and I went for a walk around the south end of the lake. There's quite an extensive network of trails on the other side of the spillway. I have some pictures, but I'm not going to get them uploaded tonight. I'll have to do it tomorrow, though. I need to get all those pics off the camera so that I can be ready to take all sorts of pictures when Matt is here this weekend.
I am apparently slamming my fingers in the door because I like it. I think at least for now, I'm gonna stop. It hurts too much, and I already can't feel the tip of my thumb.
I think I'm probably going to be in the bed in the next hour. Which means I can get up early and get things put away/cleaned up and ready for Matt's arrival. I need to go get my nails done tomorrow too. With the move and hauling boxes and all of that BS, I've broken just about every nail. *sigh*
Plus that will give me some time to get things for snacking on Sunday and the footbal game. (we have to watch the Saint's. I'm thinking the cheese ball and veggie squares...which are Matt's favs) That is if I get the game here at the house. We may wind up going to a bar for that.
I don't know why I let myself get stressed out about people coming to visit me. When Jamie and TaTa came to visit, I was nervous about whether the things I had planned would be fun for them, and I'm at that place right now. I keep forgetting that really, it's not about all the things we do when we're together. It's about being together. So...Matt and I will go have some good BBQ tomorrow night at a place that has PBR on tap for a $1, and then we'll head to a bar for him to drink more. I'll be the DD...sorta...even though Beth said that she'd be more than happy to pay for the cab (A cab from Bardstown to here would be astronomical) ... and we'll have a good time tomorrow night. Sunday, we'll watch the game and then go to the benefit...which will involve more drinking, along with some good music and hopefully some dancing (some times I like to dance. Not often because I don't do it well but some times, it's what I want to do). I'm not entirely sure about Monday, but I'm thinking that maybe it'll be a trip to a distillery or two. And all of that will be FINE. Because I'll be with someone who cares about me and wants to spend time with me. So while the stuff we do matters, it isn't all there is to it.
Talked to my girlfriend for awhile this evening. She is so coming with me and Tina in December when I go to get my Christmas pressie. She said even if she has to leave her boy at home, she's coming. I'm excited about that. I've found a few of my pictures of wisteria and azaleas. I think that could easily get to be a really expensive tattoo because of the color fill. *sigh* I want the wisteria at the top with the azaleas underneath. We'll see, I suppose.
Anyway. I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'm tired. Very, very tired. And I've had a couple of very strong martinis (the gin was on sale this evening at the Liquor Barn...$10.99. Yay me!)
Morning Update
Not a good day yesterday. I think the change in weather has been part of the problem. A low pressure system whipped through yesterday, and tomorrow it's supposed to be back. Ughh. Very, very tired today. Not a good way for me to head into a meeting with my principal. *sigh*
I slept in a little this morning. Have got to get myself in gear now. As always, there's a ton of stuff for me to get done. And there's a ton of stuff for me to get done when I get back to the house. Matt's going to be here some time tomorrow, and I need to clean, get the laundry done, put stuff away, etc. Not sure yet where he's going to sleep. The spare room isn't an option yet, and I don't anticipate it will be by tomorrow afternoon. So. It's going to be the couch or the air mattress in the living room.
Can't worry about that right now, though. I have to get it together.
Evening Update
I was unwell this afternoon. Very much. Was afraid there for a minute or two that I might pass out. I'm not sure if it was seizures or if it was lack of food or what. Barely made it home and went to bed. When the doggie woke me up at 6:00 (two and a half hours later), I felt like I was going to puke because my head hurt so badly. I did a little massaging of my neck, and holy shit. It was this mass of hardness back there. I really need someone to rub all the knots out of it. It's awful.
As it is, I still feel all...floaty. I'm not sure how else to describe it. Like my head is a balloon and my neck is the string. My head keeps bobbing up.
Had a discussion with my problem teacher today. Told them in no uncertain terms that I was here to help but I would not be taking the fall for them...and that it's time now to start showing me that they're serious about improving. All the right things get said, but the actions aren't there to back it up. Makes me a little on the furious side.
I'm watching Ugly Betty. "I should have known when he said I was beautiful that he meant on the inside." Yeah. Ummmm. Yeah.
It's supposed to rain tonight. My right hip is killing me, so I guess that's about right.
I need to be doing some data entry. I suppose I'm going to get myself started on that. I also need to be entering some walk-throughs.
I can't concentrate, though. I don't remember having a seizure, but I must have while I was sleeping. I don't feel like this unless I have actually been sick. You know, it's strange but Cob wouldn't leave me as I as falling asleep. She was sitting up, both front paws on the edge of the bed. When I woke up, she was there, with her nose inches from my hand. Just waiting. She's still close, and every now and again, she looks at me, just checking.
I hate this. I have too much to do to be lost in the ether. (Yes. I know. I need to go to the doctor)
I've been trying to think of what to say for the last three hours. Seriously. Think I'm going to take this doggie out and try a bath.
Morning Update
Yesterday, all my trouble seemed so far away...
Still feeling uneasy about work. I wish I could settle down and have this job be a positive experience for me. Right now, it's not.
My head is killing me. The coffee is good, but it's not helping with my headache.
I've got to get the problem with the shower head fixed. It wants to spray to the left and when I adjust it, water comes spouting out of the bottom. I think it's a matter of the hose getting straightened out, but I'm not sure how to make that happen faster. *sigh* This is stuff that a boy is for. Alas, there is no boy here. I suppose there will be one this weekend, but I don't know how mechanically inclined he is, and that's OK.
My doggie is alseep at my feet, my kitty is asleep on my shoulder. If that were the extent of the day, the world would be a pretty good place.
It's going to be 76 here today. I'm wearing capris for probably the last time this winter.
Evening Update
It was a busy day at work. Not a bad day, but busy. I can't help but feel this sense of dread, though. Like the other shoe is getting ready to drop. I do have to say that it was good I waited until this morning to complete the bullshiting. There were some things that I'd forgotten that happened, and I could have gotten myself into some trouble by not including them. *sigh*
My friend had a bad weekend with her husband. Apparently he came home early Sunday morning, intoxicated. Things got physical. She's known for awhile that it's a bad situation for her to be in, but she's not yet willing to throw in the towel. She's going to a counselor tomorrow; I doubt he's doing anything. I suppose that I can understand the unwillingness to let go. She waited almost 40 years to get married; they bought a house together; made a commitment. And to let it go before a year is out...is a hard thing. It's also hard to admit that you saw the signs but ignored them.
I think that's part of the reason why I've experienced such turmoil the last several months. If I never call it what it is, if I keep questioning what I feel, if I don't let myself go there, then I don't have to suffer the knowledge that I was wrong about the whole thing. Even if I was. I've said it before but one of the hardest things about X leaving and with Coach was feeling like a fool for believing in what they told me. I can't imagine having waited a lifetime, waiting for the right person...and then finding out that you got it so wrong.
One more thing for me to worry about. *sigh*
I'm making a drink. More Martinis. I bought New Amsterdam gin Monday night when I was at the liquor store. It's very smooth but that's because, apparently, the juniper isn't as pronounced. I don't really care one way or the other because it does what I need it to. One cocktail, and I'm tipsy.
Did you know that Kroger's makes a spicy dill pickle under the Private Reserve label? It's not as good as my Great GrandSner's dill pickles, but considering that I will never have Great GrandSner's dill pickles again, it's a decent substitute.
(I'm starving. Period must be starting some time soon. Yes?)
The doggie and I went for a walk down the lake. We did probably two miles? Didn't leave early enough, and it was dark when we were coming home. I guess I'm going to have to take a flashlight with me in the future.
I need to make some dark curtains for the bedroom. While there are miniblinds in there (which will have to stay because the outside of the window coverings must be white), it doesn't block the street lights from coming in. That bugs me when I'm trying to go to sleep. I guess maybe I'll take a look at that this weekend. It's not hard to make curtains is it? I should be able to fold the material over and sew a couple of straight lines across it, shouldn't I? Is it more difficult than that?
Talked to Beth for a little while this evening. She wanted to know what's up with Matt coming to visit. Honestly, I couldn't tell her. I'm just happy to have company. You know? I think she's hoping that something is going on between the two of us, but I don't know that I'm ever going to be good for anyone. In the meantime, though, I'm trying to figure out an itinerary for us. I'm thinking we head downtown for Saturday night. Sunday night we do the benefit for Steve Ferguson. Beth said she'd pay for the taxi, but I don't plan on getting trashed. For lots of reasons. I need to ask Matt what kind of beer he wants in the beer fridge (which hides just behind the blue curtains). Past that, I don't know.
Anyway. I'm going to take my doggie outside for a quick walk, and then I'm gonna go to bed. I'm tired.
Morning Update
Yesterday's voting experience.
We have a new President. I think that's exciting. It's interesting to watch some reactions to it. It's a bit of a seachange. Some people have difficulty letting go of long-held prejudices and bigotry, and listening to some of them talk really floors me. I suppose that I keep expecting better from people, and it really does startle me to see who is pushing beliefs that should have been put way a long time ago. I expect more from them. Makes me sad.
It's also kinda strange to see things on the other foot. Like people talking about how they're not going to call Obama President. I recall a lot of that happening when Bush was elected. I wonder if those same people who won't call Obama President remember how pissed they were when things were turned around.
I've got to get ready to go to work, even though I don't want to go. I feel ill again. *sigh* I hate that. I hate that going to work is such a stressful thing for me.
Later Evening Update
Making shit up is harder than I anticipated. *sigh* I've had to go back through my notes from here to help me determine exactly where I'm supposed to be and what I was doing. I've never been good at keeping track of details. I've always been very much a global person. I see the big picture, but it's hard for me to break things down into their component parts.
Put the slip cover on the chair and it doesn't exactly fit. I haven't decided if I'm going to send it back or not. *sigh* I guess there's really going to be no way for me to get around having to recover the thing myself, is there? No one ever responded to my query about craft paper and making a pattern. It shouldn't be that difficult, should it?
I made an incredible classic martini this evening. I'm going to have to make a smaller one next time, though. I think martinis must be drunk extremely cold. At least the ones with gin. And for that to happen, that means if the martini is large, it needs to be guzzled. I've never been big on guzzling drinks. Two martinis and I'm in the bag. What has become of me?
I'm going to finish watching the Indecision 2008 report and go to bed. So I can get up and take a super deluxe shower, as well as finish my bullshit writing.
Oh...my foot is definitely cut. I contorted myself enough to get a look at the problem, and there's a deep, long gash. No wonder it hurts like hell. Putting on more lotion with medicine in it.
I need to go to bed. Three more minutes.
Early Evening Update
I went out and voted today. It wasn't bad. I was expecting lines and to have to wait, but that didn't happen. I was in and out in minutes. Kentucky uses a paper ballot apparently. I had to show ID but in Kentucky, a credit card with your name can serve as ID. After that, it was grocery shopping and off for sushi for lunch.
The sushi was OK. Not great, but better than the stuff I get at the grocery store. The place I went to was packed, but it felt a little dirty to me. I gotta say that I really, really miss being able to go to Aloha for all you can eat. I got a Thai roll (spicy crab on top of a fried shrimp roll), an eel roll (with cucumber, even though I told them I wanted avocado), an order of Unagi and an order of tuna. $35 with tip. *sigh* Although, I will say...the tuna was the best I think I've ever had. It was really, really good.
Came back to the apartment and took a nap. I'm lazy. I know. I should have been unpacking and organizing and all of that good stuff. I didn't and I don't care. I'll do a little here in a bit.
Took my doggie for a short walk near the lake and into the park. Nice.
I have found my skillets. Yay! I could picture them in the box and some of the other things in the box, but I couldn't picture what the box looked like. I'm pissed that I didn't find them in time to make breakfast this morning. I guess I'll do it this weekend. Maybe I'll save it for when Matt gets here. After being out late Saturday/early Sunday, maybe pancakes and bacon will be a nice treat.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Already starting to feel a little ill. I haven't checked my email since Wednesday afternoon. I'm afraid to see what all is in there. I suppose I should just suck it up and do some mass deleting. I think perhaps I have to have a drink before I tackle that sort of thing.
I have used my tiny washer. There was cat piss on a couple of throw rugs. I could smell it. *sigh* I don't know if it's old or if it's Peach protesting a move. I don't remember feeling anything wet, so I'm assuming it's old. I need to get my retractable clothesline installed. I think maybe the spare bedroom is a good place for that. I don't know, though.
OK. Just checked the email. It wasn't that bad. I have a couple of things I need to do this evening so I can hand them in tomorrow morning, but other than that, I'm good. Whew. *sigh* I will be glad when I feel completely comfortable in this job. If that's ever going to happen. (I hope it happens) I'm going to be doing some dazzling BS. *sigh* I'll start that in half an hour. I swear.
ABC news is projecting that McCain is taking Kentucky.
I'm picking up. Thinking I'll put the slip cover on the chair. See how that looks. And then I'll set up the entertainment center. *sigh*
Morning Update
You can find the details of the move and unpacking by clicking here. It's long; I'm sorry.
I was going to make bacon and pancakes for breakfast, but I've just realized that I didn't buy any oil. I have olive oil, but I don't want to make pancakes in olive oil. You know the other thing that's missing in addition to my skillets? My measuring cups. No clue where those things might be.
Since I can't make breakfast the way I want to, I think I'm going to get dressed and take myself off to the polls.
I'm beginning to think that maybe I haven't cut the side of my right foot, but rather, there's something in there. It hurts like hell, and it's hard. The problem is that I can't see it very well down there, so I can't make an accurate assessment of the problem. (it happens to be the right foot, and that's the arthritic hip, which makes it difficult to bend that leg in such a way as to be able to see what's really going on down there. Dammit.
OK. Getting dressed. I promise.
Late Evening Update
Let's see...what have I done tonight? I've moved things into the storage space. I've put all of the towels and sheets and stuff in what is currently serving as the linen closet. I've put all of the canned goods into what is currently serving as the pantry. (I might switch those two. I'm not sure that I like how it's arranged right now. I put more stuff away in the kitchen. The curtain rod and drapes have been put up.
That, by the way, turned out nicely. I could have moved them up just a little (maybe an inch or two), but I like it the way it is. It very nicely partitions that area off. I have plenty of room in there still. I know that there's still stuff that will need to go in there.
I'm still missing at least one box. I suppose that means I need to actually go through some boxes that are potentially mislabeled. *sigh*
I bought two floor lamps at Linens N' Things. They were on sale for 30% off. There were a couple of sets of table lamps (2 and 3 lamps) that I liked, but I don't need to spend that kind of money right now (would have been $50-80 for the lamps...depending on how many and which style). If they're still there after the next payday, I suppose I might pick them up then.
While I was at Wal-Mart looking for stuff for my care package, which was not available...guess there's not a large Hispanic population using that Wal-Mart...I picked up flowers for myself. I didn't realize that Wal-mart puts their fresh cut flowers on clearance. I got a beautiful fall bouquet for $5.00 (it's sitting on top of the entertainment center but it needs to go on the table so I can see it better) and a bouquet of three roses that were pretty tight buds for $2.50. Those are in a vase on my dresser in my bedroom. Someone remind me to check the flowers at Wal-Mart a little more often.
Apparently you can't buy alcohol on election day in Kentucky. What the hell is that about? I went to the liquor store this evening and got a bottle of gin. I'm either gonna be drinking gin and tonics or martinis tomorrow night. Except for needing a lime, which I will pick up when I go vote, I'm ready for either of those.
Oh...the car cost $170. That's with the AAA discount (I gotta remember to whip that card out more often. Two hours of labor and $2.70 for the turn signal bulb they replaced. Didn't get charged for the bolt.
While I was out, I stopped at the Big K. Not sure what inspired me to walk in there, but I did. While I was there, I found the answer to my little problem in the kitchen. I don't want to pay that much for it, though, so I'm going to be prowling thrift stores and flea markets to see if I can find a comparable version. I don't mind doing some refinishing work on it.
That reminds me, I need to recover my dining table chairs. Just pop those cushions off, get some fabric, and staple it to the thing. I'm thinking something in a lovely blue. Which is the color of my drapes and my chair slipcover (I've yet to put it on the chair).
As soon as I get all of these boxes unpacked and things organized, I've got to call the management and let them know that they need to come clean the carpets again. The place had a chemical smell and the lines in the carpet when I moved in, but every night after walking on it barefoot, my feet are black and the carpet particularly in the hallway, just feels gross on my feet. Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow and let them know that it needs to be done...and I can be ready for them to do it next week.
Did I mention that I've apparently cut the hell out of the outside edge of my right heel. It hurts. Badly. I'm using some Avon Foot Works stuff on it. And I'm wearing socks.
My doggie has been in her bed for the last two hours. I suppose that's a hint for me, but I'm not ready to go just yet. She was rather ornery this evening. I walked her when I finally got home, waiting for her to do her thing. She was about to, and then she got distracted by a family on their way to fish. We walked for half an hour and still no business. *sigh* When I took her out three hours later, it was another half an hour of walking. Damn doggie.
My hips are killing me. Just thought I'd let you know that.
I bought bacon. I'm gonna make pancakes tomorrow morning. Except I don't know where my skillets are. What box are those damn things packed in? Seriously? I suppose I can always do them in the cast iron skillet. But where the hell are the other ones? I have no idea what box they could be in. I've got two big boxes left, and neither one of them are labeled for kitchen stuff. Pretty sure the box didn't just disappear. Dammit. I just opened the last boxes. No skillets in them. I suppose it's possible I left a box at Toni's. Maybe in the garage? That would be the only place I could think of them being. Very frustrating. How do I lose a box of my shit? (and I suppose this means I need to be looking at TJ Maxx and Marshall's for cookwear on the cheap if the box doesn't ever turn up.
I need to go to bed. Having trouble keeping my eyes open again.
Early Afternoon Update
OK...the word on the car is that the problem was a missing bolt in the trunk at the left rear light. Or in other words, a bad ground. That means the fix itself isn't that expensive. Just the diagnostic. Still waiting to know how much that is going to be. I'm hoping that the fact that I had to wait gets some knocked off. They did mention that I'm probably going to need to do a radiator and transmission service soon as my fluids are getting dark. I knew the transmission was probably about due. I guess maybe that will be next paycheck. This one (since this fix isn't so bad) will be the brakes (I may see if I can't get those done somewhere tomorrow...depending on how my unpacking goes tonight).
Anyway. The move.
Had to go back to the house to pick up the kids and sweep. And get my bike. Finding Peach was surprisingly easy. Getting her into the carrier was surprisingly easy. She's usually the very difficult one. Blackberry. Sweet, stupid Blackberry. Couldn't find her for the longest time, and then Toni found her under the stairs, in between pieces of drywall. Cam had to get back there and get her out because he was the only one of us skinny enough to slide back there. *sigh*
Once in the apartment, Peach has made herself scarce. Of course. I saw her briefly this morning while I was looking for a pair of shoes, but then she was gone again. I didn't want to put the litterbox and stuff in the spare bedroom, but I don't know where else to put it. If it's in that storage space, which is where I wanted it, then the dog can get to the litter box and eat the poo...and the cat food. So. I guess the spare bedroom with a baby gate it is. *sigh*
Yesterday was another relatively lazy day for me. After taking the doggie out, I headed off to breakfast. There's a Bob Evans relatively close to the apartments, but I don't like their sausage gravy. Since I always get biscuits and gravy when I go out for breakfast, that was a no-go for me. I wound up at Cracker Barrel, about 8 miles away or so, and I have to say, not impressed with their sausage gravy either. Should have just gone to Hardees. Once breakfast was complete, I hit the grocery store for a few more things I needed. Came home read the paper, fiddled with the wireless connection, and decided to take a nap.
Slept for four and a half hours. Guess I needed it. After that, I decided it was probably time to get serious about the whole unpacking thing. It's got to get done, and I might was well take care of it. Once I got going, it was hard to make myself stop. Most everything for the kitchen is unpacked, although I think there's a missing box. There are a few things I can't find. Some things didn't survive the trip. Like my wine glasses and a couple of the beer glasses. That's OK. Just an excuse to replace them, I suppose. Got the bedroom mostly set up, too. I just need to decide what I'm going to do with my tee-niny closest. I know that I need to put a rod in that little space. Long dresses and stuff can be hung there. Other than that, though, I'm not sure. I probably need a shoe rack or something like that to organize the mountain of shoes that I have (I thought I got rid of a ton of shoes when I moved here. Apparently not).
Now I just have to finish in the kitchen and move things out of the bedroom into that storage space/organize that space. I think most stuff is going to get put there for the time being. Books until I get bookshelves that I like, etc.
I also need to set up the entertainment center, but I'm seriously thinking about waiting until Matt comes this weekend and letting him handle getting the DVD player hooked to the cable box hooked to the television. Although maybe not because I may not be able to stand it. Additionally, I've got to decide where I want to put pictures and the like. I don't know about that. I hate hanging pictures and stuff, but there's no denying it makes it feel more like home.
I haven't had a real chance yet to check out the park yet. I figure that the doggie and I will do that this afternoon/early evening. Maybe snap some pictures. The trees are really starting to turn right now, and some of them are just incredible.
I guess that's it for now. I need to stop by World Market and go back to Linens N Things. Since they're going out of business, I might be able to get some of the things I need for a little less than I would normally pay. I'm all about saving some money. That just means more for booze. *grin*
Mid-Morning Update
I'm sitting at the car repair place, waiting for them to tell me something. it's been two hours since they took my car back, which means I'm approaching $180 in diagnostic fees. It kinda makes me a little sick to my stomach, to tell you the truth. I mean, I know how much money is in my bank account, and I know that I can cover this. It just makes me nervous. If it's gonna to be over $200 just to figure out what the problem is, how much will it be to actually fix the problem? You know?
I'm going to try to not worry about it. Which will be a little on the difficult side.
At any rate, this morning, I have had breakfast at the McDonald's across the street (chicken biscuit. Not really that good), and I've been to the Target behind the shop (bought more poop bags for the doggie's Bags on Board container since we're out). That took approximately two hours of my time. I finished reading The Memory Keeper's Daughter. Now I'm going to update the site. And if I'm still stuck sitting here, I did bring my latest copy of Glamour. I can always read that.
I suppose that I could tell y'all about the move and all that it entailed. Since I haven't done that yet.
So, Friday night I continued to pack and made two trips to the apartment with little stuff that I didn't want to bother with putting in boxes and having loaded up on the truck. I made it almost to the apartment, and I realized that I'd forgotten the keys and had to come back to the house to get them. *sigh* That was another 25 miles. I didn't get back to the house finally until pretty late, and by that time, once again, I was exhausted. Decided to lay down and sleep a little before getting back up to try it all again the next morning.
Rolled myself out of bed around 5:00 Saturday morning, and I started loading "kitchen" stuff into the car: the toaster oven, the coffee pot, the microwave. Got all of that taken care of. At 8:00, I went to get the truck, and was back at the house by 8:30. I thought it was going to take longer to check out the truck, but the guy said while the first weekend of the month was usually a busy one for him, I was the only person with a truck reserved. He asked me if I wanted a dolly, and I told him no because the dolly would have to go up and down the stairs. I wasn't quite sure how that would work. Ooops.
Everett and his friend Butch arrived at 9:30. They immediately started moving boxes up the stairs, and I helped a little. I have to say that while they got everything on the truck, it was a rather disjointed effort. Not nearly as organized and efficient as Mark Allen and his boys. I suppose that's OK, but I was glad that I'd already moved stuff so there was less to put on there. As it was, there wasn't room for my bike and a couple of other things, so I wind up taking those in my car later in the day.
As expected, several things didn't survive the move. One box broke completely open. I can hear the broken glass rattling around in there, but I'm afraid to actually look at it to see exactly what bit the dust. I think there were a lot of picture frames in there, so I assume that's what it is. If so, I suppose that's OK. Not really anything I can do about it, so it has to be OK, eh?
Now, Everett's friend Butch. I guess I'm getting better at recognizing the signs, but I could tell right off the bat that he was interested. Something about the way he looked at me. I wasn't interested, and I continue to be uninterested, for reasons we'll get to in a minute or so. It's funny I think, that the guys I have no desire to do anything with find me appealing, even when I'm at my worst. I hadn't showered. My hair was pulled back in a pony (not very neatly either). I was wearing grungy clothes because I anticipated being put to work. No make-up. But I suppose that's the way it works. The ones I want, don't give me the time of day when I'm at my best. Funny that. Or maybe sad.
It took them maybe 3 hours or so to get everything loaded up. Before we could leave to go to the apartment, though, Everett insisted that we stop at the truck rental place and get a dolly. So we did. Butch wouldn't let me drive the truck. Even after I'd told him that I'd driven it up here, towing a car behind it. He said something about me being strong woman but that it was OK to let someone take care of me now.
Hmmmmmm...yeah.
We had some wide-ranging conversations. I didn't ask how old he was, but he's old enough to have three kids: 17, 16, and 7. All girls. We do have some rather interesting connections. He played a year of college ball at Holmes County Community College before deciding that Mississippi wasn't the place for him (currently, he's 6'6" and 310...moved my chair up the stairs all by himself). He said something about some rather unpleasant racial incidents. I think he said that would have been in the early 80s? He's also a big fan of Wyoming. Apparently that's where his oldest daughter lives. And he's a big fan of the Reno/Lake Tahoe area. In the early 90s, he lived in Sacramento and would come up to Reno/Tahoe and play quite a bit.
Even with all of that in common, though, there still wasn't anything happening for me. Part of the problem is that he's got some baggage there, what with three kids and apparently at least two ex's (I didn't ask but if his oldest daughter is in Wyoming and his younger two are here with an ex...he and Everett moved them to a new place of Friday...I figure there's probably at least two different women involved). All that kind of drama is nothing I want to be involved in.
I suppose since this is my space for laying it all out there, I'm just going to lay it all out there. Even if it might be a tad bit on the ugly side. Butch is black. I don't consider myself to be racist or prejudiced, and I've at least had a one-night stand with a black man. But, I'm not going to pretend that there isn't some social taboo there for me. Not that I wouldn't be willing to go there for the right person, but I just don't think that this was the right person. And when you figure in all of the potential problems of an inter-racial relationship, I don't know if it's something I even want to get started...with someone that I'm not feeling from the beginning. I know that's a bit unfair to him, but baggage on top of baggage, doesn't equate to what I'm looking for in someone to spend time with.
I'm afraid my eloquence (if I ever had any) had deserted me. I don't know if I even needed to mention the above, but it was there, swirling around in my head. It's made me stop and think about what I really believe about people, our differences, our similarities, and our equalities. Would I be willing to date outside of my race? I'd like to think so. But I don't know.
Before he and Everett left to follow me to the ATM, he left me his phone number and told me that if I just wanted someone to talk to or watch a football game with...to give him a call. Everett said if I was in need of a good bodyguard, Butch was my man and he was available. *sigh* I imagine that Christal will probably ask about it on Wednesday. I don't know what to say.
They were done unloading the truck and putting everything into the apartment by about 2:30. It's amazing how long it takes to put everything on the truck, but really how little time it takes to get everything off of it. I was struck by that when I moved to Louisville in July. It took Mark and the boys about four hours to get everything loaded up. It took me an hour to get most of the boxes off (another four hours or so to get it downstairs essentially by myself) and the guys an hour to get the heavy stuff off.
I wound up paying $200 for them to move me. I suppose it was worth it. I didn't really have to do a whole lot because they wouldn't let me. I haven't gotten the final reconciliation on the truck, but the move total cost me about $300. I suppose that's not bad.
Still waiting on the car. We're now approaching three hours. *sigh* Getting more and more nervous. I suppose it's only money. I just spend it if I had it. *sigh* I'd like to have it for a little while, though. *pout*
More later.
November 1, 2008
Late Evening Update
I am exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. It's actually Sunday morning. Well...I guess since we're doing the whole fall back thing, it's still Saturday for a few moments. That doesn't change that I'm exhausted.
All of my things are now in the apartment. That's about all I can say about them, though. They're a terrible disorganized mess. I thought about taking a picture just to have something to compare it to when everything is in place, but I just can't bring myself to do that. I was going to start putting things up, but I'm too tired. While waiting for the water to heat up (the breaker was turned off so I didn' thave hot water when I wanted to take a hot bath), I did fix the entertainment center, although I didn't put everything in the thing. It was just enough that I fixed the problem. I tried to hook the dvd player into the whole thing, and that wasn't working for me. No desire to fix it right now.
I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. I couldn't even begin to contemplate putting the bed together tonight, and even if I could have done that, I didn't see me making the bed up.
I really was going to type some more stuff out, but honestly, I can't. I've drifted off too many times to count.
Last Updated November 14, 2008
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