May 2011
May 30, 2011
Late Night Update
It's coming down to the wire. I spent Saturday and Sunday packing, and really the majority of it is done. All that is truly left is the odds and ends that you forget about. Tonight I put stuff in the wardrobes and sealed them. I kept out a bunch of things...I'm sure I won't wear all of what I've kept out, but I wanted it to be available if I needed it. Tomorrow I'll pull things out of the drawers and put them in luggage. I'll keep things out of those as well. Then I've got to get serious about packing up the odds and ends so that Wednesday night I can clean.
I will have everything done that I need to. It will just make for a couple of hectic days between now and then.
I'm feeling a bit wistful that I'm leaving. Some of these people, who are really good people, are people I will never see again. I will miss them. There have been incredibly difficult points in the last long three years, but there have also been wonderful moments. I believe that everything happens for a reason and while difficult, these three years were exactly what I was supposed to do. I don't know the exact reasons, but this was where I was supposed to be. Maybe it was to finish my doctorate. Maybe it was to realize what I had waiting for me in MS. I don't know. Whatever.
I am glad that it is almost over. I'm ready to leave. I'm ready to be home with people who love me. I'm ready to find a job. I'm ready to be with my family. I'm ready to start a family.
I have a ton of conflict right now. I need to find some peace. It will come. I swear. It will just be hard fought, though.
May 20, 2011
Late Night Update
There is something wrong with me. All week long I've felt seizurey, and that is not good. I took my vitamins again today ...haven't taken them for a week or so, and I think that maybe my blood pressure is creeping up again. We really don't need that to happen.
Spent all day outside today. It was field day. I enjoyed it, honestly. I had to take my contacts out when I got home because my eyes were killing me. I doubt I'll be able to get those back in for a couple of days. The cotton from the cottonwood trees was falling so thick and heavy that it looked like snow. I can feel my allergies starting to kick in, which means that I should probably pull my neti pot out and rinse my nose out to help with all the pollen that I am sure is lodged up in there.
went by the grocery store this evening. Wound up spending $71. Granted I needed some doggie fud. And trash bags, and a couple of other things that are like stock up stuff and add to the total, but I'm not sure where the rest of it went. I wanted a piece of tuna that I could sear and have for dinner, but there wasn't any tuna in seafood case. Nothing else works quite as well. Then I remembered that because of the earthquake, there probably won't be any tuna for awhile. That is sad.
I am feeling the need to write again tonight.
With two weeks left, I am longing more for home. It's coming down to the end, and I have just a little more to go, but I'm ready for it to be done. I'm ready to have the packing over with, I'm ready to have the goodbyes said...although I will be sad to say goodbye to some really good people. I just want to be home.
I am feeling insecure and uncertain, and I want to be wrapped up in the safety of home, surrounded by people who love me. I don't know exactly where my life is going, and that worries me considerably. I honestly think that uncertainty is what is so drastically affecting my health. I want to be with people who will tell me it is OK and support me while I am flailing to find my way. And I need to be home for that. I want to be sheltered. I guess that's the right word.
Just writing this last paragraph has made me feel better. The tightness in my chest is gone. Whew. I suppose I just need to write more often. Pay attention to what I'm feeling and go with it, I guess. Still.
May 19, 2011
Late Night Update
I had the strongest urge earlier to write about love and what it means to be in love. I have such a tenuous grasp on what it means, and I'm afraid that I can't quite articulate what I want to say. The saying might destroy it because I would have to keep trying to explain it, with each successive iteration getting me further and further away from what I really believe about it.
So instead I worked on a photostory of the Oaks. I need to begin collecting pictures of Matt and I so I can weave those into a photostory that gets played at the wedding. Maybe during dinner? Have it on a screen. I think that would be sweet.
I didn't write because I was afraid of not getting it right. I know that is unacceptable.
I came home today and did very little that I need to. I have so much. I have got to start packing this weekend. My intentions are to clean out the entertainment center and the storage area. Get them ready for putting stuff in boxes. Next week will be the boxing. It's all going to get done. I believe that. Packing and being ready to go home are the least of my worries.
I am extraordinarily worried about a job. There are so few available. And I'm just worried. I have so many things going for me. The puzzle pieces are falling in to place, which means I have to not worry. I'll do what I need to in order to make things happen, but worrying won't help me actually get any nearer to where I want be. So I need to stop worrying about it. But that won't happen because it's me we're talking about.
Tomorrow I have to stay after work to get copies made as well organizing books for the Summer Reading program. I imagine I'll be at work until six or so. I don't want to be at work until six or so, but I need to. Dammit. Then it's work on Saturday. Before packing.
May 17, 2011
Late Night Update
I spent today looking for jobs and then beginning the application process. Literally...applied for two jobs and it took from 11 until 5. And I'm not done with either one of them. *sigh* There are more to be done. I really hope that something turns up. I'm trying to not let it get to me and worry about it. The problem is that we all know that's not truly an option. One of the things that I do, that I'm extraordinarily good at is worrying.
Currently I'm sitting here with a protein treatment on my head, dripping down my face, even though I have a cap on. My hair needs it, though. I'd kinda hoped that I could sleep with it in, but it's apparent that isn't going to happen. Will have to get my shower tonight, which is OK I suppose. The things we do, though. I mean, it's just hair. *sigh*
I had a going away/bachelorette party this past weekend, and it was an outstanding time! Pretty low-key, but an outstanding time. We had some snacks and drinks at home than then hit a little dive lounge for karaoke. It reminded me of Charlie L's in Loveland. I need to write out some thank you cards because everyone was very sweet to me. I did not get intoxicated. I wanted to but because I have to drive, that's never an option for me, I kept it under control and brought myself home. Didn't get to bed until almost 5 in the morning, though. That makes things hard.
There are 14 days left in this month. Matt will be here on June 3. That means in 19 days I'll be home in MS. I haven't packed yet. I haven't packed yet. Ugh. That's a huge realization. I haven't packed yet. Good lord. I've got to take care of that this weekend. There's so much to do in the next 17 days. He said he wants things to be ready to just put on the truck and go. So I'll have that done. Ugh.
May 14, 2011
Early Morning Update
Halfway through the month. There is so much to do over the next three weeks. I'm extraordinarily stressed out about how all of it will be accomplished. I have to trust, though, that everything is coming together. Everything is unfolding so very nicely, all of the puzzle pieces are coming together. I just have to let go and trust that it's going to be OK.
We all know that is completely and totally contrary to my nature. I cannot help but worry. Last night I was having chest pains because of the anxiety. Took a valium, and I was better. I need to go to the doctor this coming week and get myself set up for the summer and the time when I don't have health insurance.
Instead of working on packing, I've been fiddling around the wedding stuff. I'm playing around with designing the invitations myself. I've been working in Publisher, and I think I've come up with something that will work for me. Now I just need to decide whether I want to go with the clip art and the need for color printing or if I'm going to have two stamps custom made so I can use embossing powder to have things fit exactly with our wedding colors. I've also gotten as much of the wedding website done that I can right now. I need the PA to complete his groomsmen info and then we can take the whole thing live. I've got info about us, the ceremony (limited right now), our wedding party, and the Hattiesburg area. I'm sure that I will need to add more to it as things go on, but right now that's what I've got.
I'm thinking about setting up another weebly site so I can put together a planning site. The planning stuff is different than what guests to the wedding need to know, but the truth of the matter is that no one but me is really going to see the planning stuff. I'll talk about it here, and that will be enough. People who are interested in my DIY projects can find about about all of that here. It's not like I'm going to post about all of it on The Knot.
Speaking of wedding stuff, I've got a few new blogs that I'm following...A Practical Wedding, Snippet and Ink, and The Broke Ass Bride. It is refreshing to see all of the different perspectives on what it means to have a wedding.
Meanwhile in the last two weeks, I've tried on and found two wedding dresses. The two of them are really tied for me. I love both of them. The Sner is only going to be able to make one of them, which makes me sad. Not quite sure what to do about that. *sigh* I suppose, though, that since I love both of them, it doesn't really matter which one it winds up being. Now I need to find the blue shoes. Thinking about heading down to zappos tomorrow to see if they have any. It never hurts to look...except the gas prices which are sitting at $4.15. Ouch!
Tried on dresses with Shannie. She, Eric, and Perry were here for the Oaks. Pictures are on my facebook page. I suppose that eventually I'll get them taken care of here. Maybe.
My Kentucky bachelorette/going away party is tomorrow night. I'm a little nervous about the whole deal, but I'm sure that it will be wonderful and perfect in every way. Not exactly sure what to wear, although I bought a peachy tank-top. It will work with jeans or slacks either one. Should be a ton of fun. Slightly nervous about how I'm going to get home. I want to have a good time, and that means I might be having some drinks.
May 1, 2011
Evening Update
As usual, I am behind. There was a ton of stuff that I should have done this weekend, but I got next to none of it actually done. *sigh* I suppose I really o like to work under pressure.
The ball starts rolling tomorrow, though. Tomorrow I hand in my letter of resignation. Tomorrow I begin the process of cleaning my house to get it ready for Shannon, Eric, and Perry to come in for Oaks. As I clean, I will begin the process of packing those rooms. My bedroom cannot really be packed up because I will be using much of those items. However, things in the bathrooms can certainly be packed up as I clean them. I know that I will not have enough time to get through everything in the living room packed. Or the kitchen. But I can get enough done this week that in the coming weeks, I can finish things up. I hate packing, but it has to done.
I also have to get to work on applications. I will be calling the MS DOE to renew my license. I think all I need to do is submit the application. They have my transcripts already but if I have to do that as well, I will. I plan to get things done and ready to mail out in terms of applications.
And I have to finish my Oaks ensemble. I know...yes, it's not done yet. Sorry. I'm a terrible slacker weasel. Sorry.
Wedding planning is continuing apace. Everything is coming together nicely, and I think I have a solid plan for this. This weekend I created a spreadsheet of the do-it-yourself projects that have to be created. I figure that this summer I can get quite a bit of them done, included the worst part of the invitations (I've decided I need to do pocket folds because there will need to be several enclosures. I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do for the graphics. I'm kind of leaning towards stamping them myself. Use a gold embossing powder on them? I just need to find the right stamp. I think I'm going to have to go custom on them. Perhaps two different sizes...large and small. Even with that, though, I think I can get them done for $200. With $100 in postage. *sigh* I've priced fine paper online, and it's a very good thing. ;)
I need to get to bed. There's so much to do this week.
Last Updated June 29, 2011
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