March 2010

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March 2010

March 30, 2010

Evening Update

Spring break cannot get here fast enough. Today was an incredibly gross day. I spent almost all of it working on the parent newsletter. I think I did OK with it. About 20 minutes after I gave it to the copy woman, I realized I'd totally forgotten an article. It's OK, though, because the info that was contained in it was covered in other articles.

And then I lost it with a group of 8th graders who were being incredibly vulgar. I could hear them through my office door, and they were 30 feet away from me. Their teacher was 5 feet from them. I yelled. It was fast, but I did yell. I'm pretty sure that what I said was, "I am incredibly offended by the language you are using. I should never, never hear those words in this building. It is incredibly inappropriate." I can handle a lot, but the topic of their conversation was just so...offensive...to me. If I was offended by it, you know that it was bad. I'm not proud of the fact that I yelled, but I truly was just that outraged. I think maybe I was more angry because the teacher was right there and did nothing about it. Nothing. What the fuck was he thinking?

I ran tonight. With my puppy. Started off pretty crappy. I didn't want to do it, but I knew that if I didn't go tonight then I was going to have to this weekend in Missouri. Not the best plan for me. I'm going to have to go again tomorrow night in order to get Week 8 knocked out. Anyway. Strangely, the last 10 minutes were shaping up to be the best of the run. Usually about 18 minutes is when I want to quit, but this time, it was a like a switch flipped. I felt myself moving a little faster, my gait evened out. And then the dog off its leash showed up. He was very interested in eating my dog. That was right at five minutes to go. Completely and totally screwed the rhythm I was in (and the doggie was fine).

I'm sure that this feeling like I've been run over by a truck is just allergies. I forgot to take my allergy pill last night before I went to bed so when I woke up this morning I felt like warmed over death. It hasn't really gotten any better...even though I remembered to take my pill as soon as I got up. Sore throat, stuffy nose, slight tinge of nausea. Which is probably all due to the drainage. I know that it's a lovely thought, but there you go.

I've got to bathe my doggie tomorrow. She can't go on hours long carrides stinky like she does right now. I'd wanted to take her to the doggie washateria, but I'm not going to have time. Tomorrow night I'll be scoring ORQs with a teacher and then running. That won't give me time to take her to the wash before they close. Thursday I have a hair appointment. So...tomorrow night a bath for her at home. After we run.

I went to Kohls tonight to look for a necklace to go with my dress and found absolutely nothing. There was lots of turquoise, but what I need is blue-ish. Maybe when Matt and I go to New Orleans, I'll cruise through the French Market to see if they have anything of interest. I suppose if I can't find anything blue, I can always go with silver.

March 29, 2010

Evening Update

There are four days until spring break. Four interminably long days. There's a ton of stuff that I have to get done over the break. There's a ton of stuff to get done before the break. I just have to do it.

Like the stupid newsletter, which I need to have done by noon tomorrow and haven't started on yet. I brought my laptop home tonight to work on it, but I can tell you right now that I'm not going to damn thing on it. I'll get it knocked out tomorrow morning. Since I've already gotten the format taken care of, it's not going to be that big of a deal to get it all put together. Dragging and dropping, cutting and pasting, working on editing. I can do this.

It was a frustrating day at work. I can admit to being a lazy teacher. There were lots of things that I didn't do when I taught. Things that I should have done. I didn't "teach" a lot. So I can empathize with that. But when you know that there's going to be a big ol' spotlight on you, pull that shit together. I looked a lesson plans today, and while there were lots of teachers making an honest effort, there are so many that are so far off the mark that it's no wonder that the education system is in the mire that it is. I get it. I understand it. Teachers are the largest profession in the United States. You're going to get some bad apples. But dammit man. How do they slip through the cracks?

Actually I know exactly how they slip through the cracks. I'm letting one go. I just can't deal with it right now. I feel bad about it, but it's a fight I've been waging all year long with absolutely no gains. There's only so much you can do, and I've reached my limit. I've got too many things to do to rescore her tests. That's a day's work for me because I have to be meticulous and detailed. She won't be teaching language arts next year, and we have no more tests (other than the big one). Where do I spend my energy? I talked with my colleague and with my boss. While my boss now has to do something about it, everyone agreed that I do not. There are too many other things that demand my time.

Today I completed Week Eight, Day One of C25K. It sucked. It really, really sucked, and I was excruciatingly slow. 28 minutes. I stopped to walk for a minute and then started up again. That minute got added on to the end of the run. I'm going to try it again tomorrow night. Hopefully it will be good weather and I can run with the doggie outside. I go slower when I run outside, but I also persist a bit more because I can slow down when I'm dying. It kills me to slow down when I'm on the treadmill. I slowed my pace way down (I'm ashamed to put actually how slow it really is) when I went to longer and longer runs, and it kills me to have to drop it even lower.

Tomorrow or Wednesday I need to register for the Chicago Rock n Roll Half-Marathon. I'm going to be cutting it close in terms of having enough time to train, but I'm going to try. It's going to be a pretty big commitment in terms of my time this summer and in terms of the heat. Whether I'm here in Kentucky, in Indiana, or in Mississippi, it's going to be hot as balls. Speaking of which, I think I could use a hydration belt for my birthday this year. With as much as I'll be needing to run, I'll need it. True I have my camelbak which is AWESOME (thank you Amber), but from what I've read, it's uncomfortable when running because it sloshes around so much. As you drink you need to make sure you're tightening the shoulder straps to keep things snug.

I was watching the news tonight while I was running, and I saw a report about the resurgence of heroin. The thing that was most startling to me was the purity rate. In the 70s, the purity of heroin. was around 3%. Today it's about 60%. That's incredible. When you combine that with the prevalence of meth, there's a whole out there that is frightening. I think I'll stick with my chosen vices. They work for me...even if I have perhaps been using them more than I should lately. (I know it; I know it's not healthy; I'm working on it)

I picked up my Derby hat this weekend. Tomorrow I need to cruise by Kohls and pick up a necklace...maybe a bracelet, possibly some earrings. I never look at the Kohl's flyer, but I did yesterday, and I think there's quite a bit there that will work with me. Or more accurately my dress. I'll be wearing the dress that I wore to a New Orleans wedding three or four years ago. I need to take it and have it professionally ironed. There's that ruching around the waist that really needs to be sorted out. I was going to wear the black one that I bought two years ago and have worn once, but the hat doesn't match enough. If the hate were just slightly lighter, it would have worked. I have a white cardigan that I could wear with things in case the weather is icky. I'm thinking that my hat needs some ostrich feathers to complete it. Shan said white, but I don't know if I want that much of a contrast. I think the same color might be better, although white will tie everything in to the dress. I'm going to have to run by Hobby Lobby or Michael's or something. Take the hat with me.

I need to get my hair done. I think, though, that I kinda like the silver that's coming in. Strange. If I didn't need to dye my hair to have the red, I think I'd seriously be tempted to let it go natural and see where it led. I like the red too much, though. And Doug would kill me so none of that.

Enough for tonight; I know it's been more than you're used to for awhile.

March 17, 2010

Evening Update

Still confused. Still cranky. Still upset.

Today wasn't too bad, I don't suppose, but I'm still grouchy. Really grouchy.

Took the car in tonight to get the check engine light fixed. Originally I thought it might be the O2 sensor because that's the code they pulled at AutoZone and at the mechanic's two weeks ago. Which, if they'd had to replace both of them, would have been almost $500. Imagine my relief, and vindication, when they came in and told me that they'd used a different piece of diagnostic equipment and determined that it wasn't the O2 sensor (of which my vehicle has two); it was the EGR valve. All of the symptoms the car was experiencing were classic EGR. Now I'm wondering if they just replaced the valve and didn't clean the port....hmmmmm.

Anyway. I'm going to take it back tomorrow and see what they have to say about it.

March 16, 2010

Evening Update

I want to go home this weekend. Badly want to go home.

I have been reminded this evening that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I was so optimistic about the changes that we were anticipating for the coming year, but I've been reminded that the AAL is in control. Any idea that does not originate with her is an idea that is not worth attempting. So, knowing that the reality is still the reality, I think that means it's going to a serious hunt for a job in MS...as well as getting serious about getting my interviews done in June/July so I can do the analysis while in MS.

I have to go to the principal's meeting with my principal tomorrow. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, so that means the wearing o' the green. I went and bought a pair of khakis so I could wear my soft green sweater. However, I don't know if that's dressy enough. It's the principal's meeting after all. It's just going to have to do because that's what I'm up for.

I also got my nails done tonight. "Leaf Him at the Altar", which is a lovely green shade. They did a good job. While he was massaging my calves and she was working on my hand, it hit me that I needed a massage. So...I'm trying to make that happen for when I'm home in MS over spring break. I can't remember the last time I had a massage. A girls day with Shannon in Colorado? with Amber? When was it? (I don't count what the chiro did to me this fall)

I'm having a terrible period this time around. It's times like now that I wonder what in the hell I ever complained about. Three weeks of spotting? Sign me up over this crap. Seriously.

I am cranky and confused and upset. Today, astrologically speaking, was supposed to be a good day. All positive until the end.

Need to go to bed so I can get things done tomorrow.

March 15, 2010

Evening Update

This month is half over. I'm a month away from having to have the revisions to my proposal done. Ugh. Where in the world does the time go? I've been away from home for 2.5 months now, and I won't make it back for another three weeks. Which reminds me...I need to email Cari.

I went to see TaTa and the Cabana Boy this weekend. Long drive up, long drive back, lots of work done in between. I didn't write anything (and I'm not writing anything tonight), but I did get all of the research I brought with me read. Ordered a book that I found in the research that I think will be helpful to me (it should be here tomorrow or the next day). TaTa and CB were wonderful to me. I have always said that I am lucky to have drawn such good people to me. I don't know what in this world I've done to deserve it, but I am eternally grateful. They took such good care of me, even though most of them were ill most of the weekend. (So far I'm good...I have a little tickle in my throat, but I think that's just fatigue)

It was a gross day at work today. I realize that I've been railroaded, and it kinda irritates me a little bit. I'm hoping that the money I'll make for the effort makes up for it, but I don't even know right this minute what the money is going to be like. I've been led to believe that it's really good, and it'll give me the opportunity to work with kids for a little bit, but at the same time...ugh.

That was grossness number one. Then the grossness number two came in realizing that we don't have nearly the money we thought we did with which to buy independent reading libraries. The independent reading component is key to improving student reading scores. We've been basing assumptions about what we're going to be doing next yea ron the promise that we'd have these libraries. Now that the cost has been laid out, all the sudden we don't have the money. It's frustrating. In the back of my head, I'm thinking...what do we need to do in order to have a back-up plan for this coming year? If we've only got enough money to do one of two iniatives, then the school-wide reading is the more important. Then what do we do with language arts classes? My head is swimming with all of that. I don't know what to do, although I do have a bit of a small plan. I don't know. However. I do think that we must have a plan.

Went to the ortho on Friday. I liked the doctor. I did not like his staff. He gave me a cortisone shot; the nurse was supposed to come back in and give me a list of exercises to do with my tension band as well as show me how to do some of them. I was asked if I wanted to go to physical therapy or if I thought I could do it on my own. I'm pretty sure I can do it on my own. But she didn't come back to give me the list of exercises. 25 minutes later, I left the room to find that they'd already filed my chart. No clue I was still there waiting on them. *sigh* I'm still waiting for my shoulder to stop hurting. I should probably do a few exercises tonight, but I'm and cranky. I was supposed to run tonight, but I just have no desire. I left work and went to the dentist thinking, I need to go buy the liquor store and get the olives and bread so I can do antipasto for dinner along with a martini. I've really got nothing to eat at home.

That's kinda funny because I have a ton of things in this house to eat. I have carnitas and a corned beef, as well as boneless, skinless chicken breasts and bacon. However, all of those things are in the freezer, which means when it comes down to it, I've got cereal and crackers. Cheese and tortillas. The corned beef is now thawing and tomorrow on my way home, I'll pick up some carrots, cabbage, and potatoes. I also need to get my nails done tomorrow. For St. Patrick's Day. I have fantastic green polish.

March 9, 2010

Evening Update

I am frustrated. Just a bunch of stuff, and I feel like there's no end in sight. There's a lot of stuff that has me feeling overwhelmed, not the least of which is my dissertation.

Speaking of which, I spent some time today printing off articles to read and write about this weekend. I've got them all in files that are color coded. I need to get one of those file boxes so I can transport them more easily. I figure that particularly with the writing workshop stuff, if I can get a page or two (some of them more) out of each file folder (some of them have a four or five articles in them), then I can easily get those extra pages that are necessary knocked out.

My plan is that I'm going to head north to Amish country after my appointment with the ortho on Friday and then spend Saturday writing. Without the distractions of my home, I'm really hoping that I can get the additions to that section knocked out and shipped off to my chair on Monday. Or at least I think that's the plan. Sounds good, doesn't it?

Work was rough today. I kept thinking to myself, what the hell? How is this my problem, and is this really going to be a problem? For me? Makes me grouchy. I know that I'm not good at thinking in the small term. I'm a global thinking. I see the big picture. Fine details often elude me. But damn. I was just annoyed as hell. I'm not good at hiding that kind of thing, though, so I'm sure that my irritation showed.

And boys. *sigh* Stupid boys. Don't want to talk about it right now. Dammit.

March 8, 2010

Evening Update

Had the conversation this morning. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but there still some moments where I was uncomfortable. It appears that the time frame I need can be honored. That means in the next month and a half (actually 5 weeks) I have a lot of work to do. I'm not entirely happy with that, but whatever it takes to get it done, I suppose. That's the point that I'm at. There were still some digs and a few comments that made it clear this problem is my fault, but I'm willing to let that go.

I always screw up and put myself as visible on Facebook. That means I am available for chat with folks that I really don't want to chat with. *sigh* That's problematic. Like tonight, there was an extended chat with a guy from work who likes me. He's liked me since last year, and I've known that so I've remained distant. But it's hard to ignore him when he's right there. Situation fraught with uncomfortableness.

There was some other news tonight that reminds me of an issue that I'm struggling with. Makes me wish that I'd gone for the run tonight. I'll do it tomorrow. I don't know what to do or ohw to fix the situation. I suppose that there's no fix and I need to either accept that it is and figure out a way to deal with it or not. And if it's not, then there's a huge problem. I don't know what to do.

It seems that when it rains it pours. Just when when thing clears up, another rises on the horizon. Suck.

Anyway. I think I'm going to head north to see the Cabanna Boy and TaTa this weekend. I can spend Saturday writing for my dissertation, and I can have some conversations with TaTa about some of the things that are working on my heart right now.

March 7, 2010

Evening Update

I had a good weekend. Probably the best I've had in a really long time. It wasn't anything special, but it was good. I think maybe it was the sunshine. I think I get all of that seasonal affective thing pretty badly, and I don't even realize how badly until I get out in the sun.

Saturday I made the typical Sunday brunch and then made my way to the car place. $400 later, I had the two new tires as well as the oil changed and a couple of other things done. They told me that Hondas rarely need the oxygen sensor replaced so they're reset it and if it came back on, they'd then replace it. Well. It's back on. *sigh* So. I guess maybe weekend after next, I'll take it in to them. It might be the oxygen sensor. I might also need to replace the brake light switch. That's pretty cheap, from what I've read, and apparently pretty easy to replace. Not sure if I can handle that or not, though.

After the car was fixed, I did a little wandering around town. Just a little shopping that I haven't done in awhile. Got a nice sweater on clearance at Dillards for $11. That would be the only thing to write home about.

Once I was home, I tried the local pizza joint. Hole in the wall about half a mile from the house. It's good. I don't know if the 14" pizza and order of cheezy bread is worth $27, but it's good. When I say "hole in the wall", I mean hole in the wall. It's a TINY place and apparently they have some outrageous drink specials on Monday night that keep it packed. Maybe when Matt comes to visit next, we'll give it a try.

Today was pretty good too. The doggie and I ran. Then we went south of town to Bernheim for a little hike. We did a couple of the loops and had some lunch before stopping at the zappos.com outlet on the way home. I don't understand people. I really don't. As we were just getting started on one of the loops, I noticed a very neatly folded dirty diapers setting just off to the side. It hadn't been there long...a couple of days at most. We were literally about 20 feet from the parking area and a trash can. So I picked it up and took it to the garbage. Seriously...what's wrong with people?

Things at Bernheim aren't quite ready to wake from their winter slumber. Everything is still brown and lifeless. I suspect that in a couple of weeks, green shoots will begin creeping out of the rotting forest floor. The little dwarf irises will push towards the sun and the tiny white flowers that are the harbingers of spring will arrive. They're just not ready yet, and I don't blame them. It's not spring just this moment. As much as I've enjoyed this weekend, I understand that there's a time for winter, and we're still in the middle of it.

On the way back, we stopped at zappos. I picked up two pairs of heels that might work for my Derby dress. A light aqua pair of strappy (literally) sandals with a skinny heel and a purple pair of Jessica Simpson heels. Those are much higher than the aqua pair. I think both of them will work. Which pair it winds up being will be determined by what color hat I can find. Apparently you are supposed to match your hat to your shoes. (Zappos.com was doing the 50% off sale. I didn't know that all boots were 70% off. I didn't realize that about the boots. If I had, i'd have looked a little more closely at boots. I really want a pair of cowboy boots.

When we got home, the doggie and I took a nap. It was a pretty good nap, too. While the doggie and I slept, we waited on the carnitas to finish cooking. (they turned out excellent by the way)

Now we're just waiting on a little laundry and getting ready for bed. I'm not ready for tomorrow because I'm not ready for the phone call that will come around 11 my time.

I'll be talking with my chair about the extension on my dissertation. It's been a really frustrating couple of weeks with this thing, and there's not a lot I can say about it here. I don't want to create any more problems for myself. I think we're about to get things worked out, but there's one more tense conversation to be had. Supposedly I get an extension if I have an approved proposal by June 1. The problem is that the university is off between May 10 and the beginning of June. So either the beginning of May (which can't happen for me because of testing) or June 1 or 2, which can't happen for me because it's the last day of school for students and the last day of school for teachers. I could do it June 3 but not the 1st or 2nd. I hope that's not going to be a major stumbling block. But I'm afraid it will be.

I will be ready tomorrow night to do some reading and start some writing. I figure if I can get a section a week done on the things he wants done...and send it to him each week, then it will be much more readily done. Apparently chapter 2 is my only problem. He's not said anything about chapter one or three, only to say that he's concerned about my sample size. I'm concerned about it to, but I've got a fix for it.

I need to get this house cleaned. I did a little of it tonight, but I think maybe tomorrow night I'll do the spare bedroom before I start work on the writing.

Shan, Eric, and Perry are coming for the Derby. That means I've got to get this place cleaned, and I probably need to do a bit more decorating before they arrive. There are a couple of things I need. Like bedside tables for the spare room, curtains, and maybe hampers instead of my laundry baskets. I'm thinking about a mirror on the wall behind the dining room table. Which reminds me...I need to recover those chair seats. I meant to do a whole lot of the cleaning this weekend, but I didn't get around to it.

I might be going on a little mini writing retreat this weekend. Might head up to Amish country to write. If I could get the writing workshop piece done this weekend, that will give me more time to focus on the other parts which are going to be difficult for me. I'm not sure that it's going to be feasible. I have my appointment with the ortho on Friday at 1:30...so that means it will probably be 5 or so before I can hit the road. I don't know if I'll even want to drive after that appointment. We shall see.

I'm proud of myself; I had a very difficult conversation with a teacher on Friday. There were tense moments, and I know those were the result of my poor phrasing of things. I've learned a lot from my colleague about how to talk to people, and I've been channeling her a lot the last couple of weeks. Measuring my words, trying to find the right balance, looking for just the right way to say just the right thing. It is difficult. Really, really difficult. I am generally direct and the pussyfooting around goes against my nature. I am also not sure if it really produces results. I mean, it makes the conversations go more smoothly but for example in the case of my conversation on Friday, will it produce any change? And if it doesn't produce change, then what good was it? I dunno.

Anyway. All for tonight. If you could spare some thoughts for me tomorrow, I'd appreciate it. It's going to be a long day. Running tomorrow night, too. We're going to be starting longer runs. I'm not sure I'm ready for them, but April 17th will be here before I know it (the Race for the Cure in Indy).

Last Updated April 12, 2010

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March 30, 2010

Evening Update

Spring break cannot get here fast enough. Today was an incredibly gross day. I spent almost all of it working on the parent newsletter. I think I did OK with it. About 20 minutes after I gave it to the copy woman, I realized I'd totally forgotten an article. It's OK, though, because the info that was contained in it was covered in other articles.

And then I lost it with a group of 8th graders who were being incredibly vulgar. I could hear them through my office door, and they were 30 feet away from me. Their teacher was 5 feet from them. I yelled. It was fast, but I did yell. I'm pretty sure that what I said was, "I am incredibly offended by the language you are using. I should never, never hear those words in this building. It is incredibly inappropriate." I can handle a lot, but the topic of their conversation was just so...offensive...to me. If I was offended by it, you know that it was bad. I'm not proud of the fact that I yelled, but I truly was just that outraged. I think maybe I was more angry because the teacher was right there and did nothing about it. Nothing. What the fuck was he thinking?

I ran tonight. With my puppy. Started off pretty crappy. I didn't want to do it, but I knew that if I didn't go tonight then I was going to have to this weekend in Missouri. Not the best plan for me. I'm going to have to go again tomorrow night in order to get Week 8 knocked out. Anyway. Strangely, the last 10 minutes were shaping up to be the best of the run. Usually about 18 minutes is when I want to quit, but this time, it was a like a switch flipped. I felt myself moving a little faster, my gait evened out. And then the dog off its leash showed up. He was very interested in eating my dog. That was right at five minutes to go. Completely and totally screwed the rhythm I was in (and the doggie was fine).

I'm sure that this feeling like I've been run over by a truck is just allergies. I forgot to take my allergy pill last night before I went to bed so when I woke up this morning I felt like warmed over death. It hasn't really gotten any better...even though I remembered to take my pill as soon as I got up. Sore throat, stuffy nose, slight tinge of nausea. Which is probably all due to the drainage. I know that it's a lovely thought, but there you go.

I've got to bathe my doggie tomorrow. She can't go on hours long carrides stinky like she does right now. I'd wanted to take her to the doggie washateria, but I'm not going to have time. Tomorrow night I'll be scoring ORQs with a teacher and then running. That won't give me time to take her to the wash before they close. Thursday I have a hair appointment. So...tomorrow night a bath for her at home. After we run.

I went to Kohls tonight to look for a necklace to go with my dress and found absolutely nothing. There was lots of turquoise, but what I need is blue-ish. Maybe when Matt and I go to New Orleans, I'll cruise through the French Market to see if they have anything of interest. I suppose if I can't find anything blue, I can always go with silver.

March 29, 2010

Evening Update

There are four days until spring break. Four interminably long days. There's a ton of stuff that I have to get done over the break. There's a ton of stuff to get done before the break. I just have to do it.

Like the stupid newsletter, which I need to have done by noon tomorrow and haven't started on yet. I brought my laptop home tonight to work on it, but I can tell you right now that I'm not going to damn thing on it. I'll get it knocked out tomorrow morning. Since I've already gotten the format taken care of, it's not going to be that big of a deal to get it all put together. Dragging and dropping, cutting and pasting, working on editing. I can do this.

It was a frustrating day at work. I can admit to being a lazy teacher. There were lots of things that I didn't do when I taught. Things that I should have done. I didn't "teach" a lot. So I can empathize with that. But when you know that there's going to be a big ol' spotlight on you, pull that shit together. I looked a lesson plans today, and while there were lots of teachers making an honest effort, there are so many that are so far off the mark that it's no wonder that the education system is in the mire that it is. I get it. I understand it. Teachers are the largest profession in the United States. You're going to get some bad apples. But dammit man. How do they slip through the cracks?

Actually I know exactly how they slip through the cracks. I'm letting one go. I just can't deal with it right now. I feel bad about it, but it's a fight I've been waging all year long with absolutely no gains. There's only so much you can do, and I've reached my limit. I've got too many things to do to rescore her tests. That's a day's work for me because I have to be meticulous and detailed. She won't be teaching language arts next year, and we have no more tests (other than the big one). Where do I spend my energy? I talked with my colleague and with my boss. While my boss now has to do something about it, everyone agreed that I do not. There are too many other things that demand my time.

Today I completed Week Eight, Day One of C25K. It sucked. It really, really sucked, and I was excruciatingly slow. 28 minutes. I stopped to walk for a minute and then started up again. That minute got added on to the end of the run. I'm going to try it again tomorrow night. Hopefully it will be good weather and I can run with the doggie outside. I go slower when I run outside, but I also persist a bit more because I can slow down when I'm dying. It kills me to slow down when I'm on the treadmill. I slowed my pace way down (I'm ashamed to put actually how slow it really is) when I went to longer and longer runs, and it kills me to have to drop it even lower.

Tomorrow or Wednesday I need to register for the Chicago Rock n Roll Half-Marathon. I'm going to be cutting it close in terms of having enough time to train, but I'm going to try. It's going to be a pretty big commitment in terms of my time this summer and in terms of the heat. Whether I'm here in Kentucky, in Indiana, or in Mississippi, it's going to be hot as balls. Speaking of which, I think I could use a hydration belt for my birthday this year. With as much as I'll be needing to run, I'll need it. True I have my camelbak which is AWESOME (thank you Amber), but from what I've read, it's uncomfortable when running because it sloshes around so much. As you drink you need to make sure you're tightening the shoulder straps to keep things snug.

I was watching the news tonight while I was running, and I saw a report about the resurgence of heroin. The thing that was most startling to me was the purity rate. In the 70s, the purity of heroin. was around 3%. Today it's about 60%. That's incredible. When you combine that with the prevalence of meth, there's a whole out there that is frightening. I think I'll stick with my chosen vices. They work for me...even if I have perhaps been using them more than I should lately. (I know it; I know it's not healthy; I'm working on it)

I picked up my Derby hat this weekend. Tomorrow I need to cruise by Kohls and pick up a necklace...maybe a bracelet, possibly some earrings. I never look at the Kohl's flyer, but I did yesterday, and I think there's quite a bit there that will work with me. Or more accurately my dress. I'll be wearing the dress that I wore to a New Orleans wedding three or four years ago. I need to take it and have it professionally ironed. There's that ruching around the waist that really needs to be sorted out. I was going to wear the black one that I bought two years ago and have worn once, but the hat doesn't match enough. If the hate were just slightly lighter, it would have worked. I have a white cardigan that I could wear with things in case the weather is icky. I'm thinking that my hat needs some ostrich feathers to complete it. Shan said white, but I don't know if I want that much of a contrast. I think the same color might be better, although white will tie everything in to the dress. I'm going to have to run by Hobby Lobby or Michael's or something. Take the hat with me.

I need to get my hair done. I think, though, that I kinda like the silver that's coming in. Strange. If I didn't need to dye my hair to have the red, I think I'd seriously be tempted to let it go natural and see where it led. I like the red too much, though. And Doug would kill me so none of that.

Enough for tonight; I know it's been more than you're used to for awhile.

March 17, 2010

Evening Update

Still confused. Still cranky. Still upset.

Today wasn't too bad, I don't suppose, but I'm still grouchy. Really grouchy.

Took the car in tonight to get the check engine light fixed. Originally I thought it might be the O2 sensor because that's the code they pulled at AutoZone and at the mechanic's two weeks ago. Which, if they'd had to replace both of them, would have been almost $500. Imagine my relief, and vindication, when they came in and told me that they'd used a different piece of diagnostic equipment and determined that it wasn't the O2 sensor (of which my vehicle has two); it was the EGR valve. All of the symptoms the car was experiencing were classic EGR. Now I'm wondering if they just replaced the valve and didn't clean the port....hmmmmm.

Anyway. I'm going to take it back tomorrow and see what they have to say about it.

March 16, 2010

Evening Update

I want to go home this weekend. Badly want to go home.

I have been reminded this evening that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I was so optimistic about the changes that we were anticipating for the coming year, but I've been reminded that the AAL is in control. Any idea that does not originate with her is an idea that is not worth attempting. So, knowing that the reality is still the reality, I think that means it's going to a serious hunt for a job in MS...as well as getting serious about getting my interviews done in June/July so I can do the analysis while in MS.

I have to go to the principal's meeting with my principal tomorrow. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, so that means the wearing o' the green. I went and bought a pair of khakis so I could wear my soft green sweater. However, I don't know if that's dressy enough. It's the principal's meeting after all. It's just going to have to do because that's what I'm up for.

I also got my nails done tonight. "Leaf Him at the Altar", which is a lovely green shade. They did a good job. While he was massaging my calves and she was working on my hand, it hit me that I needed a massage. So...I'm trying to make that happen for when I'm home in MS over spring break. I can't remember the last time I had a massage. A girls day with Shannon in Colorado? with Amber? When was it? (I don't count what the chiro did to me this fall)

I'm having a terrible period this time around. It's times like now that I wonder what in the hell I ever complained about. Three weeks of spotting? Sign me up over this crap. Seriously.

I am cranky and confused and upset. Today, astrologically speaking, was supposed to be a good day. All positive until the end.

Need to go to bed so I can get things done tomorrow.

March 15, 2010

Evening Update

This month is half over. I'm a month away from having to have the revisions to my proposal done. Ugh. Where in the world does the time go? I've been away from home for 2.5 months now, and I won't make it back for another three weeks. Which reminds me...I need to email Cari.

I went to see TaTa and the Cabana Boy this weekend. Long drive up, long drive back, lots of work done in between. I didn't write anything (and I'm not writing anything tonight), but I did get all of the research I brought with me read. Ordered a book that I found in the research that I think will be helpful to me (it should be here tomorrow or the next day). TaTa and CB were wonderful to me. I have always said that I am lucky to have drawn such good people to me. I don't know what in this world I've done to deserve it, but I am eternally grateful. They took such good care of me, even though most of them were ill most of the weekend. (So far I'm good...I have a little tickle in my throat, but I think that's just fatigue)

It was a gross day at work today. I realize that I've been railroaded, and it kinda irritates me a little bit. I'm hoping that the money I'll make for the effort makes up for it, but I don't even know right this minute what the money is going to be like. I've been led to believe that it's really good, and it'll give me the opportunity to work with kids for a little bit, but at the same time...ugh.

That was grossness number one. Then the grossness number two came in realizing that we don't have nearly the money we thought we did with which to buy independent reading libraries. The independent reading component is key to improving student reading scores. We've been basing assumptions about what we're going to be doing next yea ron the promise that we'd have these libraries. Now that the cost has been laid out, all the sudden we don't have the money. It's frustrating. In the back of my head, I'm thinking...what do we need to do in order to have a back-up plan for this coming year? If we've only got enough money to do one of two iniatives, then the school-wide reading is the more important. Then what do we do with language arts classes? My head is swimming with all of that. I don't know what to do, although I do have a bit of a small plan. I don't know. However. I do think that we must have a plan.

Went to the ortho on Friday. I liked the doctor. I did not like his staff. He gave me a cortisone shot; the nurse was supposed to come back in and give me a list of exercises to do with my tension band as well as show me how to do some of them. I was asked if I wanted to go to physical therapy or if I thought I could do it on my own. I'm pretty sure I can do it on my own. But she didn't come back to give me the list of exercises. 25 minutes later, I left the room to find that they'd already filed my chart. No clue I was still there waiting on them. *sigh* I'm still waiting for my shoulder to stop hurting. I should probably do a few exercises tonight, but I'm and cranky. I was supposed to run tonight, but I just have no desire. I left work and went to the dentist thinking, I need to go buy the liquor store and get the olives and bread so I can do antipasto for dinner along with a martini. I've really got nothing to eat at home.

That's kinda funny because I have a ton of things in this house to eat. I have carnitas and a corned beef, as well as boneless, skinless chicken breasts and bacon. However, all of those things are in the freezer, which means when it comes down to it, I've got cereal and crackers. Cheese and tortillas. The corned beef is now thawing and tomorrow on my way home, I'll pick up some carrots, cabbage, and potatoes. I also need to get my nails done tomorrow. For St. Patrick's Day. I have fantastic green polish.

March 9, 2010

Evening Update

I am frustrated. Just a bunch of stuff, and I feel like there's no end in sight. There's a lot of stuff that has me feeling overwhelmed, not the least of which is my dissertation.

Speaking of which, I spent some time today printing off articles to read and write about this weekend. I've got them all in files that are color coded. I need to get one of those file boxes so I can transport them more easily. I figure that particularly with the writing workshop stuff, if I can get a page or two (some of them more) out of each file folder (some of them have a four or five articles in them), then I can easily get those extra pages that are necessary knocked out.

My plan is that I'm going to head north to Amish country after my appointment with the ortho on Friday and then spend Saturday writing. Without the distractions of my home, I'm really hoping that I can get the additions to that section knocked out and shipped off to my chair on Monday. Or at least I think that's the plan. Sounds good, doesn't it?

Work was rough today. I kept thinking to myself, what the hell? How is this my problem, and is this really going to be a problem? For me? Makes me grouchy. I know that I'm not good at thinking in the small term. I'm a global thinking. I see the big picture. Fine details often elude me. But damn. I was just annoyed as hell. I'm not good at hiding that kind of thing, though, so I'm sure that my irritation showed.

And boys. *sigh* Stupid boys. Don't want to talk about it right now. Dammit.

March 8, 2010

Evening Update

Had the conversation this morning. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but there still some moments where I was uncomfortable. It appears that the time frame I need can be honored. That means in the next month and a half (actually 5 weeks) I have a lot of work to do. I'm not entirely happy with that, but whatever it takes to get it done, I suppose. That's the point that I'm at. There were still some digs and a few comments that made it clear this problem is my fault, but I'm willing to let that go.

I always screw up and put myself as visible on Facebook. That means I am available for chat with folks that I really don't want to chat with. *sigh* That's problematic. Like tonight, there was an extended chat with a guy from work who likes me. He's liked me since last year, and I've known that so I've remained distant. But it's hard to ignore him when he's right there. Situation fraught with uncomfortableness.

There was some other news tonight that reminds me of an issue that I'm struggling with. Makes me wish that I'd gone for the run tonight. I'll do it tomorrow. I don't know what to do or ohw to fix the situation. I suppose that there's no fix and I need to either accept that it is and figure out a way to deal with it or not. And if it's not, then there's a huge problem. I don't know what to do.

It seems that when it rains it pours. Just when when thing clears up, another rises on the horizon. Suck.

Anyway. I think I'm going to head north to see the Cabanna Boy and TaTa this weekend. I can spend Saturday writing for my dissertation, and I can have some conversations with TaTa about some of the things that are working on my heart right now.

March 7, 2010

Evening Update

I had a good weekend. Probably the best I've had in a really long time. It wasn't anything special, but it was good. I think maybe it was the sunshine. I think I get all of that seasonal affective thing pretty badly, and I don't even realize how badly until I get out in the sun.

Saturday I made the typical Sunday brunch and then made my way to the car place. $400 later, I had the two new tires as well as the oil changed and a couple of other things done. They told me that Hondas rarely need the oxygen sensor replaced so they're reset it and if it came back on, they'd then replace it. Well. It's back on. *sigh* So. I guess maybe weekend after next, I'll take it in to them. It might be the oxygen sensor. I might also need to replace the brake light switch. That's pretty cheap, from what I've read, and apparently pretty easy to replace. Not sure if I can handle that or not, though.

After the car was fixed, I did a little wandering around town. Just a little shopping that I haven't done in awhile. Got a nice sweater on clearance at Dillards for $11. That would be the only thing to write home about.

Once I was home, I tried the local pizza joint. Hole in the wall about half a mile from the house. It's good. I don't know if the 14" pizza and order of cheezy bread is worth $27, but it's good. When I say "hole in the wall", I mean hole in the wall. It's a TINY place and apparently they have some outrageous drink specials on Monday night that keep it packed. Maybe when Matt comes to visit next, we'll give it a try.

Today was pretty good too. The doggie and I ran. Then we went south of town to Bernheim for a little hike. We did a couple of the loops and had some lunch before stopping at the zappos.com outlet on the way home. I don't understand people. I really don't. As we were just getting started on one of the loops, I noticed a very neatly folded dirty diapers setting just off to the side. It hadn't been there long...a couple of days at most. We were literally about 20 feet from the parking area and a trash can. So I picked it up and took it to the garbage. Seriously...what's wrong with people?

Things at Bernheim aren't quite ready to wake from their winter slumber. Everything is still brown and lifeless. I suspect that in a couple of weeks, green shoots will begin creeping out of the rotting forest floor. The little dwarf irises will push towards the sun and the tiny white flowers that are the harbingers of spring will arrive. They're just not ready yet, and I don't blame them. It's not spring just this moment. As much as I've enjoyed this weekend, I understand that there's a time for winter, and we're still in the middle of it.

On the way back, we stopped at zappos. I picked up two pairs of heels that might work for my Derby dress. A light aqua pair of strappy (literally) sandals with a skinny heel and a purple pair of Jessica Simpson heels. Those are much higher than the aqua pair. I think both of them will work. Which pair it winds up being will be determined by what color hat I can find. Apparently you are supposed to match your hat to your shoes. (Zappos.com was doing the 50% off sale. I didn't know that all boots were 70% off. I didn't realize that about the boots. If I had, i'd have looked a little more closely at boots. I really want a pair of cowboy boots.

When we got home, the doggie and I took a nap. It was a pretty good nap, too. While the doggie and I slept, we waited on the carnitas to finish cooking. (they turned out excellent by the way)

Now we're just waiting on a little laundry and getting ready for bed. I'm not ready for tomorrow because I'm not ready for the phone call that will come around 11 my time.

I'll be talking with my chair about the extension on my dissertation. It's been a really frustrating couple of weeks with this thing, and there's not a lot I can say about it here. I don't want to create any more problems for myself. I think we're about to get things worked out, but there's one more tense conversation to be had. Supposedly I get an extension if I have an approved proposal by June 1. The problem is that the university is off between May 10 and the beginning of June. So either the beginning of May (which can't happen for me because of testing) or June 1 or 2, which can't happen for me because it's the last day of school for students and the last day of school for teachers. I could do it June 3 but not the 1st or 2nd. I hope that's not going to be a major stumbling block. But I'm afraid it will be.

I will be ready tomorrow night to do some reading and start some writing. I figure if I can get a section a week done on the things he wants done...and send it to him each week, then it will be much more readily done. Apparently chapter 2 is my only problem. He's not said anything about chapter one or three, only to say that he's concerned about my sample size. I'm concerned about it to, but I've got a fix for it.

I need to get this house cleaned. I did a little of it tonight, but I think maybe tomorrow night I'll do the spare bedroom before I start work on the writing.

Shan, Eric, and Perry are coming for the Derby. That means I've got to get this place cleaned, and I probably need to do a bit more decorating before they arrive. There are a couple of things I need. Like bedside tables for the spare room, curtains, and maybe hampers instead of my laundry baskets. I'm thinking about a mirror on the wall behind the dining room table. Which reminds me...I need to recover those chair seats. I meant to do a whole lot of the cleaning this weekend, but I didn't get around to it.

I might be going on a little mini writing retreat this weekend. Might head up to Amish country to write. If I could get the writing workshop piece done this weekend, that will give me more time to focus on the other parts which are going to be difficult for me. I'm not sure that it's going to be feasible. I have my appointment with the ortho on Friday at 1:30...so that means it will probably be 5 or so before I can hit the road. I don't know if I'll even want to drive after that appointment. We shall see.

I'm proud of myself; I had a very difficult conversation with a teacher on Friday. There were tense moments, and I know those were the result of my poor phrasing of things. I've learned a lot from my colleague about how to talk to people, and I've been channeling her a lot the last couple of weeks. Measuring my words, trying to find the right balance, looking for just the right way to say just the right thing. It is difficult. Really, really difficult. I am generally direct and the pussyfooting around goes against my nature. I am also not sure if it really produces results. I mean, it makes the conversations go more smoothly but for example in the case of my conversation on Friday, will it produce any change? And if it doesn't produce change, then what good was it? I dunno.

Anyway. All for tonight. If you could spare some thoughts for me tomorrow, I'd appreciate it. It's going to be a long day. Running tomorrow night, too. We're going to be starting longer runs. I'm not sure I'm ready for them, but April 17th will be here before I know it (the Race for the Cure in Indy).