Daily Wonderings

July 2008

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July 31, 2008

Evening Update

I did not wake up in time to update this morning. I'm a bit too tired to do much of an update tonight.

Today was a good day at induction. Almost everything was relevant and useful. Couple of icky spots...the underwire on my favorite bra broke. Was stabbing me all day. I finally found some masking tape to blunt it. And then I actually fell down the stairs. In front of a room full of people. Sweet. Did not hurt anything but my pride, but it sucked. Big time.

The television, stereo, vcr, and dvd are hooked up. I did it all by myself. (Ok. I had to look up how to connect everything to the rf thingie, but it's good to go now) That means that I can watch the news now. Yay! I need to find my Ipod. No clue where it is.

I've been spending a ton of time with people the last week. It's killing me. I need time by myself. I grouchy when I have to be "on" all the time, and that on top of the stress is making me not such a nice person.

I'm going to take my puppy to bed. I found some other things when I unpacked a couple of boxes today, and that makes me happy.

July 30, 2008

Evening Update

It was another wasted day. When I think about everything I could be doing instead of literally falling asleep during these gawd-awful sessions, I could literally scream. Today was field trip day, but they didn't allow us any time to explore the locations where they took us. I went to Locust Grove and the Louisville Science Center. Think I got to spend any time really figuring out either place? NO. And believe me, I wrote that on my evaluation. For all of that, they could have saved the gas money on the busses and kept us at the hotel while the various organizations did their shtick. Grouchy. That's me.

I have my post office box now. If you want to know what it is, drop me an email. If I have your address, I'll be dropping a cute little card in the mail to you, but if I don't have your address, you might be screwed. Some lumpy mail might be appreciated. I probably won't get a chance to mail those things until this weekend, though.

Have I mentioned I'm tired? Last night the boy and I were sending text messages back and forth, and honestly, I don't remember sending or receiving the last couple of them. Some time in the middle of the night, I took my mouth guard out and put it back in its little container. I was seriously worried about falling asleep on the drive home. There was an accident on the freeway, and I didn't know about it until it was too late. By the time I got through it, I was nodding off. I could feel it. When I got home, I let that sweet doggie out, fed her, and then went to bed. I slept for an hour and a half, and let me tell you, it was a real struggle to get out of bed and go across town to get the address taken care of.

This is the stress catching up to me, isn't it?

Speaking of stress, my jaw no longer hurts. My right ear is still pretty sensitive, but I think I'm through the worst of it. I'll wear the mouth guard again tonight, but after this, I'll put it away until I need it again.

I have my Itunes on random, and right now "The Kiss" from Last of the Mohicans is playing. I LOVE that movie...and I love that song.

I went this morning and got my TB test done as well as my background check (fingerprints). Can I just say that I'm a bruised mess? I'm not sure there's a single part of me that isn't livid with bruises. Where they did the TB test is a lovely purple because I bled under the skin. Have to go back Friday morning and have the TB test read.

After I got the post office box (which was frustrating...you have to have two forms of id, one of which must have a picture. I didn't have my DL in my purse, but I did have my passport. The lady behind the counter said, "Don't you have a driver's license? Because that has a number I can reference. I don't see a number on this passport." *sigh* Went to the car and got my DL. "You don't have a Kentucky license?" Keep in mind I'd been awake maybe 20 minutes. I thought I was very polite as I said, No ma'am...I just moved here), I came home and made myself dinner. Cut up some of the chicken, used some feta and some blueberries, sprinkled the salad topper stuff on the top. Broiled some garlic cheese toast.

The kitchen needs some serious reorganization, in my opinion. Where some things are don't make sense to me, and it seems to me like there's a lot of wasted space. Some cabinets aren't really utilized. Or they're utilized for things that maybe don't need to be in those particular spots. Not my kitchen, though, and hopefully soon I'll have my stuff organized down here in the dungeon.

Walked the puppy tonight. It was just a short walk. Maybe 20 minutes? If that. We didn't head out until late, and I didn't want to be out after dark in a neighborhood I was unfamiliar with.

There was something else, but I can't remember right now. Need to get some sleep.

Morning Update

I am so incredibly weary. Yesterday was another long, stressful day. I have no clue about today, other than I have to make a ton of phone calls. *sigh* (Yeah, I need to see about that Louisville number)

I do know that I'm starving, and I've got to find a way to get some breakfast in my belly. And to wake up.

Going back to sleep for a few. I just can't get myself together. Need an antihistamine.

July 29, 2008

Late Evening Update

It was more mind-numbingly boring stuff today. I met a couple of the people I needed to, though, so I suppose it wasn't all bad.

Went to school and met my principal. Got my staff shirts and saw my office. Discussed my responsibilities. Was told that if I wasn't prepared, the Language Arts department would have a tendency to rip me to shreds. No flying by the seat of my pants. There's so much work to get done before now and then. The least of which is to organize my office. I suppose I'm going to go up there on Saturday and see what I can do about getting myself comfortable. It's a pretty big space. I think I'll take my sunflower pics in for some decoration...and all of my professional books. Not looking forward to hauling them back up the stairs.

As he kept talking, I was feeling more and more ill. *sigh* I'm sure that's just my anxiety kicking in. It'll be fine once I start diving in to it. Which will happen tomorrow afternoon. Have a bunch of phone calls to make. *sigh*

Right now I wish I had the little kitchenette set-up going on. There was way too much to think about when I got home at 8:20 so I put the rotisserie chicken I bought in the fridge. No green roasted chicken salad with texas toast for me tonight. But at almost 11, I'm hungry. I suppose I could go pull the microwave out of the box and make up some popcorn. Although while I know where the microwave is, I'm not entirely sure about the popcorn. I have an inkling, but seeing as how I've misplaced the box with the stereo equipment in it...(pretty sure it's in the garage)

I am pretty hungry, though. I knew I should have bought cottage cheese and crackers when I was at the store. *sigh*

Went to Lowes and tried to buy a section of fence to fix the hole. Couldn't find anyone to help me. Then I found a stainless fridge in the clearance appliance aisle and couldn't find anyone to help me there either. Got pissed off and left the cart with the other things I was going to buy. I suppose I will try it again tomorrow. *sigh* I really don't know how I'm going to get a mini-fridge home, though.

Have the sitting area kinda set up. Didn't get all of the stuff on my list done, though. *sigh* I was supposed to hook up the television and the stereo, but that didn't happen. I'm dying to watch the news. (yes...I know. I'm a dork) The cable guy is supposed to come on Saturday afternoon. I'll be at school.

I forgot to drop my keys off at the landlord's and I forgot to mail them. Will have to do it tomorrow when I get my post office box.

We're supposed to go on a field trip tomorrow. The rumor is that they're taking us to the Louisville Slugger factory...and possibly the zoo. I wanted to do laundry tonight so I could wear capris, but it looks like I'm going to wear the other pair of capris. Comfortable shoes. Hmmmm...Seeing as how my right foot is still (still) grotesquely swollen, I don't know if I have comfortable shoes.

Friday is First Friday Trolley Hop. Might need to go check that out. Even though I'm poor. It might be fun.

Going to bed now. So tired. Need to walk the dog in the morning.

Early Morning Update

The first day is down. Hoping that today won't be quite so mind-numbing.

Woke up several times in the night to find that I'd spit the mouth guard out. The good news is that it appears to be working. The pain in my right ear is just about gone. The jaw is still pretty tender, but the pain is going away. It's a good thing I'm sleeping in this bed alone. That whole mouth guard thing is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sexy!

I'm still tired. I know it's only Tuesday, but I'm looking forward to the weekend when I can sleep in quite a bit. I wanted a nap yesterday when I got home from work, but there was too much to do. Just like there will be too much to do tonight. I know I don't have to get it all done right this minute, but I do want to get it done. I think I'll feel much better when my environment isn't chaos. You know? I can handle mess, but right now I'm totally as sixes and sevens, not quite sure if I'm coming or going. That's kind of a gross feeling.

On today's list:

• get the post office box
• go through benefits package and fill out that paperwork
• begin moving boxes to the other side of the basement. (that includes the boxes of books. Dammit)
• maybe get my cable hooked up down here. I feel pretty disconnected...like I don't know what's going on in the world.

On that note, last night I told the boy that I felt like I'd been pretty needy lately. I have been. Sorry. Can't see past my issues right now, which makes me a pretty crappy friend. I'll get better. I promise.

July 28, 2008

Late Evening Update

What a long, boring day. I signed my contract, though. Got my benefits package. Was going to look through it tonight and make my decisions, but I ran out of time. I have 29 more days to get it where it needs to go.

I'm so very tired. *sigh* I should be in bed. It's going to be a very brief update.

Went to the store and got a mouth guard so hopefully the right ear will stop hurting. Got the bed set up and the mirror attached to the dresser. It doesn't squeak anymore, so you know...in case there's ever a boy who comes to visit, ever again (not likely), it won't be distracting. I'd wanted to get the other half of this room set up tonight, but I guess I'm too ambitious. I plan out way more than can ever be accomplished. *sigh* I'll figure it out eventually, eh?

We've got to call the cable/internet folks tomorrow to get them to come out and move the router, etc. It's in the corner of my "bedroom". I wouldn't mind it in the corner of my "sitting room", but I don't want it in the corner of my bedroom. Period. I wouldn't mind tacking the wires to the baseboard and moving it over there, but the house alarm is tied into the system, and there's not enough of that particular wire to do that. I'm going to have to do that with the extra coaxial cable I have to hook up the television when I get it over there.

That means that tomorrow night I'll be moving boxes back to the other side of the basement so I can then move the crappy end tables, the entertainment center and television, and the chair over here to create a "sitting room". Eventually I suppose I'll get some drapes to separate the two spaces.

Once that's done, I'll need to get the table moved down here so I can set up the "kitchenette". I need to look for a little fridge, but I'm not exactly sure how that's going to come home with me. My car just isn't all that big. And once it's home, I don't know how I'll actually get it down the stairs. I'm strong like bull, but good grief. Get a toaster oven, and I'll be set and ready to go.

(this is me smiling. per the advice of our awful keynote speaker today)

My ankles are grotesquely swollen. I need to take the doggie for a walk in the morning. Which means I need to go to bed now.

Early Morning Update

Here we are. In Kentucky. I have about 15 minutes before I need to get up and get myself into the shower...two flights up.

My right ear is still killing me, but the left is almost completely pain-free. Leaning towards the TMJ explanation. *sigh*

I don't know what I'm going to wear. I had a vague idea, but I'm not sure where the shirt is. Or where the iron is, come to think of it. I'd need both of those. I guess maybe I'm going to go with the black pants with the white pinstripe and the black short-sleeved, fine-gauged sweater. Black heels and I'm done. Actually sounds good to me. You?

July 27, 2008

Evening Update

I know some of you have been waiting. For awhile. I suppose the short story is that I've made it. I'm here. Most of my crap is in the basement. None of it is unpacked. I don't really know what else to say about that.

So...from Thursday on, I suppose? Went to New Orleans and got the tattoo. Love it, love it, love it. Don't know that I would ever do something across the ribs again, though. He did the outline and then put a lidocaine spray on the tattoo before starting the color. Honestly, I don't think that the spray helped. There were a couple of moments where I either wanted to cry or I wanted to ask him to stop for just a minute so I could catch my breath. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, I think, and that pushed me right to the edge and just about over it. Worth it, I think.

Funny story about the whole tattoo process...one of my hands was resting right on his penis just about the entire time he was tattooing me. He put it there because apparently that's where it needed to be in order for him to get where he needed to be. Or that's the story I'm going with because that's the best I can figure. He didn't strike me as the dirty pervert type. I giggled about it, though.

For those of you who are wondering what it looks like in all its glory, behold:

The top two are pink dogwoods. The bottom is supposed to be more white but because I'm white to begin with and the skin was incredibly irritated, it's looking awfully pink as well.

In process:

My hand would have been on his crotch at this point. *grin*

He asked me about my other tattoos, and when I said that I have a sunflower that needed some work, he told me that he would look at it if I wanted him too. So he did and for $50 fixed it right on up. It looks so much better than it did...even when it was new, and some of you know that I loved it so very much when it was brand new.

All told, the tattoos cost me $430 (that's with the touch-up on the sunflower and with the $80 deposit for the dogwoods). Considering the size of the dogwood tattoo, I think that's pretty good. I could be wrong...but my persevere ribbon cost me $100 and it's much, much smaller. Walt said I could come back any time and get more work done, and I'm seriously considering it. Some of you know that I want to get Yggdrasil done on the outside of my thigh, and I think that this guy would be the one to do it. He also mentioned more sunflowers down the leg. That might be cool. I'll have to think about it (and lose some weight).

After the tattoo (and the repiercings), we made our happy way to the quarter, where Margaritaville's kitchen was closed. After three hours of tattooing and a piercing, I needed to eat. We wound up at the Oyster Bar Desire, and I had oysters. I didn't think I was going to be able to get good ones in Kentucky after I left, so I figured what the hell?

Then it was off to wander down Bourbon Street. We wound up somewhere dancing to an 80s metal cover band. They were really, really loud, but we were having a good time. & I knew most of the words. *grin*

We didn't get back to Hattiesburg until 2...which means I wasn't in bed until 2:30 because I had to shower and wash the new tattoos.

Friday was a lot of rushing around and waiting. I went by the house and checked the mail. Then by the college where I spent quite a while with Dr. Rachal. I have more time than I thought I did, and I think that I'm on track for August but more likely December 2009. I was very upfront about the fact that I don't think I'm going to do jack shit until after Labor Day, and he said that he actually wasn't anticipating me getting to work until December or so in order to give myself time to settle into the new job, which should be my priority according to him. He also reassured me that I'm not alone in this process, and he'll support me in any way he can short of writing it for me. So. Good.

Then went to the AT&T store so I could get my phone fixed. I didn't want to have something happen while I was on the phone and have all of that static problem. It took forever, though. I actually had to leave my phone with them because I was running late for lunch with Polly.

I cried when I said goodbye to Polly. I guess I'm getting more sentimental as I get older. *sigh*

Then I came back to the house and my friend Fishie put the car on the tow dolly for me. I'm really fortunate to have such good people around me. Folks who just love me and are willing to help when I need it. That makes me feel good. I'm never quite sure what I've done to deserve their support, but I'll take it regardless.

Several friends came out Friday night and chilled in the pool with all of us. I, of course, did not get in the pool, but I did have my feet in, and I probably drank more than I should have. Meant to get in the bed early, but it was midnight before I was drifting off.

I rolled out of bed at 4:30 Saturday morning so I could get myself together and get gone. Got the cats drugged and in their carriers without incident. Then I got the dog doped up. As the Sner knows, drugging the cats doesn't really do a whole lot of good. It just lessens the volume. Peach is going to sing regardless. Mark made breakfast for me...grits, eggs (none for me, thanks), and cheese toast. I cried again as I was saying goodbye to them. So choked up, I could barely talk. I'm about to cry again just thinking about it. I'm gonna blame it on my hormones right this minute.

And Peach did sing. And put up a valiant fight against the kitty carrier. She lost, though.

The drive was uneventful...except for the rain. It rained from about Birmingham to just south of Nashville. I got stuck at the Pilot in Cornersville. Needed to get gas, and while I was there, the fuel truck pulled in. Because I could back up and because there wasn't enough room to pull around, I had to wait about half an hour before I could leave. *sigh* Then about 15 miles south of Louisville...about a mile south of the 120 exit, a tire blew on the tow dolly. I got pulled over quickly, and customer service was great. They were out within an hour to fix it. Toni came and got the livestock so I could turn the truck off. I really was only about 15-20 minutes from being done. It was a good thing I'd gotten the extra insurance because if I hadn't, even though it wasn't my fault the tire blew, I would have had to pay for the damage to the tow dolly. $90 was worth it, I think.

Once I finally got here, it was off to the races to unload the truck. *sigh* I quit some time after midnight because I literally could not go up and down the stairs one more time.

Have I mentioned that my ears are killing me? It's possible that I have an ear infection which is what is making them hurt so badly, but another friend brought up the possibility that I have TMJ, and that's why they hurt. I've mentioned here a time or two before that I'm worried about how much and how often I clench my teeth. I'll catch myself doing it. And I have been under a bit of stress lately. So. I'm using some drops, but I'm also using some serious ibuprofen and an ice pack. I can't afford x-rays right now to find out if that's what it really is. Maybe once I calm myself down, it'll be better. I'm having a cocktail right this minute in order to facilitate that process.

I didn't get to see the boy before I left, and that makes me sad. I'm not sure that I exactly expected to see him, but it would have been nice. He was very good about talking me through my freak-out last night. Cuz I was having a doozy of one. Kept me from saying something I would have regretted. He's always been very patient with me. *sigh* I miss him.

Anyway kids...more later. I have to get up and go to work in the morning. I didn't pull my clothes out of the boxes tonight so that means I have to do it then.

July 24, 2008

Morning Update

Oh my. Apparently we were up drinking until 5:30 this morning? I don't remember. All I know is that just about everything is out of my house. Except for a few things. The truck is packed and everything is ready to go on that score. Kind of a little sad and feeling a lot lost.

Gotta get going. Stuff to do today. More information as it becomes available.

July 22, 2008

Morning Update

Didn't hear the alarm. Overslept. So...I need to get to work. Seriously. I can do this, I know. I just don't want to. What's left to do is quite a mess. *sigh* That's the worst part of it. That's going to take a lot of work to get the gross stuff finished. *sigh*

Probably won't get a chance to update for awhile. Sorry.

July 22, 2008

Evening Update

So tired. Stress hasn't abated. Thinking that I'm going to finish this large cocktail and go to bed. Get up early and do what I need to do. I've always been better at getting up than staying up (that's what she said...heh).

I am once again a weepy, watery mess. Have I said recently that there are times when it's very difficult to be alone?

Afternoon Update

I am incredibly stressed out. I mean stressed. I've not done any packing today because I started the morning at the hospital with my friend Betsy, who is so much better. From there it was to lunch with a friend. And then shopping to get the prizes for tonight's bunco game and the food. Good grief. That stuff is expensive. True, I'm supposed to be paid back for the biggest part of it, but who knows when that is going to happen.

I guess I'm going to be up quite late tonight trying to get things finished up. Right now I need to be peeling shrimp so it can be part of the salad that is tonight's dinner.

Everything is almost over. That's hard. I kinda kept hoping...maybe. Possibly. But now that I'm coming down to the wire, I have to admit what I was hoping for isn't going to happen. Some things aren't meant to be, I guess. And that's OK.

Have I mentioned I'm stressed? I need to be peeling shrimp.

Tonight's goal...after bunco and going to the hospital is get the kitchen and the spare bedroom completely finished.

July 21, 2008

Afternoon Update

No date. Not a long story, but it just didn't happen. (Not surprising)

I'm going to the hospital to sit with my friend Betsy because her children are pieces of shit and won't be with her tonight after a very serious surgery to remove MSRA staph infection.

Afternoon Update

The bathroom is packed, and I have used two wardrobe boxes. All of the clothes except the stuff in the dryer is packed. Some laundry to finish up.

I'm not at all sure how this is going to work tonight. The living room is full of boxes. I need to clean off the couch so that it's ready for him.

Went to see my friend Betsy in the hospital. *sigh* She's scared. I think she's in surgery now. She wanted her daughter with her, but she said that the daughter didn't have a vehicle to get to Hattiesburg. I offered to drive the 40 miles to Poplarville to get her, but the daughter said that she didn't want me to do that. Worthless child. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Makes me really, really angry. Betsy is a sweet woman, and she deserves better than how her children treat her.

OK. Back to pack another box. *sigh* I hate packing, but it's getting down to the wire. Have to put another load of laundry in.

Morning Update

It was a really good weekend. I meant to write about it last night, but I decided that crawling in my bed was the best option.

I have so much to get done today. Ughhhh. Here's the list:

So. I need to get on all of that.

Anyway...the weekend. The four of us girls started our Saturday out right, and it was a typical madcap journey. We had our breakfast shots (blueberry muffins this time) out of green stemmed wine glasses, which means that we had fairly large shots. And then we put bailey's in the coffee and went on our merry way. (all of us but the driver, that is)

Two of us got our hair done and then we were off for bbq. I have some pictures of us that I need to upload, but right this minute, I don't quite care to put in that effort. There was a lot of sadness in the car Saturday. Tina's daddy is in the hospital, and we were quite sure what was going on with him. Got more information during the course of the day, and things weren't as bad as they could have been. He was moved out of ICU into a regular room. So that was all good.

The other sadness in the car wasn't so easily alleviated, and I don't want to get into it quite so much because that's not mine to tell, but. I hurt for those that are hurting. The end of relationships are hard, no matter how you work them. They just are. And when one person doesn't want it to end, it's worse. Toss in all of the stuff that goes along with the end of a relationship...and ughhh. When you factor in someone not quite sure if they're being manipulated or not, it gets worse. When you're not in it, you can see so clearly what someone else needs to do, but when it's you, it's a different story all together. Helping someone else figure that out, though, is difficult.

At any rate, after the bbq, we headed to the casino. Y'all know I'm not a gambler. I'm just not. It's never been my thing. I get too tense about the thought of losing all that money. Brandy won $200. LK and I spent the time drinking in the bar at the Hard Rock. We talked. And watched people. The bartender didn't charge us for the drinks because she said she was sure that we were going give the casino the money back eventually. Apparently Tina did *grin*, but we certainly didn't.

From there it was off to do some shopping. Since it was going to be Tina's birthday party and my going away party, we both decided we needed something cute to wear. I bought a silky black print dress that everyone said looked great on me. I'm not so sure about that (still), but since it was only $25, that's OK. I can get a little black cardigan and I'll be able to wear it to work. Good deal.

We were a little late getting to our party. But that's OK, it was our party. Had lots of shrimp and all kinds of other goodies. Five Dolla Man brought me a bottle of Tommy Bahama rum and a bottle of Wild Turkey American Honey. I haven't cracked into the American Honey, but over the course of the last two days, the rum has just about disappeared. Not bad. I don't know if I'd go out of my way to have it again, but I appreciated it while I was sipping it down.

From there, we went out to Shenanigan's. We didn't stay there very long, though. The hooker who was running the karaoke felt like it was better to let her friend sing four times in an hour...rather than letting someone else do their thang. Which is shitty. So, we took ourselves down the road to Our Place, which was an experience. When the eight of us walked through the door, we doubled the occupancy of the bar. The little girl running the karaoke was so excited to see us because apparently they were going to have a contest...the prize was a $50 bar tab. Somehow, though, probably because she was a lot drunk, it took the rest of the night to have the contest. *grin* We got there around 11. The contest started around midnight and finished around 1:00.

I won! Yay me! The only probably was that I didn't win until too late to use the bar tab. Tina and the Five Dolla Man have possession of it and will hopefully use it next weekend or something. I also did not get to sing again. The runners up did, but me...the winner...did not. That sucked. There was a group of boys from Camp Shelby come in. Yummy. I was probably too intoxicated for it to be any more than thinking that they were yummy, though.

Then, of course, we wound up the night at 21 South, having some biscuits and gravy. It's always too much for me to eat in one sitting...particularly after I've been drinking...so I had hangover breakfast when I woke up the second time around 8:30. I'm apparently getting too old to spend all day and all night drinking. That or I just have to remember to drink more water before I go to bed. I was useless for the morning.

I went out to Polly's yesterday around 1. It was terribly hot yesterday. Hung out on the back porch for just a little while, and had to get into the water. There were lots of people there...Polly, the MS Parents, my girlfriend and her boyfriend, Brandy and her husband, the Coyote and his wife. We drank and ate and played in the pool.

Much later in the evening, the nameless boy arrived. Since it was just the three of us left, we had some pretty wide-ranging conversations about relationships. NB told me...again...that I'm the only person who has ever loved him and accepted him as he is without wanting to change him. Perhaps that's because I recognize that we could never, ever be in a relationship because he is who he is, and I know it would kill me. So I can love him (if that's what it is. I'm pretty sure I don't know what that feels like...if I ever did), laugh at his exploits, and worry about him. There's more to that discussion, but I've got to get around and get busy.

He's another that swears he's going to come visit me in Kentucky. Not buying it at all.

More later. Have to get to the hospital to visit a friend and start on that list of things that must be done today.

July 19, 2008

Morning Update

That last little bit will do you in every single time. Whew. I'm running a little behind.

It's another roadtrip Saturdy. Last one with the girlies. I'm bringing the Ipod and we're going to be rocking out. Getting our hairs did, having cocktails, and eating bbq. What more could make the perfect day? Oh...I know! A shrimp boil...with more alcohol. And more time with all the girlies. Yay!

What to wear? I'm thinking a nice boob shirt. Although when you have boobs like mine, all shirts are boob shirts.

July 18, 2008

Evening Update

My body aches, and I'm exhausted. I've worked my last day with the engineers. I don't know how it happened, but it wound up that on my last day of work, I put in an hour of overtime. What's that all about?

I'm supposed to be burning cds. Need to get on that, but literally, I'm falling asleep tired. It's going to be a really busy weekend. I've done nothing to pack and get ready tonight. I'm just so tired. I won't hve time to do anything tomorrow, and Sunday afternoon is shot. Sunday morning, though, and Sunday night should be OK. Now that I'm not working, it should be OK. Beth said she'd come over and help Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning.

I think the PSB is coming down Monday night. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. We're going to go to see Batman. If he does come down, he's going to have to stay the night. It's just too far to drive. Good thing my couch is comfy. I could probably have the spare bedroom presentable. Although I think all of the sheets that could work there are packed. Maybe the ones I use for camping are still under my bed.

He said something about coming to visit me in Kentucky once I'm settled there. Now, he is not the only boy to have said that they're going to come to Kentucky to visit me. For the record, I don't know that I believe either of them. It's easy to say such things, but follow through is another story all together.

Regardless, there's only one of them that I would like to come visit, only one of them that I want to spend any time with, and time is running short. Then there's that whole he-doesn't-feel-the-way-I-feel-about-him thing too, so nothing to see here...move along.

Just filled the pill box with the next week's vitamin regiment. I've done good about taking them the last two weeks. I take a lot of pills every day. *sigh*

• 2 fish oil (for the heart)
• 2 niacin (for the heart and the receding gums)
• 3 calcium, magnesium, and zinc (for the bones and joints and the heart)
• 1 potasium (for the high blood pressure)
• 1 garlic (for the heart)
• 1 CoQ10 (for the heart)
• 1 Super B complex (for energy and women's health)
• 1 Vitamin D (for the high blood pressure)
• 1 iron (for the border-line anemia)
• 1 Ester-C (cuz I seem to get colds fairly frequently)
• 3 B-12 (for energy...those dissolve under the tongue, so they're actually kinda fun to take)

Lots of stuff for the heart, huh? My father died of a heart attack, the Sner has had a "silent" heart attack, and heart disease runs in the family. I know my blood pressure tends to the high end of the normal range. So. If taking some vitamins will help with that, I figure it can't hurt too much.

Going to bed now. My doggie has been asleep for the last hour. Should have been a clue.

Morning Update

Didn't have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to tell the neighbors to turn it down, but I thought I was going to have to before I even got the chance to close my eyes. They were getting rowdy, but apparentlny decided to take the party elsewhere.

Last day of work! Last day of work! Last day of work!!! So much to do today, though. Ughhh. I think someone should take me to lunch today to celebrate. Or take me out for drinks after work to celebrate. Or something. What say you? Any takers? Hmmmmmm?

I feel like I have a black eye.

July 17, 2008

Late Evening Update

The guns have been found! I know that y'all were worried about it. Honestly, I forget that I had one of them. It's a revolver that's terribly rusted. I don't even know what I'm doing with either of them. I don't like guns. Period. It's just that they were grandpa's. So. Yeah.

I don't know how much packing I've done tonight. I suppose that's OK, though. It's all a part of the process. Tonight I put a bunch of stuff out by the road. Most of it from the spare bedroom. I guess a ton of that stuff was stuff I needed to get rid of anyway. For some stupid reason, I was just hanging on to it. Put a bookshelf out there. Heavy as hell, but really a piece of crap. I'm sure that most of it will be gone tomorrow morning before the trash guy comes. Which reminds me...I have a severely freezer-burnt pork roast that needs to go out there.

I'm listening to Rosanne Cash's Black Cadillac. Wow. I forget how wonderful she is.

 

Sally had her baby on Monday. Cute! Looks like a tee-niney little old man, all dressed up in pink. Chris sent me bunch of pictures of her...all taken in the first hours of her sweet little life.

So I continue to be worried about my friend. I'm pretty sure that if he doesn't put the brakes on things, she's gonna be jumping in with both feet, making the same mistakes. Not that I'm one to talk, but I see it like a train wreck waiting to happen. I may fuck up and get in too deep too fast, but I generally only make that mistake once every four or five years.

Evening Update

I am taking a break from packing the vases and painted china. In a moment I'll get back to it.

It was a crappy, crappy day. Good thing that tomorrow is the last day. I have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow, but then it's over. It's days like today that you wish someone was waiting for you...to just decompress and perhaps have a drink. Maybe a little rub on the neck. I could have that. Probably even tonight. Certainly tomorrow night. But.

Morning Update

So very grouchy and so very tired. Had to go outside three times early this morning to tell the stoned neighbors to turn it down. The last time, my neighbor from ACROSS THE STREET was walking over too.

More later.

July 16, 2008

Late Evening Update

Good grief. Again, feeling quite a bit stressed. Things are coming down to the wire, and while next Saturday seems like a long time away, I've got plans between now and then that are going to make the time much shorter. Like a road trip to get the hairs did on Saturday, then a party Saturday night, and another party on Sunday. I'm going to play in the pool tomorrow night because it's so nice and I haven't done it very much this summer. So. I'm going to stay home Friday night I guess and pack.

Got the kitchen closer tonight. The canned goods and the spices are packed, as is the crockpot. Just have to do the pots and pans and the dishes/glasses and it's all over but the crying in there. Meant to get by the UHaul store today to get the dish sleeves but didn't make it that far.

So far tonight, I have spilled a beer. And broken my left pinky fingernail off way (and I do mean way) off in the quick. I have it bandaged because it was bleeding rather freely, which makes it difficult to type.

Picked up two indoor/outdoor rugs today at Target. They're 5'3" x 7'5" and were originally $70 each. I got them for $16.24. They're in natural tones which doesn't really go with my furniture, but for that price, I don't know that I really care. You know?

Had lunch with a friend today. More worry about a mutual friend, but also more worry about myself. I get involved, and I get attached. Occasionally I have fucked up dreams about what might be. Most of the time, though, even though I might want more than what I have, I'm not desperate to have more than what I've got. Am? I'm probably not the most objective when it comes to myself.

There was a bunch more I wanted to say tonight. I read some interesting stuff today, but I'm so tired. And to make my finger stop hurting, I've had a few cocktails.

Morning Update

I hit the snooze button on the alarm for the third or fourth time, but the dog had a different plan in mind. The next thing I knew, she was barking. I don't know if she really had to go out or if she was barking at the cat, but I decided that it was apparently time for me to drag out of the bed.

I need a bunch of addresses, so if I don't have yours, please send it. Thanks. I suppose that during downtime at work today, I'm going to continue to address my "I've Moved!" cards. I'm sure that Jason and Don will have more to do for me, but I'm gonna be prepared.

July 15, 2008

Evening Update

I didn't pack. I did the dishes, and I shredded documents that I don't need to take to Kentucky with me. Very old bank statements. Credit card statements, etc. I'm going to get rid of the mortgage documents as well (both the purchase...7 years ago...and the sale...four years ago). Poor little shredder. I don't know that it's seen this much of a workout since I moved down here and went through that same process.

Talked to a friend for quite awhile tonight. We were talking about another friend, and because everything is about me, I had to wonder if the things that we were talking about couldn't apply to me too. Am I that clingy, pitiful girl who doesn't know when to say when and throw in the towel? Is that me? I'm terribly afraid that's me.

More stress about the new job. More emails about things I'm missing, things that need to be done as soon as I get there, books I should read and be prepared to work with/implement in early August. My head is going to explode.

Beth said that there are rugs at Target on sale for 50% off. I need to go check it out since I need rugs for the rooms since the floors aren't carpeted. I think I might go out to Beth's tomorrow night. Hang out in the pool. Most of the packing really is done. I could take another night off. I have all of next week off. Or maybe I'll work tomorrow night and then go out to the pool Thursday night since I don't have to go to the Jaycees meeting.

Evening Update

I should be packing. Or doing the dishes that I cleaned out this morning. Maybe shredding financial documents that I'm not going to take to Kentucky with me. Or getting the doggie outside so I can give her the bath she desparately needs with the hose. But I can't really be bothered right this minute.

I guess I'm going to do dishes, pack vases, and shred. All in one night. Might be way too much excitement to handle. I guess I'm also going to put the down blanket in the washing machine...and then in the dryer all night long.

Morning Update

I slept hard last night, but I don't feel any better this morning.

Did a quick clean-out of the fridge because it's trash day and found a thing of milk in there that expired on May 27. Good deal. There was also some rotten broccoli and squash. There's lots of beer. Should probably start drinking that. I can pack the wine and the rest of the booze, but the beer probably should be consumed.

I have a wart on the last knuckle of my right middle finger. It popped up Sunday and hurt like hell. Because I am impatient and because the only thing that worked on the wart that I had on the side of my left index finger all those years ago was to actually keep ripping it off, I did that yesterday. Which made it hurt even more. I now have one of those stupid salicylic acid strips over it. Which also hurts.

I really, really don't want to go to work this morning. But since I have to buy gas before I can get there, I suppose I should get ready to face the day.

July 14, 2008

Late Evening Update

I feel like I've done something wrong. It's late, I'm tired, and I've had a little to drink tonight. I don't know what to do. I Or what to think. Or how to proceed.

I need to go to bed. That's what I need to do. Maybe it'll look different in the morning, and I'll understand more then.

Morning Update

Packing update. It's not going as awfully as I thought it was. I guess I did a pretty good job of getting rid of things the last time I moved.

I have five days of work left, and I'll be glad when it's done. I won't be glad to not have a paycheck, but the not having to go to that place anymore will be good for me. That makes me happy.

Just put the roast in the crock pot. Going to take carnitas out to Gumbo Acres tonight for our social tonight.

My horoscope says that there have been lots of slow changes in my life lately and that right now I'm starting to see the cumulative effect of all of those changes...like a flower opening. And that I'm in a period of emotional stability where I feel comfortable to be honest with myself and others about my feelings. Hmmmmm.

OK. Gotta get it going. Stuff to do, and I'm starved. Gonna be a busy, busy day.

July 13, 2008

Late Evening Update

Packed another box. Will probably do one more before I go to bed tonight.

Can I say that I don't understand boys at all? I have several beautiful, sweet, sassy friends who have husbands that are for the most part, apparently assholes. I know that I don't have the whole story, and I know that no matter how sexy, swee, and sassy a woman is, there is someone out there who is tired of putting up with her shit. But. Good grief. When you land yourself someone like these women, why would you do anything to screw it up? I don't get it. (and yes...I know the same thing happens in the other direction with the women letting go of/pissing off/hurting really great guys, but right now boys are in my thoughts)

I just put a bunch of stuff out next to the street. It'll be gone tomorrow afternoon. The packing really isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think that maybe an hour a night, and I'm done by the weekend. I've got to take the clothes and stuff to Christian Services Tuesday. Having that stuff blocking the hallway is driving me insane. I need the space gone so I can feel like I have made some progress.

Anyone need a coffee pot?

I've decided I'm taking the kitchen table and chairs with me. There's going to be room for it in the basement and I can set up like a little kitchen area. Keep the microwave. Maybe add a toaster oven. Pick up a little refrigerator. I found this room screen that I really like, but it's a little pricey. I think I'm probably going to be doing some heavy drapes to partition the bedroom.

How do you transport plants? I really want to take my lime tree with me. Just in case it's not a good idea...anyone want a lime tree?

As I was packing things up, I came across that really expensive bottle of wine I bought a long time ago. I was waiting to have it with with someone special. Not necessarily for something special but someone special. That hasn't happened yet. It's probably turned to vinegar by now. *sigh* Missed opportunities, I suppose. Kinda sad and pathetic, which is nothing like my life at all, is it?

 

Evening Update

Today I have packed the cookbooks and the sewing machine. All the photos and the DVDs and most of the stuff on top of the entertainment center. I guess in a few minutes I'll get started on things in the kitchen. Maybe pack a bunch of glasses. All of the barware perhaps. Not like it's going to get used before I leave. I can always drink wine out of a dixie cup. Or one of the drinking goblets. Gonna pack all the vases, too. Have I mentioned how much I hate this?

I figured out what's been wrong with me the last couple of days. Other than the obvious. Apparently my period is about to start. That makes sense because even though it took forever for the period from hell to end last time, I'm potentially a week late. Since I'm not going to ever have sex again, I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it?

Last night was just one of those nights where I shouldn't have gone out. I didn't really want to be around people. Sometimes if you're feeling that way, the best thing is to just go on with it and get it over with because you never how it's going to work once you get there. Usually, you find your groove and it was just what you didn't know you needed. Other times, though, you were right on the money and should have stayed home in your pajamas. I should have stayed home in my pajamas last night.

I went out to lunch with a friend today, and it was another of those situations. I almost didn't go. I was literally in tears on the drive there. Sucked it up and went, though. And it was OK. Still feeling introverted, though. After I went to visit a friend who'd recently had surgery. And that was good too, but I was still feeling icky. Came in to take nap and it didn't happen.

July 12, 2008

Late Evening Update

It was a decent day. Really successful, actually, but now I feel like the world is going to end. I want what I'm never going to get again, and that is awful.

So. In order to go to bed, I think I'm going to suck down a big ol' cocktail and see if that helps. On second thought, I think I'm going to take an Ambien and chase that down the rabbit hole.

I hate this. I hate that I get like this. What the fuck is wrong with me? Because it's not even about fucking him. But being next to him.

July 11, 2008

Evening Update

Still feeling destructive. Was out at the pool with Beth and Brandy. Had a few drinks. Not enough. Since I don't have to do anything to do tomorrow except pack and go to to a toy party, I think I'm going to do it up right tonight.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Morning Update

It's Friday! And that means I only have one more week at work. That also means that I have two more weeks until I'm gone. *sigh*

I think I'm probably staying home and packing this weekend. Maybe I'll call Beth and see about hanging out in the pool. It's supposed to be hotter than hell this weekend. *sigh*

I have to go buy vitamins this weekend. I'm out of a few of them. What vitamins do y'all take...if you take them? I pop a handful every morning, and I hate it. I suppose, though, that it's good for me. There are a couple I need to add to the regime. I don't remember to take them all the time, but I'm trying to be better about it. I know that I should take them throughout the day, but it's about all I can do to remember once a day. I don't know if I notice a difference when I take them, but I think it's good for me.

July 10, 2008

Late Evening Update

Have I mentioned lately how stupid I am? I let assholes have control in my life and then I get upset when the assholes do what they do best. But they're assholes. For some unfathomable reason, I keep hopng that the results are going to be different. They never are, though, which means that's on me. I know they're assholes.

These are the times when I feel like doing something incredibly self-destructive. It is times like these that I can see the appeal that cutting holds. Never fear, dear reader. I'm too much of a chicken to do anything like that. I haven't even had anything to drink tonight because I'm such a mood that I'm afraid I wouldn't stop readily. And I have to go to work in the morning.

Mid-Morning Update

The books are packed!!!

Didn't sleep well again last night, which means that I was really tired this morning when I got up. So tired, in fact, that I slept until 7:00. Well...I got up at 6:30 to let the puppy out and feed her, but then I went back to bed. Sounded like the best option to me. That is, until I realized that I had an hour to get my sorry self ready to go to work. *sigh*

I think I'm suffering from short-timers. I haven't enjoyed coming to work for a very long time, but now that I've given notice and know that I'm leaving in just one short week, I'm having an eve more difficult time concentrating on the things that I should be doing here. *sigh* I think a margarita for lunch sounds like an excellent plan. Not that it will happen, but it sounds like a really good idea right this minute.

I've got something kicking around in my brain, but I don't know exactly how to say it without revealing too much of myself. Not like I don't already do that, but sometimes, I don't want to be the only one prone, soft, white belly exposed for the kill.

I've got something kicking around in my brain, but I don't know exactly how to say it without revealing too much of myself. Not like I don't already do that, but sometimes, I don't want to be the only one prone, soft, white belly exposed for the kill.

July 9, 2008

Late Evening Update

All of the books are packed. I moved them from the spare bedroom onto the floor of the living room, and this is what it looked like when I started the process:

After packing a box full of books, it looked like this:

I now have 11 boxes of books that are ready to go to Louisville with me. (six bigger boxes, five smaller ones) Ugghh. One thing to check off the list. I think tomorrow night I start tackling the knick-knacks and photos. All of those will go into boxes. Friday night the bathroom gets done.

I have a terrible bruise blooming right above the inside of my left knee. I don't remember what I did, but I remember thinking that it was gonna be bad when I did it. *sigh* Moving is hell.

I'm beginning to get a little stressed about this whole thing. Actually more than a little stressed. I know, I know, I know that I shouldn't get stressed out about this because my being stressed out about it isn't going to do me any good. I can't change the stuff surrounding the move. I can't control anything but me. I can make plans and back-up plans, but that's about all I can do. That's one of the hard things for me...letting go.

Talked to the Sner for awhile tonight. Looks like I'm not going home for Labor Day afterall. It's a lot to have to do right after I've moved. So we'll just hook up at Thanksgiving. There's still going to be a family powwow, but I won't be there for it.

There's more but I don't feel like talking about it right now. Irritated and grouchy. Have been most of the day.

Morning Update

I'm doomed, I tell ya, doomed!

My house is full of boxes. That means that I have to get myself packing. There are now only 16 days. I haven't done anything the last two nights, but I've plans to change that this evening. My goal tonight is to finish packing the books. So many damn books. And maybe I'll pack the games behind the chair. I'm not sure exactly why I have them. It's not like anyone ever plays them with me. The boy at one time said he would, but.

I really don't want to think about packing the kitchen. Or unpacking when I get to Louisville. Or going to work this morning.

July 8, 2008

Late Evening Update

It's been a long, gross day. Talked to Jason this morning, gave my notice. It wasn't as bad of a conversation as I thought it was going to be. He actually seemed like he was pretty excited for me. I was totally stupid, though, and said that if they needed some help that last week I was in town, I'd be willing to come in A LITTLE on the 21st, 22nd, & 23rd. I probably shouldn't have done that, but I was feeling guilty.

I think I have malaria. Fever? Check. Chills? Check. Headache? Check. Sweats? Check. Fatigue? Check. Nausea? Check. Dry Cough? Check. Muscle and/or back pain? Check. Apparent cyclical nature? Check. I felt like ass all last week, but this weekend it ws like I was all better. But starting yesterday afternoon...it's all back again in full force. I swear I had the AC on 65 at work today, but I was still sweating.

(It's easier to think that I possibly have malaria, even though I've not been anywhere that I could get malaria despite the fact that occasionally it is Africa hot here and the mosquitos are big enough to put a saddle on, than to worry...again...about MS. Some of the symptoms are similar...and I've been feeling more "off" lately, which is probably due to stress.)

So, there are apparently problems at home. The Sner, Uncle Steve, and Aunt Carol are going to be home for Labor Day. Guess that means that I'll be home for Labor Day as well. The good thing is that from Louisville, it's a 7 hour drive versus the 10-11 hour drive from Hattiesburg. I'll leave after work on Friday, and with gaining an hour (since Louisville is in Eastern time zone), I can be home at Cari's by 10:00 or 11 at night. (hear that Cari?) Then back on Monday. Doesn't look like I'm going to have a lot of time to settle in.

I'm a little worried about starting this new job. I think there are a lot of expectations, and right this minute, I'm terrified that I'm not going to live up to them. I get emails about things that are going on and things that I'm going to be responsible, and I have to say that right this minute I have no clue what any of it is about. I'm hoping that all of it won't be too bad, but right now, I'm experiencing some anxiety about it. What if I can't live up to their expectations?

I just rescued a huge toad from the door and the doggie. About the size of the palm of my hand. Seriously. When I tried to move it, it would freeze. If it somehow got rolled over, it would just stay on its back. Kinda gross, but I felt bad about it just sitting there waiting to get stepped on.

My friend Jane has said that if her husband makes it home in time, they would be willing to come to Louisville to help me unload the truck Saturday so I can get it back Sunday and save some money. They're about four hours away, so that's extremely sweet of them. Guess that means I'll have to drag myself up and out of bed really, really early Saturday morning so I can get there at a reasonable hour.

Friends dropped by the house this evening, and I was so proud of my puppy. She jumped up on Johnny, but she only did it after he signaled to her that it was OK. Then she climbed on the back of the couch. *sigh* Which she never gets to do when it's just her Sner here.

Morning Update

I can't remember what I was rambling about yesterday. Probably about not being able to give my notice.

Walked the doggie down and paid the rent this morning. Late. I don't care.

I slept like ass last night. Really, really vivid dreams. Woke up crying at one point. *sigh* It wasn't a nightmare; I was just very upset by a moment that should have been OK but wasn't because I might have an issue or two. Once I got past that and drifted off to sleep, I woke up this morning dreaming about sex. Wow. He was a very talented boy...knew exactly how to use his hands and his tongue. That was equally vivid. Have I mentioned that I miss sex?

July 7, 2008

Early Evening Update

Holy crow. Letter from the school district waiting for me when I got back to the house. It was asking me to choose a date to complete my hiring process. Except none of those dates will be after I arrive. And they want the documents I've already sent to them. I guess I'm going to have to mke a phone call. *sigh*

I need to start packing, but I really don't want to. *sigh* The boxes are on the front porch and in the trunk of the car. I can finish up books and start on photos tonight. Since there are only 18 days left, I should probably get right on top of that, huh?

Had a strange conversation with Cousin Doug this evening. He dailed my number by mistake. We then had a rather pleasant conversation via text. Silly boy!

I'm going to have some ice cream and go to the bed.

Afternoon Update

No bosses have been here this morning for me to give my notice to. I was just going to tell them, but I guess I should write a letter now. *sigh* Maybe one of them will come back before it's time for me to get out of here for the day.

I reserved the truck. Yay me! I did some poking around online and found a discount code that got me 15% off. If I can get the truck unpacked and back to them Sunday night, I can save another $60-120. I'm not sure that's going to happen, though. If I don't manage that, then the truck and the dolly for the car is about $600. And gas. Uggh. It's about 600 miles there. Figure 5-6 miles per gallon...at $4.20 or so a gallon...that's about $450 in gas. Still much better than what it cost me to move down here. *sigh*

Now that I'm thinking about it, I doubt I'm going to be able to really start any unloading the 26th. According to mapquest, it's a 9 hour drive. But I probably won't be cruising at 75 the entire time. So, I'm thinking it's going to take me longer than 9 hours to get there, particularly considering the animals will be in the vehicle with me. *sigh* (The boy suggested last night that I put Cob in the car and roll the windows down for her. I'm afraid she'd be doing a whole lot of moving around. She's knocked the car out of gear before. And if she knocked it out of neutral, that wouldn't be good. (the car freely shifts among neutral, D4, and D5). I suppose I could put the cats in the carriers in the car, but they wouldn't have a way to get to water like the dog would. What to do?)

At any rate, I won't get to leave at the crack of dawn like I would normally want to. And speaking of that...where I am I going to stay Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday nights? Since the truck is getting packed on Wednesday? I'll want access to my vehicle, and someone else is going to have to put it on the dolly, which means that I'll have to wait for someone to wake up and do it for me on Saturday. The Sner will testify to my inability to do that when I moved down here because I was too afraid of shooting over the end. *shudder* Besides...that sounds a whole lot like boy work to me. Doesn't it to you?

So, long, hot, boring drive (I seem to recall only fm radio. *shudder*) probably means there won't be much energy or time to begin the unloading process that night. Although, I suppose I could. Ughh. This is going to be madness. I should say screw plans and hit the road Friday.

Morning Update

So tired. I didn't go to bed until almost one. What the heck was I thinking? I have to give them my notice today at work.

The house smells like cucumbers. Not sure what that's about, but it's a little on the annoying side.

Must pack tonight. Must finish laundry. Need to do some cleaning. Have to reserve the truck. Haven't gotten around to that yet. I know that this is the right move for me, but I don't want to go through the process to get there. I have a bit of an aversion to that kind of work. Have gotten soft in the last several years.

July 6, 2008

Late Evening Update

Went to the movies and then I went to drop off the cookies for the boy. Stayed and talked to him for almost two hours. It was good to see him, and it was nice to talk to him. My stomach was all in knots before I got there. Silly really. It was just that the last time we spent time together, I wasn't very nice in the end...and that embarrasses me.

I'm starved, but the only thing that is made right now is ribs, and that's not what I want right this minute. There is ice cream in the freezer, though...but my tummy really doesn't feel good.

Late Afternoon Update

The persistent nausea is back. I thought that maybe it was about the cold I've had or maybe a little too much drinking, but for the last two days, it's been right here. Had sprite and part of a salad for lunch. Not all that happy about it. Have I mentioned that I can't wait until I have health insurance again?

Went and got my tattoo touched up. It's much, much better, and if the gray turns out not nearly as bright as it is right now (which he said it would fade), it'll be really good.

Kind of a scary experience. We were way the hell out in the boonies. Betsy had been telling me a little about the place and her daughter and son-in-law (sorta but not really...they've been together 3 years but aren't married). She kept telling me that he was a biker, which doesn't bother me a whole lot. I like some bikers. Yeah, apparently he's not entirely like the bikers I like.

Betsy's daughter showed me some of her tattoos, which Gary had done. BEAUTIFUL work. But the Kreigsmarine flag on the wall made me a little uncomfortable. It wasn't a topic of conversation...in 20 minutes it's kind of difficult to get much beyond the discussion of the work I wanted done.

Betsy had assured me that he kept everything really clean and sterile, and at least all of the equipment was. As I sat, straddling a kitchen chair, I kept staring at the dead bug caught in a spiderweb inches from my feet. It wasn't a roach. Some sort of beetle, I think. I couldn't stop looking at it.

The tattooing process, though...it is as it always is. It didn't hurt like I anticipated it might. I always forget that it's not as painful as I think it's going to be. There were a couple of moments when I had a twinge, but for the most part, I could have been sleeping. I hear that the ribs are a bit more tender, so I'm a little anxious about the 24th.

Late Morning Update

Last night we were talking about sex. That seems to be what a group of girls does when they get together. Three of us...none of us have had sex in the last month. And one of us is married (I know that doesn't guarantee anything, but you'd think that marriage equals sex whenever you want it because you've already paid for it. Doesn't quite work that way, though) I miss sex. *sigh*

I talked to Eric yesterday, and he said something about how I was going to have a new boy shortly after I moved to Louisville. I don't discount the possibility, but I'm not holding out hope. I was here over a year before I was comfortable enough with anyone to venture that far...and I'm pretty sure that had quite a bit to do with the situation and the five bottles of wine consumed among four people. I'm just not all that willing to open up and be vulnerable to someone. As much as I miss sex. *sigh*

I was gonna be all jealous of one of my friends because she was gonna get laid when all the reset of us weren't, but it didn't happen. *grin* So, she remains in the same position the rest of us are. LOL!

I have 19 more days. Nineteen days left here. I've got to get more packing done, although I think the books will be finished later today (Suzy got me some more boxes). Almost all of the linens, etc are clean so the spare bedroom should be finished in the next couple of days and the bathroom will soon follow. Not looking forward to the kitchen. Not at all.

July 5, 2008

Early morning July 6, 2008 Update

Interesting afternoon/evening to say the least. I don't know how much to say about the most interesting part of it.

Went shopping this afternoon. I came home with what I was looking for, but I hate shopping. Makes me feel bad about myself. Not like I need much in order for that to happen.

Went out to the MS Parents and played in the pool. Had a few drinks. Then it was off to the karaoke. Ran into the boy. He was on a date. Funny.

Morning Update

Yesterday's fireworks.

I need to continue to pack and do laundry. As I was folding blankets and putting them in the box last night, I thought that I could wrap some of the stuff in the kitchen in them...like the punch bowl and the blue glass. I need to wash my down blanket. That's not going to be fun.

I also need to go do a little shopping. *sigh* My fat thighs have worn thin my denim capris, which I practically live in. Guess I'm going to go do that now, and then come home and pack.

It appears that it's going to be another karaoke Saturday. Going to get my breast cancer tattoo fixed on Sunday. My friend Betsy said that since I'm her friend, and since it's not a lot of work, her son-in-law would only charge me for the ink. Yay!

July 4, 2008

Late Evening Update

I'm such an incredible dork. So, I had the two fountains, the sparklers, and six of these little spinner things ($1.49 for the six of them). It took me maybe 15 minutes to do them all because I'm such an incredible dork. I did three of the little spinner things first. Even though they only lasted like 10 seconds, I loved them! Sparks shooting off of them as they turned into these pink and then green and then white orbs skittering across the pavement. I could feel that big, dumb grin on my face. If I weren't holding a punk in my hand, I probably would have clapped.

After I did the three little spinner things (because I have this thing about symmetry), I lit one of the sparklers. Do you remember when the morning glory sparklers first came out? I think I was seven or eight. I've always been enamored of sparklers, but these, with their pretty paper wrappers and promise of changing colors, were something else. I remember that I wanted one so badly. My father used to take us to a little fireworks stand by the drive-in theater, and we could pick out a couple of small things...usually the stupid chicken that was supposed to lay "eggs" or the tanks that fired rounds. There was always a ton of bottle rockets, which I never really liked, and some fire crackers, which scared the hell out of me. My father would buy roman candles, which I didn't like either, but that was it.

The year that the morning glory sparklers came out, it was all I wanted. Screw the chickens and the rest of it. I just wanted the sparkler. They were expensive, though, and my father wasn't all that keen to get me one...because that was going to be all I got. Just that one. That was all I wanted, though, so that was enough for me. He got it for me...after I begged...and I was happy with it. Funny that you can now get 6 of them for $0.75...and I'm not sure that even now I couldn't be happier.

At any rate, after the sparkler, I set off the smaller fountain. I think it was called Bamboo something or other. Twenty-thirty seconds of pretty green showers. Then another sparkler. I really do love it when the stupid little balls go shooting off it. Then it was off the remaining three spinner thingies. Same big, stupid, cheeseball grin.

To wind things up, it was the Big Snow. I'm not sure what it was that I expected, but I got more than I what I bargained for. I didn't know it was going to go shooting stuff way up into the air...but it did. All white and blue sparks. Very pretty. Again, ridiculously, retardedly happy watching it.

Then it was off to finish up the sparklers...sitting on the porch, writing my name and my hopes and dreams in the smoke, transfixed, just like that seven or eight year old was so many years ago.

I have to say that I don't really care for lighting the fireworks myself. I guess it's a left-over from childhood where men lit the serious fireworks. Or maybe it's hold-over of that fear of fire crackers. My father used to make me light firecrackers, and I can remember crying in terror...afraid that I wouldn't be able to let go of it in time, exhortations about blown up hands. Maybe I'm just afraid of the noise, for much the same reason I don't like guns.

I can't decide if it's a good thing that I'm so easily amused and entertained. It doesn't take much to make me happy. So very little really. I'm watching 1776, for fuck's sake. Stupid. Very stupid. One of these days, I'll figure it out.

Evening Update

I'm so full that it is disgusting. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, unless the fruit in the sangria has something to do with it. The ribs were so very good. Not as good as the Shed of course, but for having been done on my little grill, they're beautiful.

I guess it's dark enough now to do my very pitiful fireworks display. I should have gone somewhere. Much like I love Christmas lights, I love fireworks. I am pitifully captivated by sparkly, shiny things. I don't know what it is, but I am embarrassingly childlike in my love for such things. I missed the Macy's display on Channel Four because I thought it was at 9. It was at 8. For some reason the Boston Pops aren't on PBS. Aren't the Boston Pops always supposed to be on PBS on July 4th?

I don't want to light my fireworks because then they'll be gone. But saving them doesn't do any good either, does it? I feel kinda silly with it. Maybe if I do it in the alley, no one will see how very sad it is.

I suppose it is fitting for I am so very sad tonight. Weepy and watery and sad. There is so much to say, but there are too many eyes.

Late Afternoon Update

The sangria is marinating in the fridge. It's so full of fruit that I didn't have room to put the club soda in it. I guess I'll pour some and then add the club soda on top of it. The ribs are on the grill smoking, and I have my fountains (two) and sparklers for later.

Talked to Eric and Shan for a little while this afternoon. I feel so inept and so useless. What do you say? How does anything that comes out of your mouth make the enormity of what has happened more bearable? There are beautiful poems and short verses, but what do they really mean? Eric said something about all of the fireworks tonight being to honor Meta's memory, and Shan said it has been a beautiful day in Colorado, with the baby (Eric and Shan's niece) in the lake, her diaper bloated with the water. I suppose if there was a day to go home, then today was it.

It makes you, or me at least, stop and wonder who will mourn your passing. Who will be there to care for you in your waning moments? Who will need comfort after you have died? There are moments when I question this whole being alone thing that I've created for myself, but then I realize that being with someone doesn't mean that you've insulated yourself from the possibility of dying alone. The GrandSner will die as she has lived the last twenty years. Her children and grandchildren will be around her at the end, but the process of decline will largely be spent alone.

I guess more importantly, though, is have you lived a life that will cause people to mourn your passing? Have you mattered to people? What kinds of stories will they tell about you when you are gone?

It's the fourth of July. I kinda feel like watching 1776. Lucky for me, it is playing on TCM at 10:00. If the sangria doesn't get me by then, we know what I'll be doing. How pathetic is that? Single. Friday night. The Fourth of July. I'll be watching a cheesy musical. *sigh* I could be out with some people I don't really know. I could have gone to the coast. I could have told the PSB to come down. But I'm here. By myself. Doing nothing. Good job.

Morning Update

Woke up with the dog around 6 and went back to bed for a little while. Wasn't really sleeping, though. Just laying there. The phone rang at about 20 to 8, and it was Shan. Meta passed away this morning.

July 2, 2008

Evening Update

I came home about two and a half hours early. Was running a fever. Laid down and slept until about 6 when that doggie wanted to go out and have some dinner.

I want soup, but I don't have the necessary ingredients to make it. So it's cottage cheese and pringles for me.

I packed another box of books. I am not out of the 12 x 12 x 18 boxes. I think I need another three to get all of my books packed. I could get the avon boxes out of the trunk and pack some pictures and that sort of thing. Tackle the little things. But I feel like shit, so I don't think I'm going to do that tonight.

Talked to my new principal this morning. He told me that I did great on my interview, and explained a little bit about what my schdule is going to look like in the fall. Then he asked me when I was arriving. Because they have professional development on the 14th & 15th that it would be great if I could attend. Well. Yeah. Not going to happen. It's about strategies for working on a block schedule, which I've done that before. He and the portfolio person are going to cover the Language Arts part of it for me.

I think that they forget that I'm not currently employed as a teacher, which means that I'm don't have a paycheck coming in like they do. Even if I could move my schedule up in order to make it there for that PD, I would be going essentially 2 months without a paycheck. Some people could do that, I suppose, but I can't. It's going to be hard enough figuring out how to go a month and a half without a paycheck while still having bills and kids that I'm responsible for. Need to write an brief bio so he can introduce me to the staff.

I'm such a pussy when I'm sick. I've given myself a nosebleed. If I had a blender, I'd be making milkshake right this minute. If someone wanted to bring me one (a milkshake...not a blender; I don't need anything else to pack), that would be great. I'll leave the door unlocked for you.

My horoscope for tomorrow says that I need to have a conversation, and that because we are in the dark of the moon, now is the time for secrets to be revealed. I am supposed to talk. And trust. And believe. And to remember the emotional repression is not good for me or the people around me. Go on and put my feelings on the line. Huh.

Morning Update

Yesterday's adventures in packing and the confessions of a packrat.

I am extremely grouchy right this minute. I'm not feeling good. Went to bed last night around 10:30 or so because I really was'nt feeling good. Yeah, was awakened at 1:00 by the idiots next door. I resolved to get myself up, put the robe on, stumble through the maze that has now become my house, and ask them to politely shut the hell up. By the time I got outside, though, they had gone inside. I navigated the maze and went back to bed. Thirty minutes later, just as I was drifting into that good sleep, they started again.

I laid there for maybe five minutes, just waiting. It was probably another five minutes for me to stumble around, find my robe, navigate the maze (trip over a bag) and get outside. Where once again, they'd gone in.

I am cranky this morning. Very cranky.

I'm starving again this morning. You know what sounds lovely? Those IHOP Georgia Peach Praline Strudel pancakes. I'm probably just gonna have some ceral, though. *sigh* I hate ceral.

July 1, 2008

Late Evening Update

I hate packing. My back is going to kill me tomorrow. Once I got started this evening I couldn't stop myself. All of the clothes have been sorted and put in bags. Good grief...how did I get so much crap? There will be six bags that get taken to the Salvation Army. The tally:

• 31 pairs of pants, jeans, and shorts
• 65 blouses, t-shirts, and tanks (mostly t-shirts)
• 9 dresses
• 13 skirts
• 20 bras
• 7 sets of pajamas/night gowns
• 3 swim suits
• 1 warm-up suit
• 4 jackets
• 14 pairs of shoes/boots

Everything that I have left in the realm of clothing will probably fit in one wardrobe box and the drawers of the dresser, so I'll take the other three wardrobe boxes back and get some other size boxes. Like ones for books.

I packed five boxes of books tonight, and I'm nowhere near done. One box for the doctoral program binders and notes. One box for the doctoral program books. Two boxes for professional books (I had no clue I had that many. I knew I had a lot, but I didn't know I had THAT many). One box for books about writing. I'm going to have to get some more of those smaller size boxes before I can finish up with the books. I have one left.

I guess once that gets done, I'll work on packing up linens and such...getting them laundered before I put them in a box. Really the only things in the spare bedroom are my books, my haphazard record keeping system, the Christmas decorations (already boxed), and some camping gear. From there, I suppose it's going to be on to the bedroom. Maybe the bathroom. I guess I've decided to spend most of the day on the 4th packing. The sooner I get it done, the better, eh? The more time I can spend with my friends.

I'm slow sometimes, but eventually I get it. I got it now. No worries.

I think I'm going to have to put a ton of money in my mouth as soon as I get to Louisville. Between the back two teeth on the lower left side, it hurts. Pretty much all the time. I'm hoping that it's that fillings are coming out and not that I need a root canal. That would so suck hard core.

The neighbor who no longer lives next door put a note in my mailbox with her house key that said she'd appreciate it if I returned it to the landlord. WTF? She couldn't have dropped that off at the office? It's less than a block away. I don't understand that thinking.

I'm taking my sick self to bed. Not feeling good at all.

Evening Update

I was going to take a nap because my head hurts so very badly and I'm feeling seizurey, but it wasn't happening. So. I cleaned out the closet. I've decided that I'm going to donate it all. I just don't have time to do a garage sale. I don't. So I'm not going to.

So many memories tied up in clothes. I'm probably going to regret not getting rid of a couple of things, but I just couldn't do it. I don't know if I'm ever again going to be able to wear that dress that Dorene bought me when I was 19, but I'm keeping it anyway because it was so much fun. Maybe I'll get rid of it the next move.

Mid-Afternoon Update

The K-9 unit is here. Having a meeting with my bosses. No idea why, but they're here.

So, elsewhere I'm watching a trainwreck in process. Y'all familiar with alienation of affection laws? Well, Mississippi is one of the seven states that still have such laws hanging around. (As an aside, just found out a whole bunch of information on what it takes to get married in the great state of Mississippi. Interesting. Mike Backstrom could officiate the service, if I were getting married. I bet he would too. I talk to him practically every day.)I don't understand the point of "alienation of affection" or "criminal conversation". If each person is responsible for his or her own actions, how exactly is it that a person who is not a party to the marriage can cause its demise? Isn't a marriage about the strengths and weaknesses of the two people in it? And if one person in the marriage doesn't have the ability to honor their commitments, isn't that about them? And not someone else?

I've said this before, but that certainly won't keep me from saying it again...I don't want someone to be with me, to put me first simply because someone else hasn't made him an offer. I want someone who is with me because he makes the choice to be with me. Not because another woman hasn't found the right set of skills to wile him away. I don't think I'd have much respect for a man who lacked the balls to take responsibility for himself and the situation he got himself into. It's not like other women are just waiting for a man to trip and fall and have his dick accidentally fall into her. (I would assume the analogy works in reverse for other men)

I've also said this before, but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I don't want to go looking through his phone, asking him who this is and what that was about and why this person is sending him messages. If I'm having to read some chick's website, scouring it for some mention of him, then that's a clue to me. If I'm worried about who he might be having lunch with or who he's meeting for a drink after work, that's another clue to me. That's way too much work for too little return. Besides...why would you continue to be with someone about whom you feel so insecure?

That is somewhat hypocritical of me, though. Part of why I was not so pleasant with the boy the other night is because I have a few trust issues there. I recall a similar evening a long while back when I was told that he couldn't come home with me because he was on-call, but I found out later that wasn't actually the case. The other night wasn't about the possibility that he was with someone else because that's not my issue, and he hasn't made me any promises with regard to that. It was about that moment of doubt...and not being entirely sure that I can trust what he tells me. Which is my issue.

Morning Update

All of my end of the month ramblings. It's hard to believe that this is the start of another month. That means that my countdown has begun. I need to get busy today and see about reserving a truck. And I have to start packing. I so am not looking forward to this process. I'm sure it will be fine when it's all over, but right now, I'm just dreading it.

My head is still killing me. I hate taking medication. Hate it with a passion. Functioning is important, though. So I'm doing it. You know...part of it could be all of the ickiness from outside that is coming in. There are all these drafty spots where that can happen now. Ughh.

Last Updated August 1, 2008

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