July 28, 2006

I am arrived at Cari's. The drive was OK. Tedious. I made it in about 10 hours, but it seems like every time I drive from there to here, it gets further. That section through Memphis kills me, and even though most of the stretch through Arkansas is now four-lane, that kills me too. Missouri and the two-lane sections are probably the worst, though. Ughhh.

Speaking of the job interview. Yesterday they started going over the application materials for the job here on campus. I'm going to outline my vision of the thing, and you all are going to practice seeing that very thing happen for me. OK?

So...I see the secretary opening the envelope that I used to send things to the division. She takes out a manila folder and writes "Alex, J." on the tab. She then takes out the applicant checklist and writes "Alex, J." on the form. She places checkmarks next to "Resume/Vita", "Reference List", "Cover Letter", and "Online Application". Next to "Graduate Transcripts", she notes that official USM transcripts are there, but transcripts from UNR have been ordered. She then places the applicant checklist into the folder, along with my application materials. My folder then goes into the black file box that has been purchased especially for this search. There are a few applications in there...maybe five or six other people.

She then takes the file box to the head of the search committee and lets her know that it is available for her review, evaluation rubrics are at the front of the files. I see the head of the search committee taking out my folder because it is, of course, as it always is, first in the box. She also grabs an evaluation rubric from the front of the box and writes "Alex, J." on top of it. She looks over my cover letter and vita, giving me mostly high marks on their scale. She is concerned that my work doesn't exactly match with their criteria, but she does believe, as do I, that it is certainly workable. She makes a few notes on the rubric, and then places the completed form in her file folder marked "Academic Specialist Search". She completes the same process for the other files in the box. It takes her about two hours to go through all the material available to her.

When she is done, she takes the file box back to the secretary and asks her to pass it along to the other members of the search committee. They complete the same process, taking about the same amount of time over the next couple of days. One of them is particularly struck by my linking of my secondary school experience and adult education. Another appreciates my commitment to professional development. The last one notices the one typo on my vita.

Today, the secretary opened my letter containing my transcript from UNR. She tracked down the file box and placed the transcript in my file, and noted on the applicant checklist that my file was now complete.

On Tuesday (August 2?) the committee comes together and begins to talk about which candidate they liked the most and which ones they want to bring to campus for an interview. My name is tossed about with most members of the committee expressing concern about my lack of undergrad teaching experience. However, One of the members of the committee does point out that I make a strong case for how the experience I do have easily translates into this new position. They talk about other candidates as well, and of all the applicants, each one has some flaw.

After about an hour of debate, the committee selects its top three candidates and asks the secretary to contact those listed to set up an interview, with interviews starting on Thursday. The secretary calls me and we make an appointment for me to come in Thursday morning.

More later. Must go to bed now. Very tired.

July 27, 2006

I must get better about updating my site. Sorry. I won't be any better over the weekend because I'm going home. Probably won't have access.

In other news, I got my stuff off to USM. I'm confident that they're going to call me, going to look at my application materials and realize that I'm the best candidate for the job. And they'll be calling me shortly.

Just in case, though, Debi called and told me a job at Gulfstream, which is where her husband happens to work. I've applied for it. Getting it would mean that I'd have to move to Savannah. I could handle that. Debi and I might find ourselves in all sorts of trouble, but it's a trade-off.

Did y'all see the verdict in the Andrea Yates verdict? I'm glad. They got it right this time. I truly believe that if she wasn't found not guilty by reason of insanity, then no one will ever be not guilty by reason of insanity. I watched the Dateline special on her this evening, with the interviews she recently did with the prosecution's psych. Poor woman. They said in the last five years, she's been getting better, but as she gets better, she becomes more aware of what she has done and is paradoxically worse. I've always said that she she became aware of the full weight of what she'd done, the punishment she put herself through would be worse than anything the state could do to her. She was a devoted mother...even in her sickness...and to have killed her children because she thought she was saving them from hell, speaks volumes about her love for them. Even if she was sick.

I remain disgusted with her husband and can't quite fathom why he wasn't charged with negligent homicide. He knew the danger...and left her alone with the children. He knew how ill she was...and ignored it. Then I think, though, that if she tortures herself, then surely he tortures himself too...even though he seems to have moved on with his life nicely. Prick bastard.

Took the car in this morning. Cedric was there when I arrived at 7:00. I fucking hate Cedric. He is such a prick. I'm tempted to say that it's because my skin is the wrong color, but that is ugly and I really don't want to go there. All I know is that when I talked to Murphy yesterday, he said that it would be no problem to get the oil changed and tires done. This morning, though, Cedric said that they wouldn't be able to get to it until at least noon, probably more like 1:00. Good lord. Piss me off. Shane called at 11:00 and told me it was all done...which leads me to believe that Cedric didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, which is entirely possible.

Anyway. I don't have anything else to say tonight. I need to post some pictures from Amber's visit. (I got the disc of pictures that I didn't copy but actually moved to her memory stick...my jump drive is still missing)

July 22, 2006

It has been raining here all afternoon. The skies have been dark and cloudy and at various points, there have been incredible bursts of lightning and thunder. Doesn't make me the happiest person in the world, seeing as how thunderstorms and I aren't the best of friends, but I suppose I can take one for the team ...considering how desperately we need the rain. It gives me an excuse to drink some wine, and relatively soon, it won't really matter what happens outside.

I made stroganoff for dinner. I think that perhaps the secret is both full fat sour cream AND cream of mushroom soup. At the very least that tastes closer to what it should be. *sigh*

The Hudson's in Columbia has fabric on sale for $2.00/yard, and there's a lovely blue and white stripe there that would fit with the rest of my colors. My problem is that I need to be able to wash the stuff. I can't just staple something on to the chair and be done with it. (I have to be able to wash it because of the cats and their fur) I don't want to spend the money on something that I'm just going to ruin with my lack of skills in cutting and sewing. I suppose I should dig a little harder at the Dirt Cheaps, which have a ton of stuff in from Target right now. $10 and I could have a decent slipcover...even if it's not the right colors.

Speaking of Hudson's, I absolutely love it when they have things mispriced. I have started using this Pantene Curl Creme stuff...on Shan's recommendations, thank you...and it really defines my curls without making them hard and crunchy (like the girl who was running the cash register at Hudson's last night. Scary). The only problem is that it's expensive. Like $7.00, and with all of my hair, I go through the small bottle in about three weeks. That's expensive. Hudson's had it priced at $3.12. With 30% off. I now have five bottles of the stuff on the top shelf in my bathroom. I also picked up a bottle of saline solution. Normally $7.00, marked $2.78 with 75% off. Not a bad deal, not bad at all.

Interestingly this afternoon when I was at Hudson's, I picked up two DVDs. Pollock and I <heart> Huckabees. $5.00 each, which is about the cost of rental. I think. When I was browsing for DVDs, I originally picked up Ocean's Twelve. I thought that maybe I'd find Ocean's Eleven as well and have set. What I really wanted, though, was Alfie and I <heart> Huckabees. I was a little concerned about that, though, because I think most of the movies I have are chick flicks. What's some guy going to think when he comes to my house and rifles through my movies? That's at least what my initial thought process was. And then...I decided I didn't really care too much. I should watch the movies I want to watch, not what I think will be appealing to someone else. I didn't pick up Alfie because I wanted to see Pollock more. My NCTE-Talk friend Jeri is Jackson Pollock's niece, and she'd mentioned something about the film quite awhile ago. I was intrigued, but not intrigued enough to go out and buy the movie. You know? I am enjoying it, and depending on what time it's over, I may go ahead and watch the other one tonight too.

If I don't have to be in Hattiesburg next weekend, I think I might go home. I just know that I'm going to get a call from the one job on Monday, and I know there will be an interview this coming and I know they're going to offer me the job. (I've seen it, have been visualizing it, down to the outfit I'm going to wear to the interview, and the phone call they make telling me that they'd like to offer me a job. Could I start on Monday?)

It seems I have nothing of substance to say. I understand that's nothing really all that new, but at the same time it bothers me. I see things, and I think to myself, you've got to write about that. Even though I have the little notebook in my purse, I still think to myself, I'll remember to write about this later. For instance, this afternoon as I was out, I saw an elderly black woman pushing a baby stroller, and I thought to myself, there's something to be said about that...remember to write that down, remember this. But I can't for the life of me think what in particular I wanted to remember about the elderly black woman pushing the baby stroller. I think it might have had something to do with the HB's outburst last night. (A couple of raised eyebrow moments there)

I did a little bathing suit shopping this afternoon. One of the straps on mine is stretched out. If I'm going to spend much more time at the pool, I'll need to have another option.

So, I was just reading a little bit at NYTimes, and apparently the refinancing boom is continuing. Those who have been dreading the rising payments of their adjustable rate mortgages, are beating the system by refinancing yet again. Not yet ready to pay the piper. I admit the refinancing world eludes me.

I Heart Huckabees is a weird movie. Weird.

July 21, 2006

I am on a macaroni salad kick. I have just made my second batch since Amber left. I'm not a big fan of macaroni salad. In fact, I don't really like anyone else's macaroni salad. Just mine. Other people make it with sweet relish (gross) and way too much mayonnaise. My macaroni salad recipe is easy: shell macaroni, hard boiled eggs, a bunch of dill relish (down here I can get dill "chunks"), some mustard, and just enough mayo to bind everything together. If I'm feeling ambitious, I might put some bacon in it, but I haven't been ambitious like that.

I think it's a comfort food thing. I was thinking last night about comfort food, and I decided that what I really wanted was some stroganoff. The Sner makes the best stroganoff, and no matter what I try, it's not the same. Not sure what I'm doing wrong. I might attempt it for dinner tomorrow night...if I don't go out to Beth and Mark's again. Plus, I do have all that macaroni salad to consider. Hmmmmm. What to do, what to do?

I was out at Beth's this evening. Because I helped her and Mark move her classroom this morning. We drove over to her school in Columbia (about 35 miles away) and managed to get everything she wanted into her new room. We left the old room a mess (which I feel bad about), but her new room is as much of a mess. We didn't organize it or set anything up. We just moved it. I told her that I'd go over with her next week and help her get things put together...even though the thought of bulletin boards gives me hives.

The HB's car is apparently having transmission trouble. He has a 2004 Altima. And it has 7,000 miles left on the warranty. Since he's bought it, all he's done to it is change the oil and tires. He did not do the 30,000 mile service, nor did he do the 60,000 mile service. Said he wasn't going to pay for them to go digging and find problems. What he just found out tonight was that failure to have done those things might have voided his warranty. (I am one to talk...my car has almost 75,000 miles on it and I'm still waiting to do part of the 60,000 mile service. I'm not, though, in a warranty situation. The only part of the car still under warranty is the tranny. And I had the tranny serviced at 60,000 miles. Been there, done that and have absolutely no desire to do it again)

Have I mentioned lately how fucked up politics in Hattiesburg are? We have a special election in a couple of weeks. I have a candidate sign in my yard. It's important. Really important. I'll write more about it tomorrow. For now, I'm exhausted. Didn't get to bed until about 2:00, was up at 6:00 and did some hard work this morning. Tired.

July 16, 2006

Amber has gone home. I'm sad that she's gone. It was soooooooooooooooooooo good to see her, to spend time with someone who's known me for a really long time and still loves me...in spite of all of my craziness. (Y'all know what I'm talking about) I really like my friends here, and I know they care about me, but it's different with folks who have scene you through the worst. As the plaque in New Orleans said, Friends are those who see through your act and still enjoy the show.

We had a good time in New Orleans, although it was not without it's moments. We decided to go to Preservation Hall to listen to jazz. Kinda funny that in all the trips I'd made to New Orleans, I had never gone anywhere to just listen to jazz. So we did it. It was extremely hot and close in that little room, but the music was fabulous and worth it for a set. We couldn't much hear the guys who were singing, although from I could hear, I'd say that the drummer really needs to not sing. Perhaps the best guy in the room was the man sitting in front of me who was from Norway. He was right on with the Louis Armstrong imitation.

There was some interesting people watching to be done. The guy directly in front of me was probably in his late 50s-early 60s, and the woman he was with was probably a good 15-20 years younger. She was dressed very young, and was all over him. She sat between this legs or on his lap, and he was seemingly enjoying the attention, encouraging it even. Seemed a little off to me, but then again, it was New Orleans.

Then yesterday, we went to the zoo. Hadn't ever been there either. Everything was going along swimmingly for about half an hour. And then the dark clouds just decided to let loose. It was funny because we'd worried about rain, and I had two umbrellas in the trunk. We decided not to take them in because we figured that it wouldn't rain and who wants to carry that stuff around? *sigh* Good grief. We waited in various spots for about an hour (amused ourselves by playing some tic-tac-toe in my writing notebook) before we made it to the Louisiana Swamp and its gift shop, where we bought rain ponchos so we could enjoy the rest of the wandering. I have pictures that I will eventually upload, but we both took so many (and I have both mine and hers) that I need to spend some time sorting through which ones to upload.

Am trying to get over my pessimism, but this morning it was just about crushing. Have decided to make an conscious effort to be positive. Will see how that all plays out. Have done a few things to make me feel better.

So much stuff to get done. I did a bit of it this afternoon, and will get even more done in the next two days. Did I mention that I have a stats test on Tuesday?

What do y'all think about this stuff going on in the middle east? I'm quite a bit nervous about it. For lots of reasons. Did y'all catch this story in the LA Times? I wonder how many people are on the verge? How many folks that rising interest rates and gas prices are going to drive over the edge? Perhaps this is something that I really shouldn't be thinking about right now. Pessimism and all. No need to continue to invite negativity into my life...although, is that just sticking my head in the sand? Hmmmmmm. I'll have to think about it.

Haven't decided yet if I'm going to FL this weekend. Or to Atlanta. Or camping. It's the small fuzz's birthday, but I don't know if I want to spend the money it will cost to get me there. And I don't know if Kym is ready for a visit. Camping might be the best option, but it's hotter than hell here right now. (As it is everywhere. Did you see the temps in North Dakota? Something like 113? Wow.) I suppose I could just stay home, and that would probably be the best course of action. *sigh* I suppose I should send an email to Kym and see what's up with her.

July 13, 2006

I am trying, trying, trying. Visualizing what I want to have happen. Trying to put that positive energy out there into the world. I don't think it's working. Or at least it's not looking that way.

It is not within my nature to be an optimistic person. I fight my pessimism, trying to keep it in check, and I think that many times I succeed. Other times, not so much.

Maybe it's just that my period is starting. Or maybe it's just that I'm a 30 year old who doesn't have a job.

The good news is that my presentation this afternoon went OK. Not great. But OK. I've been asked to it again. I'll at least have a slight paycheck in October. (the next presentation is in September)

So, we're going to New Orleans tomorrow. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great. I've really enjoyed Amber being here. It's nice to have people you are about hanging around. And it's nice to know that they understand. We're going to be heading to the Zoo in New Orleans. Neither one of us have been there before. Should be good.

It's very late this evening. Or this morning. I should be in bed. We're going to New Orleans tomorrow. I need my rest.

July 6, 2006

OK. Still not feeling much better, but I'm going to be putting on my happy pants because tomorrow I'm going to Memphis to chill with my girl Amber. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo looking forward to that.

Had a stats test tonight. I didn't study for it. Took about 15 minutes to complete it. I take tests quickly. I was done 15 minutes before everyone else was. That makes me nervous. I've always taken tests quickly, though. I'm nervous about it nonetheless. Guess I'll find out on Tuesday, eh?

I'm hungry and it's way too late to go get something to eat. I have ice cream in the freezer. Cheese and crackers. Could make a quesadilla. Maybe that's the ticket.

Anyone going to see the new Pirates movie this weekend? I can't wait, but I think I need to rewatch the first one before I go see the second one. What's not to love about Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom? *sigh*

I'm struggling for something insightful to say, and I'm coming up with absolutely nothing. Sorry. I should work on being more scintillating. Or something. Unfortunately, there are no wild stories to tell you right now. Maybe after the weekend.

July 4, 2006

There is something wrong with me. I do not know what it is, but something is definitely not right. Maybe it's just a really bad case of PMS. I don't know. I am sad, and all I really want right this minute is to curl up in the bed with the flop dog and cry.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I could use a quick trip to Wyoming or something...so wide and vast that there's no chance for anything to smother me. It's difficult to breathe some times.

The more I think about it, the more there is at play. I think perhaps I shouldn't listen to songs like "Now and Then" or "Speechless". Although I love those CDs, and they have some great songs, I'm not sure that in these vulnerable moments I should be listening to them.

And I've been feeling vulnerable for a week or so now. It is not what happened because I'm OK with that now. (Really) It is the paths my mind wanders in response. I suppose that all means that all of the shit that I've dealt with (harharhar) hasn't really been dealt with at all. I wonder if I'm always going to be the walking wounded or if eventually I'll figure it out. I really wish I would because this gets very, very old. The same thing, time and time and time and time again (feel free to click back through...I'm sure you'll find the same theme in 2003, 2004, and 2005).

I haven't eaten all day. Everything tastes like ashes in my mouth. I'm hungry, though, so I ordered a pizza and some cheese sticks. Maybe that will be the ticket.

Have not been drinking much lately. There's a ton of beer in the fridge, and quite a bit of wine in the cabinet, but I always fear when I'm in this spot that I'll lose all control and tip on over the edge into alcoholism. (I haven't been doing a lot of anything else either)

**and it is probably at this point in time that I need to remind folks that not everything needs to be commented on...sometimes I just need to write it**

The cats are drugged. Last night they wouldn't come out for Bonito flakes and they were shaking when the little one eventually did come take up residence at my feet. This morning I gave both of them a double dose of Kitty Prozac and when I got back from the Cookout for Cops, I managed to coax them out long enough to shove a tranquilizer into each one of them.

I cannot feel several toes on my right foot. I wore some heels today with a thin sole, and the ball of my foot hurts. I think I've temporarily pinched something in there. It will, I'm sure, eventually be better, and I will promise to not wear those shoes again.

Spent forever at the Cookout for Cops. Didn't really do a whole lot of mingling. And that's OK. I'm not sure I should expose others to my angst. Or at least not strangers. (Sorry Allen family)

The Boston Pops are on TV. It's weird to not be at Cari's this year. It's weird to not be setting off fireworks and watching the neighborhood do their thing. Y'all know I love some fireworks. Kinda like I love Christmas lights. There is something about the light. I'm easily captivated and shiny lights do it for me. I think I've told the story here before about the trip up the hills behind Rancho San Rafael with people I didn't really know, sitting in the back of their truck to watch the fireworks. I don't know what we ate, but for some reason we had a Sara Lee cheesecake for dessert. It had just been passed around when the show started. I had my fork half-way to my mouth for probably half an hour. Such a dork I am. Took lots of crap for that. *sigh*

My eyes are messed up. The right one has been weeping all day. Yesterday there was some crap floating in there, so I decided it was probably time to take my contacts out. Not sure how long I'm going to eyeball-less. Long enough to take care of this problem, and yes, I promise to be more diligent about removing my eyeballs and only wearing them for two weeks before I throw them away. (Did I mention that Phillip, the NOLA psychic, said I was going to have problems with my eyes and that I needed to take my contacts out more often?)

I hate Phil McGraw and Steven Tyler sounds like ass tonight. "Walk This Way" with the Boston Pops is not a good thing.

It's Independence Day. I feel like I should say something a bit more profound that I have thus far. "Goodbye" by the Sand Rubies keeps running through my head, but those lyrics are no way appropriate to this. Did any of y'all listen to the Sand Rubies? Good band; too bad they're gone.

The pizza has been here for half an hour, and I still haven't eaten any of it.

I love fireworks. I'm pissed I didn't go somewhere to see them this evening. Or this weekend. The music on the Boston Pops does not match the fireworks display. Suck.

What sin do you think you first committed? I have lots of holes in my memory, and I don't remember most things. If I had to guess, it would probably be that I lied about something. Or I coveted something. I don't remember.

Do you ever wonder how much time you spend waiting? While waiting at the Gordon Creek Deli for my lunch, I had the thought that maybe I was spending my whole life waiting for my life. Like...my life will start when I get out of school. Or my life will start when I get the right job. Or my life will start when I met the right person. That's part of the reason why I started going places by myself. I didn't want to wait anymore. I can't shake, though, that maybe I'm just marking time when I really should be doing something. (but then again, it's probably just this funk)

July 1 , 2006

It is difficult to believe that another month has come and gone. Where does the time manage to fly off to? Wherever it went, I'm glad to put June 2006 behind me. How about you?

I went out to Beth's this afternoon. Met their pastor and his wife. Very young couple. Well...I suppose, relatively speaking. Greg is Will's age, so 25/26. I assume she's the same age. We were talking about school and requirements, etc. Apparently, Greg is thinking about going to school to get his teaching certificate. I don't know. I have a really hard time encouraging anyone to go into teaching. Bad, bad taste in my mouth.

Anyone watching Storytellers Pearl Jam on VH-1? There are times when I forget just how much I enjoyed Pearl Jam. They're extremely political, though. Wow. Not that I'm surprised, but they're not afraid to lay it all out there on the line. Good for Eddie Vedder and the rest of the boys. (I miss my Pearl Jam t-shirt)

I'm doing the laundry. Hate the laundry.

I have a problem with my hanging plants. The grill has fried them. or at least the back of them. I don't know if I want to take the plants down each time I want to use the grill. Y'all know me; I'll forget about it. I don't want to kill the plants, though. Hmmmmmm...what to do, what to do, what to do?

It's hotter than hell here right now. It's still 82 outside. And it's 10 at night. We haven't had any of the summer rains that characterized my previous summers here. I appreciate the lack of rain, but it makes it so incredibly hot. It also makes my water bill rise. *sigh* Watered the shit out of stuff this morning.

I haven't been this chatty in quite awhile.

I'm very tired. I cannot go to bed until the rest of the bed clothes are clean. *sigh*

I need to clean house tomorrow. Amber is coming to visit, and while she is familiar with my general mode of housekeeping...ummmmm. Yeah. Not that it's bad. I just haven't mopped in awhile. *grin*

Do y'all have a favorite summer memory? I'm not sure that I can name one thing. Maybe swimming in Crane Creek when I was a kid. Or many last summer, riding the boat out to Ship Island. I just checked, and while you can go out to Ship Island, there are no facilities on the island because they were all destroyed by Katrina. I'm not sure about taking adult beverages and then having to wait until I got back to the boat to pee. Maybe they've put porta-potties out there? But good lord, emptying those things? Ick. Probably haven't put porta-potties out there.

To get back to summer memories, though...I don't know about a favorite. It seems I should have one, shouldn't I? Shouldn't everyone? This is a bit troubling, I think. Perhaps I just need to think on it a bit more.

My transcription machine arrived today. I need to go get a microcassette and try it out. I hope that it records so I don't have to go buy a new microcassette recorder.