January 2006

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January 2006

January 30, 2006

I am a slacker weasel. Can't help it. I apologize profusely. I'll work on getting better at that.

Went to the gym today. Have finally decided to stop being lazy...once again. And I made dinner this evening so I have a ream of left-overs...good for me stuff to eat for the rest of the week. Need to get back on that horse and ride. Yee-haw.

So, are y'all ready for the President's State of the Union address tomorrow night? We should think of a cool drinking game...like everyone has to do a shot for every word Bush butchers. What say you? Could be fun, no?

Did anyone watch Grey's Anatomy last night? Sparked some bad memories for me. The Ellen Pompeo character has to remove the life support from an elderly patient and then she went into a supply closet to cry, saying she didn't want her mother to die alone. Which reminds me of my grandpa Alex. I have tremendous regret and shame about his dying alone. He shouldn't have. Someone who loved him should have been there. I made plans to do that, but he passed away before I could put it into place.

I should have stayed with him after Grandma Alex passed away. Holding him in nursing home, listening to him cry for her, questioning what he had to live for...I should have stayed. Cari could have helped me find some kind of teaching job for the semester. I could have stayed with her. That's what I should have done, but I thought I'd have more time. I thought I could wait until the new year and go then. Not quite so.

I finished up my preproposal this evening. I'm hoping that I can get it to My Lord and Master by the end of the week. I want someone else to proof-read it so I'm not the last word. For some reason it is intimidating to hand things off to him. *sigh* Gotta get over that.

I'm hungry so I'm going to have a salad. Good for me. *sigh*

January 27, 2006

Wow. OK, I'm behind. Sorry. That's OK, though. I may soon need to take parts of the site down for awhile.

Got a notice of a job opportunity. I'm going to get everything together in the next week or so and apply. I have at times, perhaps, been a bit more forthcoming on this site than I should be...sharing a bit much at times. I'm not sure that I want potential employers to stumble across some of that. We'll see, though.

I was going to print off a bunch of articles tonight, but my printer is apparently retarded. I bought a new black cartridge so I could print, but I didn't bother with the color ones because I don't care about that. Well. My printer won't print if any of the cartridges are empty. As my color cartridges are empty, there is no printing. Dammit. So, I went to 123inkjet and order the $28 deal. Should be here in 4-7 days. Dammit.

I took Grandma's ring in today because I've been worried for the last month or so that the central stone was getting loose. Well. All of the prongs (even the small stones) need to be redone. And one of the little stones is shattered. If it comes out during the cleaning, it will have to be replaced. I wonder how much that is going to cost me? I suppose it's worth it, though, and is to be expected. How old is the ring? I think it was the 25th anniversary set, and they were married in I won't get the ring back for a month. I feel a little naked without it.

I'm heading to the coast tomorrow to shop for material for the Sner. I was in the Treasure Hunt here today and picked up two pairs of pants and two shirts for $30 with tax. Old Navy. I had to sew up one of the shirts (it's the same shirt I sewed previously, only in a lovely lavender).

Have we mentioned before that my Peach LOVES fingernail files? When you're doing your nails, she will attack the file and lick it. Strange cat.

Anyway. Need to go to bed, if I'm going to do anything with myself tomorrow.

January 25, 2006

I need to be reading a book that came in via interlibrary loan. But what am I doing? Not reading that book, that's for damn sure. *sigh* I will get on it as soon as I update this site. I don't know exactly what this need for procrastination is.

I'm cold. I'm sure that's a house thing, although I do know that it was a bit chillier today while I was wandering around campus.

I don't think I have a lot to say tonight. I have a compelling urge...or something like that...to get busy reading this book that has come in. It's a little book. It's one that I think I'm probably going to need on a full-time basis. I can't believe that a book published in 1994 isn't available for less than $42+shipping. It's $52 new. There's something wrong with that picture. Do you suppose it's still that expensive because it's that good? *sigh* Dammit. This whole book thing is killing me. I'm so not good at taking notes. I prefer to highlight and sticky note within the text. I've never used note cards or any of that bullshit. Heaven help me.

It's hard to believe that this week is already almost over. I've got to get some stuff put together for the poetry workshop I'm giving in about two weeks. And I need to make some decisions about other things with regard to that. Ughhh. Not to mention that I need to work on my dissertation.

Going, going, going. I swear.

January 24, 2006

I think I might have a massive sinus infection. That or the rot of my teeth is making its way into the bones of my face. Whatever it is, it hurts. *sigh* Just to make myself feel better, I'm going to lean toward the whole sinus infection thing.

There was something else I was going to tell y'all today.

Do you procrastinate the awful things that you have to do but don't want to? I have needed to clean--really clean--the litterbox for awhile now. I finally did it this evening. Ughhh. I think it's probably been since around the hurricane since I last did it? I don't remember. I suppose that's nothing to whine about. I've needed to do it for quite awhile. I also needed to spray the thing with a silicon spray so the litter doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan, but that didn't happen. (What exactly is silicon spray anyway?)

I'm sure that my babies will appreciate my efforts on their behalf. (TSLO is currently attacking a piece of paper...poor, sweet, stupid baby)

OK. I'm really tired. I was going to be witty and charming this evening, but it's the sinus infection thing, I think. Debi has a guy she wants me to email. We'll see where that happens.

January 23, 2006

Am not feeling well today. Haven't been feeling well all day. Took my medication, but thus far, nothing has changed. Have eaten a little and still feel shitty. I need to start charting this stuff because I get the feeling I'm getting worse. It seems like I'm having more of these times. I really, really wish I had health insurance.

And that perhaps precipitates another rant about why we, as the supposedly most powerful and advanced nation in the world, cannot provide affordable, accessible health care to everyone. If I were to go to a doctor, now, you know they'd want to run an EEG, simply because it's been awhile, and those tests are not cheap. I'm thinking that if I were to go to the doctor, without health insurance, it would cost me $5,000-6,000. How outrageous...and unreasonable?...is that?

Then there's the not wanting to risk not being able to be insured. I don't want to saddle myself with a pre-existing condition if this thing has changed and morphed into something different. Y'all pray that I get a job with benefits for this fall. That would be a really good thing.

So, yesterday I went to the Endzone and watched the Broncos get their asses kicked. I was there with a couple of guys and the annoying boy. Little awkward. Then Gill started buying my tequila shots, and I didn't care. *grin* Gill and I went out to the parking lot and smoked, and I have to say that I finally get it. It was rather pleasant. The whole thing was facilitated with a coke can, which I found interesting. I suppose I'm learning more here than I perhaps should. Have no fear, though. I can't quite see myself going out and purchasing it on my own. I'd be too damn scared I'd get arrested and then where would I be?

Anyway. For those of you looking for a way to support the efforts of bunch of 5th graders, and would like to help with Hurricane Katrina relief, see this site. The kids wrote a song and recorded it. They've sold enough to cover the recording costs, but would like to sell another 600 so they can send $3,000 or so to support relief efforts. I bought my copy. With shipping, it's $6.99. Have to pay through Paypal, although if you contact the guy, he'll probably allow you to send him money.

Anyway. I'm going to have some dinner and work on some citations for articles I'm going to print. While my kitten plays in my hair and the Peach sleeps on the side of the chair.

January 20, 2006

A phrase I never thought I'd utter:

I need a sewing machine.

I bought a really cute Old Navy button down blouse at Hudson's today. However, it gaps between the second and third button. Not because it doesn't fit. It fits great. It's because of the way the shirt was cut and the inordinate amount of space between the buttons. After consultation with the Sner, it was decided the best way to fix the gap was to sew the shirt shut between those buttons. (I can pull the shirt on over my head without unbuttoning it) Good lord. Trying to keep my stitches tiny and in the row of stitches already there took FOREVER. Thought I was going blind. Didn't manage to stick myself, though. Still. What a pain in the ass. *sigh*

I need a sewing machine. Suck.

Not much else to say. It's raining here. Would like to go to bed. Probably should, just as soon as I finish this glass of wine.

January 18, 2006

I am unwell. Have not felt good all day.

Anyone see the moon tonight? It was big and bright and luscious. Like a golden delicous apple, within reach of grabbing to take a bite. Someone had already done so, but how could you blame them? It was too perfect.

January 17, 2006

First day of the semester. Some good stuff, some bad, but that's the way the cookie crumbles, I suppose.

Saw Elizabeth this morning. I'm going to try to convince her to meet with me for a couple of hours every day so we can work on our dissertations. She needs to get as much done on hers as possible because she's expecting a baby girl in May. I'm hoping she'll go for it. We both could use the accountability, I think. Not that we'll be sharing our dissertation or anything like that. Just the knowing that we're there and working might be helpful. I'm willing to give it a shot. My thought is I go to the gym in the morning, we study after that and around 11:00 or noon I become the property of Drs. Anderson and Peters. What do you think?

I managed to gather another bunch of articles as well as some books today. I haven't actually checked the books out, even though they're in my library carrel. (Shhhhhhhh...don't tell anyone) I figure I'll check them out tomorrow or something like that. That means I'm going to have to pay my fine first. Ughhhh. Dammit. That reminds me. I need to go to the bank. Dammit.

It rained here last night. The power went out for a little while. I only know that because after I'd gone to bed, someone was pounding on my door. I looked at my clock, but it wasn't on. (checked the cell and discovered it was about 1:30) I think it was probably the neighbor pounding on the door, but I didn't get up. I was sleeping. And I didn't want to get dressed. How awful is that? What if she needed help, and I didn't even get up to help her? What a heartless bitch I am. (I'm going to be awful and say that I was worried that it was a fight because Allison had been over earlier in the evening. I don't want to be in the middle of that shit. Particularly not at 1:30 in the morning)

Hopefully I am redeemed by the fact that I sent off cards to two soldiers stationed in Iraq.

I'm now extremely stressed out. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get to bed. I should have been to bed before now. *sigh* I'm still hungry, though. I have had a salad and some red beans and rice. What to have now? Perhaps an apple, although that's not really what I'm feeling like right this moment. Perhaps a Blizzard. Good thing it's too late in the evening for that.

Perhaps I'm just going to have a cup of hot chocolate. It's cold outside. A cup of hot cocoa might be a good idea. I don't know how satisfying that will be, though. It's not striking the right chord with me.

Did anyone catch the Daily Show's piece on the "taint"? CRACK me up! Good thing the neighbor wasn't home. I would have made her wonder what the hell I was doing.

OK. Going to bed now. Had some hot chocolate and the last biscoti.

January 14, 2006

Had sushi for dinner this evening. Much better than the box lunch we had, although that didn't stop me from eating it.

I didn't sleep at all last night. OK. At all is a bit of an exaggeration. I do know that I tossed and turned and woke up every hour. When I woke up at 3:30, I was ready to get up. You know how that sometimes works? You go to sleep for just a short while and you think you've been asleep all night long? That's how it was. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

Not sleeping at all last night made it really, really hard to stay awake through all of the stuff today. Not that the stuff wasn't good and worth while. I was just really, really tired.

As part of my breakfast, I had a boiled egg. Sprinkled with a little bit of salt. I'm not a big fan of eggs. In fact, if I'm not making cookies, a dozen eggs could be safe in my fridge for six months. Don't worry...I don't eat them if they're older than six weeks. When I pick up the peanut butter chips for cookies, I swing by and grab a dozen eggs.

My aversion to eggs can be traced directly to my mother. Isn't it always the mother's fault? I recall a period of my childhood where I knew that breakfast every morning was going to be scrambled eggs. I'm sure there was perhaps a piece of toast to go along with the eggs, but all I remember are the yellows lumps with flecks of white scattered in the mix. I think that's probably where my general dislike of breakfast started as well.

I'm sure the Sner fed us eggs because we ere poor and eggs were cheap. I wonder, though, why she always scrambled them. She could have fried them. Maybe done them over-easy. Sunnyside up. Poached. Boiled. A little variety somehow, someway. Scrambled was probably the fastest and easiest preparation method, but good lord.

To this day, my stomach clenches and my involuntary gag reflex is triggered when I'm confronted with a plate of scrambled eggs. Occasionally I'll think that an omelet sounds like a really good idea, but beyond that, eggs make me a bit ill.

I need to go to bed. I'm really hoping that I'm going to sleep tonight. I think that part of the problem might be that I'm sleeping in pajamas. I have a roommate, and I suppose that sleeping naked might not be the greatest idea. You know?

Go Broncos!!!! (I haven't seen the other scores, but I'm still predicting that it's going to the Colts and Seahawks in the Superbowl).

I need to trim and paint my toenails. And I need to drink a ton of water. I'm thirsting to death.

January 13, 2006

I totally forgot that today was Friday the 13th. I don't know if it was a cataclysmic day, the stuff that horror stories are made of, although it was not without incident.

I got my gas bill today. $172 for 51 ccf. That is 7 less ccf than last month's bill, yet $70 more. It's all still outrageous. I'm trying to keep things in perspective. The broken pipe was repaired mid-month. I want to say around the 15th. The meter was read on the 23rd. I'm hoping that next month's bill will reflect a full month without problems with the water. (I have yet to get this month's water bill)

In the meantime, though, since I'm not at the house this weekend, I have turned the temperature on the water heater down to "vacation". I'm thinking that I might leave it there on a full-time basis, just turning it up to warm about an hour before I want to shower or bathe and then turning it back down when I'm done. I simply cannot afford a bill like that on an on-going basis.

At our meeting this evening, we watched a video of Katrina...as it happened...shot in Waveland. I don't quite know how to say this without being insensitive, but I'm tired of Katrina. I understand that for the people who live in New Orleans and on the coast are living with Katrina every day, in difficult and horrific ways. But. I'm tired of looking back at Katrina. At seeing it as it happened, watching the devastation happen, seeing the immediate aftermath doesn't do a whole lot of good for anyone I don't think.

It's a new year. It is time to deal with the present, the here and now, the progress that has been made in the four, almost five months since Katrina. It is time to deal with the future. To concentrate on what will be and not what happened in an immediate sense. It's time to stop ripping the scab off the wound, to allow the scarification process to begin. At least that's the way I'm feeling about it now, after having seen it all...again.

I rode today, but it was a very brief ride. It wasn't the best day to take myself out. The wind was incredible, and my legs were absolutely screaming. I only did four miles (which with as much pain as I was in, amounted to half an hour), and I'm kinda kicking myself for quitting when I did. By the time I was back to the car, I was feeling much better and riding stronger. I could have gone further in the other direction, but I just quit. I didn't feel like it. I also did not go to the Payne Center today. I thought about it, but decided to refrain.

Regardless, I have accomplished my goals for this week. I wanted to ride four times and lift four times, which I did. That's a good thing. I'm on my way to a healthier, happier me.

How 'bout you? Are you on your way to a healthier, happier you in this new year?

It rained in the night last night. Not just rained but stormed. I remember that I woke up, dazed and afraid, and thought to myself, I need to call the hurricane boy to tell him I'm scared. Odd. No idea where that came from. I rolled over and went back to sleep for a little while. Woke back up, wandered into the living room, picked up the flop dog, stumbled back to bed and drifted back off. It's the whole warm body thing again. If I can't have a man, at least I have the flop dog, eh? *sigh*

I must get a case for my phone. It kills me to not be able to clip it to me or my purse. I could always put it in my pocket I suppose, but then I would worry about breaking the antennae off of it. I dropped it in my purse today and I was all worried about scratching and dinging it up. *sigh* The things I worry about. *sigh*

The drive to Jackson this afternoon/evening almost killed me. I was supposed to follow Kim and Rachel, but no one told me where I was supposed to meet them at to follow them. Which was probably a good thing as I was on the late side leaving Hattiesburg. Needed to stop at the post office to mail a letter, and then I needed to stop and get gas, which by the way, has gotten incredibly expensive again. I paid $2.22/gallon, but I've seen it as high as $2.30 in the Hattiesburg area. What's up with that?

Anyway to get back to the drive, though, I was cruising along 49, doing 80-85, rocking out to the tunes, when about ten miles out of Collins, I came upon and passed a car that reminded me of Rachel's. In front of it was Kim's Jimmy. So, I pulled in front of them, and let them catch up to me and then pass me, so I could fall in line, like a good soldier. *sigh* I make a good follower...sorta. I do well at following. I don't tailgate for the most part. I'm not obnoxious. But the entire time, I can feel my blood pressure rising. When we got to the I-20 interchange, I finally couldn't take it anymore. Instead of falling nicely into line, I rocketed around everyone and took off. I cannot tell you how good it felt to be doing 70, consistently, on the freeway. Driving at my pace, not worrying if I was following too close or wondering what the person in front of me might be going to do.

I could feel myself calm down and begin to relax, settling back into my seat. It was a beautiful thing. Simply beautiful. I should have done it much sooner. I don't really think anyone would have cared or minded.

Anyway. Angela and I are going to be heading off to have sushi tomorrow night for dinner. She says she's got a good place here in jackson. I'm game for that, although I did only bring $40 in cash. I suppose that's what the mastercard is for. (You laugh, but I could easily spend that much on sushi since pricing here is ala cart. Perhaps, though, it will be possible for me to flirt like a badger tomorrow evening.

It's really hot in here. Angela turned the heat on before she went to sleep. I think I'm going to be rude and turn it off before I go to sleep. (I really do think I'm trying to get a cold...my throat has that tickle, I have a slight headache, and my ears are a little achy.)

January 12, 2006

Quote from Emma Thompson..."flirtin' like a badger". I'm going to have to get myself into a situation where I can use that phrase. "Flirtin' like a badger." Hmmmm...where can I go to "flirt like a badger"?

They fixed my water heater today, but now the water coming out of my bathtub facet is brown. *sigh* I soaked in the tub anyway because I need a bath, but...ick. I may shower at the Payne Center tomorrow just to make sure that I'm clean before heading off to Jackson for the weekend.

I worked out again today. Have used my lotion, which seemed to help last night. I'm all tingly again this evening. It really is too bad that there's no one to take advantage of that. If I'd been flirtin' like a badger, that might be a different story.

I still haven't gotten my gas bill for this month. I'm a little apprehensive about it. My electric bill was $88 last month, which seems high to me, but then again, it was on the chilly side. I'm hoping that it won't be quite so bad from here on out. *sigh*

I don't really have much else to say tonight. I've very tired. Need to finish my glass of wine, have some hot cocoa and go to bed. That sounds like a plan.

January 11, 2006

The scale says that I've lost another six pounds. I'm not buying that. I really should measure myself so that I can see where I'm going there. Since apparently I need to buy a new scale.

Today has been an orgy of exercise (I really like that phrase). I really didn't mean for it to turn out that way, but that's the way the ball bounces now and again. I went to the Payne Center, where I lifted and did an hour of cardio. (pushed hard on the EFX) I needed to ship a package to Betsy so I walked to the downtown post office, which was about 45 minutes total. I wrapped things up with my bike ride.

I'm so sore. I picked up some bath salts and some lotion specifically designed...so it says...to help with muscle soreness. The bath salts were a pleasant enough experience, but the lotion. Criminey. I smelled like my grandpa after he'd rubbed himself down with liniment. Probably a good thing I'm not going to bed with anyone tonight. However. The sage, wintergreen, and juniper causes a lovely tingle. That might be interesting if I were going to be with someone tonight. Maybe.

I feel like I'm getting a cold.

I watched The Biggest Loser this evening. Makes me want to go for a run. I fear that I look like that. Please don't tell me I look like that.

All of that exercise has made me extraordinarily tired. I need to go to bed.

eta that I just washed my face with cold water. I don't have any hot water. *sigh* Imma call them tomorrow. *sigh*

January 10, 2006

According to the scale, I've lost another two pounds. Did not ride today, but rather went to the Payne Center. It was a good workout, and I felt good after I did it. I just have to remember to block the time for workouts when school starts next week. It's important. I'll attempt to go for a ride tomorrow, although I'm pretty stiff and sore (that whole leg workout thing). My goal for this week is to ride four days and lift four days. It would be best if I could lift before or after my rides, that way I could kill two birds with one trip, but I'm too paranoid. I'm afraid someone will steal my bike off the back of my car while I'm in the Payne Center. So, I'd have to ride, come back to the house, drop the bike off, and then go to the Payne Center. Pain in the ass.

Anyway.

Occasionally the past comes back to haunt me. I go along just fine and then bam...the decisions I've made rear up and bite me in the ass. That's OK. I can deal with it. I just keep telling myself that there will be a positive outcome and there will be stability. I just have to see it through. And I will. There's no other option.

I do have to say, though, that tonight I'm feeling quite...lonely. For the most part, I'm OK with this solitary life that I've chosen. I may whine and bitch about things here every once in awhile, but I think that this is part of what I use this site for. How did someone once put it to me? I write my darkness? Like I let it all out here so it doesn't taint and poison the rest of my life.

There are times like now that I just wish there was someone else to connect to. Someone to talk to, someone to reach out to. It's not that I don't have good friends I could call and talk to; it's not that I don't have people to reach out to. This is different, though. I'm not looking for that "friend" vibe here.

You take for granted things like curling into a bed with another body...having someone to hold you. I know that I could be with anyone. That I don't have to be alone. I could call the annoying boy, but it's not about sex. And even if it were...I've come to believe that there needs to be something more. Perhaps it's years of programming that makes me ill-prepared to handle sex for sex's sake. I at least have to feel something for the other person, regardless of whether that person feels something for me or not. (I was going to add an editorial comment about some of my past relationships, but I really, really don't need to take myself there)

It's raining here now. While it's warm outside, it feels like I should be curled up in front of a fire with a good glass of wine (I've got that) and a warm body. I am perhaps grown maudlin in my old age, but sometimes it is so very difficult. I could use some chocolate ice cream...a blizzard perhaps. But since I'm on a diet and doing well on that diet, I think perhaps I'll just drink all my wine. (For the perceptive among you, I would have added "smoke my stuff", but I apparently don't know how to do that right)

(please remember that not everything I post here requires comment or empathy or sympathy or anything)

I spent several hours today searching for info for my dissertation. Wading through article after article relating to educational gerontology. I downloaded a ton and have ordered a few. Tomorrow I will be wading through a bazillon articles related to writing workshop. Eventually I will start printing those articles off. (If you'd like to contribute to Jen's get-out-of-school fund, you could send a ream or two of paper, in addition to a a couple of print cartridges for a Brother MFC 210C, which I believe takes a LC 41...around $25 at your local Office Max)

I have used the camera on my phone to take pictures of my babies. I'm surprised at how well it they turned out. I'd send them to me so I could post them here, but that would cost me quite a bit of money so I'll pass on that for now.

I'm going to go for a drive. I think I could probably use it.

January 9, 2006

It was again a gorgeous day in South Mississippi. I took my bike out for a spin, and it was even better today than it was yesterday. However, I know that tomorrow is going to be a killer. I finished my ride and then went to the Payne Center, where I did a leg workout. I dunno know if I'm going to ride tomorrow or if I'm going to just go to the Payne Center. My goal for this week is to ride four days. It's supposed to be rainy tomorrow so perhaps tomorrow is a good day to not ride.

My right hip is killing me. With the whole arthritis thing going on there, it always aches, but with the added stress of working out, it's killing me. It'll be better in a week or so, but until then, I'll be sore.

I'm hungry. Don't know exactly what I'm going to eat, as I have gotten rid of most snacky foods. I could use some chocolate, but there isn't any of that in the house. Dammit.

I've been thinking about listening right now. Do you really listen to people when they talk to you? I know that I usually have to remind myself to listen. It's not an intentional thing, and it doesn't reflect on the person who is talking to me. It's all about me. I'm easily distractible. It's never really about what the other person is saying...it could be completely riveting and the wind blows some leaves down the street and I'm gone.

How is your new year going? How are your resolutions going? I'm doing OK on mine, but I can feel me wavering, only one week in. Makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Apparently I have no will power, but I'm working on that. We'll see how far it goes.

I'm watching an ad for the Girls Gone Wild Island. I have flashed my boobs on Bourbon Street, but I can't quite imagine signing up for Girls Gone Wild. How would that come back to haunt a person, I wonder? There's really no way to deny it was you. Hmmm.

January 8, 2006

Well, the scale thing gets even more interesting. According to my scale, I've lost 20 pounds since Tuesday. I'm pretty sure that can't be right as my clothes aren't fitting that much differently. I will buy 2-3 pounds, though.

Speaking of which...how often do y'all weigh yourselves? I'm leaning towards the obsessive side with weighing myself every day. I seem to recall reading a study a couple of months ago that said that people who lost weight and kept it off weighed themselves on a weekly basis. Something about having a better idea of what's happening with their bodies. I dunno. But I'm weighing myself every day.

Speaking of weight, last week I flipped through the People magazine with people who lost half their body weight with no surgery. I didn't read very closely, but I do believe that all but one of the people profiled did some sort of structured program like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, or NutriSystem. Kind of not what I expected when I opened the magazine. It is a bit discouraging. Like out of all of the people who loose weight and keep it off, very few of them do it on their own. That doesn't feel good.

And while we're on the subject of weight, I picked up some ground flax seed this morning. I put some of it into my banana nut pancake batter this morning. They were little brown flecks in my pancakes, and I don't know if there was any different taste or not. Supposedly you can use flax seed and three tablespoons of water as a substitute for an egg. I think perhaps I'll pass on that. I am going to sprinkle some of it on my salad here in a little bit. For all of you who would like more info on flax seed, click here.

This morning TSLO and I had to sit down and have a cuddle. She was following me around, from room to room, right under my feet. I think that's her thing. She won't come and get the love on her own, but if she can con me into giving it to her (by causing me to tri over her), she'll take it. She tries to run away when I scoop her up, but once she's bundled in, she's all over it. Poor silly baby.

I bought a new phone. PITA. I couldn't transfer my ringtones to the new phone, so I bought paid for two new ones. ($5.00 for both of them) I just can't get them downloaded to my phone. GRRRRRR. And of course, customer service is closed. I'll call them first thing tomorrow morning.

It was a beautiful day in south Mississippi. I took myself out for a bike ride and used my new camelback. I think I might be in love with it. It's big and comfy and has lots of room to carry things. My ride was really good, very strong coming back in. I think that might have something to do with being hydrated...since I have that new camelback. I suppose I'll be doing it again tomorrow. I can't wait until I'm back up to 20-30 mile per day rides (right now I'm doing 9. *sigh*)

I keep meaning to do some more memoir type writing rather than juts an accounting of my day, but that actually takes quite a bit of thought. And by the time I get to here, I'm not really interested in doing a whole lot of work. *sigh* Sorry. Maybe tomorrow.

January 5, 2006

According to my scale, I've lost 10 pounds in the last two days. I'm thinking that's PMS weight. *sigh* But that's good. I didn't make it to the gym today because I had some things to do. Will get it tomorrow.

I didn't have time to do my hair today. I wore my little beige newsboy hate to cover the icky hair. I don't think I look very good in hats, but Sam, the secretary at the landlord's, said that it was a really cute hat and that I looked good in it. I don't know. I think my face and nose are too long to look good in hats. Ick.

Anyone out there use flax seeds? I'm thinking about getting some ground flax seeds for in my oatmeal and some whole seeds for on my salads. I dunno, though. What do you guys think?

I'm not quite sure that I have a lot else to say. I just thought I should update the page for y'all.

January 3, 2006

I have begun work on my New Year's Resolutions. You? I think I'm doing OK so far. How could I not? It's only two days in. Give me a week or so and we'll see where I stand. *sigh*

I wasn't feeling so well earlier, but now I'm hungry...even though I have had dinner. I'm thinking that perhaps I'll have an orange. I don't think the pears are ripe enough. Speaking of which...the only pears I could find in the grocery store were incredibly huge. As I've been thinking about diet and such, I'd say those pears were easily 2, probably more like 3, servings. Three of them were almost two pounds. HUGE.

I was going to take a bath tonight and soak my aching muscles. I think I might still. Then I need to do some planks. Or perhaps I need to do some planks *before* I get in the tub. Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

The boy has sugar daddy potential, but it appears that he might need to be cajoled over the edge. Maybe.

I have been reading my Christmas present from the Sner. I'm about halfway through it. It is, as you know, almost 1,000 pages.

I really don't have much to say. I've been thinking a bit about forgiveness, but I don't know exactly what I think about it, what my feelings really are. I've also been thinking about obligation and responsibility. Not quite sure where I'm heading with either one of those things.

I think that I probably forgot to mention that on the way back from Betsy's, I took the Talladega Scenic Byway. In the middle of winter, it's not really all that spectacular, but I imagine that in the spring and in the fall, it would truly be lovely. Cheaha State Park was up there as well.

I really do think that I'm going to go camping for spring break this year. Perhaps head up into the Carolinas? I haven't made it that direction yet. I think I would be OK in state park camp grounds. Me, the tent, an air mattress, sleeping bag/blankets, lantern, what more do I need? I'd probably take the bike (and my brand-spanking new camelback--Christmas present) so I could do some riding/hiking. I don't think I'd want to take a cooler full of food, although maybe some non-perishable stuff to eat. I dunno. I'm still thinking about it, planning everything out.

Anyway. I'm tired. And I still need to have something else to eat before I go to bed. (I have had oatmeal for breakfast for the last two days...perhaps tomorrow I will have Chex cereal. I suppose I could have that for snack now before I go to bed. Hmmmmm....)

January 1, 2006

Good lord. Is it really 2006? I can't quite seem to wrap my head around it. Was out at Beth's this evening, eating cabbage and black-eyed peas. Not bad. I'm sure I've had black-eyed peas before, but I can't remember it. The cabbage was actually quite good, even though Beth said she burned it. The carmelization was good.

I don't know that I have a whole lot to say tonight. I've been thinking a bit about what I want to do with the next year of my life...the year that I turn 30...and I'm just not sure that I want to share it yet.

I woke up around 6:00 this morning with a slight headache, so I took two Advil and drank a big ole glass of water before going back to bed. Lucky for me, that did the trick. No hang over for me, even with an entire bottle of champagne. Yeah!

This afternoon TSLO and I slept all cuddled up. She's not the most affectionate cat. In fact, she doesn't usually come out of hiding at all, and when she does, she doesn't want any attention. So, when she hopped up on the bed and pushed her little head against my hand and wouldn't go away, I couldn't be a mean mommy and push her to the bottom of the bed. So, I wrapped her up and pulled her in. She stayed with me, under the blankets and held for the entire nap. Such a sweet baby.

Not to say that my Peach isn't sweet too, but she's sweet all the time. TSLO doesn't often show her sweet side.

Anyway. Hope y'all are having a fantastic start to the new year. As always, I'll continue to let you know how it goes. Never fear.

Last Updated May 26, 2008

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January 30, 2006

I am a slacker weasel. Can't help it. I apologize profusely. I'll work on getting better at that.

Went to the gym today. Have finally decided to stop being lazy...once again. And I made dinner this evening so I have a ream of left-overs...good for me stuff to eat for the rest of the week. Need to get back on that horse and ride. Yee-haw.

So, are y'all ready for the President's State of the Union address tomorrow night? We should think of a cool drinking game...like everyone has to do a shot for every word Bush butchers. What say you? Could be fun, no?

Did anyone watch Grey's Anatomy last night? Sparked some bad memories for me. The Ellen Pompeo character has to remove the life support from an elderly patient and then she went into a supply closet to cry, saying she didn't want her mother to die alone. Which reminds me of my grandpa Alex. I have tremendous regret and shame about his dying alone. He shouldn't have. Someone who loved him should have been there. I made plans to do that, but he passed away before I could put it into place.

I should have stayed with him after Grandma Alex passed away. Holding him in nursing home, listening to him cry for her, questioning what he had to live for...I should have stayed. Cari could have helped me find some kind of teaching job for the semester. I could have stayed with her. That's what I should have done, but I thought I'd have more time. I thought I could wait until the new year and go then. Not quite so.

I finished up my preproposal this evening. I'm hoping that I can get it to My Lord and Master by the end of the week. I want someone else to proof-read it so I'm not the last word. For some reason it is intimidating to hand things off to him. *sigh* Gotta get over that.

I'm hungry so I'm going to have a salad. Good for me. *sigh*

January 27, 2006

Wow. OK, I'm behind. Sorry. That's OK, though. I may soon need to take parts of the site down for awhile.

Got a notice of a job opportunity. I'm going to get everything together in the next week or so and apply. I have at times, perhaps, been a bit more forthcoming on this site than I should be...sharing a bit much at times. I'm not sure that I want potential employers to stumble across some of that. We'll see, though.

I was going to print off a bunch of articles tonight, but my printer is apparently retarded. I bought a new black cartridge so I could print, but I didn't bother with the color ones because I don't care about that. Well. My printer won't print if any of the cartridges are empty. As my color cartridges are empty, there is no printing. Dammit. So, I went to 123inkjet and order the $28 deal. Should be here in 4-7 days. Dammit.

I took Grandma's ring in today because I've been worried for the last month or so that the central stone was getting loose. Well. All of the prongs (even the small stones) need to be redone. And one of the little stones is shattered. If it comes out during the cleaning, it will have to be replaced. I wonder how much that is going to cost me? I suppose it's worth it, though, and is to be expected. How old is the ring? I think it was the 25th anniversary set, and they were married in I won't get the ring back for a month. I feel a little naked without it.

I'm heading to the coast tomorrow to shop for material for the Sner. I was in the Treasure Hunt here today and picked up two pairs of pants and two shirts for $30 with tax. Old Navy. I had to sew up one of the shirts (it's the same shirt I sewed previously, only in a lovely lavender).

Have we mentioned before that my Peach LOVES fingernail files? When you're doing your nails, she will attack the file and lick it. Strange cat.

Anyway. Need to go to bed, if I'm going to do anything with myself tomorrow.

January 25, 2006

I need to be reading a book that came in via interlibrary loan. But what am I doing? Not reading that book, that's for damn sure. *sigh* I will get on it as soon as I update this site. I don't know exactly what this need for procrastination is.

I'm cold. I'm sure that's a house thing, although I do know that it was a bit chillier today while I was wandering around campus.

I don't think I have a lot to say tonight. I have a compelling urge...or something like that...to get busy reading this book that has come in. It's a little book. It's one that I think I'm probably going to need on a full-time basis. I can't believe that a book published in 1994 isn't available for less than $42+shipping. It's $52 new. There's something wrong with that picture. Do you suppose it's still that expensive because it's that good? *sigh* Dammit. This whole book thing is killing me. I'm so not good at taking notes. I prefer to highlight and sticky note within the text. I've never used note cards or any of that bullshit. Heaven help me.

It's hard to believe that this week is already almost over. I've got to get some stuff put together for the poetry workshop I'm giving in about two weeks. And I need to make some decisions about other things with regard to that. Ughhh. Not to mention that I need to work on my dissertation.

Going, going, going. I swear.

January 24, 2006

I think I might have a massive sinus infection. That or the rot of my teeth is making its way into the bones of my face. Whatever it is, it hurts. *sigh* Just to make myself feel better, I'm going to lean toward the whole sinus infection thing.

There was something else I was going to tell y'all today.

Do you procrastinate the awful things that you have to do but don't want to? I have needed to clean--really clean--the litterbox for awhile now. I finally did it this evening. Ughhh. I think it's probably been since around the hurricane since I last did it? I don't remember. I suppose that's nothing to whine about. I've needed to do it for quite awhile. I also needed to spray the thing with a silicon spray so the litter doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan, but that didn't happen. (What exactly is silicon spray anyway?)

I'm sure that my babies will appreciate my efforts on their behalf. (TSLO is currently attacking a piece of paper...poor, sweet, stupid baby)

OK. I'm really tired. I was going to be witty and charming this evening, but it's the sinus infection thing, I think. Debi has a guy she wants me to email. We'll see where that happens.

January 23, 2006

Am not feeling well today. Haven't been feeling well all day. Took my medication, but thus far, nothing has changed. Have eaten a little and still feel shitty. I need to start charting this stuff because I get the feeling I'm getting worse. It seems like I'm having more of these times. I really, really wish I had health insurance.

And that perhaps precipitates another rant about why we, as the supposedly most powerful and advanced nation in the world, cannot provide affordable, accessible health care to everyone. If I were to go to a doctor, now, you know they'd want to run an EEG, simply because it's been awhile, and those tests are not cheap. I'm thinking that if I were to go to the doctor, without health insurance, it would cost me $5,000-6,000. How outrageous...and unreasonable?...is that?

Then there's the not wanting to risk not being able to be insured. I don't want to saddle myself with a pre-existing condition if this thing has changed and morphed into something different. Y'all pray that I get a job with benefits for this fall. That would be a really good thing.

So, yesterday I went to the Endzone and watched the Broncos get their asses kicked. I was there with a couple of guys and the annoying boy. Little awkward. Then Gill started buying my tequila shots, and I didn't care. *grin* Gill and I went out to the parking lot and smoked, and I have to say that I finally get it. It was rather pleasant. The whole thing was facilitated with a coke can, which I found interesting. I suppose I'm learning more here than I perhaps should. Have no fear, though. I can't quite see myself going out and purchasing it on my own. I'd be too damn scared I'd get arrested and then where would I be?

Anyway. For those of you looking for a way to support the efforts of bunch of 5th graders, and would like to help with Hurricane Katrina relief, see this site. The kids wrote a song and recorded it. They've sold enough to cover the recording costs, but would like to sell another 600 so they can send $3,000 or so to support relief efforts. I bought my copy. With shipping, it's $6.99. Have to pay through Paypal, although if you contact the guy, he'll probably allow you to send him money.

Anyway. I'm going to have some dinner and work on some citations for articles I'm going to print. While my kitten plays in my hair and the Peach sleeps on the side of the chair.

January 20, 2006

A phrase I never thought I'd utter:

I need a sewing machine.

I bought a really cute Old Navy button down blouse at Hudson's today. However, it gaps between the second and third button. Not because it doesn't fit. It fits great. It's because of the way the shirt was cut and the inordinate amount of space between the buttons. After consultation with the Sner, it was decided the best way to fix the gap was to sew the shirt shut between those buttons. (I can pull the shirt on over my head without unbuttoning it) Good lord. Trying to keep my stitches tiny and in the row of stitches already there took FOREVER. Thought I was going blind. Didn't manage to stick myself, though. Still. What a pain in the ass. *sigh*

I need a sewing machine. Suck.

Not much else to say. It's raining here. Would like to go to bed. Probably should, just as soon as I finish this glass of wine.

January 18, 2006

I am unwell. Have not felt good all day.

Anyone see the moon tonight? It was big and bright and luscious. Like a golden delicous apple, within reach of grabbing to take a bite. Someone had already done so, but how could you blame them? It was too perfect.

January 17, 2006

First day of the semester. Some good stuff, some bad, but that's the way the cookie crumbles, I suppose.

Saw Elizabeth this morning. I'm going to try to convince her to meet with me for a couple of hours every day so we can work on our dissertations. She needs to get as much done on hers as possible because she's expecting a baby girl in May. I'm hoping she'll go for it. We both could use the accountability, I think. Not that we'll be sharing our dissertation or anything like that. Just the knowing that we're there and working might be helpful. I'm willing to give it a shot. My thought is I go to the gym in the morning, we study after that and around 11:00 or noon I become the property of Drs. Anderson and Peters. What do you think?

I managed to gather another bunch of articles as well as some books today. I haven't actually checked the books out, even though they're in my library carrel. (Shhhhhhhh...don't tell anyone) I figure I'll check them out tomorrow or something like that. That means I'm going to have to pay my fine first. Ughhhh. Dammit. That reminds me. I need to go to the bank. Dammit.

It rained here last night. The power went out for a little while. I only know that because after I'd gone to bed, someone was pounding on my door. I looked at my clock, but it wasn't on. (checked the cell and discovered it was about 1:30) I think it was probably the neighbor pounding on the door, but I didn't get up. I was sleeping. And I didn't want to get dressed. How awful is that? What if she needed help, and I didn't even get up to help her? What a heartless bitch I am. (I'm going to be awful and say that I was worried that it was a fight because Allison had been over earlier in the evening. I don't want to be in the middle of that shit. Particularly not at 1:30 in the morning)

Hopefully I am redeemed by the fact that I sent off cards to two soldiers stationed in Iraq.

I'm now extremely stressed out. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get to bed. I should have been to bed before now. *sigh* I'm still hungry, though. I have had a salad and some red beans and rice. What to have now? Perhaps an apple, although that's not really what I'm feeling like right this moment. Perhaps a Blizzard. Good thing it's too late in the evening for that.

Perhaps I'm just going to have a cup of hot chocolate. It's cold outside. A cup of hot cocoa might be a good idea. I don't know how satisfying that will be, though. It's not striking the right chord with me.

Did anyone catch the Daily Show's piece on the "taint"? CRACK me up! Good thing the neighbor wasn't home. I would have made her wonder what the hell I was doing.

OK. Going to bed now. Had some hot chocolate and the last biscoti.

January 14, 2006

Had sushi for dinner this evening. Much better than the box lunch we had, although that didn't stop me from eating it.

I didn't sleep at all last night. OK. At all is a bit of an exaggeration. I do know that I tossed and turned and woke up every hour. When I woke up at 3:30, I was ready to get up. You know how that sometimes works? You go to sleep for just a short while and you think you've been asleep all night long? That's how it was. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

Not sleeping at all last night made it really, really hard to stay awake through all of the stuff today. Not that the stuff wasn't good and worth while. I was just really, really tired.

As part of my breakfast, I had a boiled egg. Sprinkled with a little bit of salt. I'm not a big fan of eggs. In fact, if I'm not making cookies, a dozen eggs could be safe in my fridge for six months. Don't worry...I don't eat them if they're older than six weeks. When I pick up the peanut butter chips for cookies, I swing by and grab a dozen eggs.

My aversion to eggs can be traced directly to my mother. Isn't it always the mother's fault? I recall a period of my childhood where I knew that breakfast every morning was going to be scrambled eggs. I'm sure there was perhaps a piece of toast to go along with the eggs, but all I remember are the yellows lumps with flecks of white scattered in the mix. I think that's probably where my general dislike of breakfast started as well.

I'm sure the Sner fed us eggs because we ere poor and eggs were cheap. I wonder, though, why she always scrambled them. She could have fried them. Maybe done them over-easy. Sunnyside up. Poached. Boiled. A little variety somehow, someway. Scrambled was probably the fastest and easiest preparation method, but good lord.

To this day, my stomach clenches and my involuntary gag reflex is triggered when I'm confronted with a plate of scrambled eggs. Occasionally I'll think that an omelet sounds like a really good idea, but beyond that, eggs make me a bit ill.

I need to go to bed. I'm really hoping that I'm going to sleep tonight. I think that part of the problem might be that I'm sleeping in pajamas. I have a roommate, and I suppose that sleeping naked might not be the greatest idea. You know?

Go Broncos!!!! (I haven't seen the other scores, but I'm still predicting that it's going to the Colts and Seahawks in the Superbowl).

I need to trim and paint my toenails. And I need to drink a ton of water. I'm thirsting to death.

January 13, 2006

I totally forgot that today was Friday the 13th. I don't know if it was a cataclysmic day, the stuff that horror stories are made of, although it was not without incident.

I got my gas bill today. $172 for 51 ccf. That is 7 less ccf than last month's bill, yet $70 more. It's all still outrageous. I'm trying to keep things in perspective. The broken pipe was repaired mid-month. I want to say around the 15th. The meter was read on the 23rd. I'm hoping that next month's bill will reflect a full month without problems with the water. (I have yet to get this month's water bill)

In the meantime, though, since I'm not at the house this weekend, I have turned the temperature on the water heater down to "vacation". I'm thinking that I might leave it there on a full-time basis, just turning it up to warm about an hour before I want to shower or bathe and then turning it back down when I'm done. I simply cannot afford a bill like that on an on-going basis.

At our meeting this evening, we watched a video of Katrina...as it happened...shot in Waveland. I don't quite know how to say this without being insensitive, but I'm tired of Katrina. I understand that for the people who live in New Orleans and on the coast are living with Katrina every day, in difficult and horrific ways. But. I'm tired of looking back at Katrina. At seeing it as it happened, watching the devastation happen, seeing the immediate aftermath doesn't do a whole lot of good for anyone I don't think.

It's a new year. It is time to deal with the present, the here and now, the progress that has been made in the four, almost five months since Katrina. It is time to deal with the future. To concentrate on what will be and not what happened in an immediate sense. It's time to stop ripping the scab off the wound, to allow the scarification process to begin. At least that's the way I'm feeling about it now, after having seen it all...again.

I rode today, but it was a very brief ride. It wasn't the best day to take myself out. The wind was incredible, and my legs were absolutely screaming. I only did four miles (which with as much pain as I was in, amounted to half an hour), and I'm kinda kicking myself for quitting when I did. By the time I was back to the car, I was feeling much better and riding stronger. I could have gone further in the other direction, but I just quit. I didn't feel like it. I also did not go to the Payne Center today. I thought about it, but decided to refrain.

Regardless, I have accomplished my goals for this week. I wanted to ride four times and lift four times, which I did. That's a good thing. I'm on my way to a healthier, happier me.

How 'bout you? Are you on your way to a healthier, happier you in this new year?

It rained in the night last night. Not just rained but stormed. I remember that I woke up, dazed and afraid, and thought to myself, I need to call the hurricane boy to tell him I'm scared. Odd. No idea where that came from. I rolled over and went back to sleep for a little while. Woke back up, wandered into the living room, picked up the flop dog, stumbled back to bed and drifted back off. It's the whole warm body thing again. If I can't have a man, at least I have the flop dog, eh? *sigh*

I must get a case for my phone. It kills me to not be able to clip it to me or my purse. I could always put it in my pocket I suppose, but then I would worry about breaking the antennae off of it. I dropped it in my purse today and I was all worried about scratching and dinging it up. *sigh* The things I worry about. *sigh*

The drive to Jackson this afternoon/evening almost killed me. I was supposed to follow Kim and Rachel, but no one told me where I was supposed to meet them at to follow them. Which was probably a good thing as I was on the late side leaving Hattiesburg. Needed to stop at the post office to mail a letter, and then I needed to stop and get gas, which by the way, has gotten incredibly expensive again. I paid $2.22/gallon, but I've seen it as high as $2.30 in the Hattiesburg area. What's up with that?

Anyway to get back to the drive, though, I was cruising along 49, doing 80-85, rocking out to the tunes, when about ten miles out of Collins, I came upon and passed a car that reminded me of Rachel's. In front of it was Kim's Jimmy. So, I pulled in front of them, and let them catch up to me and then pass me, so I could fall in line, like a good soldier. *sigh* I make a good follower...sorta. I do well at following. I don't tailgate for the most part. I'm not obnoxious. But the entire time, I can feel my blood pressure rising. When we got to the I-20 interchange, I finally couldn't take it anymore. Instead of falling nicely into line, I rocketed around everyone and took off. I cannot tell you how good it felt to be doing 70, consistently, on the freeway. Driving at my pace, not worrying if I was following too close or wondering what the person in front of me might be going to do.

I could feel myself calm down and begin to relax, settling back into my seat. It was a beautiful thing. Simply beautiful. I should have done it much sooner. I don't really think anyone would have cared or minded.

Anyway. Angela and I are going to be heading off to have sushi tomorrow night for dinner. She says she's got a good place here in jackson. I'm game for that, although I did only bring $40 in cash. I suppose that's what the mastercard is for. (You laugh, but I could easily spend that much on sushi since pricing here is ala cart. Perhaps, though, it will be possible for me to flirt like a badger tomorrow evening.

It's really hot in here. Angela turned the heat on before she went to sleep. I think I'm going to be rude and turn it off before I go to sleep. (I really do think I'm trying to get a cold...my throat has that tickle, I have a slight headache, and my ears are a little achy.)

January 12, 2006

Quote from Emma Thompson..."flirtin' like a badger". I'm going to have to get myself into a situation where I can use that phrase. "Flirtin' like a badger." Hmmmm...where can I go to "flirt like a badger"?

They fixed my water heater today, but now the water coming out of my bathtub facet is brown. *sigh* I soaked in the tub anyway because I need a bath, but...ick. I may shower at the Payne Center tomorrow just to make sure that I'm clean before heading off to Jackson for the weekend.

I worked out again today. Have used my lotion, which seemed to help last night. I'm all tingly again this evening. It really is too bad that there's no one to take advantage of that. If I'd been flirtin' like a badger, that might be a different story.

I still haven't gotten my gas bill for this month. I'm a little apprehensive about it. My electric bill was $88 last month, which seems high to me, but then again, it was on the chilly side. I'm hoping that it won't be quite so bad from here on out. *sigh*

I don't really have much else to say tonight. I've very tired. Need to finish my glass of wine, have some hot cocoa and go to bed. That sounds like a plan.

January 11, 2006

The scale says that I've lost another six pounds. I'm not buying that. I really should measure myself so that I can see where I'm going there. Since apparently I need to buy a new scale.

Today has been an orgy of exercise (I really like that phrase). I really didn't mean for it to turn out that way, but that's the way the ball bounces now and again. I went to the Payne Center, where I lifted and did an hour of cardio. (pushed hard on the EFX) I needed to ship a package to Betsy so I walked to the downtown post office, which was about 45 minutes total. I wrapped things up with my bike ride.

I'm so sore. I picked up some bath salts and some lotion specifically designed...so it says...to help with muscle soreness. The bath salts were a pleasant enough experience, but the lotion. Criminey. I smelled like my grandpa after he'd rubbed himself down with liniment. Probably a good thing I'm not going to bed with anyone tonight. However. The sage, wintergreen, and juniper causes a lovely tingle. That might be interesting if I were going to be with someone tonight. Maybe.

I feel like I'm getting a cold.

I watched The Biggest Loser this evening. Makes me want to go for a run. I fear that I look like that. Please don't tell me I look like that.

All of that exercise has made me extraordinarily tired. I need to go to bed.

eta that I just washed my face with cold water. I don't have any hot water. *sigh* Imma call them tomorrow. *sigh*

January 10, 2006

According to the scale, I've lost another two pounds. Did not ride today, but rather went to the Payne Center. It was a good workout, and I felt good after I did it. I just have to remember to block the time for workouts when school starts next week. It's important. I'll attempt to go for a ride tomorrow, although I'm pretty stiff and sore (that whole leg workout thing). My goal for this week is to ride four days and lift four days. It would be best if I could lift before or after my rides, that way I could kill two birds with one trip, but I'm too paranoid. I'm afraid someone will steal my bike off the back of my car while I'm in the Payne Center. So, I'd have to ride, come back to the house, drop the bike off, and then go to the Payne Center. Pain in the ass.

Anyway.

Occasionally the past comes back to haunt me. I go along just fine and then bam...the decisions I've made rear up and bite me in the ass. That's OK. I can deal with it. I just keep telling myself that there will be a positive outcome and there will be stability. I just have to see it through. And I will. There's no other option.

I do have to say, though, that tonight I'm feeling quite...lonely. For the most part, I'm OK with this solitary life that I've chosen. I may whine and bitch about things here every once in awhile, but I think that this is part of what I use this site for. How did someone once put it to me? I write my darkness? Like I let it all out here so it doesn't taint and poison the rest of my life.

There are times like now that I just wish there was someone else to connect to. Someone to talk to, someone to reach out to. It's not that I don't have good friends I could call and talk to; it's not that I don't have people to reach out to. This is different, though. I'm not looking for that "friend" vibe here.

You take for granted things like curling into a bed with another body...having someone to hold you. I know that I could be with anyone. That I don't have to be alone. I could call the annoying boy, but it's not about sex. And even if it were...I've come to believe that there needs to be something more. Perhaps it's years of programming that makes me ill-prepared to handle sex for sex's sake. I at least have to feel something for the other person, regardless of whether that person feels something for me or not. (I was going to add an editorial comment about some of my past relationships, but I really, really don't need to take myself there)

It's raining here now. While it's warm outside, it feels like I should be curled up in front of a fire with a good glass of wine (I've got that) and a warm body. I am perhaps grown maudlin in my old age, but sometimes it is so very difficult. I could use some chocolate ice cream...a blizzard perhaps. But since I'm on a diet and doing well on that diet, I think perhaps I'll just drink all my wine. (For the perceptive among you, I would have added "smoke my stuff", but I apparently don't know how to do that right)

(please remember that not everything I post here requires comment or empathy or sympathy or anything)

I spent several hours today searching for info for my dissertation. Wading through article after article relating to educational gerontology. I downloaded a ton and have ordered a few. Tomorrow I will be wading through a bazillon articles related to writing workshop. Eventually I will start printing those articles off. (If you'd like to contribute to Jen's get-out-of-school fund, you could send a ream or two of paper, in addition to a a couple of print cartridges for a Brother MFC 210C, which I believe takes a LC 41...around $25 at your local Office Max)

I have used the camera on my phone to take pictures of my babies. I'm surprised at how well it they turned out. I'd send them to me so I could post them here, but that would cost me quite a bit of money so I'll pass on that for now.

I'm going to go for a drive. I think I could probably use it.

January 9, 2006

It was again a gorgeous day in South Mississippi. I took my bike out for a spin, and it was even better today than it was yesterday. However, I know that tomorrow is going to be a killer. I finished my ride and then went to the Payne Center, where I did a leg workout. I dunno know if I'm going to ride tomorrow or if I'm going to just go to the Payne Center. My goal for this week is to ride four days. It's supposed to be rainy tomorrow so perhaps tomorrow is a good day to not ride.

My right hip is killing me. With the whole arthritis thing going on there, it always aches, but with the added stress of working out, it's killing me. It'll be better in a week or so, but until then, I'll be sore.

I'm hungry. Don't know exactly what I'm going to eat, as I have gotten rid of most snacky foods. I could use some chocolate, but there isn't any of that in the house. Dammit.

I've been thinking about listening right now. Do you really listen to people when they talk to you? I know that I usually have to remind myself to listen. It's not an intentional thing, and it doesn't reflect on the person who is talking to me. It's all about me. I'm easily distractible. It's never really about what the other person is saying...it could be completely riveting and the wind blows some leaves down the street and I'm gone.

How is your new year going? How are your resolutions going? I'm doing OK on mine, but I can feel me wavering, only one week in. Makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Apparently I have no will power, but I'm working on that. We'll see how far it goes.

I'm watching an ad for the Girls Gone Wild Island. I have flashed my boobs on Bourbon Street, but I can't quite imagine signing up for Girls Gone Wild. How would that come back to haunt a person, I wonder? There's really no way to deny it was you. Hmmm.

January 8, 2006

Well, the scale thing gets even more interesting. According to my scale, I've lost 20 pounds since Tuesday. I'm pretty sure that can't be right as my clothes aren't fitting that much differently. I will buy 2-3 pounds, though.

Speaking of which...how often do y'all weigh yourselves? I'm leaning towards the obsessive side with weighing myself every day. I seem to recall reading a study a couple of months ago that said that people who lost weight and kept it off weighed themselves on a weekly basis. Something about having a better idea of what's happening with their bodies. I dunno. But I'm weighing myself every day.

Speaking of weight, last week I flipped through the People magazine with people who lost half their body weight with no surgery. I didn't read very closely, but I do believe that all but one of the people profiled did some sort of structured program like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, or NutriSystem. Kind of not what I expected when I opened the magazine. It is a bit discouraging. Like out of all of the people who loose weight and keep it off, very few of them do it on their own. That doesn't feel good.

And while we're on the subject of weight, I picked up some ground flax seed this morning. I put some of it into my banana nut pancake batter this morning. They were little brown flecks in my pancakes, and I don't know if there was any different taste or not. Supposedly you can use flax seed and three tablespoons of water as a substitute for an egg. I think perhaps I'll pass on that. I am going to sprinkle some of it on my salad here in a little bit. For all of you who would like more info on flax seed, click here.

This morning TSLO and I had to sit down and have a cuddle. She was following me around, from room to room, right under my feet. I think that's her thing. She won't come and get the love on her own, but if she can con me into giving it to her (by causing me to tri over her), she'll take it. She tries to run away when I scoop her up, but once she's bundled in, she's all over it. Poor silly baby.

I bought a new phone. PITA. I couldn't transfer my ringtones to the new phone, so I bought paid for two new ones. ($5.00 for both of them) I just can't get them downloaded to my phone. GRRRRRR. And of course, customer service is closed. I'll call them first thing tomorrow morning.

It was a beautiful day in south Mississippi. I took myself out for a bike ride and used my new camelback. I think I might be in love with it. It's big and comfy and has lots of room to carry things. My ride was really good, very strong coming back in. I think that might have something to do with being hydrated...since I have that new camelback. I suppose I'll be doing it again tomorrow. I can't wait until I'm back up to 20-30 mile per day rides (right now I'm doing 9. *sigh*)

I keep meaning to do some more memoir type writing rather than juts an accounting of my day, but that actually takes quite a bit of thought. And by the time I get to here, I'm not really interested in doing a whole lot of work. *sigh* Sorry. Maybe tomorrow.

January 5, 2006

According to my scale, I've lost 10 pounds in the last two days. I'm thinking that's PMS weight. *sigh* But that's good. I didn't make it to the gym today because I had some things to do. Will get it tomorrow.

I didn't have time to do my hair today. I wore my little beige newsboy hate to cover the icky hair. I don't think I look very good in hats, but Sam, the secretary at the landlord's, said that it was a really cute hat and that I looked good in it. I don't know. I think my face and nose are too long to look good in hats. Ick.

Anyone out there use flax seeds? I'm thinking about getting some ground flax seeds for in my oatmeal and some whole seeds for on my salads. I dunno, though. What do you guys think?

I'm not quite sure that I have a lot else to say. I just thought I should update the page for y'all.

January 3, 2006

I have begun work on my New Year's Resolutions. You? I think I'm doing OK so far. How could I not? It's only two days in. Give me a week or so and we'll see where I stand. *sigh*

I wasn't feeling so well earlier, but now I'm hungry...even though I have had dinner. I'm thinking that perhaps I'll have an orange. I don't think the pears are ripe enough. Speaking of which...the only pears I could find in the grocery store were incredibly huge. As I've been thinking about diet and such, I'd say those pears were easily 2, probably more like 3, servings. Three of them were almost two pounds. HUGE.

I was going to take a bath tonight and soak my aching muscles. I think I might still. Then I need to do some planks. Or perhaps I need to do some planks *before* I get in the tub. Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

The boy has sugar daddy potential, but it appears that he might need to be cajoled over the edge. Maybe.

I have been reading my Christmas present from the Sner. I'm about halfway through it. It is, as you know, almost 1,000 pages.

I really don't have much to say. I've been thinking a bit about forgiveness, but I don't know exactly what I think about it, what my feelings really are. I've also been thinking about obligation and responsibility. Not quite sure where I'm heading with either one of those things.

I think that I probably forgot to mention that on the way back from Betsy's, I took the Talladega Scenic Byway. In the middle of winter, it's not really all that spectacular, but I imagine that in the spring and in the fall, it would truly be lovely. Cheaha State Park was up there as well.

I really do think that I'm going to go camping for spring break this year. Perhaps head up into the Carolinas? I haven't made it that direction yet. I think I would be OK in state park camp grounds. Me, the tent, an air mattress, sleeping bag/blankets, lantern, what more do I need? I'd probably take the bike (and my brand-spanking new camelback--Christmas present) so I could do some riding/hiking. I don't think I'd want to take a cooler full of food, although maybe some non-perishable stuff to eat. I dunno. I'm still thinking about it, planning everything out.

Anyway. I'm tired. And I still need to have something else to eat before I go to bed. (I have had oatmeal for breakfast for the last two days...perhaps tomorrow I will have Chex cereal. I suppose I could have that for snack now before I go to bed. Hmmmmm....)

January 1, 2006

Good lord. Is it really 2006? I can't quite seem to wrap my head around it. Was out at Beth's this evening, eating cabbage and black-eyed peas. Not bad. I'm sure I've had black-eyed peas before, but I can't remember it. The cabbage was actually quite good, even though Beth said she burned it. The carmelization was good.

I don't know that I have a whole lot to say tonight. I've been thinking a bit about what I want to do with the next year of my life...the year that I turn 30...and I'm just not sure that I want to share it yet.

I woke up around 6:00 this morning with a slight headache, so I took two Advil and drank a big ole glass of water before going back to bed. Lucky for me, that did the trick. No hang over for me, even with an entire bottle of champagne. Yeah!

This afternoon TSLO and I slept all cuddled up. She's not the most affectionate cat. In fact, she doesn't usually come out of hiding at all, and when she does, she doesn't want any attention. So, when she hopped up on the bed and pushed her little head against my hand and wouldn't go away, I couldn't be a mean mommy and push her to the bottom of the bed. So, I wrapped her up and pulled her in. She stayed with me, under the blankets and held for the entire nap. Such a sweet baby.

Not to say that my Peach isn't sweet too, but she's sweet all the time. TSLO doesn't often show her sweet side.

Anyway. Hope y'all are having a fantastic start to the new year. As always, I'll continue to let you know how it goes. Never fear.