December 2008

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December 2008

December 31,2008

Morning Update

It's New Year's Eve y'all. Do you have something big planned? I don't know what I'm doing yet. Feeling a bit in a funk. You know...I've never had a good New Year's Eve. Or at least not one like you hear people having. I get that for a lot of people, it's a big deal, but I don't really understand it. I told friends that according to my horoscope (ha) this is supposed to be a magical night for me...the best I may have in a decade. (No pressure or anything) All I wanted was to be somewhere that I could be kissing a boy (preferably one I like but I suppose any boy will do) at midnight because supposedly what you're doing at midnight is what you're going to be doing in the new year (kissing a boy = love and all that smushy stuff). It doesn't appear that will happen.

Actually, it could happen. I know where there's a party happening with a boy who does want to kiss me at midnight. I could be there. But. I suppose any boy really won't do).

I have a sorta half plan kicking around in my head, but I don't know how feasible it really is. As I am feeling angsty to begin with, it might actually be the perfect plan. I dunno. So much pressure. *sigh*

There's a lot to tell y'all. But I don't have the time to do it right this minute. I've got to get in the shower. I'm supposed to be joining some folks for lunch. I may just put my hair under a ballcap and wait to get really pretty when I come home.

December 25,2008

Evening Update

Merry Christmas, y'all. Hope it's been a good day for you. It's been pretty fine here in South Mississippi. We were supposed to get up at 6:00 this morning to open the pressies, but that didn't happen. When I let the doggie out at almost 7:30, we were the only ones up. The present opening didn't begin until almost 8:30. Lots of great gifts given out in this family. I am always a little overwhelmed by the generosity of others. It also tends to have the effect of making me feel a touch on the inadequate side. I don't have a lot of money, so I don't spend a lot of money on presents. I like to think, though, that the cost of presents is not what it's about and that the thoughtfulness of the gift matters quite a bit. So what if it was only a $12 book? If it was something that the recipient would really enjoy/use/welcome? I dunno.

It was a good day here. I got lots of wonderful presents, and I am grateful. I love my GPS, although I have yet to use it. (I did figure out how to put in the car and such, even though I have yet to do that. I did put in the address to the tattoo parlor, and from what I remember, that's pretty close to accurate) Beth and Mark got me a breast cancer awareness t-shirt from Peace Frogs, and Sarah (Beth's momma) got me some moisturizing socks (to be used to sleep in after you've slathered your hooves in lotion) that were breast cancer awareness as well. It means a lot to me that they remember those things are important to me. Also got a very tiny pair of fleur di lis earrings. I don't normally wear earrings because they tend to irritate me terribly, but I've had these in all day with relatively no problems. A little itching, but that's it. They're sterling silver. Maybe that makes the difference. There were lots of other things, including a wine chiller that can be taken places (oh, say a picnic), that were great as well.

Someone remind me that next year, all I really need to do to make these folks around here happy is to buy them Saints stuff or something with a fleur di lis on it.

Went to church with Beth, Mark, and Matt last night. Twice in less than a week I've been in church now. I think churches are interesting places, but I don't particularly feel anything when I'm in them. I really wish that I did, but I don't.

Spent the afternoon with friends. One of them was working today, so I took her a plate of snacks and hung out with her for awhile, and then I made my way to the boy's so I could give him his Christmas pressies. I didn't get him much, but again...thought that counts, I hope.

I've missed him terribly. We rode around talking, looking for (and occasionally finding) Christmas lights. Had dinner at the Chinese place. Did I mention that it was really good to just spend time with him? That was always a wonderful thing. I won't lie and say that I don't want to be with him when I see him, but I completely accept that's not something that can happen. I want him to be healthy and happy, and if that means that perhaps what I want gets thwarted, then that's OK. It's incredibly nice and I miss it, but it's not all that there is between us. He makes me laugh, and he took me to see buildings in Hattiesburg that I'd never really seen even though I saw them a million times. It doesn't get much better than that.

I'm feeling a little sad tonight. Was out earlier with a friend at a bar, but when they left to go to Ropers, I used that as my excuse to go on to the house. I don't like Ropers to begin with, but I wasn't feeling all that social. When Matt got off work, he asked me to come out with them, but I really am OK here at the house with my Beam and Pepsi. I think perhaps I've been amongst people too much here lately. Even though I did have a long-ass drive on Monday. I kinda feel the need to run, if that makes sense. I might take my new pens and journals and disappear for a little while tomorrow.

I'm thinking about heading out into the after Christmas shopping madness tomorrow. Strange that I kinda enjoy being in those kinds of crowds, but I'm feeling like I've been a little too social lately. I get the incongruity of those statements. Not looking for anything in particular, although I think I'd browse for nativities. For some reason, I like nativities. Would like to have a whole bunch of them.

My soul is in a little bit of turmoil right this minute. A ball has been set in motion...and actually has been in motion for quite awhile. And I feel like it's some huge betrayal of a person that I care deeply about. I think I'm going to do it anyway because I think that it's something I need for me, but I don't know exactly how I'm going to feel about it after it's done. I can joke and laugh about it, but I don't know that there are a lot of folks out there who know what a step this is for me. What a big thing it really is. I get that for a lot of people, it's not a big thing. And for some people, what's already happened should be just as big of a step. The thing is, though, that for me, there's a difference there. I'd like to get into it all here, but there's too much that I don't know how to say just this minute. And there are too many readers.

It appears that most of my friends are backing out of going to New Orleans with me, and instead it's going to be me, Matt, and a bunch of his friends. OK. Fine. But that means I will remain the sober one who makes sure we all get home OK. Perhaps after my tattoo, I'll drop them all in the Quarter and make my way to City Park to go through Celebration in the Oaks. We shall see.

Which reminds me...I gotta look for some pictures for my tattoo.

December 19,2008

Evening Update

Another awful day at work. I really don't know how much more I can take of this kinda thing. After another dropped ball, I sent my boss an email and told him that I need to talk to him about my frustrations and my concerns. Basically, I don't know why they went to the trouble to hire me if they aren't going to truly utilize me. I have a ton of work to get done over break. A TON. I want to get most of it done before I head to Mississippi because I'd like to be able to not worry about it. Get it out of the way and done. I don't know if that's going to happen, though. I do know that I'll be carting a box of papers and a big box of books.

I haven't packed yet. I guess I need to throw something in the suitcase tomorrow. *sigh* Actually know what I want to bring, just haven't packed it yet. Gotta get up in the morning and get it done.

I just took an Ativan, and I'm taking a medicinal martini. Or two maybe. The Ativan combined with the alcohol is almost instantaneous. More to update at some later time. Sorry.

December 17,2008

Evening Update

It was an incredibly shitty day at school. Incredibly shitty. Got myself called into the principal's office twice. And both times, I left so incredibly angry. If I were a violent person, something might have gotten hurt. I'd really like to say more, but I think I'd should probably not.

I think I'm going to go to Washington DC for spring break. It's the first week of April, which happens to coincide with the Cherry Blossom Festival. I imagine that might be a little on the pricey side, and I'll have to figure out what to do with the dog. If I stay at a La Quinta, the doggie can stay in the room while I'm exploring the sites. I suppose the same could be said of a campsite. I dunno. I don't think I'd want to board her. I like it when she goes with me. I've awhile to think about it, though.

Speaking of that, I called and left a message for the lady who is supposed to check on my cats while I'm gone. No word from her. I'm a little worried about that. What if she doesn't call back? Then what? That's a serious question. Then what? I suppose I should be prepared to buy a few more litter boxes? Put out lots of bowls of water? I shudder to think what it might be like after two weeks. *sigh* Surely I could talk one of the people I work with into coming by? Couldn't I? *sigh*

I think I have the picture that I'm going to include in my Christmas card. I think I'll take care of that tomorrow...after I go to take care getting my back-up disk and go by the Catholic bookstore. And go back to school for the orchestra winter concert and the talent show. Somewhere in there, my doggie has to go out. *sigh*

I'm going to bed.

December 15, 2008

Evening Update

The freezing rain has stopped for the non. I hope it continues to stay stopped. While the roads are now wet and the temp is hovering around 23, I can deal with a thin layer of ice. I think. I don't want to think about inches of ice and power outages. This entire place is electric, so it could be painful to be without power. I'm half tempted to stay up and wait it out because I believe we won't be in school tomorrow, but I know that's foolish because we probably will go to school. We can't afford to lose any more days.

I spent the evening cleaning. I uncovered the dining room table. Got the Christmas table runner out. I think that's the only Christmas decoration I have out. *sigh* Tomorrow night I need to sweep (I vacuumed tonight), clean the bathrooms, and clean out the fridge. Then I will be ready to go on vacation. I hate coming home to a messy house when I've gone away. I'll do another cleaning right before I leave. Just because.

The top of my entertainment center has gotten cluttered again. I need to go through what's up there and get rid of some stuff. It's funny how you accumulate stuff...even though I've gotten rid of stuff in the course of two moves.

Almost all of my Christmas shopping is now done. Shannon was the hardest to determine what to get. I hope she likes what eventually makes its way to her. There are really only two people left for whom to buy pressies. Those aren't going to be a lot, and for one of them, half of it is already done. So need to go get my back up drive so I can get the rest of things taken care of. If the weather isn't bad tomorrow, I'll see about finishing up for the one.

My doggie has learned how to do the "high five" correctly. She still gets excited and messes it up every now and again, but I'm pretty proud of her for what she can do. Smart puppy.

Bought my secret Santa gifts. I didn't start it too well, but I think it's going to end up nicely. Or at least that's my thought. I need to get a blank business card. Wonder where I can pick one of those up? I bet there's some card stock hanging around my office somewhere.

Sorry I don't have anything more exciting to say. Tired. I'll work on it for tomorrow. OK?

December 14, 2008

Evening Update

The house is mostly clean. I need to put things away and vacuum/sweep. Wipe down the counters in the bathroom and clean out the fridge. I suppose in looking at that list, that means the house really isn't mostly clean at all, is it? You'd have to see it, I guess.

I'm burning up, so I just looked at the thermostat and realized that it's 70 in this house. Because it's so freakin' warm outside. I'm thinking about opening a window or something. It's only supposed to be 48 and we're under a winter storm warning for the evening, but right now, I'm dying. It's gonna be a naked night round these parts.

Did I mention that the boy is home? I am so glad...and relieved. I don't know why I was so incredibly worried about him, but I was. Whatever there is between us now, and I accept that this might be all there is, I have missed him. There's a level of comfort in knowing that he's there. For whatever. Being cute off from him was difficult. And I'm glad to hear that he's OK and that he's home. I can breathe easier now.

Might be staying in New Orleans when I go over to get my tattoo. Beth is thinking about getting Matt and I a room so we can have a good time on Bourbon without having to worry about driving back. Sounds good to me. *grin*

I need to go to bed. The changing weather is killing my head, and I need to get up early so I can get to school early and do the work I was unable to do this weekend.

Afternoon Update

What a lazy day it's turning out to be. I slept until almost noon. But that's because I was up until almost five. I suppose that the corollary to the "day it's turning out to be" is "what a weekend it turned out to be."

Went out both Friday and Saturday nights and stayed out. A friend's cousin was in town, and she thought we should meet. Interesting. I had a really good time, and he seems like a great guy (does a nice George Straight, which I guess is to be expected because he was in a band for decades. Put out a cd and everything, I guess). The problem is that he lives three hours away. Hmmmmm...wonder what that says about me and my propensity to get into long-distance situations?

December 11, 2008

Evening Update

My doggie is going to work with me next week. The teacher that I do Care for Kids with in the morning is bringing his dog in next week for a lesson he's teaching, and he said I could bring Cob. I'm sure that she and Chubbly (sp) will get along just fine. Since she's such a love.

I don't know what else to say tonight. Kinda at sixes and sevens tonight in that time is moving so very incredibly slow.

I went to the post office, and I picked up the 10 cent stamps that I'm going to need to mail my cards because I bought square cards and not regular sized ones. $0.62 to mail my cards, which I still need to finish. I also still need to select a picture to include in the cards.

My Sner's birthday is tomorrow. She's gonna be 54 I think. Maybe only 53. I never quite get it right. I know that the ones digit in our ages are one off, but I can never remember if we're the same digit for a little while. And trust me, I know how hard that is to understand. I just couldn't figure out how to say it.

I have to do a ton of Christmas shopping this weekend. And a ton of Christmas pressie wrapping. And then Christmas pressie shipping. There are things to be hauled to Mississippi and Missouri with me. But I intend to have it all done Saturday.

I also have to clean the house this weekend. Put some more things on the wall, put some things away. Get things finished up and taken care of so that not only is the house clean, it's presentable for when the lady comes to take care of the cats. I am concerned about such things, even though I perhaps should not be.

I was talking to the Terrible Twosome this afternoon. *sigh* We talked about work and about personal matters. Both are a feeling a little like stepping off into the deep blue right now. I've got a ton of work to do over the break to make sure that we don't go down the wrong path at work. I haven't said much with regard to a lot of what they want to do because I don't want to rock the boat. And because I'm pretty sure that this year is going to be a wash. But they hired me for a reason and that reason is because of the knowledge I possess. I can't let them make the decision they think is best because there are decades of research that show that what they want to do is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. And then personally? *sigh* I don't even want to talk about that. At least not right now because. Well. Hmmmm. Yeah.

I need to go to bed, but I'm not in the slightest tired. It's too late for me to take something, so life is going to suck tomorrow. I think. I could do a few shots, I'm sure, and that would take care of things. Ooooooo...hot buttered rum. That's what I'm about. Some hot buttered rum.

December 10, 2008

Evening Update

It was a day of professional development. Once again, thanks to Desi for her help. Gonna have to get her a pressie.

My feet are killing me and have been all week. It's like the soles of my shoes are all too thin. Shoes that have always been comfortable are killing me. My period is about to start, but my feet aren't swollen. If anything, they've shrunk. My feet are moving around in my shoes, but that's not the problem. It feels like I'm walking on sharp, pointy rocks. On fire.

I made turkey gravy last night. I have to say that the whole celery, onion, and pear thing never sounds like it's going to be good, but it makes the best gravy I've ever had. Too bad there isn't a way to make that whole process with say, sausage gravy because we all know how much I like my biscuits and gravy. *sigh*

I just decided what my Sner is getting for her birthday and for Christmas. I'll be placing that order on Friday. It won't get there in time for either, and it won't be gift-wrapped, but it'll be something. I gotta go to the liquor store and get her boy's pressie, as well as the pressie for Will's girlfriend and the pressie for $5. *sigh* I'm going to be broke as soon as I get my paycheck. I suppose that's OK because that's what the holiday season is sort of about, huh?

So, last night when I was walking Cob, she was attacked by two dogs. *sigh* The hell of it was that they were smaller than she is. One of them was a little mop dog looking thing and the other was like a corgi. It would have been funny if Cob hadn't gotten hurt. But she did. It was a middle school looking girl who was walking them, and when they were on the hill, 50-75 feet away from us, I could tell she was having trouble. Then they started barking and pulling her to us. I was moving Cob the other direction, but still not all that worried because they were so far away. *sigh* Yeah, that didn't last long

When I next looked up, they were flying down the hill towards us, and at one point, I was scared for the girl because I thought she was going to run smack into a big tree. I could see when she realized how precarious the situation was and decided to drop the leashes. Of course, when she did that, the two pissants got to Cob. *sigh*

Cob was really good. She didn't try to fight back, and although she barked and her hackles were rasied, her main objective was getting out of there. I didn't realize at first that they'd gotten her. A couple of times on her neck. I thought about taking her to the vet and decided to take care of it at home. Cleaned it up, put some neosporin on it, and bandaged her up. She's been pretty needy since...sticking close. This morning, she did a little barking, and I couldn't figure out why. *sigh* Right now she's at my feet, and asleep. It doesn't look like her cuts are swollen. *sigh*

Heard this tonight on the way home, and I really like it. Good stuff.

I'm trying to decide what I want to tell the IDB I want for Christmas. He's asked. I just don't know. It's not just him, though. If anyone were to ask me what I want for Christmas, there's really only a couple of things I could think of, and none of them are cheap. Like...I want a good (really good) flat iron. That's $100. Way too expensive to tell a friend that you want. I suppose I could tell him I want new pens...and a new journal. Think I'll do that.

December 8, 2008

Evening Update

So, for some reason that pill I took last night did not work like it did the other two times I took it. I took it around 10, and I wasn't asleep until about 2. During those four hours, I laid in the bed with thoughts and heart racing, feeling a bit on the panicked side. Not quite sure what that was about. Then...I slept through the alarm this morning or turned it off the first time it went off. Regardless, I didn't wake up until 6:30. Which is not good considering that I like to be out of the house by 6:50. I was out of the house by 7:10, making me 5 minutes late for work. *sigh* I could have been there sooner, but I'm sorry...I have to have a shower every day. In the words of a good friend, "The kitty needs a bath. Every day."

I cooked the turkey tonight. The carcass has been picked, as gross as I think that whole process is (and I think it's pretty gross. It's even worse for me when you think about the quirk of mine about keeping my hands clean. Ughh.) Everything is ready, though, for me to make stock tomorrow night. I have the dark meat resting in the freezer, where I think it will eventually be used in a soup or something. It's funny...you think turkeys make a whole lot, but really, all of the meat filled two large rectangular Gladware bowls. Not a lot if you start looking at it. And when I say I picked that carcass...I picked that carcass. I made cornbread/sausage/pecan/dried cranberry dressing to go with it, and tomorrow night, I'll make the gravy and the mashed potatoes, along with the other side dishes.

I gave the doggie some giblets with her dinner this evening. I'll give her some more tomorrow. I boiled it all. Hopefully it won't make her gassy, although I don't hold out a lot of hope. Then again, the cat fud this weekend, and the other people fud she ate, didn't seem to impact her too terribly.

I need to take the trash out. *sigh* I suppose that means I need to wake the doggie up and take her with me since she likes that sort of thing.

It's starting to get windy out. We're supposed to have a bunch of rain come in. *sigh* Rain is better than the alternative, though, so I suppose I won't complain too terribly much.

I heard a rumor that the boy will be home some time this week. That makes me glad. I've so very worried about him. Without reason, I'm sure. It's just what I do. I try not to and I know that it's not my place to worry about him because he's not my boy and never was, but there it is. I worry about him.

Got my first power bill today. Guess how much it was. Go ahead and guess. Keep in mind that it was chilly there for awhile, and I had the furnace on for a couple of days. Also keep in mind that it takes at least two cycles in the dryer to get anything dry. Do you want me to just tell you? OK. I'll tell you. It's $32. For a whole month. $32. I'm not going to be home for two weeks of this month. Can you imagine what it might be then? I'm almost giddy about that. Seriously. I shouldn't be so very happy about things like that, but I am. It means that in the grand scheme of bill paying, I'm not losing ground by having a higher cell phone bill. Yay me!

Got two more Christmas pressies knocked out this afternoon. There's some sort of big craft faire thing this weekend, and I'm thinking about cruising by there to see about a couple of the last things I need to pick up. I really need my computer back, though, so I can put together the photo pressies. Picked up a couple of birthday cards today, too. I have a friend with a birthday on Wednesday, and of course, the Sner's birthday is on Friday. If I had my computer, I could burn her a disc of some of the new music I'd been listening to before the thing died. *sigh*

Going to bed now. Turkey sandwich for lunch tomorrow. Except I don't think I have any sliced pickles to put on it. Or swiss cheese. Dammit.

December 7, 2008

Evening Update

I've been a little bit of a slacker weasel, eh? Sorry.

I went to visit my friend Jane this weekend. Got home around 4:00 this afternoon and promptly took a nap. I've been struggling mightily with PMS this month, and I was cramping something wicked today. Took a pill and had a little nap, which helped. Not sure what I'm going to have for dinner. Turkey will get roasted tomorrow night/afternoon. Guess that means I have to be home shortly after I get off so I can get the turkey in the oven. How long should a 15 pound turkey roast?

Anyway. I was late getting out of here yesterday. I meant to be on the road by 9 in the morning, but it was actually 11 before I headed out. *sigh* Slept in. I went to bed early too. I think. Oh well. That's OK. The weather was pretty nasty when I was driving over. It was snowing here in Louisville, and it was windy. I was cruising along at about 70, and then I hit some slick stuff in Indiana. And when I say slick, I mean slick. It was frightening when I hit that first spot. It's been a really, really long time since I have had to drive in that environment. I slowed it down to 45-50 and made it through. I'm glad, though, that it wasn't nasty coming home today.

It is always good to see Jane and her family. We hung out at home for a little while and then headed to the metropolis of Effingham, where we met up with one of her sons for fajitas and margaritas. Came back to Newton, rolled to the bowling alley where we were hoping for some karaoke but were disappointed. Then it was back home for more margaritas.

I'm sure that it doesn't sound all that exciting, but I had a good time. You know, every time I went to visit Betsy, she'd always feel bad that we didn't do anything, but here's the thing to remember about me: I don't have to do "things". The things that I care about are people. So if it's just that we're sitting around talking, then I'm perfectly content with that. If there's some "event"...like in the spring, I'm going to go back over, and we're going to go to Springfield to the Lincoln Presidential Library and maybe to see Annette for some pottery...that's gravy. I just care about being with people.

Some good talks.

Cob was a super good puppy this weekend. Jane has four cats, two of them elderly. While she ate up some cat food, and she really wanted to play with Smokey, she was her normally well-behaved self. I know she's a good dog, but I'm always proud of her when she's a good dog for other folks. You know? I don't want to be the annoying houseguest who brings the dog that pisses all over everything or is into everything. If that makes sense. Cob and Jane's daughter were good friends. I think Haden needs a dog. Maybe Cob needs a 14 year old girl. For half an hour/45 minutes, she slept in the bed with Haden, and then she was on the floor right by me. Such a good puppy.

I waxed Jane's eyebrows this morning before I left. *grin* I think I do a good job with my own, but it's always a little nerve-wracking to do someone else's. What if you screw them up? I mean, I could have taken off her entire eyebrow. Then she'd be wandering around like a grandma, drawing on her eyebrows. *sigh* Think it was OK. Hope it's OK.

Newton is a small town. It, and the surrounding landscape, reminds me a lot of Aurora and Billings, although I suppose it would be closer to Aurora. Aurora had 5,000 people when I was growing up, I think. Felt like home, I guess you could say. There is something to be said about a small town and that closeness. Even if you know everyone else's business and everyone else knows your business.

I took the scenic route home. I'm glad I went the interstate going because while the road home was pretty and peaceful, it would have been a nightmare in snow and wind. There still places that were icy. Went through some small towns. There was the tailend of a Christmas parade happening in one. I thought about stopping, but I really just wanted to make it home, and by the time I found a parking space, the whole shebang would have been done. I think it would be pretty to do that drive again in the spring when the trees are green and the countryside is in renewal. It was pretty today when things were a little icy and dead looking...and I'd like to look at it again in a couple of months, in deep winter with the blues and grays and whites. Something about that monochromatic thing appeals to me.

I kinda feel a little brittle this evening. I don't even really know what it is. I know there's a full moon coming up that is supposed to be pretty hectic for lots of reasons, and I'm wondering if there's something connected to that. I had a great weekend. Life is working pretty well right now. Thre's a little bit of far-off stress that is trying to rear its head, but right now I'm leaving that in the future and doing my best to not worry about it. I wish the boy was around to talk to (I'm still worried about him). Haven't heard from the IDB, and that's fine because that's not what he's for. Strangely haven't heard from Coach either, and he's usually, somehow, pretty tuned in to me.

I just figured out what the problem is. Strange how you forget things and how some times it bothers you and others it doesn't. December is hard.

I've got to buy a couple of birthday cards tomorrow and get them in the mail. I also need to call my doctor and see about a prescription for Plan B. I was thinking about it this weekend. I'm not sexually active. But what if I was? And what if something happened with the condom? I'm thinking that that it's a good idea to have it available. Just in case.

I just sliced into the pecan pie my grandSner sent home with me. So very, very good. I have to say that I think homemade pie crust is better than the stuff you buy at the store. At least GrandSner's is. If I take her pecans in two weeks, do you think I can talk her into making me another? My friend Fishie shipped me like 10 pounds of pecans. Since I can't bake a pecan pie to save my soul, and I can only put pecans in so many chicken salads, what else am I going to do with them? Besides make pecan chocolate chip cookies?

Think I'm going to take one of those sleeping aids that that Sner gave me and hit the hay. It seems like the best option for the evening.

December 4, 2008

Evening Update

I dreamed about the boy again last night. I was reading the paper and there was this tiny mention of his name, like he wasn't important or didn't matter. I was so sad, and I woke up all disquieted. It's been three weeks, and I haven't heard from him. I worry so much about him. So much. I know he's grown and that he can take care of himself. But. I talked to a friend tonight who's going to see if he can find anything out tomorrow. I don't want to know where he is or what's going on. Just that he's OK. When I was talking to my friend about it tonight, I was crying. And just a month and a half ago, I was trying to convince myself that these feelings didn't mean a whole lot? *sigh*

Except when I'm not playing with the IDB. *sigh* Who, by the way, called and left me a message today because he felt like my text messages made it sound like I wasn't having the greatest day (and it wasn't the greatest, but it was OK). *sigh* I am so playing with fire. At least that's what it feels like. I'm sure that I'm probably not because it's just one of those things...and like always, I'm making mountains out of molehills, but. You know. I just feel like I'm standing on the edge and knowing me, I could get myself in trouble, even if there's no further fallout than the knots I twist myself into. If that makes any sense.

I need to go to bed. I've been talking to a friend for the last hour or so, and I've had two martinis tonight with little dinner. What I did have for dinner was some pita chips with melted feta cheese. So good! Like pita nachos. Finished off with classic martinis.

I took the turkey out of the freezer this evening. It's in the fridge thawing, which I hope means that the turkey will be ready for roasting when I get home from Jane's on Sunday.

I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork today so I can get paid for it. If I get paid for it before Christmas...or on the paycheck right after Christmas...that means that I can really do my tattoo up right. Right now I'm thinking it might be a full outline with limited color...based on my current budget...and the rest of it would be finished this summer when I go back. But. It would be nice to get it all done at once. I should send the guy an email so I have an idea of what it's really going to cost. *sigh*

I have a lot to get done tomorrow night. I've got to finish those spreadhseets, and I have to get ready for my presentations on Wednesday. Because I'm going to see Jane, I won't have that time to prepare for Wednesday. And that's OK. I'm actually starting to plan how I want next year to go with my department. I don't know if I'm going to be allowed to do it the way I want to, but I have this picture of me doing quite a bit of work to make it happen this summer. We have some problems--some real problems--but I think we have folks who are willing to work, which means that we can overcome them. I hope.

I just really discovered that I don't have any bowls. I have like tupperware bowls, but if I want to put some ice cream in a bowl, I don't have a bowl for that. How did that happen? I got rid of most of my dishes when I was getting ready to move the first time, but I somehow managed to get rid of all the bowls. I guess that means that I can start combing the stores for a new set of bowls that sorta kinda go with my mish-mash of shoe and martini salad plates. (Work with me people)

Going to bed. Talk to y'all tomorrow. Maybe.

December 2, 2008

Evening Update

I'm tired, and I should be evaluating papers. I am not. *sigh* Surprise, surprise, surprise. I'm going to get up early in the morning and do that.

It was a pretty crappy day at work. I'm anxious and nervous again, although this time it's not really my fault. It really is strange, I think, that adults think the "I wasn't there" line is going to fly when they had emails and notes and repeated reminders. For some reason, though, they think it will. If I make it through this year, and if there's a next year, I know how I want things to go next year. I've got the plan formulating in my head...from the way the department is supposed to be run to the schedule of professional development on a weekly basis to how I want to be in teachers' classroom. It's too late to do it this year because I know that they aren't going to let me do anything, and I know that my teachers have been through enough this year. Another way of doing business would be too much to ask of them and will be even more disastrous to our scores than what's already happened.

I found someone to come and check on the cats when I go home at Christmas. She goes to church with one of my colleagues and cleans houses and does some home health care type stuff. My colleague trusts her, so I'm going to give it a go. She's going to charge me $50 to come by every couple of days, clean the litter box and check the food and water. I think that's a not bad deal, considering that she'll be coming by 4-5 times.

I have a friend going through some stuff right now. Told them that if they needed to get away, I had a couch and my place will be empty this weekend. They are seriously considering it. It would be god to see them, and I hope that things calm down.

My doggie was being a pain in the ass this afternoon. We got home and went out. She knows the routine, and she was having none of it. So. To remind her that I'm the alpha bitch in this house, she didn't get access to what she wanted (her fud) until she did what I wanted. She lasted until 8:00, which is about four hours later than our normal routine. Hopefully, we won't have a repeat of this. She really, really wanted her fud.

I need to go to bed. I have to get up early and I didn't really sleep last night. I think it's time to change my contacts. After the beginning of the year, I'm going to need to go to the eye doctor (and the dentist) to get a new prescription. My night vision problem was better for awhile, but now it's worse. I'm afraid that there's nothing to be done about it.

I just discovered what I'm getting the Sner for her birthday. Guess that means I need to order it, huh?

December 1, 2008

Evening Update

It's the first of December. Another month gone, just another month to go. It was an interesting day at work today. Don't know exactly what to say about it, other than I think it was a reassuring day. I did learn that I have to do a staff development much sooner than I had been planning, but Desiree has stepped in and saved my bacon. Yay Desiree!!!

I have moved on to phase two of the homeopathic treatment of my BV infection. I'm hoping that after two weeks of this, I'll be "cured". Or as "cured" as you can be. Cari and I were talking about it this weekend, and we both kinda came to the conclusion that it's somewhat of a chronic condition, and once you have it, you're likely to keep having it. It's not something that I've done wrong or that I'm a dirty whore (although I've felt like that for the last three weeks or so). It's just a thing that happens now and again. Since you're only supposed to take Goldenseal for two weeks, now is the time for me to move on. I'm not going to talk about what the next steps are because that's just TMI, even for me, but. We're going to get on it.

I had a terrible dream last night that the boy was dead. I don't know how it happened, but he was gone. Woke up upset, and it was really hard to get back to sleep. It's been 2.5 weeks since he went away, and because worrying is what I do and I probably love him, I'm worried about him. It makes me sad to think that he perhaps spent Thanksgiving alone or with folks other than loved ones. He's a grown man, I know. But I worry.

It's after midnight. I really need to go to bed, but I'm not ready. I'd take one of the sleeping pills I was recently given, but I have to be up in like 4.5 hours. Did I mention that tomorrow is picture retake day at school, and since I somehow missed the first day, I'm going to have to go to this one? *sigh*

I've had a bottle of wine for dinner tonight along with the gnocchi, which was really, really good. As was the butternut squash (I needed veggies. NEEDED). I should be sleepy. Nothing doing.

I suppose I'm going to try to lay down because that's what I should do. Even though I'm not really sleepy. Tipsy, but not sleepy.

Last Updated January 26, 2008

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December 31,2008

Morning Update

It's New Year's Eve y'all. Do you have something big planned? I don't know what I'm doing yet. Feeling a bit in a funk. You know...I've never had a good New Year's Eve. Or at least not one like you hear people having. I get that for a lot of people, it's a big deal, but I don't really understand it. I told friends that according to my horoscope (ha) this is supposed to be a magical night for me...the best I may have in a decade. (No pressure or anything) All I wanted was to be somewhere that I could be kissing a boy (preferably one I like but I suppose any boy will do) at midnight because supposedly what you're doing at midnight is what you're going to be doing in the new year (kissing a boy = love and all that smushy stuff). It doesn't appear that will happen.

Actually, it could happen. I know where there's a party happening with a boy who does want to kiss me at midnight. I could be there. But. I suppose any boy really won't do).

I have a sorta half plan kicking around in my head, but I don't know how feasible it really is. As I am feeling angsty to begin with, it might actually be the perfect plan. I dunno. So much pressure. *sigh*

There's a lot to tell y'all. But I don't have the time to do it right this minute. I've got to get in the shower. I'm supposed to be joining some folks for lunch. I may just put my hair under a ballcap and wait to get really pretty when I come home.

December 25,2008

Evening Update

Merry Christmas, y'all. Hope it's been a good day for you. It's been pretty fine here in South Mississippi. We were supposed to get up at 6:00 this morning to open the pressies, but that didn't happen. When I let the doggie out at almost 7:30, we were the only ones up. The present opening didn't begin until almost 8:30. Lots of great gifts given out in this family. I am always a little overwhelmed by the generosity of others. It also tends to have the effect of making me feel a touch on the inadequate side. I don't have a lot of money, so I don't spend a lot of money on presents. I like to think, though, that the cost of presents is not what it's about and that the thoughtfulness of the gift matters quite a bit. So what if it was only a $12 book? If it was something that the recipient would really enjoy/use/welcome? I dunno.

It was a good day here. I got lots of wonderful presents, and I am grateful. I love my GPS, although I have yet to use it. (I did figure out how to put in the car and such, even though I have yet to do that. I did put in the address to the tattoo parlor, and from what I remember, that's pretty close to accurate) Beth and Mark got me a breast cancer awareness t-shirt from Peace Frogs, and Sarah (Beth's momma) got me some moisturizing socks (to be used to sleep in after you've slathered your hooves in lotion) that were breast cancer awareness as well. It means a lot to me that they remember those things are important to me. Also got a very tiny pair of fleur di lis earrings. I don't normally wear earrings because they tend to irritate me terribly, but I've had these in all day with relatively no problems. A little itching, but that's it. They're sterling silver. Maybe that makes the difference. There were lots of other things, including a wine chiller that can be taken places (oh, say a picnic), that were great as well.

Someone remind me that next year, all I really need to do to make these folks around here happy is to buy them Saints stuff or something with a fleur di lis on it.

Went to church with Beth, Mark, and Matt last night. Twice in less than a week I've been in church now. I think churches are interesting places, but I don't particularly feel anything when I'm in them. I really wish that I did, but I don't.

Spent the afternoon with friends. One of them was working today, so I took her a plate of snacks and hung out with her for awhile, and then I made my way to the boy's so I could give him his Christmas pressies. I didn't get him much, but again...thought that counts, I hope.

I've missed him terribly. We rode around talking, looking for (and occasionally finding) Christmas lights. Had dinner at the Chinese place. Did I mention that it was really good to just spend time with him? That was always a wonderful thing. I won't lie and say that I don't want to be with him when I see him, but I completely accept that's not something that can happen. I want him to be healthy and happy, and if that means that perhaps what I want gets thwarted, then that's OK. It's incredibly nice and I miss it, but it's not all that there is between us. He makes me laugh, and he took me to see buildings in Hattiesburg that I'd never really seen even though I saw them a million times. It doesn't get much better than that.

I'm feeling a little sad tonight. Was out earlier with a friend at a bar, but when they left to go to Ropers, I used that as my excuse to go on to the house. I don't like Ropers to begin with, but I wasn't feeling all that social. When Matt got off work, he asked me to come out with them, but I really am OK here at the house with my Beam and Pepsi. I think perhaps I've been amongst people too much here lately. Even though I did have a long-ass drive on Monday. I kinda feel the need to run, if that makes sense. I might take my new pens and journals and disappear for a little while tomorrow.

I'm thinking about heading out into the after Christmas shopping madness tomorrow. Strange that I kinda enjoy being in those kinds of crowds, but I'm feeling like I've been a little too social lately. I get the incongruity of those statements. Not looking for anything in particular, although I think I'd browse for nativities. For some reason, I like nativities. Would like to have a whole bunch of them.

My soul is in a little bit of turmoil right this minute. A ball has been set in motion...and actually has been in motion for quite awhile. And I feel like it's some huge betrayal of a person that I care deeply about. I think I'm going to do it anyway because I think that it's something I need for me, but I don't know exactly how I'm going to feel about it after it's done. I can joke and laugh about it, but I don't know that there are a lot of folks out there who know what a step this is for me. What a big thing it really is. I get that for a lot of people, it's not a big thing. And for some people, what's already happened should be just as big of a step. The thing is, though, that for me, there's a difference there. I'd like to get into it all here, but there's too much that I don't know how to say just this minute. And there are too many readers.

It appears that most of my friends are backing out of going to New Orleans with me, and instead it's going to be me, Matt, and a bunch of his friends. OK. Fine. But that means I will remain the sober one who makes sure we all get home OK. Perhaps after my tattoo, I'll drop them all in the Quarter and make my way to City Park to go through Celebration in the Oaks. We shall see.

Which reminds me...I gotta look for some pictures for my tattoo.

December 19,2008

Evening Update

Another awful day at work. I really don't know how much more I can take of this kinda thing. After another dropped ball, I sent my boss an email and told him that I need to talk to him about my frustrations and my concerns. Basically, I don't know why they went to the trouble to hire me if they aren't going to truly utilize me. I have a ton of work to get done over break. A TON. I want to get most of it done before I head to Mississippi because I'd like to be able to not worry about it. Get it out of the way and done. I don't know if that's going to happen, though. I do know that I'll be carting a box of papers and a big box of books.

I haven't packed yet. I guess I need to throw something in the suitcase tomorrow. *sigh* Actually know what I want to bring, just haven't packed it yet. Gotta get up in the morning and get it done.

I just took an Ativan, and I'm taking a medicinal martini. Or two maybe. The Ativan combined with the alcohol is almost instantaneous. More to update at some later time. Sorry.

December 17,2008

Evening Update

It was an incredibly shitty day at school. Incredibly shitty. Got myself called into the principal's office twice. And both times, I left so incredibly angry. If I were a violent person, something might have gotten hurt. I'd really like to say more, but I think I'd should probably not.

I think I'm going to go to Washington DC for spring break. It's the first week of April, which happens to coincide with the Cherry Blossom Festival. I imagine that might be a little on the pricey side, and I'll have to figure out what to do with the dog. If I stay at a La Quinta, the doggie can stay in the room while I'm exploring the sites. I suppose the same could be said of a campsite. I dunno. I don't think I'd want to board her. I like it when she goes with me. I've awhile to think about it, though.

Speaking of that, I called and left a message for the lady who is supposed to check on my cats while I'm gone. No word from her. I'm a little worried about that. What if she doesn't call back? Then what? That's a serious question. Then what? I suppose I should be prepared to buy a few more litter boxes? Put out lots of bowls of water? I shudder to think what it might be like after two weeks. *sigh* Surely I could talk one of the people I work with into coming by? Couldn't I? *sigh*

I think I have the picture that I'm going to include in my Christmas card. I think I'll take care of that tomorrow...after I go to take care getting my back-up disk and go by the Catholic bookstore. And go back to school for the orchestra winter concert and the talent show. Somewhere in there, my doggie has to go out. *sigh*

I'm going to bed.

December 15, 2008

Evening Update

The freezing rain has stopped for the non. I hope it continues to stay stopped. While the roads are now wet and the temp is hovering around 23, I can deal with a thin layer of ice. I think. I don't want to think about inches of ice and power outages. This entire place is electric, so it could be painful to be without power. I'm half tempted to stay up and wait it out because I believe we won't be in school tomorrow, but I know that's foolish because we probably will go to school. We can't afford to lose any more days.

I spent the evening cleaning. I uncovered the dining room table. Got the Christmas table runner out. I think that's the only Christmas decoration I have out. *sigh* Tomorrow night I need to sweep (I vacuumed tonight), clean the bathrooms, and clean out the fridge. Then I will be ready to go on vacation. I hate coming home to a messy house when I've gone away. I'll do another cleaning right before I leave. Just because.

The top of my entertainment center has gotten cluttered again. I need to go through what's up there and get rid of some stuff. It's funny how you accumulate stuff...even though I've gotten rid of stuff in the course of two moves.

Almost all of my Christmas shopping is now done. Shannon was the hardest to determine what to get. I hope she likes what eventually makes its way to her. There are really only two people left for whom to buy pressies. Those aren't going to be a lot, and for one of them, half of it is already done. So need to go get my back up drive so I can get the rest of things taken care of. If the weather isn't bad tomorrow, I'll see about finishing up for the one.

My doggie has learned how to do the "high five" correctly. She still gets excited and messes it up every now and again, but I'm pretty proud of her for what she can do. Smart puppy.

Bought my secret Santa gifts. I didn't start it too well, but I think it's going to end up nicely. Or at least that's my thought. I need to get a blank business card. Wonder where I can pick one of those up? I bet there's some card stock hanging around my office somewhere.

Sorry I don't have anything more exciting to say. Tired. I'll work on it for tomorrow. OK?

December 14, 2008

Evening Update

The house is mostly clean. I need to put things away and vacuum/sweep. Wipe down the counters in the bathroom and clean out the fridge. I suppose in looking at that list, that means the house really isn't mostly clean at all, is it? You'd have to see it, I guess.

I'm burning up, so I just looked at the thermostat and realized that it's 70 in this house. Because it's so freakin' warm outside. I'm thinking about opening a window or something. It's only supposed to be 48 and we're under a winter storm warning for the evening, but right now, I'm dying. It's gonna be a naked night round these parts.

Did I mention that the boy is home? I am so glad...and relieved. I don't know why I was so incredibly worried about him, but I was. Whatever there is between us now, and I accept that this might be all there is, I have missed him. There's a level of comfort in knowing that he's there. For whatever. Being cute off from him was difficult. And I'm glad to hear that he's OK and that he's home. I can breathe easier now.

Might be staying in New Orleans when I go over to get my tattoo. Beth is thinking about getting Matt and I a room so we can have a good time on Bourbon without having to worry about driving back. Sounds good to me. *grin*

I need to go to bed. The changing weather is killing my head, and I need to get up early so I can get to school early and do the work I was unable to do this weekend.

Afternoon Update

What a lazy day it's turning out to be. I slept until almost noon. But that's because I was up until almost five. I suppose that the corollary to the "day it's turning out to be" is "what a weekend it turned out to be."

Went out both Friday and Saturday nights and stayed out. A friend's cousin was in town, and she thought we should meet. Interesting. I had a really good time, and he seems like a great guy (does a nice George Straight, which I guess is to be expected because he was in a band for decades. Put out a cd and everything, I guess). The problem is that he lives three hours away. Hmmmmm...wonder what that says about me and my propensity to get into long-distance situations?

December 11, 2008

Evening Update

My doggie is going to work with me next week. The teacher that I do Care for Kids with in the morning is bringing his dog in next week for a lesson he's teaching, and he said I could bring Cob. I'm sure that she and Chubbly (sp) will get along just fine. Since she's such a love.

I don't know what else to say tonight. Kinda at sixes and sevens tonight in that time is moving so very incredibly slow.

I went to the post office, and I picked up the 10 cent stamps that I'm going to need to mail my cards because I bought square cards and not regular sized ones. $0.62 to mail my cards, which I still need to finish. I also still need to select a picture to include in the cards.

My Sner's birthday is tomorrow. She's gonna be 54 I think. Maybe only 53. I never quite get it right. I know that the ones digit in our ages are one off, but I can never remember if we're the same digit for a little while. And trust me, I know how hard that is to understand. I just couldn't figure out how to say it.

I have to do a ton of Christmas shopping this weekend. And a ton of Christmas pressie wrapping. And then Christmas pressie shipping. There are things to be hauled to Mississippi and Missouri with me. But I intend to have it all done Saturday.

I also have to clean the house this weekend. Put some more things on the wall, put some things away. Get things finished up and taken care of so that not only is the house clean, it's presentable for when the lady comes to take care of the cats. I am concerned about such things, even though I perhaps should not be.

I was talking to the Terrible Twosome this afternoon. *sigh* We talked about work and about personal matters. Both are a feeling a little like stepping off into the deep blue right now. I've got a ton of work to do over the break to make sure that we don't go down the wrong path at work. I haven't said much with regard to a lot of what they want to do because I don't want to rock the boat. And because I'm pretty sure that this year is going to be a wash. But they hired me for a reason and that reason is because of the knowledge I possess. I can't let them make the decision they think is best because there are decades of research that show that what they want to do is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. And then personally? *sigh* I don't even want to talk about that. At least not right now because. Well. Hmmmm. Yeah.

I need to go to bed, but I'm not in the slightest tired. It's too late for me to take something, so life is going to suck tomorrow. I think. I could do a few shots, I'm sure, and that would take care of things. Ooooooo...hot buttered rum. That's what I'm about. Some hot buttered rum.

December 10, 2008

Evening Update

It was a day of professional development. Once again, thanks to Desi for her help. Gonna have to get her a pressie.

My feet are killing me and have been all week. It's like the soles of my shoes are all too thin. Shoes that have always been comfortable are killing me. My period is about to start, but my feet aren't swollen. If anything, they've shrunk. My feet are moving around in my shoes, but that's not the problem. It feels like I'm walking on sharp, pointy rocks. On fire.

I made turkey gravy last night. I have to say that the whole celery, onion, and pear thing never sounds like it's going to be good, but it makes the best gravy I've ever had. Too bad there isn't a way to make that whole process with say, sausage gravy because we all know how much I like my biscuits and gravy. *sigh*

I just decided what my Sner is getting for her birthday and for Christmas. I'll be placing that order on Friday. It won't get there in time for either, and it won't be gift-wrapped, but it'll be something. I gotta go to the liquor store and get her boy's pressie, as well as the pressie for Will's girlfriend and the pressie for $5. *sigh* I'm going to be broke as soon as I get my paycheck. I suppose that's OK because that's what the holiday season is sort of about, huh?

So, last night when I was walking Cob, she was attacked by two dogs. *sigh* The hell of it was that they were smaller than she is. One of them was a little mop dog looking thing and the other was like a corgi. It would have been funny if Cob hadn't gotten hurt. But she did. It was a middle school looking girl who was walking them, and when they were on the hill, 50-75 feet away from us, I could tell she was having trouble. Then they started barking and pulling her to us. I was moving Cob the other direction, but still not all that worried because they were so far away. *sigh* Yeah, that didn't last long

When I next looked up, they were flying down the hill towards us, and at one point, I was scared for the girl because I thought she was going to run smack into a big tree. I could see when she realized how precarious the situation was and decided to drop the leashes. Of course, when she did that, the two pissants got to Cob. *sigh*

Cob was really good. She didn't try to fight back, and although she barked and her hackles were rasied, her main objective was getting out of there. I didn't realize at first that they'd gotten her. A couple of times on her neck. I thought about taking her to the vet and decided to take care of it at home. Cleaned it up, put some neosporin on it, and bandaged her up. She's been pretty needy since...sticking close. This morning, she did a little barking, and I couldn't figure out why. *sigh* Right now she's at my feet, and asleep. It doesn't look like her cuts are swollen. *sigh*

Heard this tonight on the way home, and I really like it. Good stuff.

I'm trying to decide what I want to tell the IDB I want for Christmas. He's asked. I just don't know. It's not just him, though. If anyone were to ask me what I want for Christmas, there's really only a couple of things I could think of, and none of them are cheap. Like...I want a good (really good) flat iron. That's $100. Way too expensive to tell a friend that you want. I suppose I could tell him I want new pens...and a new journal. Think I'll do that.

December 8, 2008

Evening Update

So, for some reason that pill I took last night did not work like it did the other two times I took it. I took it around 10, and I wasn't asleep until about 2. During those four hours, I laid in the bed with thoughts and heart racing, feeling a bit on the panicked side. Not quite sure what that was about. Then...I slept through the alarm this morning or turned it off the first time it went off. Regardless, I didn't wake up until 6:30. Which is not good considering that I like to be out of the house by 6:50. I was out of the house by 7:10, making me 5 minutes late for work. *sigh* I could have been there sooner, but I'm sorry...I have to have a shower every day. In the words of a good friend, "The kitty needs a bath. Every day."

I cooked the turkey tonight. The carcass has been picked, as gross as I think that whole process is (and I think it's pretty gross. It's even worse for me when you think about the quirk of mine about keeping my hands clean. Ughh.) Everything is ready, though, for me to make stock tomorrow night. I have the dark meat resting in the freezer, where I think it will eventually be used in a soup or something. It's funny...you think turkeys make a whole lot, but really, all of the meat filled two large rectangular Gladware bowls. Not a lot if you start looking at it. And when I say I picked that carcass...I picked that carcass. I made cornbread/sausage/pecan/dried cranberry dressing to go with it, and tomorrow night, I'll make the gravy and the mashed potatoes, along with the other side dishes.

I gave the doggie some giblets with her dinner this evening. I'll give her some more tomorrow. I boiled it all. Hopefully it won't make her gassy, although I don't hold out a lot of hope. Then again, the cat fud this weekend, and the other people fud she ate, didn't seem to impact her too terribly.

I need to take the trash out. *sigh* I suppose that means I need to wake the doggie up and take her with me since she likes that sort of thing.

It's starting to get windy out. We're supposed to have a bunch of rain come in. *sigh* Rain is better than the alternative, though, so I suppose I won't complain too terribly much.

I heard a rumor that the boy will be home some time this week. That makes me glad. I've so very worried about him. Without reason, I'm sure. It's just what I do. I try not to and I know that it's not my place to worry about him because he's not my boy and never was, but there it is. I worry about him.

Got my first power bill today. Guess how much it was. Go ahead and guess. Keep in mind that it was chilly there for awhile, and I had the furnace on for a couple of days. Also keep in mind that it takes at least two cycles in the dryer to get anything dry. Do you want me to just tell you? OK. I'll tell you. It's $32. For a whole month. $32. I'm not going to be home for two weeks of this month. Can you imagine what it might be then? I'm almost giddy about that. Seriously. I shouldn't be so very happy about things like that, but I am. It means that in the grand scheme of bill paying, I'm not losing ground by having a higher cell phone bill. Yay me!

Got two more Christmas pressies knocked out this afternoon. There's some sort of big craft faire thing this weekend, and I'm thinking about cruising by there to see about a couple of the last things I need to pick up. I really need my computer back, though, so I can put together the photo pressies. Picked up a couple of birthday cards today, too. I have a friend with a birthday on Wednesday, and of course, the Sner's birthday is on Friday. If I had my computer, I could burn her a disc of some of the new music I'd been listening to before the thing died. *sigh*

Going to bed now. Turkey sandwich for lunch tomorrow. Except I don't think I have any sliced pickles to put on it. Or swiss cheese. Dammit.

December 7, 2008

Evening Update

I've been a little bit of a slacker weasel, eh? Sorry.

I went to visit my friend Jane this weekend. Got home around 4:00 this afternoon and promptly took a nap. I've been struggling mightily with PMS this month, and I was cramping something wicked today. Took a pill and had a little nap, which helped. Not sure what I'm going to have for dinner. Turkey will get roasted tomorrow night/afternoon. Guess that means I have to be home shortly after I get off so I can get the turkey in the oven. How long should a 15 pound turkey roast?

Anyway. I was late getting out of here yesterday. I meant to be on the road by 9 in the morning, but it was actually 11 before I headed out. *sigh* Slept in. I went to bed early too. I think. Oh well. That's OK. The weather was pretty nasty when I was driving over. It was snowing here in Louisville, and it was windy. I was cruising along at about 70, and then I hit some slick stuff in Indiana. And when I say slick, I mean slick. It was frightening when I hit that first spot. It's been a really, really long time since I have had to drive in that environment. I slowed it down to 45-50 and made it through. I'm glad, though, that it wasn't nasty coming home today.

It is always good to see Jane and her family. We hung out at home for a little while and then headed to the metropolis of Effingham, where we met up with one of her sons for fajitas and margaritas. Came back to Newton, rolled to the bowling alley where we were hoping for some karaoke but were disappointed. Then it was back home for more margaritas.

I'm sure that it doesn't sound all that exciting, but I had a good time. You know, every time I went to visit Betsy, she'd always feel bad that we didn't do anything, but here's the thing to remember about me: I don't have to do "things". The things that I care about are people. So if it's just that we're sitting around talking, then I'm perfectly content with that. If there's some "event"...like in the spring, I'm going to go back over, and we're going to go to Springfield to the Lincoln Presidential Library and maybe to see Annette for some pottery...that's gravy. I just care about being with people.

Some good talks.

Cob was a super good puppy this weekend. Jane has four cats, two of them elderly. While she ate up some cat food, and she really wanted to play with Smokey, she was her normally well-behaved self. I know she's a good dog, but I'm always proud of her when she's a good dog for other folks. You know? I don't want to be the annoying houseguest who brings the dog that pisses all over everything or is into everything. If that makes sense. Cob and Jane's daughter were good friends. I think Haden needs a dog. Maybe Cob needs a 14 year old girl. For half an hour/45 minutes, she slept in the bed with Haden, and then she was on the floor right by me. Such a good puppy.

I waxed Jane's eyebrows this morning before I left. *grin* I think I do a good job with my own, but it's always a little nerve-wracking to do someone else's. What if you screw them up? I mean, I could have taken off her entire eyebrow. Then she'd be wandering around like a grandma, drawing on her eyebrows. *sigh* Think it was OK. Hope it's OK.

Newton is a small town. It, and the surrounding landscape, reminds me a lot of Aurora and Billings, although I suppose it would be closer to Aurora. Aurora had 5,000 people when I was growing up, I think. Felt like home, I guess you could say. There is something to be said about a small town and that closeness. Even if you know everyone else's business and everyone else knows your business.

I took the scenic route home. I'm glad I went the interstate going because while the road home was pretty and peaceful, it would have been a nightmare in snow and wind. There still places that were icy. Went through some small towns. There was the tailend of a Christmas parade happening in one. I thought about stopping, but I really just wanted to make it home, and by the time I found a parking space, the whole shebang would have been done. I think it would be pretty to do that drive again in the spring when the trees are green and the countryside is in renewal. It was pretty today when things were a little icy and dead looking...and I'd like to look at it again in a couple of months, in deep winter with the blues and grays and whites. Something about that monochromatic thing appeals to me.

I kinda feel a little brittle this evening. I don't even really know what it is. I know there's a full moon coming up that is supposed to be pretty hectic for lots of reasons, and I'm wondering if there's something connected to that. I had a great weekend. Life is working pretty well right now. Thre's a little bit of far-off stress that is trying to rear its head, but right now I'm leaving that in the future and doing my best to not worry about it. I wish the boy was around to talk to (I'm still worried about him). Haven't heard from the IDB, and that's fine because that's not what he's for. Strangely haven't heard from Coach either, and he's usually, somehow, pretty tuned in to me.

I just figured out what the problem is. Strange how you forget things and how some times it bothers you and others it doesn't. December is hard.

I've got to buy a couple of birthday cards tomorrow and get them in the mail. I also need to call my doctor and see about a prescription for Plan B. I was thinking about it this weekend. I'm not sexually active. But what if I was? And what if something happened with the condom? I'm thinking that that it's a good idea to have it available. Just in case.

I just sliced into the pecan pie my grandSner sent home with me. So very, very good. I have to say that I think homemade pie crust is better than the stuff you buy at the store. At least GrandSner's is. If I take her pecans in two weeks, do you think I can talk her into making me another? My friend Fishie shipped me like 10 pounds of pecans. Since I can't bake a pecan pie to save my soul, and I can only put pecans in so many chicken salads, what else am I going to do with them? Besides make pecan chocolate chip cookies?

Think I'm going to take one of those sleeping aids that that Sner gave me and hit the hay. It seems like the best option for the evening.

December 4, 2008

Evening Update

I dreamed about the boy again last night. I was reading the paper and there was this tiny mention of his name, like he wasn't important or didn't matter. I was so sad, and I woke up all disquieted. It's been three weeks, and I haven't heard from him. I worry so much about him. So much. I know he's grown and that he can take care of himself. But. I talked to a friend tonight who's going to see if he can find anything out tomorrow. I don't want to know where he is or what's going on. Just that he's OK. When I was talking to my friend about it tonight, I was crying. And just a month and a half ago, I was trying to convince myself that these feelings didn't mean a whole lot? *sigh*

Except when I'm not playing with the IDB. *sigh* Who, by the way, called and left me a message today because he felt like my text messages made it sound like I wasn't having the greatest day (and it wasn't the greatest, but it was OK). *sigh* I am so playing with fire. At least that's what it feels like. I'm sure that I'm probably not because it's just one of those things...and like always, I'm making mountains out of molehills, but. You know. I just feel like I'm standing on the edge and knowing me, I could get myself in trouble, even if there's no further fallout than the knots I twist myself into. If that makes any sense.

I need to go to bed. I've been talking to a friend for the last hour or so, and I've had two martinis tonight with little dinner. What I did have for dinner was some pita chips with melted feta cheese. So good! Like pita nachos. Finished off with classic martinis.

I took the turkey out of the freezer this evening. It's in the fridge thawing, which I hope means that the turkey will be ready for roasting when I get home from Jane's on Sunday.

I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork today so I can get paid for it. If I get paid for it before Christmas...or on the paycheck right after Christmas...that means that I can really do my tattoo up right. Right now I'm thinking it might be a full outline with limited color...based on my current budget...and the rest of it would be finished this summer when I go back. But. It would be nice to get it all done at once. I should send the guy an email so I have an idea of what it's really going to cost. *sigh*

I have a lot to get done tomorrow night. I've got to finish those spreadhseets, and I have to get ready for my presentations on Wednesday. Because I'm going to see Jane, I won't have that time to prepare for Wednesday. And that's OK. I'm actually starting to plan how I want next year to go with my department. I don't know if I'm going to be allowed to do it the way I want to, but I have this picture of me doing quite a bit of work to make it happen this summer. We have some problems--some real problems--but I think we have folks who are willing to work, which means that we can overcome them. I hope.

I just really discovered that I don't have any bowls. I have like tupperware bowls, but if I want to put some ice cream in a bowl, I don't have a bowl for that. How did that happen? I got rid of most of my dishes when I was getting ready to move the first time, but I somehow managed to get rid of all the bowls. I guess that means that I can start combing the stores for a new set of bowls that sorta kinda go with my mish-mash of shoe and martini salad plates. (Work with me people)

Going to bed. Talk to y'all tomorrow. Maybe.

December 2, 2008

Evening Update

I'm tired, and I should be evaluating papers. I am not. *sigh* Surprise, surprise, surprise. I'm going to get up early in the morning and do that.

It was a pretty crappy day at work. I'm anxious and nervous again, although this time it's not really my fault. It really is strange, I think, that adults think the "I wasn't there" line is going to fly when they had emails and notes and repeated reminders. For some reason, though, they think it will. If I make it through this year, and if there's a next year, I know how I want things to go next year. I've got the plan formulating in my head...from the way the department is supposed to be run to the schedule of professional development on a weekly basis to how I want to be in teachers' classroom. It's too late to do it this year because I know that they aren't going to let me do anything, and I know that my teachers have been through enough this year. Another way of doing business would be too much to ask of them and will be even more disastrous to our scores than what's already happened.

I found someone to come and check on the cats when I go home at Christmas. She goes to church with one of my colleagues and cleans houses and does some home health care type stuff. My colleague trusts her, so I'm going to give it a go. She's going to charge me $50 to come by every couple of days, clean the litter box and check the food and water. I think that's a not bad deal, considering that she'll be coming by 4-5 times.

I have a friend going through some stuff right now. Told them that if they needed to get away, I had a couch and my place will be empty this weekend. They are seriously considering it. It would be god to see them, and I hope that things calm down.

My doggie was being a pain in the ass this afternoon. We got home and went out. She knows the routine, and she was having none of it. So. To remind her that I'm the alpha bitch in this house, she didn't get access to what she wanted (her fud) until she did what I wanted. She lasted until 8:00, which is about four hours later than our normal routine. Hopefully, we won't have a repeat of this. She really, really wanted her fud.

I need to go to bed. I have to get up early and I didn't really sleep last night. I think it's time to change my contacts. After the beginning of the year, I'm going to need to go to the eye doctor (and the dentist) to get a new prescription. My night vision problem was better for awhile, but now it's worse. I'm afraid that there's nothing to be done about it.

I just discovered what I'm getting the Sner for her birthday. Guess that means I need to order it, huh?

December 1, 2008

Evening Update

It's the first of December. Another month gone, just another month to go. It was an interesting day at work today. Don't know exactly what to say about it, other than I think it was a reassuring day. I did learn that I have to do a staff development much sooner than I had been planning, but Desiree has stepped in and saved my bacon. Yay Desiree!!!

I have moved on to phase two of the homeopathic treatment of my BV infection. I'm hoping that after two weeks of this, I'll be "cured". Or as "cured" as you can be. Cari and I were talking about it this weekend, and we both kinda came to the conclusion that it's somewhat of a chronic condition, and once you have it, you're likely to keep having it. It's not something that I've done wrong or that I'm a dirty whore (although I've felt like that for the last three weeks or so). It's just a thing that happens now and again. Since you're only supposed to take Goldenseal for two weeks, now is the time for me to move on. I'm not going to talk about what the next steps are because that's just TMI, even for me, but. We're going to get on it.

I had a terrible dream last night that the boy was dead. I don't know how it happened, but he was gone. Woke up upset, and it was really hard to get back to sleep. It's been 2.5 weeks since he went away, and because worrying is what I do and I probably love him, I'm worried about him. It makes me sad to think that he perhaps spent Thanksgiving alone or with folks other than loved ones. He's a grown man, I know. But I worry.

It's after midnight. I really need to go to bed, but I'm not ready. I'd take one of the sleeping pills I was recently given, but I have to be up in like 4.5 hours. Did I mention that tomorrow is picture retake day at school, and since I somehow missed the first day, I'm going to have to go to this one? *sigh*

I've had a bottle of wine for dinner tonight along with the gnocchi, which was really, really good. As was the butternut squash (I needed veggies. NEEDED). I should be sleepy. Nothing doing.

I suppose I'm going to try to lay down because that's what I should do. Even though I'm not really sleepy. Tipsy, but not sleepy.