August 2008
August 31, 2008
Smith Ridge Campground, Space #62, Green River Lake
Near Campbellsville, KY
I have been here two days and two nights - almost three nights now - and I have assiduously avoided writing. I've been thinking I should write but I haven't wanted to. I still don't want to. But it's either this or read a literacy text. You know it's bad when you'd rather read theory than put your pen to paper.
It has been a good weekend, although I have been lonely. The people across the way have invited me over several times, but I'm not interested in making new friends that I'll forget in 72 hours. So I've read four fashion magazines (five if you count the fashion rocks insert in Glamor) and finished a cheesy romance novel that was started too long ago to remember. My conclusion: I'm not, nor will I ever be, a fashionista. Give me a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and some cute shoes, and I'll be a happy girl. Case in point: right now I'm in a pink t-shirt (sans bra) and black cotton crop paints rolled up to my thighs. I'm sunburned. I don't care.
Secondly, I've apparently lost my taste for cheesy romance novels, although this one has an interesting angel, I guess. I was just bored. The story is always the same: initial spark of attraction, things going along swimmingly. Then horror!! The lout does something to screw it all up. Her anger leads to his and it takes some gravely dangerous situation to force him into realizing what an incredibly dunderhead he's been. He all the sudden must move mountains to declare his love...and once he does that...the earth moves when they have sex. Then it's happily ever after.
It never works like that in real life, and I'm much more inclined to enjoy non-fiction these days. It's something real, something you can see and know that here something existed and was real. Romance is...ephemeral and intangible.
I write about the same things it seems. I know I've said before that I'm not sure I know what love is. Relentlessly I've been interrogating myself about love and my relationships. it's tempting to say that I've never really been in love...but the problem with that is that I thought I was in love at the time. It's dishonest to change the terms because of the circumstances. I can look back and see all of those other things at play -- fear, dependence, gratitude, care-taking, need -- clearly, and I can question what was really going on. That doesn't change, through that I thought then that I was in love.
I've even told women in real life and online that the end doesn't change what was before. A lot of times, we get stuck on this loop that because things ended badly, everything, even the very good things, must become bad. That's not true.
The fact that Coach was a liar and a chat doesn't change that he made me feel like the most wonderful woman in the world. Smart. Sexy. Funny. Cherished. His deception doesn't change that through him, past hurts and insecurities were healed. The fact that he was a liar doesn't change what I felt with him in those moments. That fact can try to change the way in which I view it if I choose to go down that path, but I'm not sure why I would. Nothing he did can change that at the time...I was sure I loved him. When I was crying because I was leaving him, I was positive that was about love. And the right thing to do is to leave it as that.
I can't honestly rewrite history now and call it something else. The problem is that all of this introspection and past motivations leaves me unable to figure out where I'm feeling today. If I think I might be in love, I have to constantly ask myself if it's love or if it's something a little less noble. I can't be comfortable in letting myself experience love...if that's what it is. Coach was the last person I thought I loved, and it's been four years since I last had that thought about him.
There have been times when I thought maybe, but I know that in the past I've had a tendency to characterize things as love that weren't really love. I don't trust my judgment, so while it may be, I don't know. While I may want it to be, I can't just name it that and make it so.
I don't want to again feel like a fool after the fact...making something into more than it actually was, which probably gives me a clue.
*sigh*
I guess this is why I didn't want to write. Writing gets at our truths, and I have apparently just uncovered on of mine I've been unwilling to face. Dammit.
I suppose then that we're on to Truth No. 2 (Dixie Chicks reference anyone?) All weekend I've been getting text messages from the PSB. Actually not just this weekend; they're pretty consistently constant. He's always talking about what he wants to do to me, what he wants me to do to him. Anytime we talk on the phone, that's the direction he attempts to steer the conversations. Even though the messages make me feel awkward, I don't tell him to stop. I don't want him; I'm not attracted to him (I was at one time but exasperation has gotten in the way of that). There's not a chance in hell I'll ever sleep with him, but I don't tell him to stop.
Because he's the only person in my life right now who makes me feel wanted and attractive. I know my limitations; I occasionally forget but I'll see a picture or catch a glimpse in a mirror and I'm reminded. So knowing that, and knowing that it's been at least a long while since someone pretended they wanted me when in all actuality anyone would probably suited to satisfy the urge, it's really hard to let go of that. It's hard to step up and do the right thing, to say, "This must stop," to put someone else's well-being ahead of your ego. But I need to summon the courage from somewhere and do it. I wouldn't want someone to play with me so cavalierly. It's wrong to be so careless with another person.
Hmmm...embedded in Truth No. 2 is apparently Nos. 3, 4, & 5. Gosh it looks so ugly there in blue and cream (the color of my pen is blue and my notebook pages are cream).
I guess we're on to Truth No. 7, and it's that I don't want to go back to Louisville tomorrow. Not that I don't want my bed. An air mattress is better than the ground, but it's not my bed. I've really enjoyed being outside; I've loved the lake -- sitting in my camp chair, feet floating in the water, occasionally putting my book aside and swimming out, or in today's case, walking out and letting the dog swim out to me, reminded of lazy summer days at Table Rock Lake...with Shan and Sherian..or fishing excursions with Grandpa Conrad...or mornings at Double E with Grandma and Grandpa Alex (they liked to make breakfast out there under the bridge). I love it so much that the doggie and I plan to break camp early and spend the day lakeside, even though I'm terribly sunburned.
Speaking of that, I don't know what happened. I applied SPF 50 four times in five hours today, and I still burnt. Strangely patterned but burnt nonetheless.
Regardless, I don't want to go back. Notice I didn't say, "I don't want to go home". That is the problem. Truth No. 8 if you will. I don't think basement living is for me. It's a nice enough basement, but I feel like I'm descending into the underworld with each step into the place. I've done some looking, and I can possibly get a little house - definitely an apartment or a condo for what I'm paying now...or just slightly more ($100-200/month more). And the space would be my own. With my own bathroom and kitchen and privacy. My own home. With control over things and my lifesytle.
I don't think I make a good roommate. Too independent and tending too much to solitude, I think. Lived alone too long, too selfish. Things I don't necessarily like about myself but things I am also really uninterested in changing.
August 28, 2008
Evening Update
It was a really crappy day. I'd like to go into the whys and wherefores, but I can't. Too many eyes that will ask too many questions. Suffice to say, in addition to being sick as a dog (it's getting worse), it was just a bad day.
I'm going camping tomorrow, which may not be a very good idea. When I say that I'm getting worse, I mean I'm getting worse. My hope is that if I lounge in the sunshine Saturday and Sunday, it's either going to dry things up or it's going to break things up. I need to remember to stop and get some more cold medicine. I've been coughing so much that it's essentially a roiling nausea. There have been a few times that I was sure I would vomit. If I'm not feeling better by Monday, I'm thinking that I'll drop by an urgent care. My insurance kicks in on Monday.
I dug through boxes tonight and found my Ipod (yay!!! can't find my synch cable, though), the cast iron skillet, the blanket, and the sheets that I take camping with me. I went to the store tonight and got a new air mattress as well as the food that I want. That includes my camping breakfast as well orange slices. I was going to pack the car tonight so that tomorrow I could just come home and load up the cooler and head out. Just didn't get that far. It's OK. I get off at 2:30. Eh.
The charger for my camera did not arrive today, which means if it does arrive tomorrow, I may not have time to get the camera fully charged before I head out. That means there might not be good pictures from this coming weekend.
I'm worried about all of you in the potential path of Gustav. Please be safe. If you're working (you know who you are), take care of yourself. I'm really glad I won't be there to go through it, but I'm sad I won't be with people I love...and to help in the aftermath. I may be chubby, but I can work like a mule. Since I'm going out into the woods and my camp site doesn't have electricity and I don't have an air card, I won't have internet access. I will have my phone with me, though, and it will be charged. If y'all need anything, feel free to let me know and I'll do what I can.
My dear sweet friend ChiChi has had a rough week, and today she shared some writing that she'd done. It reminded me of some of those thoughts and those feelings I've had with the end of relationships. Particularly all those "last moments". Like...the last night I slept in the same bed with X. Or the last time I saw Coach. Or the last time I kissed the boy. If you know they're going to be the last time, do you treat it differently? I'm trying to remember that last sleep with X. I knew he was leaving. He knew he was leaving. I can't remember if we were in the bed together or if I slept on the couch or if I was curled up against the wall like I normally was. Funny that we had that stupid king size bed, and I never got used to the room in it. I stayed on the wall. All those years of sleeping on that twin bed with him. I had no choice but to hug the wall.
I do remember one of the last nights with Coach. We had several because we were always saying goodbye at the end of the summer. I think the first one hurt the most. We were in that gross little room in Elam. Slept curled up on the two beds pushed together because he was too tall to be comfortable on that tiny thing. He was always so...mannerly? gentle? I don't know what word I'm looking for...with me. I'd never been with anyone who treated me like that, who was, when I was with him, focused on me and what I needed/wanted. We finished his packing, put his things in his car, and just laid on that bed together for awhile. Then we went a final class meeting that was much more of a party at our professor's house. He drove away, headed home; I took Amber back to the dorm and then had to drive for awhile.
Those memories aren't sad anymore. I guess because they're so far away. There are ones that are more hurtful, but I don't want to think about that right now.
I need to go to bed. It's late. The doggie is already passed out. I'm going to swallow some Nyquil and head on off.
Be safe y'all.
August 27, 2008
Evening Update
Went to a workshop tonight. They let us do some writing. One of the facilitators read "Honey I Love" to us and allowed us time to write about the things we love. This is what I managed:
I love the out of doors and breathing in the freshness of the moving air - even if it's not the most pleasant smell. At least it's not trapped inside, suffocating and still. I love my doggie who is always ready to go on a new adventure, so patient and sweet. She waits for me and loves me, regardless of what I ask her to do or how long it takes me to get home. I love pens moving across paper, keys clicking on keyboards, words appearing on a page. I love those brief moments when the guard comes down, and I know that it wasn't as meaningless as it appeared. I love people who open their hearts and homes and say, it doesn't matter - we accept you as you are.
And then because I was tuning out and didn't want to pay attention to what they were talking about, I did a little writing about Hurricane Gustav. I'm worried about my loved ones in Mississippi...and Florida.
Hurricane Gustav is taking aim at the Gulf Coast and the many who lived through Katrina, the many who lived through Katrina, the worst natural disaster in our nation's history, there's a sorta involuntary, collective gasp that accompanies a clenching of the gut. Katrina is a specter that haunts those of us who experienced her. Post-traumatic stress disorder is real, and it lives with us who watched water rise and pine trees snap.
After Katrina changed the lives of people living in her path, the folks who loved me made me promise that I'd leave if it ever again seemed possible that I might get caught up in chaos. The first hurricane season after, Betsy reminded me that I said only one more and again offered Atlanta as an evacuation destination.
It only took me three years, but I've made the choice to evacuate. On a permanent basis. But Beth has called and said if it comes through, and it's bad, she might come visit because she doesn't do "pioneer". Which is fine with me. I'm worried about those that I love, those who will weather the storm and those who will be called upon to work the storm.
I hate it when people impose on my time, which is at base disrespectful...just think that I'll be OK with doing something when they haven't bothered to ask to to even do me the courtesy of letting me know what's going on. It's a sign of self-absorption and rudeness.
I made out the list of all the things I have to get/find in order to go camping this weekend. All of those things are things that I have to put in the car tomorrow night. I think I know where most things are. I just need to find the cast iron skillet, and I need to go to the store and pick up food stuffs, an air mattress, booze, and a few other things. I don't care if I'm sick. I'll take the Nyquil with me. That combined with the rum should do me up right, shouldn't it?
Anyway. I should have been doing data entry tonight, but I didn't. I'll be getting up early in the morning to do it then.
August 26, 2008
Evening Update
Still sick. Still feel like hell. Apparently it is something going around. Two of my teachers have no voice, and one of my APs has been sick for a week. Both she and my principal told me to go to the doctor because it's gonna be that bad, which is nice, but my insurance doesn't kick in until Monday, and I wouldn't know where to go anyway. My principal actually asked me if I knew how to call a sub. That's nice, but I'm not calling a sub. Not this early in the year and not with all the stuff I still have to do.
The doggie and I did not walk this evening. I slept. Getting ready to go back to the bed.
I hope this goes away by Friday. I have already paid for my campground. Dammit. Plus the doggie is looking forward to it.
Wish I'd stopped for pudding before coming home. For some reason pudding sounds really good right now. I have some Moose Tracks ice cream in the freezer, although it's soft-serve. For some reason, no matter what the setting, my freezer doesn't keep things frozen hard. I don't know what it is.
Think I'm getting dehydrated. I think all I've had to drink today was two cups of coffee and a mini ginger ale. Need to drink some water.
Heard this on the way home yesterday. Really, really like it.
August 25, 2008
Evening Update
Too tired to fix this page. I'm sick. It's more than allergies. My throat is killing me, and my ears are hurting. I need to be entering data, but it's not going to be happening now. I'm going to have to get up early again. Because the data has to be entered for a meeting tomorrow after school, and I'm going to be busy all day tomorrow.
Going to take some nyquil and go to bed.
August 24, 2008
Evening Update
I might be trying to kill myself. I don't think I really realized that the trail the doggie and I hiked today was marked "strenuous". I know that some of the trails were marked "strenuous" and others "moderate". I thought I'd chosen a moderate today, but yeah, not quite. Good grief.
I am tired of being out-of-shape and fat. If I have to go back up there on both Saturdays and Sundays every weekend to get to where I can make it to the top of the ridge without feeling like my heart is going to explode out of my chest, then that's what I'm going to do, dammit. I mean, I'm not a quitter, so I kept moving. Every now and again, I'd stop, but I tried not to stay in one spot for too long. My doggie was great the entire way. She just kept going. When we got to where I wanted to turn around (4 miles in), I gave her a drink.
I need a bigger camelbak. I think mine is the 70 oz capacity, but I need the 100 oz one. With the doggie along, I have to carry water for her, too, which depletes what is available for me, AND it limits how far we can go.
It's funny, I think. I don't know that lot of people would assume that I'm an outdoor type of person. Hiking through the woods today, I was reminded of all those times as a kid in Hurley, scrambling up the hills and running along the ridges. It was a lovely memory to have...and I'm glad I was up there.
I got about half way to the forest when I realized that I'd forgotten my wallet. *sigh* There was me, driving down the freeway with no identification. Good thing I was doing the speed limit and didn't get pulled over. Smart. I'm very smart.
I need to go to bed. I have to be at school early tomorrow to get a few things done. I have a department meeting on Tuesday. Need to get the agenda for that put together. I also need to get the coffee ready and my lunch put together. And the beans need to be soaking because that's what I've decided to have for dinner this week.
I'm going to meet with my friend Barbara either tomorrow or Tuesday. She has a place I need to see. Perhaps we'll have a drink or something afterward.
I just packed a bottle of bourbon to ship to a friend's husband. Am now burning some CDs for another friend. Will have to make sure I stop by the post office on the way home so I can get them shipped out. I really hope the bourbon makes it there. Little worried about it.
Got Toni's birthday present taken care of. I bought cat litter and took it upstairs, too. I figured I should because Peach is up there. She's almost out of cat food, but I've already refilled her canister once. (I keep my cat food in two places...big gray bin and then in a plastic pitcher to make it easy to pour into the bowl...filled the pitcher and then poured into her canister) I'm out of cat food right now myself...what I have left should last Blackberry two-three weeks. With the next paycheck, I'll buy cat food.
Can't get to bed until the cd finishes burning. *sigh*
August 23, 2008
Evening Update
It was a pretty good day, I think. I managed to sleep until about ten. The second time. Of course, the doggie couldn't wait that long, and we were up the first time around 7:15. She's passed out in her crate right now. I guess it's been a long day for her.
I went and did a little shopping. Old Navy was having the $12 jean sale. I don't know what it is, but I rarely find anything when I go into Old Navy these days. It's been like that for a couple of years now. I tried on two pairs of jeans, and while they fit through the hips and thighs (which is rare), they were incredibly uncomfortably tight at my knees. So. The size up fit, but I'll be damned if I buy those. I've been working hard, and I'm not buying a size bigger. Even though I know that the number on the tag doesn't mean anything. I'm still not buying a size bigger. It was depressing enough trying it on.
While I was at the mall, I stopped by Sephora because I needed some more Bare Minerals for make-up. I'm sure it's drying my skin out more, but it's what I use. It's easy to get overwhelmed in that store...or to be like a kid in a candy store. I started thinking, Oh, I need eye make-up! and new lipstick! and perfume! Then I realized that no, I didn't need any of that. Just my foundation.
I was, though, highly tempted to buy myself a bottle of nail polish while I was there. Apparently OPI, which I love, has teamed up with Sephora to create a line of nail polish. Part of the fun of OPI nail polish is the name of the colors. I'm attracted to red...and not just red, but deep reds. I think they go nicely with my lighter skin, and for some reason, I think that nails should be red. So, I picked up a deep, deep red, and I glanced at the name. Made me smile. "I'm With Brad" (item number 1111814 on the previously linked page). They only had the tester left, so it was not meant to be mine. Not that I would have spent $9 on a bottle of nail polish because I wouldn't. I have a hard time paying more than $4 for nail polish. I smiled, though.
When I got done farting around at the mall, I came home and packed the picnic, grabbed the doggie, and headed out to the park. Got slightly lost getting there, but it was worth it. I really, really wish I had a good map of the parks. I was at Cherokee park today. I wasn't quite sure where I was going once I was there. I knew I wanted to pull over and get the dog out to play, but I wasn't sure where to do that. Then when I did pull over and we started walking, I was terrified that I'd get myself off on some trail and not know how to make it back to the car. I kept telling myself that if I was really lost, I could tell someone I was near the vandalized bridge and hopefully they could get me back to where I needed to be.
Turns out, though, I didn't have to go that route. I was too scared to get too far off of the track. I actually did hike a couple of trails. It's funny that on all of the posted trail signs it says that pedestrians have the right of way. But in practice, it doesn't work that way. I had to step aside for cyclists and for horses. The cyclists I can understand because it's hard to stop those things. We stayed along Beargrass Creek the entire time. There were some spots where it smelled strongly of sewage. There were all kinds of signs that said after strong rains there may be sewage run-off, so I guess that's what it was, even though it wasn't after a strong rain. There were people and kids playing in the water. Some others were fishing. Cob and I just kept walking.
I kept thinking while we were hiking down what was truly a footpath, with the natural flora grown up as tall as me (if I'd bent over, you wouldn't have been able to see us), I kept thinking that it was really something that considering how much I loved Central Park in New York City, I wound up living somewhere that has an abundance of Olmsted parks. Even with the funk from the sewage, it was a lovely afternoon.
Eventually we made it back to the car, and then we found a place to have our picnic. I forgot to bring a can opener, so now salmon pate for us. The salad, the apple wine, the dark chocolate pecan lacies, and the pretzels with roasted mango and chipotle dipping sauce did us up right.
From Cherokee Park, we made our way down Eastern Parkway. I really did want to explore a little today. Trying to get my bearings when it comes to the city. Eastern parkway took me through the University of Louisville and then over to Southern Parkway. My school is off Southern Parkway.
From there, I got lost on Newcut Road. When I say "I got lost", I really mean I was lost. I knew I was south of town, but I had no idea how to get back to where I wanted to be. I wound up on Penile Road. Yes, you're reading it right. Penile Road. Which runs into Bush Road. I swear to god I'm not kidding. Those were the road names. The PSB was even looking them up on mapquest.
I wound up at the Jefferson Memorial Forest, which was fortuitous because I was planning on running my doggie out there tomorrow for our hike. Now I know exactly how to get there.
The PSB was kinda sweet as we were on the phone, him on mapquest trying to figure out where I was and how to get home. I didn't have the heart to tel him that I'd figure it out eventually, and that the situation wasn't nearly as serious as he was making it out to be. When I was at the Tom Wallace Recreation Area (gorgeous fishing pond out there, by the way), there was a LMPD officer there. I could have asked him. No real worries.
Once I found my way back to town, I had an ugly confrontation at the post office, where my box contained my insurance card (effective on Sept. 1). Some woman thought she was going to make an easy $100 off me. I don't know if she saw the Mississippi tag on my car and thought I'd be an easy mark, but she was mistaken. When I wasn't going to pay her, she said that we could just call the cops. My response was, yes, let's do that. You go on and call the cops and see how long it takes them to respond when you tell that you've been involved in a fender bender in a parking lot...meanwhile, I'll call them too and tell them that someone is trying to perpetrate insurance fraud by telling me that I'd caused an accident that we could make go away for a C-Note.
Yeah, pissed me right on off. I normally don't handle confrontations like that well, but I must have been channeling my inner-Shan. I finally told her that she had two choices: get in her piece of shit car and get the fuck out of there, with me forgetting the incident had ever happened or wait with me while I called the cops on her bitch ass.
What the fuck? I mean seriously? I was just floored...and pissed off. I don't know if she saw the Mississippi tag and automatically assumed she'd be dealing with an idiot, but she picked the wrong person to set up.
Anyway, the doggie and I came home and fixed dinner. That steak on the grill was soooooooooooooooooooooo good. I screwed up and got the low fat bleu cheese to put on top of it so the cheese didn't melt as nicely as I wanted it to. I did, though, get it to the doneness that I appreciate. So yummy. The doggie and I were outside for dinner. I gave her my steak bone to gnaw on for awhile. Eventually took it away from her. She did not appreciate that.
She's curled up in her crate sleeping. It was a lot of hiking for a sweet doggie this afternoon. Even though I kept giving her drinks from my camelback in her portable doggie bowl. She's tired. I imagine that when I finally tuck into bed, she'll come out of the crate and sleep next to me. And when I say next to me, I mean that she sleeps on the floor on the side of the bed that I'm sleeping on. If I roll to the other side, she gets up and moves.
I used the picnic back-pack this afternoon for the first time ever. I think it worked really well. I'm pretty sure I got that from Amber. It was a wedding present that she knew she wasn't going to use. If that's the case, I haven't used it in a really, really long time either. Not sure why I kept hanging on to it. It was handy today, and I intend for it to be useful tomorrow afternoon. I'll remember the can opener so I can do the pate, and I'll make some chicken salad.
My dog snores.
so, this afternoon when I was having my picnic lunch by myself, I was thinking about how it was just me, and how it would have been better if I'd had someone to share it with. I didn't feel self-conscious or embarrassed as I might have a couple of years ago. That stupid Single book talks about doing things for yourself and not waiting for someone else to come along and take care of it for you. It would have been infinitely nicer if the boy had been there with me. I think he's kind of an outdoorsy person, and it would have been nice to have him hiking through the wilderness with me. It would have been nice to have him for lunch with me.
I've been in Louisville a month now. It's hard to believe it's been that long. Where does the time go? As I told a friend, I love this town. This really does feel like the place I'm supposed to be, even if this isn't the exact place I'm supposed to be in the mean time. I just wish there was some one here to share it with. Walking the dog is one thing, but taking a nap in the sunshine with someone you care about...I saw that this afternoon. Right before turning on to Maple to hit the trail.
There are some weird noises in the house. I have the alarm set, but it sounds like someone is walking around upstairs. I know the cats don't make that much noise.
Now is when a boy would be super useful.
The PSB just called. I didn't pick up. I really wasn't feeling like a drawn-out conversation with him. The boy...I would have talked to him.
August 22, 2008
Evening Update
It was a crappy day. All of that political bullshit that I've been wanting to avoid blew up this morning. I really didn't want to be a part of that. And then this afternoon, right around four, when I was trying to finish adding a new class for testing, I just about cried. I somehow managed to delete an entire class. Of over 200 students. I got them all back, but I need to finish editing them. The building will not be open this weekend, so I must be at work around 6:00 on Monday morning so I can get that finished up.
The highlight was getting paid, but even that is stressful. I think my checks are wrong. They're more than I expected, and they're just more, they're much more. That makes me very nervous. And uncomfortable. I didn't see my check stubs until it was too late to ask someone. So I have to worry about it until Monday.
Dammit.
I hurt. My body aches. My arthritic right hip is screaming, but the left one isn't happy either. Getting up and down the stairs is not a fun prospect right now. On top of that, I have PMS backache and cramps. And I can't stop the I'm-going-to-puke coughing.
I had plans for tonight, but I think I'm going to head to bed.
Anyone here watch Babyland on ABC this evening? Heartbreaking. The flat, emotionless responses of the girls, even when they were crying is just...incredibly sad.
I'm going on a picnic tomorrow. I bought some picnic goodies at World Market, and I'm ready for that. There probably won't be any pictures. I still am missing my camera battery charger (it's was supposed to be mail, but it's not here yet), and the battery is almost dead. I looked at buying a new charger tonight, but they want $60-70 for one. I'll just wait for the old one to get here. I can get one online much cheaper, but I'll pass on that too.
More tomorrow. I feel like hell, and I think the bed is the best place for me.
August 21, 2008
Evening Update
Plans are changing again, it appears. I suppose. It'll be OK however it works out. I'm not stressing.
I have decided that I'm going to go camping next weekend. Labor Day weekend. Am I crazy? Going out to the woods when everyone else in the world is as well? I need to be away, and I haven't had a chance to do that in a long while. With getting ready for the move, there were lots of people to see...and I'm glad I got to see them (although there is one that I would have liked to see that I didn't get to)...and the forced socialization of new teacher orientation and the first days of work...I'm in full-fledged anti-social mode.
Those of you who have been around for awhile know this about me. I'm moody and quiet and even if I really, really like you, there's periods of time when it's just not happening.
At any rate, this is where I'm going camping Labor Day weekend. I found a campground closer...in Indiana...but they wanted $29/night. For camping. No thanks. So, I'll drive an hour and a half to get where I want to bed. It'll be on the lake, so I think that will be good for my doggie. If y'all want to come up and spend the weekend with me, I think there are still spots available. I'm going to be at site 62. At the Smith Ridge campground.
The PSB called tonight. It's sweet, I suppose, that he wants to know how I'm doing, but dammit.
I can't believe it's almost Labor Day. I promised myself that I would start working on my dissertation after Labor Day. So. I guess when I leave to go camping, I'm going to take my stuff with me. Do some reading and writing there. I hope. It would be nice if I could find my Ipod by then. (where the hell is it?)
Got a letter from my brother this evening. *sigh* Apparently both my GrandSner and my great aunt Imogene gave him my address. He has handwriting like a 10 year old. Never really mastered the fine motor skills necessary to have decent handwriting. And the writing...actually wasn't bad. If it were from a 10-13 year old. But the contents...I swear to god, it's my father. The same words coming out of the mouth. Minus the holy visions. The next bounty is right around the corner. It's coming, coming, coming. *sigh* And he wants to have a clean slate because we only have one family and it's getting smaller. I've only got one brother. That manipulative shit is right out of my father's playbook, too...the whole, I'm trying and you're rejecting me shit. Except. There's this complete childlike quality to what he says and how he says it. Like the handwriting.
So maybe he has changed. It's possible. But do you realize how many times I've heard that he's changed? That he's sober? That he's turned over a new leaf? And do you have any conception of how angry I am at him? For all these years, I've done everything I've supposed to do. I've worked hard, and I've followed the path I was supposed to. I got good grades, I went to school, I got a job (sometimes two), and I took care of myself. By myself for the longest time. There's been help lately that I am incredibly grateful to have (I am, I swear) And he's done the exact opposite...and had people bending over backwards to help him, to bail him out, to make excuses for him.
I know in the end I'm going to wind up far ahead of the race, if that's what it is, but I'm still so very angry about it. If I hit things, I would hit something. Instead I've had a few drinks this evening. I'm not all that willing to take "let's wipe the slate clean" at face value. I've already walked that path.
I'm a bitch. I'm not sure how else to put it, and I'm not sure how else to describe it.
It's way after midnight. I should have been in bed an hour ago.
August 20, 2008
Evening Update
Today at work, I managed to log five miles before one in the afternoon. It was all those laps around the computer lab checking on student progress as they took reading tests. When I got home, the doggie and I went to the park again (we love the park! Have we said that?) and logged another 2 miles. All total, it was a little over 8 miles today. Yay for me!
On top of that, I didn't have a very good lunch because I got up too late to pack it. *sigh* So it was a cereal bar, a 60 calorie piece of cheese, and a 100 calorie pack of wheat thins. I need to make a salad for tomorrow. I came home to a piece of skinless chicken breast, a piece of garlic bread, and some roasted red potatoes. Not what I wanted at all, but it was what I got. *sigh*
If this keeps up, I'll be needing to do some shopping for new clothes.
I was very cute today. Wore my brown plaid pants with the maroon/wine top. Cute little shoes that hurt after 5 miles. I felt good in the outfit because everything fit right. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing something good, and I need to continue it, even if it's hard and I don't want to. Plus my doggie is really enjoying getting out.
She and I were out in the backyard this evening. It's nice to see her being a freedog. I was getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, though, so I came back in the house with her. She can get West Nile too.
I don't have the house to myself afterall this weekend, and that's OK. I have a few plans percolating, so it's all good. Hopefully all will turn out well. It'll be the best that I can do on short notice, though, so it'll have to be good enough. Know what I mean?
Didn't really get to teach this afternoon, but I did get to "play" in the classroom. After a rather tense beginning. One boy was told at least twice to pick his binder up out of the hallway. At least twice he didn't do it, so I picked it up and put it on top of the trashcan. Once class started, that boy tried to get away with being pissy and not participating. He and I had a low conversation about choices and consequences. He eventually got up and got his binder. Then he eventually got his paper and pencil out. And eventually he participated. I just kept reminding him that he had a choice and that the way things were going to go was going to be up to him ultimately. Not upset, not made, just calm (externally) and matter-of-fact.
Internally, though, I was shaking. I hate, hate, hate confrontation. Hate it. Even if it's with a 13 year old. I made sure to tell him at the end of the class, though, that I really appreciated his participation in the last half of the class because I knew how hard it was for him to put things aside and come back to the community. I told him to find me tomorrow and I'd have something for him. Now I need to decide what that something is going to be. Something small.
At any rate, we didn't get any real teaching done because all we were focusing on was procedures. It's important, though, because without those, we can't get to the teaching. I miss that kind of thing in the classroom. I like putting on that persona and being a little on the theatrical side. I kept reminding myself that there wasn't any point in getting angry because they weren't doing what they were supposed to. Just keep after them for the result I wanted. Eventually, I (and the teacher in the classroom) got what we were looking for.
I think the biggest thing that the teacher needs to remember is that he needs to stop talking so much and he has to have activities to keep them engaged and busy. No one gets a pass on participating.
I need to go to bed. It's late, and I didn't get my short nap. I like to come home and take a little nap (30-60 minutes), but there wasn't time for that tonight.
August 19, 2008
Evening Update
I have got to do something about my allergies. I suppose the first step would be to consistently take the meds that I have. It's kicking my ass. I don't know how else to say it, but it's kicking my ass. My head is constantly hurting. And when I say hurting, I mean nauseating hurting. When you add into it the coughing...good lord. I was coughing so hard this evening that I almost threw up the excellent dinner I made. It was a close thing.
Speaking of dinner, I roasted the chicken and potatoes in my toaster oven. Forgot to put garlic on it, but there was a lot of cajun spice. Turned out very good. I ate way too much of it. Can I say that I absolutely hate picking chicken? I would almost rather throw the whole thing out than pick the meat off the bones. You may recall, dear readers, that I really, really don't like to get things under my fingernails and I hate for my hands to be dirty. I did it, though. I'll be having dinner the next two nights (guess the beans and rice will have to be next week).
Doggie and I walked again tonight. We went to the park again. I really like it there. There's a dog park there, but apparently, in order to use it, you have to have a permit. They aren't selling any more permits this year. That kinda sucks. I kinda don't understand why it can't be a facility like the dog park in Petal or in Sparks at the Marina. I understand wanting to make sure that dogs have their vaccinations, but I'm not sure I understand why there's a cap on the number of dogs that could possibly come play. It might be an interesting way to meet people, but I guess we'll have to wait until December and see if we can get a permit then ($25/year, plus city license plus proof of up-to-date vaccinations...which we would have to get).
My skin is so very dry. My hands are particularly bad. I'm getting really, really rough patches...almost like callouses...along the outside of the middle knuckle on both of my index fingers. Sucks.
I have to teach tomorrow afternoon. I've got a new teacher who is struggling, and I don't know how to jump in and help him without taking over. So we're going to do some team teaching, while he's responsible for the first half of the class, and then I'm going to handle the last half while he observes. He's making the same mistake that most novice teachers make. Keeps telling me that he wants to get to his content, but he doesn't understand that until he has the management piece down cold, even if he starts "teaching" his content, he's not going to "get" to his content. Such a hard lesson to learn.
I'm actually pretty nervous about it. It's been a long time since I was in the classroom, and I wasn't so successful the last time I was in the classroom. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do, though. I think I might get Joey Pigza Swallows the Key or No More Dead Dogs. I think No More Dead Dogs would be better, but I don't know if our library has it, and I have no idea where it would be here if I have it. There are boxes and boxes and boxes of books over there that are labeled, but I think there are probably two boxes of "classroom appropriate" books. Maybe do a little bit of a read aloud for them...and then launch into a community building activity.
Had another incident at school this morning. It was funny, but I can't really can't talk about it here.
Heard this song on the way to school this morning, and I love it!
I can't remember the last time I told someone that I loved him and meant it. I've wondered in the past if I was in love or falling in love or whatever it is that folks do when they really care about someone, but I kinda think if you have to ask yourself if it is, then it isn't. Then again, it's possible that I'm really good at talking myself out of things. It's happened a time or two before. Particularly if I don't want to feel like a fool because I feel it and the other person doesn't.
I don't know where I was going with that. You can look back a few months; I'm sure I've said it before. Many times.
At any rate, I love this radio station. They play all sorts of way cool stuff. And if they have Paul Thorn in the rotation, then you know they've got to be pretty damn good.
I need to go to bed.
I have the house to myself this weekend. Not sure what I'm going to do. I could go to the Kentucky State Fair. It'll be the last weekend. Then again, I might see about finding a lake and lounging by it or in it with my doggie. Or finding a good sushi bar. Or maybe I'll just sleep. Who knows?
Going to bed now. Have to try to keep the doggie out of the bed. She's decided that she belongs at the bottom of my bed.
August 18, 2008
Evening Update
I left my coffee mug at work. Dammit. That means no coffee for me in the morning. Dammit. Suck, suck, suck.
I didn't roast the chicken tonight. I spent too long in the park. There was too much to see. We entered at a different spot tonight because I wanted to find the cemeteries (which I didn't find). We tripped along the path and found blackberries. Then I heard that familiar sound...because I was deep in the woods with the doggie at that point, I couldn't see it though. Had to jog out into the clearing and there it was up in the sky: big, beautiful hot air balloon. It's been a long while since I saw one.
I miss the Balloon Races. *pout*
On the last part of the walk, I was thinking that it was maybe time for me to think about joining a gym. I always liked lifting more than I liked the cardio part of it, and I kept thinking a few sets would be a good idea. There's a women's bootcamp fitness program that is held in the park. I don't think I'm ready for something like that, even though they advertise that it's for all fitness levels. They guarantee a 10-15 pound weight loss in 4 weeks (3 sessions per week) or your $150 back. Maybe in a month or so.
My head is still killing me. And I'm tired. I tried to take a short nap this afternoon, but I didn't get home until almost five. There were things to do at work. I should open my email, but I don't even want to think about it.
I really wanted to have a big, greasy burger with onion rings (plenty of salt and mustard to go with them) for dinner tonight. But I was good and had vegetarian-ish options. *sigh* No big, greasy burger tomorrow night either. I will be roasting a chicken tomorrow night. I swear. The urge for it...along with the hormonal surge...should be past by then. *sigh*
Since I will not have coffee in the morning since I do not have my mug, I've got to go to bed. Lots to do tomorrow.
Pics from the park (they're not very good because they're from my cell phone)
Morning Update
Did not want to get up this morning, and as usual, I'm running late. The weekend was a good one, but not very restful.
Cam is already up. I'm not exactly sure what he's doing...or why he's awake at 5:30 in the morning. He's kind of a sneaky little kid, and he doesn't listen to adults very well. Doesn't matter what adult it is, he doesn't respond. Like...I told him to leave the remote to the television downstairs this morning, and he looked right at me and carried it on up the stairs. He did the same thing yesterday morning at breakfast with his mom...totally ignored her and did what it was he wanted to do.
My head is killing me. I've been taking the allergy medicine, but my sinuses are still wreaking havoc with my head. Makes me wonder if all of this congestion is really allergies or what it is.
Talk to y'all later. Gotta get going.
Evening Update
It was a good weekend. Today was a little hinky, but yesterday was good.
The doggie and I got up and made our way to E.P. "Tom" Sawyer Park, which is less than a mile from the house (it's about two miles if I go all the way around to the official entrance). I did not know this, but the park is named for Diane Sawyer's father. Interesting. I went looking for information about the park because there's some interesting formations going across Goose Creek. I couldn't figure out exactly what they were, though. Some sort of dam thing or something. I dunno. There's supposed to be a couple of cemeteries in the park. Maybe the doggie and I will figure that out this week.
My friend Jane, her husband Jeff, and their daughter came to visit this weekend. They live in Illinois...about 4 hours away from us. They made it in around 12:30. We took my car to one of the two firestones in town, and left it with them. We made our way to Locust Grove for the book sale. I got four books. $6. A "First Composition Book", published in 1881...and another really old book for a good friend. I think it's going to be a good pressie. I need to put it in the mail this week.
The car people called and told me that one of my brake lights...one on the trunk itself...needed to be replaced. I told them to go ahead and do it, but that I could handle the wiper blades myself (they don't need to be replaced yet...I did them not too long ago). Good thing, too. They charged me $25 to change that damn bulb. Can you believe that shit? What the hell? I was thinking like $15. Good grief.
After that, we came back to the house and had dinner. Got some ribeyes to go with the fresh sweet corn and tomatoes I bought at Paul's. Extremely sweet corn. I need to go by and get some more. The tomatoes were good, too. I was in charge of cooking the steaks because Jane and Jeff were fixing the fence so Cob couldn't get out. I think I did a decent job. One was a little more done than I wanted, but the others were OK.
Eating at home was a good plan. I'm poor. Jane and Jeff could stand to hang on to money too since he's off work right now. After dinner, we went to O'Shea's Irish Pub. We sat out on the patio and drank for hours. It wasn't what we'd planned to do...Jane and I would have liked to have gone down some of the blues bars downtown...but that's OK. Next time.
No hot guys in that huge line of folks waiting to get in the bar. No hot guys hanging out. Lots of half-dressed women, though...including the Barcardi girls. I have a lovely new gray Barcardi t-shirt. Supposedly we got the shirts if we bought the Barcardi Peach Bomb...Barcardi Peach & Red Bull. Yeah, they didn't have any Barcardi Peach in the bar! Funny. The waitress was like, we have Barcardi and we have Barcardi Limon. We don't have anything else because the other shit didn't sell. The other wait staff said they didn't know that the half-dressed Barcardi girls were even coming. One of them was like amazon tall, with this amazingly long legs...that were just sticks. They would have been hot if they'd been shapely and toned. Instead they were just...sickly.
I didn't get to bed until way late and got up way too early. The dog needed to go out around 7:30, and then Cam was making a ton of noise around 8:30. We all went to McDonald's for breakfast. Jane and Jeff needed coffee, and it was close and cheap. I didn't know that McDonald's does biscuits and gravy now. That was my breakfast. Along with a sweet tea and a hash brown. Again...cheap.
I've got to go to bed. It's almost midnight. *sigh*
Tomorrow night for dinner I'm going to try to roast a chicken in the toaster oven. I bought a chicken and some red potatoes. I've got salad and a tomato. Will also make beans and rice this week. Crock pots are my friend.
August 15, 2008
Evening Update
I made it through Friday!!! And the last half of the day was really, really goo! I felt competent and capable and in control and it was awesome.
There's a whole bunch more to talk about, but it's going to be tomorrow. I need to go to bed.
Morning Update
I'm feeling better this morning. I wanted to say that I made it to Friday, which is true...I did make it *to* Friday. I haven't made it *through* Friday yet. There's a big difference.
I'm so very tired. Think I'll probably be walking the puppy when I get home, and then she and I will be going to bed. She really is such a great dog. I got lucky with her, and I know it.
I somehow scrapped the hell out of my right thumb, and my face loks like I'm about 14. *sigh* Skin is very, very dry. Not quite sure what's going on.
Gotta get going.
Late Evening Update
I think I have the insurance stuff figured out. I need to figure out where I put my social security card. Pretty sure it's still in my purse since I needed it when I turned in all of my paperwork during new teacher induction.
So last night I forgot to mention the situation with my pay rate. *sigh* I'd called last week to find out if they'd received my previous employment verification from Washoe County, but no one had called me back...until last night. They left a message telling me that according to the form, Washoe County had credited me with 8 years of service, so they were going to give me eight years on the payscale. That's a difference of about $4,000/year. I could have kept my mouth shut and just taken it, but I was terrified that if they at some point realized that I didn't actually have 8 years of teaching experience, I'd have to pay back that $4,000/year.
So, I called. And it took quite a lot of explaining to get them to understand that Washoe County had made a mistake. I think they were a little astounded. Who gives up money? We finally got it hammered out, and I'm making less than what they thought I should be. I'm not sure how they ever would have figured it out since that document from Washoe County is an official document. Maybe if someone compared my application but it's a huge district. Who's going to do that? Couldn't take that risk, though.
I found out this morning that you can see my new tattoo through certain articles of clothing I might wear. Like the pink t-shirt I had on. I was thinking about a white t-shirt tomorrow, but I don't know now. I hate having to decide what to wear. I think we can wear jeans tomorrow. I mean...if I wanted, I could wear jeans every day because our contract doesn't specify what "professional dress" means...but I don't want to make any waves just yet.
Had a confrontation with a student this afternoon. I was in a classroom observing and helping out while the teacher was handling the teaching of procedures. Boy in the back was screwing around and completely not following directions. When they were in the hall, he was out of it. So...I pulled him aside and we had a conversation. He wanted to play like he wasn't doing anything wrong and I was just "getting in my face". It took about five minutes, but he eventually said at least what I wanted him to...which was that if he was doing what he was supposed to, there wouldn't be a problem.
It's kinda funny, I think...they're all so big on teaching procedures and not letting the boys slide right now, but a ton of teachers and admin are letting them slide on the very visible markers of compliance. Like the dress code. And how they're supposed to move through the hall. At the beginning of the school year, you have to have 100% so that you can slack off as the year goes on. It's a truism in schools that it's much more difficult to go back and tighten up than it is to loosen up once you've got things firmly in hand.
That doesn't mean that you're a bitch about things. It just means that you let them know what you expect and you do it until they comply. Every time I pass a boy with his shirt untucked, I stop him and ask him, "What do you think I'm going to ask you do right now?" And I just wait. I'm not mean about it. Just very matter-of-fact. They do what they're supposed to. They might grouse about it, but if everyone was making them comply with the same expectations (like we're supposed to be), very quickly, students would get the picture that this is just the way it's going to be...there's not an option.
When some folks are doing it and others don't, you set up this situation where some are seen as the hardasses and others aren't. That's not fair to the teachers, and it's not fair to the boys either.
Think I'm going to need to wear my mouth guard tonight. I feel a little stressed out.
Need to go to bed. Tired. Don't feel good. Have to get up early in the morning.
(I got mail today! Thank you!)
Evening Update
I swear I'm going to take care of the insurance stuff tonight so tomorrow afternoon when I leave work I can drop it off at the big house.
I don't feel as much like I'm going to puke. Had a broiled tomato and cheese sandwich for dinner. Am freezing to death, though. I'm wearing a fleece.
Afternoon Update
It hasn't been the greatest day. Since about 8:00 this morning, I've been feeling like I was going to puke. I thought it was the coffee without breakfast (I forgot to pack it), but it has persisted all day. That's not all of it, though. Some other things I really, really don't want to talk about so don't ask.
The other things I'll talk about later. Maybe. Right now I'm going to lay down so the room stops spinning.
Morning Update
I think I got the coffee a little strong this morning. I have no clue how I managed to get it so good the first morning and have now consistently screwed it up. OK, not screwed it up. It's still drinkable...and it's not bad. It's just not as good as it was.
Running behind again today. More later. (I intentionally made the decision to sleep in. The alarm went off, I looked at it, knew I could get up and take the puppy for a walk...and decided to reset it) I've got to start going to bed earlier than midnight.
Have a good day, y'all.
August 13, 2008
Evening Update
Things I still need to do tonight:
-
Make coffee
-
Make my lunch
I was going to figure out my insurance tonight, but then I decided that I was going to go to the store to get salad for lunch tomorrow. And I wandered around for awhile. And then I was IMing with a friend for awhile. After that I talked to my Sner. So I didn't get to it. Tomorrow night. I swear.
I was super cute today. I have to say that I really, really love my First Day of School Dress. That's kind of a significant statement for me to make. I do not like dresses. I don't like my legs. At all. I don't really wear shorts. I live in pants and capris. I have a couple of skirts that I wear now and again, but really...it's pants and capris. Or nothing, but we're not going to talk about that right now.
OK ...maybe I wasn't super cute. But I felt like I was. So there. It doesn't change that I love the dress, though. You can't see my shoes, but they were cute too. I only wore them through first period and switched to flipflops but it was because they were starting to rub my pinky toes. They'll be fine once I'm used to wearing those kinds of shoes again.
Think I'm going to wear my $6 Macy's skirt tomorrow. With a pink t-shirt. At least that's the plan right now.
I found the Save-Rite, Sak n Save, Cub Foods equivalent grocery store this evening. They carry Kentucky products. I have a big ol' tomato on the table. Think that means tomorrow night I'm having a tomato sandwich for dinner. I like cheap. Since I am poor.
The doggie and I walked this evening. I came home from work and took my very short nap (about 20 minutes this afternoon), and then we were off. We didn't go as far as I wanted because it was hot outside and my doggie was panting hard. Maybe we'll go later in the evening tomorrow so she's not so over-heated. Or maybe I'll remember to take a bottle of water and her travel doggie dish.
I stop by my post office box every day on the way home from work...it's the next exit up from school, and the post office is right off the freeway. Very easy access. There's only been something in it once, though. *sigh*
The City just bought a walnut plantation. That brings back memories. Someone remind me to write about them tomorrow. Please.
Anyway...I need to tick off that list of things to do before I go to bed. Y'all have a good night (all of you).
Morning Update
Woke up a little late, which means I should not be on here. I should be getting my sorry self ready to go. Good thing I made my lunch last night because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be taking my lunch today. As I am poor, I need to be taking my lunch.
Blackberry has gotten the idea that it's perfectly fine for her to be sleeping on my pillow. I am essentially passed out once I get to sleep, I do not know this until I wake up I'm going to have to fix that. I don't want a pillow full of cat hair. Gross.
This morning when I woke up, the doggie had been standing with her head on the side of the bed so long that the spot on the bed was warm. Poor, poor doggie.
OK. I'm out of time.
Evening Update
What a crappy night. Lots of reasons, but the chief one is that I spilled my soup all over everywhere. Including the dog. *sigh* She really needs a bath. Guess that's Friday.
School was a lot of hurry-up-and-wait. I spent the morning directing young men to a gym or the auditorium, telling them good morning, and asking them to tuck in their shirts. Then I spent the morning with a bunch of those same young gentlemen in the auditorium, waiting for them to get their schedules. Some of those poor guys entered the auditorium at 8:00 and didn't get to go to their class until almost one. *sigh* And they just had to sit there. We didn't have anything for them to do. So the morning was babysitting...or as I told the boy last night, herding cats.
I forgot to take a fork with me to have lunch today, and I didn't feel like walking down to the cafeteria to get one. So, I picked the chicken off the top of my salad, chowed down on my cherries, and consumed a 100 calorie bag of Wheat Thins. That was it. And my coffee. Which is ready to go again for tomorrow. I need a new coffee mug to take it in, though. Mine doesn't fit in the cup holder, and I have no clue where the lid is.
That was today in a nutshell. There were also some conversations about who I could and could not trust. I still really have no clue, and I'm not saying a lot. There are some things that I'm beginning to figure out, but I don't have it all yet. That's the part I hate...and haven't missed by working in an office full of men. It's a minefield and negotiating it causes some serious stress.
I have more to say, but I can't say it here. I've been toying with the idea of password protecting certain sections of the site. You only get in to read if you know what the password is. That way some people get screened out.
(Me...ready to go this morning. I really do like the first day of school. Look at that huge nose!!!!)
Afternoon Update
First day in the books. It was OK. I need to figure out some lumpy mail for a new teacher who left looking like she was going to make it to her car...if that far...and burst into tears. I'm thinking about just a cd with "Restless" by Mumbo Gumbo. She had a really rough day.
I had one awkward moment that still needs to be addressed.
Anyway. Taking a short nap. More later.
Morning Update
Yesterday is a blur, and today is off to a good start, I think. I woke up on time, and I made halfway decent coffee for breakfast. I just have to put my face on, get dressed, and drag a comb through my hair to be ready to go. I could have been up in time to take the puppy for a walk, but I wasn't quite feeling that this morning. Baby steps, I guess.
I can't think of anything else to say this morning. Too much else to get done, so I'm going to get to it. Y'all have a good day, please!
Late Evening Update
I can't remember exactly how old I was, but I remember having a total and complete meltdown because my Sner was gone. I think I was maybe six? seven? It was shortly after she'd started driving. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I do remember that my grandpa wanted me to stop crying. I couldn't. Eventually, I "ran away" to the house on Lincoln and climbed the tree. When Grandpa got there to bring me home, I was in some kind of trouble. The spanking just made it worse, though.
All I wanted was my Sner.
Anyway. It was a long day. Tomorrow promises to be longer. I've got to get to school early. I bought coffee at the store tonight so I can make it here at the house. Maybe if I start drinking it early, the caffeine will actually kick in when I need it to. The boy (sweet boy that he is...I worry about him) reminded me of how to make coffee. It's been so long that I couldn't remember. I've got everything ready to go for in the morning. I figure that I'll turn it on when I get in the shower. It will be ready for me when I get back downstairs.
I'm not wearing my super cute first day of school dress tomorrow. The admin said they wanted us to all be in our staff shirts. Which means I'm going to wear that yellow thing (as soon as the blue ones come in, I'm ordering me up one...blue is much more my color) and my khaki capris. One of the APs will be wearing her yellow thing and a pair of khaki shorts. OK. That tells me that I will probably be over-dressed when I wear my super cute first day of school dress (on Wednesday). I'm not all that worried about that, though. If the dresscode is "professional", my super cute dress fits better than a pair of shorts.
The smokers were making my life difficult today. We wasted a lot of time because there were a bunch of smoke breaks that "had" to be taken. If all of those smoke breaks were spent working, I would have had a lunch. And I would have been out of there before I was.
I need to make my lunch for tomorrow. The doggie and I went for a walk tonight, so I've gotten my 10,000 steps in for today. Approximately 2/3s of them were done in heels, and my feet were killing me by the time I got back to the house. I knew that was going to happen. I did it anyway. *sigh*
I cleaned the iron tonight. I'm ready to start ironing. Although I didn't do it tonight. I could have. But I elected not to. Because I don't really need to just yet. I figure that will come Thursday. Not sure what I'm going to wear, but I do have a lovely selection of things from which to choose.
OK. Going to make lunch and to get ready for bed. I've got to. Got to get up early in the morning and be a responsible adult.
Grrrrr...made my lunch, and I'm so upset about the produce I bought on Saturday. I made sure I got a bag of salad that had a date of 8/17 on it, and I looked at it. It didn't appear to be rotten or having any problems. Yeah, open it tonight to make my lunch for tomorrow, and it's rotten. *sigh* Also bought a thing of blackberries. Which were growing hair when I opened it up tonight. *sigh* Guess I won't be buying produce at Meijer anymore. (the cherries I bought at Kroger a week ago are still good. You get what you pay for, I guess)
Early Morning Update
I still don't really know what I did yesterday. I suppose that's OK, though.
Did not get the dog walked, but I got up early enough that I actually could have. If I'd gone to bed just a touch sooner, it would have worked out.
It cracks me up that the local television station is just now talking about getting your child on a "school sleep schedule". Ummmmm...school starts tomorrow. You're a little late on that story, guys. *sigh* Parents should have at least gotten them going to bed early last week, if not two weeks ago. I'm not a parent, though, so I suppose I don't know what I'm talking about.
I gotta do my hairs so I am fabulous. Today is the last day of casual dress. Children come on Tuesday, which means professional dress reigns.
Late Evening Update
Criminy. What did I do all day long? Well...I did the laundry. Sorta. I still need to iron. Which means I need to clean the iron. I know I was going to do that a week or so ago, but I haven't gotten it done yet. I haven't really needed to iron anything just yet, so I haven't cleaned the iron.
I also drove around and got a little more oriented to the neighborhood. Have to say that I'm disappointed in The Summit. I expected it would be more than what it is. I mean, when you call a shopping center The Summit, I expect something like The Summit in Birmingham. Nothing even comparable. I did see over there on the other side of the free way, across from The Summit, there's a Costco. Which for the eyeballs alone (and the salad and the chicken breasts) is worth the cost of membership. There's also cheap booze. So. Yeah.
It was a beautiful day here. I do mean beautiful. The doggie and I went for a short walk this afternoon. I thought about getting in the pool, but it needed a whole lot more work than I was willing to do, so we just walked. That seemed to be fine with Cob.
What else did I do? I worked on the writing plan for school. I did a review for English Journal. I swept the floor because the dog hair is out of freakin' control. I need to bring the vacuum in so I can do the sunflower rug, but that's going to have to wait for a little bit. I swept it with the broom, and that did a surprisingly good job.
I need to get up early in the morning and walk the doggie. I want to get back in that groove. That means I have to go to bed before midnight, though. I want to be at work by 6:30-45, which means I've got to get up by 5:00 at the latest. If I'm going to walk the doggie, that means 4:30 at the latest. That's way early
...and I still haven't gotten a coffee pot. I'm going to have to use the big one, I think. I looked while I was out today for a small one, but I didn't find anything that wasn't like $30-40. Not wanting to pay that much for it. I suppose on the way home tomorrow night, since I need to go by the bank to give them my P.O. Box, I'll pick up some filters and some coffee. Even though the caffeine doesn't appear to help me much when I need it the most.
Anyway, the bed is calling. I'm going to finish my water and take myself off to it. Forgot to take my vitamins today. Dammit.
August 9, 2008
Late Evening Update
Spent all day in a gawd awful professional development. Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me. Right about 9-10 in the morning, I crash. Even caffeine and peppermints and getting up and walking around in the fresh air doesn't make things better. It's like an herculean feat to keep my head off the desk. *sigh*
The good thing about today is that my being a mentor gets me a few perks. One of them is that I'll get a small stipend (I better...I have to spend 50 hours/year outside of school with each of my interns. I have two). More importantly, though, the University of Louisville will give me 12 free graduate credits to be used however I want, but to be used within a year.
Of course, I can't use those credits towards my degree in Hattiesburg. I hate to see that much money go to waste. So...I think that means I'll be starting a masters in education administration. Not that I want to be an principal. Not at all. I have absolutely no desire to be a principal, but it could be a good thing. Usually to get into those central office positions, you need that degree or endorsement. I'd really much rather do something in composition and rhetoric, but the only degree available at U of L in comp and rhet is a doc, which ain't happening. I suppose I could contact that department about the possibility of just taking classes.
At any rate, those of you worried about the dissertation, I fully intend to finish it. I'm going to start work right after Labor Day.
A couple of random thoughts:
I was shocked last week at work when I saw teachers smoking on school grounds. I can't remember the last time I was on a campus where smoking was allowed. I saw that as preface to this little bit of confusion...one of the beliefs of my new school is that all adults will be positive role models. Hmmmmmm...given what we know about how bad cigarettes are for you, I'm not sure if smoking would be considered an attribute of a positive role model.
Regardless, when we were talking about appropriate dress for teachers and being role models. Some one brought up the smoking issue and that to them, it is offensive to see teachers smoking. The smoking teachers (including an administrator) pretty much had a fit. The compromise is that the smokers who can't make it through an entire day without smoking will be allowed to smoke on the lower level, outside a far door. So kids don't see them smoking.
What about the rest of the things that go along with smoking? Like all the cigarette butts on the ground. Middle school kids are smart. They're not going to think that some smoking fairy leaves them littering the environment. They're going to know that it's one of those "positive role models" left it there. *sigh*
Why is there even an argument about smoking not only in the building but on the campus. We're responsible for children. We know that smoking is bad for you. Which means we shouldn't be modeling that behavior for children.
Had a tense moment at lunch today, but I don't feel like talking about it today.
Some pictures for you:
Entrance to my new school
Outside of my office
The dishwasher in my office
My Office
My Office
Me at the ballgame in stolen glasses
The New fridge & the old microwave
Inside the new fridge
Blueberry cobbler baked in the new toaster oven
The new toaster oven
The healed tattoo (I think I'm ready to get magnolias on the other side. I really, really, really like the way it looks on my side. There needs to be something on the other side)
Because the tattoo is healed, I was able to take a bath tonight. The water doesn't get super hot. I might see about turning the water heater up tomorrow afternoon so I can remember to turn it down. It was nice to be in the tub. Did the whole shaving the legs thing too. I hate shaving. I really do.
I'm a little sad tonight. Not because I'm here alone because really it's been a good weekend. I know what it is, but I'm not talking about it here.
August 8, 2008
Late Evening Update
Went to the baseball game. Had a good time. I didn't really want to go, but I'm glad I went. My seat was right off of the third base line. Couple of foul balls right in front of me. I elected not to battle the teenagers sitting around me to bring one home. I did, though, get a a cap. It was give away night. Had a couple of beers and watched a good game. $7 for the ticket and $4 for two drinks.
Boys in baseball pants are...wonderful.
Leaving the ball park, I was very tempted to stop in at Stevie Rays for another beer or two. There was live blues coming from in there, but because I did not know if it was a safe place for a single fuzz, I kept on walking. I'm tired, too. I've got to get up and go to a professional development thing in the morning. So. I didn't go to the bar. I made my way home. Probably for the best. Going to a baseball game by myself is one thing. Bar hopping is another.
Although...I used to go to New Orleans by myself all the time. I'm not sure why I think it's really all that different. It's not, is it?
I'm ready to not be tired anymore. I'm going to finish my cocktail, and I'm going to bed. So I can be at work by 8:00. *sigh*
Late Afternoon Update
It was a good day...but I think I got someone in trouble this afternoon. I didn't mean to. I swear. I just wanted an electronic copy of something I needed to retype. That way I could make the edits to it and not have to start from scratch. Well...someone else was supposed to have already handled this problem. And now that someone is in for it. *sigh* Not at all how I wanted to end things with a new coworker. I stressed that to the AP, but who knows how it's going to shake out.
I'm really, really tired. But I'm going out. In just a minute I'm going to change (no idea what I'm going to wear...it's been a really cute day for me, and I'd like to carry that over into the evening...although I don't know exactly what I'm looking for when I'm out. Just to be out, really), feed the puppy, and then I'll be gone.
Gotta do a review for English JOurnal tonight when I get home.
Morning Update
Yesterday was another good day, even though it was long. Today should be good. I hope. I'm already running behind, though. I went to bed early, and I know when the alarm was set to go off. It's a good thing I'm paranoid, and there are multiple alarms. I woke right up when the second one went off.
We're getting our pictures taken today for our staff ID badges. I need to make sure that I'm cute. I mean, that's not hard, but I just need to keep that in my mind when I'm getting ready.
I think today is going to be long and boring at work. We're going to be going through the particulars of the handbook and all of that "stuff". I finally have my laptop, but I don't have anywhere to plug it in and the building isn't wireless. So. I also don't have anywhere to plug in my office phone, which might be more critical than the computer issue. Gonna have to ask someone about that.
My principal apologized to me yesterday. He came into the meeting I was facilitating on Wednesday and just stayed for a little while. Answered a question and then left. Which was fine with me, but he said that he felt like he had kinda thrown me to the wolves so to speak. I didn't feel that, so I tried to reassure him about that.
It's 66 outside right now, and I have to get myself together. I'll try to remember to take my camera with me tonight. I really need my charger, though.
Evening Update
Orientation didn't take nearly as long as I thought it was going to. I was home by 8:00. That's not so bad. I came home and made a salad. I was going to stop and get something, but since it was early enough, I elected to just make salad. Being good. Really good. (I'm going to have my single-serving size of Ben & Jerry's before I go to bed. I'm actually starved right this minute. Not sure what's up with that. Starved. Usually that happens the week before my period. Not during my period.
It was a good day at work again today. I have a lot of work to do this weekend in addition to the KTIP training. A couple of my teachers said that they were really glad I was there, and they said that they really appreciated that I was up until whenever putting together that packet of stuff for them. My principal told me tonight that several of them had come up to him and told him that they were really glad I was there and that he had picked a good one...and to keep doing whatever it is that I'm doing. I still kinda feel like here pretty soon I'm going to fall flat on my face, and they're going to figure out that I don't know all that I should, can't do all that they need me to do. It's that constant fear of failure. *sigh*
Think I'm going to the baseball game tomorrow night. I don't know that I feel much like sitting home alone, even though I'm exhausted. (seriously...going to bed as soon as I finish this...hoping to be there within 15 minutes) At any rate, tomorrow night is Rolling Rock Friday, with beers available for $2 each. There's a concert beforehand and then fireworks after. Fourth Street Live! is also having a free concert tomorrow night, but I don't know how I feel about hanging out in a crowd like that by myself. I get a little freaked out. Too many lessons learned the hard way at the hands of the Xboy.
Will probably stay home Saturday night. Have to get up early Sunday morning and take the car to one of the two firestone locations in this huge city to have the alignment done and the tires rotated/balanced. I've needed to do it since I got here because I know having it on the tow dolly wasn't good for it, and that blow out when the driver's side hit the pavement wasn't the best either.
Then on Sunday, here in Middletown, there's a Beatles tribute band playing. Take one of the camping chairs and just hang out. I don't know if the doggie is allowed to go or not. I don't remember. I'll have to check it out.
I'm ready to go camping. It's supposed be down into the high 50s tonight. Maybe next weekend. I can't wait for fall camping when the leaves are turning. It might be fun for folks to come visit this fall. We could all go camping. My tent is huge. I think I know where it is.
Have I mentioned that the dog hair is driving me insane? Because there's no carpet, keeping on top of it somehow seems harder.
Going to bed now. More tomorrow.
Morning Update
Yesterday was a pretty good day. Today is going to be really, really long. I'll get to come home around 3:30 to let the doggie out, but I have to go back to work by 5:00 for orientation. The 6th grade orientation lasted for 2 1/2 hours, starting at 6. I really am not looking forward to it. It's not mandatory that I be there, but I was asked specifically to be there, which means I need to go.
I wouldn't look for an update tonight if I were you. I just don't see it happening.
Seriously need some caffeine. Or something to help me get awake and stay awake.
Late, Late Evening Update
Ohmigod, I should so be in bed. Why am I not? *sigh* Right now the thing I promised my teachers is printing. It's actually now the 7th because it is after midnight. *sigh*
I had a really good day at school today. The morning sucked, and I had an incredibly difficult time staying awake. I went to the store and bought a bunch of peppermints to keep in my pocket for tomorrow. (peppermint stimulates the neurons in your brain...and the mint wakes you up) The afternoon was really good. I again had to lead a department meeting, and it was good. A couple of teachers were frustrated, and I knew they were going to be. (I just typed "bed" instead of "be"...think that's a clue?) They want to be in their classrooms and getting set up. Understandable. I think, though, that the things we were discussing were valuable, even if it wasn't totally on topic (which was block schedule). We were discussing classroom management strategies, which are important on any teaching schedule, but it's even more important on a block schedule. If you're praying for the end of class at minute 40, it's going to be ugly at minute 63.
Came home and took a hard nap from about 4:15-5:30. Had a delicious dream in there and woke up drooling because I was sleeping so hard.
In other news, I've lost a pants size. I bought a cheap pair of khaki capris to wear with my gold staff shirt, and it's a size smaller than the capris I bought a month ago. Which is just fine with me. The pants I wear to workout in are literally falling off me. When I was at the store buying peppermints, I kept having to hike them up because my ass crack was showing. Some of you know what my diet plan is. Let's just say that it's working. Those of you who don't know what the diet plan is, don't bother asking because I'm not going to tell you. Not because it's a miracle that I want to keep to myself, but just because the motivation isn't all that pure.
I'm going to bed. The dog and cat gave up a long time ago. They are apparently smarter than I am. Tomorrow I have to stay at work for orientation...and I somehow have to fit in a review of an English Journal manuscript. With the move, I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. Ughh. It's going to be another late night. *pout* I'm not going to get to sleep in Saturday because I'm going to have to be at a training at 8:00. Dammit.
Morning Update
Yesterday was a bit of a frustration, and I'm nervous about today. Went to bed with a headache last night because I have to lead our meeting this afternoon, and I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to do. I know that I was told that I should do something with block scheduling and the combined core curriculum document...give the teachers time to put together lessons plans for the first six weeks. I have my ideas about what what those first six weeks should look like, but I don't know if my ideas fit with what the school wants the students and teacher to do.
My Peach stays upstairs, and every morning when I get up to go take a shower, she cries for me and joins me in the bathroom. She doesn't come down stairs, though. *sigh* Down here in the dungeon it's me, the Blackberry, and Cobbler. No Peach in sight. 'berry and Cob are getting along for the most part. Cob wants to play, 'berry hisses now and again but mostly they coexist.
Walked the doggie last night. For the first time in a long time, I managed over 10,000 steps. I'm afraid most of them were walking from my office to the bathroom. *sigh*
I've got to get going. I want to be at work in 45 minutes, and it takes me 15 minutes to get there. Need coffee.
Evening Update
It was a pretty crappy day. Not exactly sure why because on the surface it wsn't bad. I guess it was just the waste of time. I basically sat there all day and did not much. *sigh*
I did, though, put my bookshelf together. I picked up a 3 shelf bookcase at Target last night for $20. It looks surprisingly nice. It did not, though, contain all of my books, so I had to go back to Target tonight and pick up another one. The thing I don't like about it, though, is that flimsy cardboard backing. Two of my bookshelves did not survive the move, so I guesss I'll pick up a copule of those for the house. Or I'll save for the $60 one I liked at Staples. I actually want a couple of the two shelf ones...something like this maybe. If I were talented (and so inclined), I'd just make them myself. Much cheaper. I don't have a saw, though, so I guess that's out.
I'm incredibly tired tonight. I think it's the rain. I will probably be going to bed soon.
Sent most of the address cards out today. Some of you will have them by tomorrow. Others by the weekend.
Have I mentioned that my favorite...accessory...is in its death throes? I have a basket full of them, but there's really only the one that I like. The others will do in a pinch, but...
Made soup tonight. Got a little happy with the hand blender, but it was good. As I was cooking, I realized that my tobasco sauces apparently did not make the trip. *sigh* While the soup is good with out it, the chipotle tobasco makes it better.
One of my very favorite books has been made into a movie. I think I have to go see it. I don't know what I'm doing this weekend, but perhaps I will take myself to the movies.
Morning Update
The first day at school was yesterday.
I woke up on time. Think it was due to the overkill of alarms. I didn't actually crawl out of the bed until 20 til 6, but I had the option. There just aren't enough hours in the day. I was up until a little after midnight. *sigh* The baby gate at the bottom of the stairs feel down around 1:30. It was a terribly loud crash, so I had to getup and fix that.
I think I'm going to have to take up drinking coffee. Something. Actually if I'd get out and walk the dog in the morning, I'm sure that would help, but until that happens, I think I need some caffeinated help. I found my coffee pot, but it's huge, and I'll only drink a cup or two each morning. I think I want a french press. I used to have one. It died a horrible death in my classroom one morning. *sigh*
I hope y'all have a good day today. It's supposed to be gawd-awful hot here today. I'm going to be in a technology training today so I can get my school-issued laptop. Sixth grade orientation is tonight. I don't know if I have to stay for that or not, although I suppose I should be. I don't want to, though.
Evening Update
My fridge is here!!! It's over there in the corner, sitting next to my table, and soon, it will have a toaster oven to complement it. Stupid things are exciting to me. The fridge means that tomorrow night, I will so be cooking some sausage, pepper, and black bean soup. With with that whole start of the period thing, I could definitely use some good for me comfort food. Particularly since I've decided to get serious about that whole diet thing.
I started today with the food journal because you know, they say that's what successful dieters do. They write down everything that goes in their mouths so they get an idea of what they're truly eating. I'd say the only not so good thing I ate today would be the potato salad with dinner. I could have made a better choice there...and I started to. But the salad was turning clear. Ick.
Walked the doggie tonight. We were gone about 25 minutes. Tomorrow I'll remember to bring water for her and I'll wear the right shoes. There's a lake back there. Someone was standing on the banks fishing. Some lovely, huge houses back there. This is an expensive neighborhood...even the part where I am, which is older. Picked up a flyer for a house that is for sale, and it's listed at $185,000...and in need of work.
I need to get to bed. So very tired.
Did y'all notice the fuzzy pink typewriter in the address bar now? It should be there. Shows up for me. I need to go through and put it on every page now. Ugh. That's going to take some doing.
Mid-Afternoon Update
It's always interesting to step into the middle of district politics. You know that they exist everywhere, but I guess I was hoping I wouldn't get thrust into it right this minute. It sucks a little because at this stage of the game, I'm not exactly sure who I can trust or who I should believe. You know?
My cellphone does not work inside the school building. That really sucks. It's apparently an AT&T thing because I've seen other folks with their phones out, checking messages, etc. I suppose there are worse things than being unable to send text messages during the day, huh?
I need to do a bunch of searching tonight on block schedule. Apparently the teachers here are pretty uneasy about how to teach effectively on a block schedule. It seems to me that a lot of them are going to be a little stuck with regards to how much they can actually make curricular decisions because of the programs that the district has decided will be used.
I'm only staying until 3:00. I haven't had a lunch today, and I'm starving. Plus there's really nothing for me to do here since I can't hook up to the internet. If I could, I'd be looking for some block schedule resources. I need to go check the mail, and I need to stop by a store and pick up some things for my office.
I remembered that I had a plug-in stashed in the trunk of the car, so it's smelling a bit better in here. The stench is due to the fact that they've been cleaning all summer long and the floors just recently got waxed.
This school is really big. Really, really big. I took a few pictures the other day when we were in. I'll unload them from the camera tonight after I take pictures of my living area so y'all can see what's what. I got lost in the building earlier, though. I needed to make my way north (upstairs) to visit a teacher. Then I thought there must be some sort of short-cut to getting back down stairs. I took the wrong one. A lovely custodian set me straight, and I made my way back to where I wanted to be.
I was way over-dressed for today. I didn't know. (I wore the new skirt and a v-neck t-shirt, along with my black flipflops) People in shorts and ratty clothes. I suppose I will know to adjust for tomorrow accordingly. I'm thinking maybe my green khakis and a white t-shirt. Although...that depends on which bras are clean. I need to do laundry tonight. I really needed to do it last night, but I didn't know if Toni was done with hers or not.
Mid-Morning Update
I think my meeting this morning went well. It felt like it did. Lots of off-topic talk, which was OK, I guess, because we were supposed to be pretty informal. Once again, I am reminded that as the facilitator in charge of things, it is my job to keep the conversation rolling. I can see where that might be a problem a time or two. The meeting lasted a little longer than I wanted it to, but then again, we got started late. If you figure everything in, I suppose we were only in there for an hour.
My "office" is hot as hell. I need to get a fan to plug in here. I think it's that hot because there isn't an air conditioner in here. There's an air vent, but I don't know yet if anything has been turned on building-wide. I also need to get a chair. I'm sitting on a rather gross little folding thing right this minute. A tension rod and a curtain for the window between my office and the classroom next door. Some material to cover the green chalk board. I'm thinking maybe a Mardi Gras theme since I have this whole big bag of Mardi Gras beads sitting on my floor. My walls are cinder block, so I'm not sure about how to attach anything to them. I was going to bring in a couple of my pictures, etc, but there's no way to hang them. I might go with a couple of panels of material just to break up the monotony of the walls. I need to bring in a plug-in because it smells in here too. I have my stress relief candle sitting on the corner of my desk, but it's not doing a whole lot of good. (It's not lit. I forgot the lighter at the house)
I'm not really sure what it is that I'm supposed to be doing here. I have a meeting at noon. If I could leave and go get some supplies that would be great, but I don't know if that's allowed. I don't know a lot. It's kind of intimidating to be new like this...with everyone going in six different directions.
Morning Update
I overslept this morning. I wanted to be at school by 7:00. Now it's going to be by 8:00.
So angry right now. I knew I should have stayed up last night. My head hurt too bad, though. I didn't even hear the alarm go off. I'm not sure what woke me up right at 6:00, but thank goodness for whatever it was.
My period has finally started, too.
It's going to be a great fucking day. I can tell.
August 2, 2008
Evening Update
I spent most of the day shopping. I hate shopping. It was, however, a fairly successful shopping day, I think. How successful, you ask? Well.
Found a pair of brown dress shoes on clearance for $15. (they were on my list) A fisherman's type basket to put the modem and router in. It's not the solution I would have liked, but it's the best I got. The wires are still there and are still a mess but the biggest part of it is taken care of. Groceries. Groceries were not fun. I must have wandered around the store for two hours trying to find what I thought I wanted. There are good grocery stores here, and that's a good thing.
The big news, though, is that I've found the toaster oven and the fridge. I think I'm getting a good deal on both of them. (I haven't bought either one of them yet. The fridge is Monday and the toaster oven will be when it comes in) The toaster oven is on sale for $49.99 and I have a 15% off coupon for it. It's a Hamilton Beach, extra large capacity. The fridge is $169, on sale for 20% off...with an additional 10% off coupon. 4.4 cubic feet with a freezer and a veggie crisper. Not bad, I think. My new friend Barb is going to come over with her Jeep Grand Cherokee so I can get it to the house. Lowes wanted lots and lots of money for delivery. If I were still in Hattiesburg, I probably could have promised the boy cookies and he would would have taken care of it for me. Cuz he's a sweet boy like that.
I meant to buy a trash can today, but I forgot. I looked at printers, but am hoping the paper tomorrow has some better deals. What with back to school and all.
Took a little drive this evening. Just went east out 60. It really is beautiful country up here. Lots of horse farms. Rolling hills and horses in manicured pastures. I also passed the location for the 2008 Ryder Cup. If y'all want to come watch some golf, come on up. You can sleep on my floor. Or on the couch. Or in the bed with me. If you're the right person. Strange enough, I rode by the Claudia Sanders Dinner House. Now you know damn good and well that here before too long, I'm gonna have to go out there and have fried chicken. I'm just sayin'.
I stopped to buy gas because it was 20 cents/gallon cheaper 10 miles down the road than it is here in town. Funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life happened there. A Ferrari pulled in while I was pumping gas. I was trying to pay it cool and not like some hick who had never seen such a sweet car before, so I continued to wash Esteban's windows (he needs a bath, I know). When I came around to the back, I noticed an extremely obese man trying to wedge himself into the driver's seat of the Ferrari. When I say "extremely obese", I mean EXTREMELY obese. At least 400 pounds. I couldn't help but stare. It truly was amazing to watch him maneuver himself into that teeny, tiny space. I waited until he was roaring away to laugh hysterically. You've never seen anything as funny as a fat man, one hand on his belly, trying to lift it around the steering wheel, another on the top of the windshield, wiggling himself into place, his face getting red from the exertion. So very funny. Big ol' belly laughs.
I almost forgot that I got a mani/pedi. The manicure is pretty crappy. I'll be redoing it tomorrow night. As soon as I figure out where the nail polish was packed. In thinking about it, that was a huge chunk of my time today.
While I was getting my nails done, there were quite a few challenged young ladies getting their nails done. One of the young ladies (probably in her late 30s, I'd guess) was blind; another had Down's Syndrome and had to have help counting her money; yet another girl just kept saying she wanted green polish, green, green, green polish.
OK. I have to go to bed. My puppy is passed out on the sunflower rug (remind me to tell you about her tomorrow), my kitten is trying to snuggle into my lap, and I'm feeling quite the bit giggly.
August 1, 2008
Evening Update
I can't believe that it's already August 1. There's so much to get done. Good grief.
Today was another crappy day. On top of it all, I (and some other teachers in the group) were severely reprimanded by a facilitator. Today was the last day of a week of essentially wasted time, and while the information they were giving us was at times incredibly important...you reach a saturation point. There's a reason why professional conferences are usually only set up for 2-3 days of concurrent sessions. It's because even if the information is engaging, you can only process so much at a time. Almost everyone in that room today had hit that point.
At any rate, while being bored to tears by a presenter who didn't give us handouts and was using extremely dense powerpoint slides. I broke out the cellphone and started deleting old messages. This harridan came over and told me to put my phone away. Now. So I did.
She happened to be facilitating the session I was in next. Long, narrow room. Four teachers at the front of it. Four teachers not using their teacher voices. So...most of the room was lost. The hag at one point reprimanded three young women because they were having a quiet side conversation. At another point, she said, "I hope you're all paying attention because the statistics say that within 3 years, 50% of you won't be here in this room, and that 50% will probably be those of you who aren't paying attention."
She wrapped the session up by taking all of us task by saying, "I've been really disappointed this year by the number of people who aren't paying attention. I see them on their phones sending text messages and playing games. Or reading books, magazines, and newspapers." One woman next to Barb and I stood up and said, "I've been teaching 8 years. You seem to forget that we're not all brand new teachers and for a lot of us, this information isn't pertinent or relevant." Several others chimed in..."I've been teaching 24 years..." or "I've been teaching 6 years..." or...
And what does the power-mad harpie do? She says, "Well in my classroom when someone tells me that what I'm presenting doesn't apply to them, I say, 'well if you know so much, why don't you teach it to us.'"
If you could have just hard the sarcasm dripping from her voice. So infuriating.
When instruction falls flat...when students or participants are not engaged...that means that the instructor or facilitator needs to reflect on what they're doing in the classroom setting and try to figure out how to make it better. It's not always the students' fault when they're off-task. Maybe it's just because they haven't been given a good enough reason to engage. "Because I said so..." doesn't work with kids; it doesn't work any better with adults.
Had some great Persian food downtown this evening. Did not stay around for First Friday, which was kinda disappointing. That's OK. There's always the next time.
Have a bunch of shopping to do tomorrow. After my hour at the Gheens Center. Need to go to Kohl's, Lowes/Home Depot, Office Max, and the grocery store. Also must get a mani/pedi. My hands and feet are in terrible shape. And a pet bed for the dog. She's sleeping on the floor next to my bed...right on top of the clothes I drop on the floor. The floor is concrete, so I imagine that's going to be cold come the winter time.
The PSB is telling me that in a month, he's going to fly up here and see me. The thought kind of amuses me. He couldn't make the time to drive an hour and a half to see me when I was in the state of Mississippi, but he's going to somehow find an entire weekend AND he's going to pay $500 for a flight? I find the idea amusing, and I will totally not believe it until I see him at the airport. I really don't even know that I want him to come. It's the same ambivalence as ever.
I think my three-week late period is about to start. (Don't worry kids...no babies here. You must first have sex in order to have babies) Needed something sweet this evening. Wanted chocolate, but that wasn't available. There's chocolate here somewhere, but figuring out where the hell it is might take longer than my life is going to last. I need to find the vitamins, too. No clue where they're hiding. I take way too many to go and purchase all of them again. Dammit.
Anyway. It's way late. I need to go to bed.
Last Updated September 2, 2008
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