August 2007

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Daily Wonderings

August 2007

August 27, 2007

Tired again tonight. Went out to Polly's and did a whole bunch more laps...in the rain. It was a pretty nice evening. The water was just the right temp, although it seems like the rain created some nice wave action in the pool. I did 15 laps to begin with and then kept kinda doggie paddling slowly for another hour or so. Did some pull-ups on the diving board, etc.

Did y'all do a little dance when you heard that Gonzales had resigned from the Justice Department. Good freakin' lord. Was it about time, or what? The man was incredibly incompetent, and he was further dragging the administration down. If that's possible. It seems, though, that this administration is a bit on the cancerous side, and that people get leave it in order to save themselves when they just can't take it anymore, lest they wind up like Scooter Libby. I don't know if any of that makes sense or not. I don't want to use the same tired cliches of rats leaving a sinking ship, but I suppose that's exactly what it is.

The month is almost over, and I'm once again asking myself what the heck I'm doing. I don't know the answer to that. I suppose eventually I have to figure it out. This inertia has to eventually break.

There's a lot that I want to say, but right this minute I can't figure out how to put it all into words. I'm all jumbled. Perhaps because of the lunar eclipse. Maybe due to the upcoming anniversary of Katrina. Maybe due to a rather icky situation with the writing project.

Interesting article about the impact of global warming on one of my very favorite things--wine. I like me some pinot noir...and I like the higher alcohol contents. But. I've not made up my mind about global warming. I don't know if it's really a problem or just another cycle that we're going through. You know that I read that book Collapse last year, right? I just don't quite know what to believe about it.

I'm itchy. I think that perhaps it's time for me to stop using the lovely scented soap from BBW and go back to my oatmeal Aveno.

Also some interesting articles about mothers and daughters and body image. I'm fat. And I'm OK with my body. I wish it were smaller, and I keep thinking that I have to change that. But I'm not ashamed of the person I am in this world. I don't feel like I'm less because I'm more. Even with its flaws, my body is perfect the way it is...and someone's idea of what it should be doesn't really come into play for me. I'm not sure where that has come from, but I'm glad it's here.

And I think that's it for tonight.

August 26, 2007

I'm tired. Went out to Polly's and lounged in the pool for quite awhile. I did a whole bunch of laps, but I also just hung out on the edge of the pool and finally finished Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.

Gotta say that I didn't really like the way the book ended. The beginning of it was great--the detail about how the girls' lives progressed, the information about foot binding. I kept wanting much more from Lily than she was giving. I wanted her to transcend this inferiority thing that she had going on. I wanted more understanding coming out of her, and for some reason...even at the end, even when she's supposed to be this wise, elderly woman, she's still not really getting it. I wanted much more depth from her, and the author just didn't get to that point. Interesting story, though.

Haven't done any cooking tonight...or today. I'm thinking that I'm probably going to be spending quite a bit of time at the pool the next couple of days so cooking isn't really high on my list of priorities. I'm thinking sandwiches will be the order of the day for dinner. Or cheap frozen pizza.

I've been a bit discontent this weekend. I know the reason why that's happened. Hopefully it's over with since I have put that away for the week. Then again, it is almost another month down the drain, and I'm still here. *sigh*

I need to register for class. Gotta take one hour per semester or I have to reapply.

August 23, 2007

I've almost finished all of the left-overs. I still have zucchini and squash to eat, although not much now. I did, however, make chicken fried steak this evening to go with the left overs that I still had. Good stuff. Now I have chicken fried steak left overs.

There hasn't been anything exciting lately. Other than the fact that for once, instead of having to throw away left-overs, I ate them all. Good for me.

I've been meaning to update the site, but it seems that every night I'm talking to the PSB for an hour or two. (not that I'm complaining mind you...just in case he's reading) When I get off the phone with him, I'm just tired, so it's usually about all I can do to haul myself to the bed. It's a good thing that he's on Cingular too. All of the calls are mobile-to-mobile minutes. I did have to change my text message plan, though. *grin*

I'm feeling like I need to run away and join the circus this weekend. The walls are a little close right now. The problem is the puppy, though. I need to take her with me, but what bar lets you bring your doggie in with you? *sigh* I'll have to think about that some more. I'm feeling restless. I think it's something astrological going on.

What do y'all think about Michael Vick's plea deal? I'm not sure that there should have ever been any doubt that he was guilty. It seemed like it fits that "thug lifestyle" type thing he had going on. I don't know how long he should spend in jail; I don't know if he should be given an opportunity to redeem himself with another shot at playing pro-football. I don't know that he will get that shot, though. Sports in general has a really black eye right now, and if it's going to continue to be something that people want to spend their money on, then it needs to work at clearing that black eye. Vick has apparently violated the NFL code of conduct, and since he lied about doing so, I imagine it's not going to go well for him.

So, I had a revelation on Monday or Tuesday. I know who the TB is dating (I didn't go into all the details here, but it's a bit of a long story). Recall that the TB is 40. He's dating a 22 year old. Yeah how long you think that's going to last? I giggled and giggled and giggled and giggled about that one. It's a bit of perspective, you know?

And speaking of such things...it's interesting the things that guys say when they want to get in your pants. Like the TB told me that he wanted someone that he could carry on an intelligent conversation with, someone that he could debate, someone who was smart. Yeah. OK. Again...much giggling. But when he said it to me, I totally believed it...because why would he lie? Why would any of them lie? Stupid girl.

In other interesting news, I don't know how many of you remember the boy who came into work and took me to lunch to thank me for all of my help...that I didn't give him. Anyway, he said at that lunch that he wanted to call me some time, take me to lunch again. I said OK. But then he never called. Until yesterday. Yesterday he called to talk to me--not my boss--just me. And to ask me if it would be OK to call back in a month, when he was back on days, so he could take me to lunch. Ummmmm...OK. Guys now plan dates at least a month in advance? OK. It was again one of those very giggly moments. I seem to have those quite frequently these days. I do have to say, though, I can't quite seem to stop thinking about his biceps. Scrumptious.

My puppy got her foot caught in the crate last night. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it scared the hell out of me. I was panicked, she was crying. Bad scene. I guess I need to start saving my pennies to buy her one of those other types of crates (we have the car carrier kind). Being a decent parent of a fur-baby is hard. *sigh* All that damn responsibility.

There was probably something else that I needed to tell y'all, but I'm tired and it's after midnight. I need to go to bed.

Oh...I'm supposed to remind you that there's a quilt show in Reno the same weekend as the Balloon Races. Sner says they have some really good stuff.

August 19, 2007

I'm just about full as as a tick. Good lord. I finally decided to make pork chops. I've been wanting them for a really, really long time, but I just couldn't convince myself to go ahead and make them. So...fried pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, zucchini and yellow squash, green beans, and there's still a peach cobbler. All so very good. This of course means I have a ton of left-overs to eat. Y'all know how I feel about left-overs. Ughhh. Make sure you remind me to eat the left-overs.

Played in the pool yesterday and had probably way too much to drink. That's Ok, though. It was a good time.

I've been fascinated by Ice Road Truckers on the History Channel. What a nerve-wracking job. I think part of the reason why I like the show so much has to do with the accents of the boys. *grin* Fascinating.

Cobbler has been eating the baseboard. Blackberry is right behind the crate and she likes to reach through and bat Cobbler now and again. Cob spends the time between swats by chewing on the baseboard. *sigh* What the hell? And when I was in the kitchen earlier, she was right at my feet and wouldn't leave me. Interesting. Very loyal little girlie.

I've been drinking Mimosas all day long. There was a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Left over from New Years I think. I remembered that champagne doesn't get better if you let it age, so I decided to pop that thing open and have at it. It's been a pleasant way to spend the day. *grin* The first one about kicked my ass, though. Wow.

It looks like we've really dodged a bullet with Hurricane Dean. I have to say that last Friday when the one model showed it coming in to LA, I was very nervous. I think everyone in these parts was. It's been two years since Katrina, and there's a great deal of fatigue. You'd think this far out with everything really getting back to normal in MS, the fatigue would lift, but I think it only gets worse. It's like now we have things rebuilt and we're cruising along. But. If another storm...one like Katrina or one like Dean...comes through the Gulf, then it's like all that work is for naught. Plus, I think a lot of people still haven't dealt with all of the "stuff" they had going on because of Katrina. In the aftermath of Katrina, all you could do was put things back together. No time to think about what all of it meant. Even now...I keep thinking that I need to go do something with that writing I did during Katrina, but I really don't want to even go back and look at that...deal with the fear and the uncertainty. So it just sits there.

I'm tired.

Anyone catch any of the Democratic debate this morning on ABC? I am seriously tired of debates. Are we learning anything new in each successive debate? Are the questions changing all that much? Are the answers? And who decided that we needed all of these debates? Did we have them last time around? Or is it because we've drawn out the campaign timeline and moved up primaries that there's now an incredible amount of time to fill? Whatever it is, I'm tired of it and tuning out. Am I the only one who isn't going to really care much until the race comes to my state?

August 16, 2007

I'm tired. I was supposed to be in Jackson with the PSB last night, but he unexpectedly had to work an overnight shift. I decided to go by myself. I'm usually pretty hesitant to go to a bar by myself, but I started thinking about it...I say that I travel by myself because if I wait for someone to go with me, then I'll wait the rest of my life. It struck me if I wait for someone to go to a show with me, then I may wait the rest of my life. I really like PorterDavis. I wanted to see them. I was lookin' smokin' hot. You can't let energy like that go to waste. So I went.

And I had a blast. I might have made out with a couple of different guys. I might have let several boys buy my drinks. I might have had a couple of shots of Goldschlager for the first time in 13 years (some of you will be familar with the Goldschlager story). Yeah. Had a really, really good time. Didn't make it back home until about 3:30.

PorterDavis was awesome. If they're coming to your town, you should make the effort to get out and see them.

I picked up a t-shirt at the show, but it's a boy's shirt. I'm thinking that I want to see about altering it a little bit. Maybe putting a couple of darts in it to make it more girly rather than looking like a boy's shirt. I have a shirt that I think I'm going to practice on first. I was poking around online, and it doesn't look like it would be that big of a deal...a couple of darts down the front? Even though all of the stuff that I was looking at said it's hard to get darts too not pucker. Hmmmmm....

I need to go to bed. Three hours of sleep doesn't cut it.

August 13, 2007

Head still hurting. And now I have that whole nausea thing going on as well. I think the nausea is tied to a period that is about to start. I have that whole heaviness thing going on, and while I haven't counted, I think I'm probably a little off-track...like a few months ago. Whatever is going on, I really wish it would go away. Not something I need right this moment in my life. Ya know?

Can't decide what I'm going to wear Wednesday night. I did go out and buy a lovely pair of red peep-toe pumps today. Like them a lot. Will wear them to work tomorrow to get them broken in.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate shopping?

It's hot. Very, very hot. Did y'all see that there are now two storms brewing in the Gulf and that Atlantic? That doesn't make me too happy, but I suppose that it's not supposed to make me happy. If anything comes this way, I'm heading for Atlanta (you reading this Betsy?)

Just did a little political work for a friend's campaign. Funny that's something that has never really interested me. I'll say more about it after the election is over with, but it's been kinda cool to watch small town politics at work. I get a bird's eye view of it at work because my bosses work at the pleasure of the county boards of supervisors, which means that they can't get too attached to one because who knows when it's going to change?

Y'all see that Karl Rove has resigned? That makes me happy. The only uneasy thing is that the rumor is he will be headed to Fred Thompson's campaign. I don't know if Thompson needs the kind of baggage that Turd Blossom brings to the table, despite his considerable skill as a political strategist.

I need to go to bed. There were things I didn't get done today that I needed to.

August 12, 2007

My head is killing me. I think that's becaues the deadline for chapter one of dissertation is looming, and I haven't written anything. There's a lot to do this week, but I'll figure out something to get it done.

I guess I haven't been feeding my puppy enough. It's a problem when she's walking around with her fud dish in her mouth. I swear I've been feeding her. She won't let me not feed her.

Speaking of my puppy, we have not been on a walk in awhile. It's been so incredibly hot here...100 even at 8:00-9:00 at night that I don't think it's the best idea to take my girlie out in it. Makes her feel a little on the frisky side, though. *sigh*

Went to a 25th anniversary party last night that involved a shrimp boil. Had a really good time. Shortly after I arrived, wound up with this little friend:

I don't know that I've ever really spent any time looking at dragonflies. They somehow have this fanciful image associated with them (I have dragonfly lights that I could hang on my porch, I know that some folks apparently like to get dragonflies as part of their tattoos), but in really looking at them, they're ugly, frightening things. Look at the mouth on that sucker! It's like something out of a horror movie. Maybe that's part of the evil plan. Maybe the dragonflies are lulling us into complacency and then they're gonna start with the flesh eating. Or something like that.

What's the big news since I haven't been here in awhile? I'm going to call about a possible adjunct teaching gig at PRCC. Maybe a class or two. It would be a very little money and some teaching experience at another level. I don't know that I need to take on another responsibility, but what the heck. Not gonna get excited about it because you know what my experience has been with regard to jobs and the local higher ed market. That reminds me that I need to update my vita. *sigh*

Other big news is that I asked a boy out on a date. And he said yes. *grin* I anticipate that Wednesday night is going to be a long one if for no other reason than my date is in Jackson. This boy already has a name. He's the PS Boy. Not tellin' ya what the PS stands for. Heh. Won't even tell you if you've guessed correctly. I think it's going to be a good time. We're going to go somewhere for dinner...his choice, my treat since I asked...and then we're going to see PorterDavis. Or at least that's the plan. I'm hoping it all goes well. Can't believe I'm so nervous about it. *grin*

Blackberry is trying to kick Cobbler's ass from behind the crate. *sigh* She's sticking her paw through the gap and swatting at the puppy's nose. Puppy isn't doing anything to provoke it...Blackberry is just feeling frisky. Go Blackberry!

August 6, 2007

I totally forgot that I was supposed to make cookies this past weekend. So, I'm just now finishing up with 8 dozen chocolate chip pecan cookies. Most of which will be taken to the Lamar county courthouse tomorrow night to be served as refreshments for the poll workers. I said I'd go, but I really don't want to. Just planning on dropping things off and then coming on home...so I can some dissertation work.

So. I'm not mad at the TB anymore. Still hurt, but that will soon fade. I just need a little while to be upset and hurt and then it fades. Doesn't mean that if he were to show up tomorrow and say he was an ass and he'd made a mistake, I'd welcome him back with open arms...like I said, I'd rather gnaw off my own hand. Just that I don't want to hang on to the negativity.

I don't know exactly how I feel like Barry Bonds being tied with Aaron. Personally I don't like Bonds. I never have. I'm also more than a little disgusted by the whole steroids thing. Bonds wouldn't be at this point if he weren't taking steroids. He was undoubtedly a good player before he started taking drugs, but he just wasn't that good.

My back is killing me. All of that moving around of furniture by myself is tough. I should have gotten in the tub, but I was busy baking cookies. I should have gone to Polly's and gotten in the pool, but again...baking cookies. I think that on Wednesday, I'll go to Polly's. Me and the puppy...maybe pick up a pizza or something?

Thank goodness! Oliver the monkey has been returned to the Tupelo zoo. He escaped a week or so ago. Smart ass little monkey, though.

Read a couple of different articles about New Orleans today. It just breaks my heart. The article in Time Magazine about restoring the coastal wetlands and protecting the city is rather strident...but good. And the one about the water system just makes me want to scream. The thing is...when it comes to infrastructure, New Orleans' water and sewer system is not alone. I mean, in Petal (a community just over the river form us here in Hattiesburg), the sewer system was so neglected that in some places, there was no pipe left. Sewage was running through channels in the ground. The Minnesota bridge collapse illustrates the great need for funneling money into our infrastructure, but it's more than bridges and roads. It's also our water and sewer systems...all of those things my bosses design.

I'm kinda sad that I'm not getting a classroom ready to go right now. I don't know if I want the day to day hassles of teaching...ever again...but I do miss that first of the year excitement. Seeing all the students, getting going and getting started. I had a horrible experience last year, but it's a lot bittersweet to be a part of all of the excitement that so many of my friends are experiencing.

Anyway. It's late and I need to get to bed so I can walk my doggie since I won't get a chance to do it tomorrow night.

August 5, 2007

So, I drove myself around the world last night because I was upset and needed to think. Didn't get back to the house until about 8:00 this morning. Slept until around 1:00. and about 3:30, I was headed to Meridian to see the Gypsy Graves.

I like cemeteries to begin with, so it was an interesting little trip not far away. I'd read another article that said the cemetery was filled with heirloom roses, but I didn't see very many of those. Parts of the cemetery seemed well-cared for, and others seemed like they were much more neglected. Not a lot of heirloom roses.

I left a ring on the Queen's grave. One of the ones painted by Grandma Alex. I never wear them, and I have a ton of them. I thought long and hard about it, but wound up leaving it anyway. Supposedly if you ask a question and leave a gift, the next morning, you'll wake up knowing the answer...courtesy of the queen. I'll take what I can get, considering how awful the last two weeks have been.

I took Cobbler with me. She had a good time trying to drag me around the cemetery (was very good and didn't poo or pee on any graves). I forgot to take her choke collar with me. She did puke as soon as she got back in the car, but I chalk that up to it being hotter than hell while she was trying to strangle herself.

I tried to set up a photo album, but that requires a whole lot of work. That I didn't want to do tonight. Maybe tomorrow night or some other time this week.

I'm still upset and hurt about the conversation that I had last night. I sent out a call to the men in my life that I trust, and I heard from two of the three today. Their responses were exactly what I knew they were going to be. It's interesting that while one of them gave me the response I knew he would, he is as big a part of the problem as the nameless boy and the TB are. Just like I'm not the girl for the TB and the nameless boy and all of the others in between...I'm not the girl for him either. Even though he loves me and thinks I'm nothing short of incredible. (sound familiar? yeah, sounds familiar to me too)

And why do boys tell you that if you ever need anything, to give them a call? That they'll be there for you...just after they've wounded you? I was told that last night. I said that I'd be highly unlikely to take him up on the offer, but what I wanted to say was that if I were in handcuffs and was desperate for help, I'd rather gnaw my own hand off than call him for help. I have a little pride...apparently very little...and I just wouldn't do that. I didn't call Dax when he told me the same thing. I don't know who exactly I would call if I needed male help.

I just wish I understood why.

Scared the hell out of myself when I took the baby out for the last time. Apparently a snake was hiding amongst the pothos that is trying to eat the porch. I screamed, the boys from across the street came running.

August 4, 2007

I decided to move the bed so I could vacuum all the cat hair that seems to collect under it, and then I decided that it was time to rearrange the room. It's been that way for 3 years. So I changed it. I don't quite know that I like it. I tried to apply a few feng shui principles to the rearrangement, which means I had to move the dresser. I need to go get some material to make drapes to cover the blinds behind the headboard because apparently according to feng shui, the bed should not be near windows. And it needs to be a warm skintone color to balance the coolness of the green bedding. I need another nightstand, too...so as to balance the room and invite a partner into the room.

You also should not sleep under a ceiling fan, but I'm not giving that up. Did you know that you're supposed to close all the doors in your bedroom when you sleep? Closet doors, doors to the room, adjoining bathroom doors? Interesting. Very interesting.

I read my horoscope today and it said that because of the planetary alignment, now was a good time for manifestation...and htat it was time to be very careful about telling the universe what you want because what we put out there this weekend, is likely to return to us. I don't know if I really believe in manifestation. I've tried. I've pictured myself having the job that I want, going through th emotions of a good interview, doing the job, enjoying what I'm doing, etc. I've pictured a happy relationship and have concentrated on it, but nothing every happens.

So this is what I want: I want work that fulfills and sustains me--emotionally, physically, mentally, monetarily. I want a relationship that is filled with respect and caring, with someone who respects me and is willing to work towards what is best for both of us. I want to finish this degree.

I'm going to focus my thoughts on that for awhile and see where it takes me.

I went to Laurel with Beth and Mark this afternoon. We saw the Linda McCartney photos that were on exhibit. Wow. Some really great pictures. It's hard to believe that she had no formal training. She just took pictures. I lke to think that every once in awhile, I'm in the right place at the right time, and I get a good shot.

Why do men suck so awfully? I just had one of the top five worst conversations of my life. What the hell is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? To end the agony, I say that I understand and it's OK. The problem is that I don't understand. I don't understand at all. I don't get it. I don't understand. I feel like such incredible trash right now, like I'm just a throw-away and I don't matter.

August 3, 2007

It's actually the 4th, but I'm not going to quibble about the dates. Tonight, I finished getting the Daily Wonderings done and I did a bunch of the teaching stuff. I suppose that tomorrow I'll get to the rest of the teaching stuff. And maybe some pictures. Perhaps the cooking stuff would be easier to handle.

Spent the evening at the nameless boy's parents, watching a movie with him. He had surgery to have his left shoulder reconstructed on Thursday and sent me a text asking me to come by and visit him. So, I went over. Because I'm a sweet girl.

I have some other things to talk about, but it's 1:30 in the morning. Very tired and I have things to do tomorrow.

August 1, 2007

Hard to believe that another month has gone by. Not all that pleased about it, but I suppose there's not much to be done about it.

I'm watching Respect Yourself: The Story of Stax Records on PBS. I forget about all of the really good stuff that happens on PBS when I'm not reminded of it. The only reason why I'm watching this tonight is because I saw an article in the NYT. Go figure.

I'd say that there's not a lot to say tonight, but you know, every time I say that, it seems like I wind up rambling for pages. So, right this minute it seems like I don't have a lot to say but let me write for awhile to see where we go.

I've decided that I'm going to have chapter 1 of my dissertation written by August 20th. That's when USM goes back. Chapter 1 is only like 15 pages. I think I can do that. I was going to get started on it tonight, but I had to write an article review for a journal, which about broke my heart. I didn't want to say yes, but I couldn't find a good reason to say no.

Y'all know that I'm not a big fan of the death penalty. I have a huge problems with it, and this article is more reason for all of us to ask some serious questions about the way the death penalty is administrated in this country. I'd really like to read the entire article. I may have to go up to USM in the next couple of days, find the journal and make a copy of the article so I can take a look at it, read it in more depth because you can't really evaluate something like this without taking a look at the methodology.

We didn't go for a walk tonight. It was raining. Some awful thunderstorms again this afternoon.

I'm working on some spaghetti sauce for tomorrow night's potluck dinner. I was gonna make carnitas, but there's supposed to be around 20 people there. I didn't have enough pork for that. Didn't really want to make spaghetti. I guess we're going to try to do a spaghetti fundraising dinner. I suppose I can consider tomorrow night a trial run.

Did y'all see the bridge collapse in Minnesota? How terrifying. My initial reaction is that I'm glad that I don't have to drive over any bridges any time soon. I was challenged on that, and I have to say that in fact, I won't have to drive over any bridges in the coming days. I can get to work and the store without ever crossing a bridge. That won't last, though. If I want to go out to Beth's or over to Polly's, I have to use a bridge. And that's OK, but I don't have to do it any time soon. I can't go all that far, but I can get where I need to go without a bridge. Wonder what Jason is going to say tomorrow (civil engineers design bridges).

I'm thinking about going to Meridian on Sunday to visit the cemetery that has the graves of a gypsy king and queen. And to see some of their carousel horses. Actually, that gives me a great idea. Hmmmmm....Yeah, might have to go. If I get some reading done.

I suppose I really didn't have much to say tonight after all. Sorry.

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August 27, 2007

Tired again tonight. Went out to Polly's and did a whole bunch more laps...in the rain. It was a pretty nice evening. The water was just the right temp, although it seems like the rain created some nice wave action in the pool. I did 15 laps to begin with and then kept kinda doggie paddling slowly for another hour or so. Did some pull-ups on the diving board, etc.

Did y'all do a little dance when you heard that Gonzales had resigned from the Justice Department. Good freakin' lord. Was it about time, or what? The man was incredibly incompetent, and he was further dragging the administration down. If that's possible. It seems, though, that this administration is a bit on the cancerous side, and that people get leave it in order to save themselves when they just can't take it anymore, lest they wind up like Scooter Libby. I don't know if any of that makes sense or not. I don't want to use the same tired cliches of rats leaving a sinking ship, but I suppose that's exactly what it is.

The month is almost over, and I'm once again asking myself what the heck I'm doing. I don't know the answer to that. I suppose eventually I have to figure it out. This inertia has to eventually break.

There's a lot that I want to say, but right this minute I can't figure out how to put it all into words. I'm all jumbled. Perhaps because of the lunar eclipse. Maybe due to the upcoming anniversary of Katrina. Maybe due to a rather icky situation with the writing project.

Interesting article about the impact of global warming on one of my very favorite things--wine. I like me some pinot noir...and I like the higher alcohol contents. But. I've not made up my mind about global warming. I don't know if it's really a problem or just another cycle that we're going through. You know that I read that book Collapse last year, right? I just don't quite know what to believe about it.

I'm itchy. I think that perhaps it's time for me to stop using the lovely scented soap from BBW and go back to my oatmeal Aveno.

Also some interesting articles about mothers and daughters and body image. I'm fat. And I'm OK with my body. I wish it were smaller, and I keep thinking that I have to change that. But I'm not ashamed of the person I am in this world. I don't feel like I'm less because I'm more. Even with its flaws, my body is perfect the way it is...and someone's idea of what it should be doesn't really come into play for me. I'm not sure where that has come from, but I'm glad it's here.

And I think that's it for tonight.

August 26, 2007

I'm tired. Went out to Polly's and lounged in the pool for quite awhile. I did a whole bunch of laps, but I also just hung out on the edge of the pool and finally finished Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.

Gotta say that I didn't really like the way the book ended. The beginning of it was great--the detail about how the girls' lives progressed, the information about foot binding. I kept wanting much more from Lily than she was giving. I wanted her to transcend this inferiority thing that she had going on. I wanted more understanding coming out of her, and for some reason...even at the end, even when she's supposed to be this wise, elderly woman, she's still not really getting it. I wanted much more depth from her, and the author just didn't get to that point. Interesting story, though.

Haven't done any cooking tonight...or today. I'm thinking that I'm probably going to be spending quite a bit of time at the pool the next couple of days so cooking isn't really high on my list of priorities. I'm thinking sandwiches will be the order of the day for dinner. Or cheap frozen pizza.

I've been a bit discontent this weekend. I know the reason why that's happened. Hopefully it's over with since I have put that away for the week. Then again, it is almost another month down the drain, and I'm still here. *sigh*

I need to register for class. Gotta take one hour per semester or I have to reapply.

August 23, 2007

I've almost finished all of the left-overs. I still have zucchini and squash to eat, although not much now. I did, however, make chicken fried steak this evening to go with the left overs that I still had. Good stuff. Now I have chicken fried steak left overs.

There hasn't been anything exciting lately. Other than the fact that for once, instead of having to throw away left-overs, I ate them all. Good for me.

I've been meaning to update the site, but it seems that every night I'm talking to the PSB for an hour or two. (not that I'm complaining mind you...just in case he's reading) When I get off the phone with him, I'm just tired, so it's usually about all I can do to haul myself to the bed. It's a good thing that he's on Cingular too. All of the calls are mobile-to-mobile minutes. I did have to change my text message plan, though. *grin*

I'm feeling like I need to run away and join the circus this weekend. The walls are a little close right now. The problem is the puppy, though. I need to take her with me, but what bar lets you bring your doggie in with you? *sigh* I'll have to think about that some more. I'm feeling restless. I think it's something astrological going on.

What do y'all think about Michael Vick's plea deal? I'm not sure that there should have ever been any doubt that he was guilty. It seemed like it fits that "thug lifestyle" type thing he had going on. I don't know how long he should spend in jail; I don't know if he should be given an opportunity to redeem himself with another shot at playing pro-football. I don't know that he will get that shot, though. Sports in general has a really black eye right now, and if it's going to continue to be something that people want to spend their money on, then it needs to work at clearing that black eye. Vick has apparently violated the NFL code of conduct, and since he lied about doing so, I imagine it's not going to go well for him.

So, I had a revelation on Monday or Tuesday. I know who the TB is dating (I didn't go into all the details here, but it's a bit of a long story). Recall that the TB is 40. He's dating a 22 year old. Yeah how long you think that's going to last? I giggled and giggled and giggled and giggled about that one. It's a bit of perspective, you know?

And speaking of such things...it's interesting the things that guys say when they want to get in your pants. Like the TB told me that he wanted someone that he could carry on an intelligent conversation with, someone that he could debate, someone who was smart. Yeah. OK. Again...much giggling. But when he said it to me, I totally believed it...because why would he lie? Why would any of them lie? Stupid girl.

In other interesting news, I don't know how many of you remember the boy who came into work and took me to lunch to thank me for all of my help...that I didn't give him. Anyway, he said at that lunch that he wanted to call me some time, take me to lunch again. I said OK. But then he never called. Until yesterday. Yesterday he called to talk to me--not my boss--just me. And to ask me if it would be OK to call back in a month, when he was back on days, so he could take me to lunch. Ummmmm...OK. Guys now plan dates at least a month in advance? OK. It was again one of those very giggly moments. I seem to have those quite frequently these days. I do have to say, though, I can't quite seem to stop thinking about his biceps. Scrumptious.

My puppy got her foot caught in the crate last night. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it scared the hell out of me. I was panicked, she was crying. Bad scene. I guess I need to start saving my pennies to buy her one of those other types of crates (we have the car carrier kind). Being a decent parent of a fur-baby is hard. *sigh* All that damn responsibility.

There was probably something else that I needed to tell y'all, but I'm tired and it's after midnight. I need to go to bed.

Oh...I'm supposed to remind you that there's a quilt show in Reno the same weekend as the Balloon Races. Sner says they have some really good stuff.

August 19, 2007

I'm just about full as as a tick. Good lord. I finally decided to make pork chops. I've been wanting them for a really, really long time, but I just couldn't convince myself to go ahead and make them. So...fried pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, zucchini and yellow squash, green beans, and there's still a peach cobbler. All so very good. This of course means I have a ton of left-overs to eat. Y'all know how I feel about left-overs. Ughhh. Make sure you remind me to eat the left-overs.

Played in the pool yesterday and had probably way too much to drink. That's Ok, though. It was a good time.

I've been fascinated by Ice Road Truckers on the History Channel. What a nerve-wracking job. I think part of the reason why I like the show so much has to do with the accents of the boys. *grin* Fascinating.

Cobbler has been eating the baseboard. Blackberry is right behind the crate and she likes to reach through and bat Cobbler now and again. Cob spends the time between swats by chewing on the baseboard. *sigh* What the hell? And when I was in the kitchen earlier, she was right at my feet and wouldn't leave me. Interesting. Very loyal little girlie.

I've been drinking Mimosas all day long. There was a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Left over from New Years I think. I remembered that champagne doesn't get better if you let it age, so I decided to pop that thing open and have at it. It's been a pleasant way to spend the day. *grin* The first one about kicked my ass, though. Wow.

It looks like we've really dodged a bullet with Hurricane Dean. I have to say that last Friday when the one model showed it coming in to LA, I was very nervous. I think everyone in these parts was. It's been two years since Katrina, and there's a great deal of fatigue. You'd think this far out with everything really getting back to normal in MS, the fatigue would lift, but I think it only gets worse. It's like now we have things rebuilt and we're cruising along. But. If another storm...one like Katrina or one like Dean...comes through the Gulf, then it's like all that work is for naught. Plus, I think a lot of people still haven't dealt with all of the "stuff" they had going on because of Katrina. In the aftermath of Katrina, all you could do was put things back together. No time to think about what all of it meant. Even now...I keep thinking that I need to go do something with that writing I did during Katrina, but I really don't want to even go back and look at that...deal with the fear and the uncertainty. So it just sits there.

I'm tired.

Anyone catch any of the Democratic debate this morning on ABC? I am seriously tired of debates. Are we learning anything new in each successive debate? Are the questions changing all that much? Are the answers? And who decided that we needed all of these debates? Did we have them last time around? Or is it because we've drawn out the campaign timeline and moved up primaries that there's now an incredible amount of time to fill? Whatever it is, I'm tired of it and tuning out. Am I the only one who isn't going to really care much until the race comes to my state?

August 16, 2007

I'm tired. I was supposed to be in Jackson with the PSB last night, but he unexpectedly had to work an overnight shift. I decided to go by myself. I'm usually pretty hesitant to go to a bar by myself, but I started thinking about it...I say that I travel by myself because if I wait for someone to go with me, then I'll wait the rest of my life. It struck me if I wait for someone to go to a show with me, then I may wait the rest of my life. I really like PorterDavis. I wanted to see them. I was lookin' smokin' hot. You can't let energy like that go to waste. So I went.

And I had a blast. I might have made out with a couple of different guys. I might have let several boys buy my drinks. I might have had a couple of shots of Goldschlager for the first time in 13 years (some of you will be familar with the Goldschlager story). Yeah. Had a really, really good time. Didn't make it back home until about 3:30.

PorterDavis was awesome. If they're coming to your town, you should make the effort to get out and see them.

I picked up a t-shirt at the show, but it's a boy's shirt. I'm thinking that I want to see about altering it a little bit. Maybe putting a couple of darts in it to make it more girly rather than looking like a boy's shirt. I have a shirt that I think I'm going to practice on first. I was poking around online, and it doesn't look like it would be that big of a deal...a couple of darts down the front? Even though all of the stuff that I was looking at said it's hard to get darts too not pucker. Hmmmmm....

I need to go to bed. Three hours of sleep doesn't cut it.

August 13, 2007

Head still hurting. And now I have that whole nausea thing going on as well. I think the nausea is tied to a period that is about to start. I have that whole heaviness thing going on, and while I haven't counted, I think I'm probably a little off-track...like a few months ago. Whatever is going on, I really wish it would go away. Not something I need right this moment in my life. Ya know?

Can't decide what I'm going to wear Wednesday night. I did go out and buy a lovely pair of red peep-toe pumps today. Like them a lot. Will wear them to work tomorrow to get them broken in.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate shopping?

It's hot. Very, very hot. Did y'all see that there are now two storms brewing in the Gulf and that Atlantic? That doesn't make me too happy, but I suppose that it's not supposed to make me happy. If anything comes this way, I'm heading for Atlanta (you reading this Betsy?)

Just did a little political work for a friend's campaign. Funny that's something that has never really interested me. I'll say more about it after the election is over with, but it's been kinda cool to watch small town politics at work. I get a bird's eye view of it at work because my bosses work at the pleasure of the county boards of supervisors, which means that they can't get too attached to one because who knows when it's going to change?

Y'all see that Karl Rove has resigned? That makes me happy. The only uneasy thing is that the rumor is he will be headed to Fred Thompson's campaign. I don't know if Thompson needs the kind of baggage that Turd Blossom brings to the table, despite his considerable skill as a political strategist.

I need to go to bed. There were things I didn't get done today that I needed to.

August 12, 2007

My head is killing me. I think that's becaues the deadline for chapter one of dissertation is looming, and I haven't written anything. There's a lot to do this week, but I'll figure out something to get it done.

I guess I haven't been feeding my puppy enough. It's a problem when she's walking around with her fud dish in her mouth. I swear I've been feeding her. She won't let me not feed her.

Speaking of my puppy, we have not been on a walk in awhile. It's been so incredibly hot here...100 even at 8:00-9:00 at night that I don't think it's the best idea to take my girlie out in it. Makes her feel a little on the frisky side, though. *sigh*

Went to a 25th anniversary party last night that involved a shrimp boil. Had a really good time. Shortly after I arrived, wound up with this little friend:

I don't know that I've ever really spent any time looking at dragonflies. They somehow have this fanciful image associated with them (I have dragonfly lights that I could hang on my porch, I know that some folks apparently like to get dragonflies as part of their tattoos), but in really looking at them, they're ugly, frightening things. Look at the mouth on that sucker! It's like something out of a horror movie. Maybe that's part of the evil plan. Maybe the dragonflies are lulling us into complacency and then they're gonna start with the flesh eating. Or something like that.

What's the big news since I haven't been here in awhile? I'm going to call about a possible adjunct teaching gig at PRCC. Maybe a class or two. It would be a very little money and some teaching experience at another level. I don't know that I need to take on another responsibility, but what the heck. Not gonna get excited about it because you know what my experience has been with regard to jobs and the local higher ed market. That reminds me that I need to update my vita. *sigh*

Other big news is that I asked a boy out on a date. And he said yes. *grin* I anticipate that Wednesday night is going to be a long one if for no other reason than my date is in Jackson. This boy already has a name. He's the PS Boy. Not tellin' ya what the PS stands for. Heh. Won't even tell you if you've guessed correctly. I think it's going to be a good time. We're going to go somewhere for dinner...his choice, my treat since I asked...and then we're going to see PorterDavis. Or at least that's the plan. I'm hoping it all goes well. Can't believe I'm so nervous about it. *grin*

Blackberry is trying to kick Cobbler's ass from behind the crate. *sigh* She's sticking her paw through the gap and swatting at the puppy's nose. Puppy isn't doing anything to provoke it...Blackberry is just feeling frisky. Go Blackberry!

August 6, 2007

I totally forgot that I was supposed to make cookies this past weekend. So, I'm just now finishing up with 8 dozen chocolate chip pecan cookies. Most of which will be taken to the Lamar county courthouse tomorrow night to be served as refreshments for the poll workers. I said I'd go, but I really don't want to. Just planning on dropping things off and then coming on home...so I can some dissertation work.

So. I'm not mad at the TB anymore. Still hurt, but that will soon fade. I just need a little while to be upset and hurt and then it fades. Doesn't mean that if he were to show up tomorrow and say he was an ass and he'd made a mistake, I'd welcome him back with open arms...like I said, I'd rather gnaw off my own hand. Just that I don't want to hang on to the negativity.

I don't know exactly how I feel like Barry Bonds being tied with Aaron. Personally I don't like Bonds. I never have. I'm also more than a little disgusted by the whole steroids thing. Bonds wouldn't be at this point if he weren't taking steroids. He was undoubtedly a good player before he started taking drugs, but he just wasn't that good.

My back is killing me. All of that moving around of furniture by myself is tough. I should have gotten in the tub, but I was busy baking cookies. I should have gone to Polly's and gotten in the pool, but again...baking cookies. I think that on Wednesday, I'll go to Polly's. Me and the puppy...maybe pick up a pizza or something?

Thank goodness! Oliver the monkey has been returned to the Tupelo zoo. He escaped a week or so ago. Smart ass little monkey, though.

Read a couple of different articles about New Orleans today. It just breaks my heart. The article in Time Magazine about restoring the coastal wetlands and protecting the city is rather strident...but good. And the one about the water system just makes me want to scream. The thing is...when it comes to infrastructure, New Orleans' water and sewer system is not alone. I mean, in Petal (a community just over the river form us here in Hattiesburg), the sewer system was so neglected that in some places, there was no pipe left. Sewage was running through channels in the ground. The Minnesota bridge collapse illustrates the great need for funneling money into our infrastructure, but it's more than bridges and roads. It's also our water and sewer systems...all of those things my bosses design.

I'm kinda sad that I'm not getting a classroom ready to go right now. I don't know if I want the day to day hassles of teaching...ever again...but I do miss that first of the year excitement. Seeing all the students, getting going and getting started. I had a horrible experience last year, but it's a lot bittersweet to be a part of all of the excitement that so many of my friends are experiencing.

Anyway. It's late and I need to get to bed so I can walk my doggie since I won't get a chance to do it tomorrow night.

August 5, 2007

So, I drove myself around the world last night because I was upset and needed to think. Didn't get back to the house until about 8:00 this morning. Slept until around 1:00. and about 3:30, I was headed to Meridian to see the Gypsy Graves.

I like cemeteries to begin with, so it was an interesting little trip not far away. I'd read another article that said the cemetery was filled with heirloom roses, but I didn't see very many of those. Parts of the cemetery seemed well-cared for, and others seemed like they were much more neglected. Not a lot of heirloom roses.

I left a ring on the Queen's grave. One of the ones painted by Grandma Alex. I never wear them, and I have a ton of them. I thought long and hard about it, but wound up leaving it anyway. Supposedly if you ask a question and leave a gift, the next morning, you'll wake up knowing the answer...courtesy of the queen. I'll take what I can get, considering how awful the last two weeks have been.

I took Cobbler with me. She had a good time trying to drag me around the cemetery (was very good and didn't poo or pee on any graves). I forgot to take her choke collar with me. She did puke as soon as she got back in the car, but I chalk that up to it being hotter than hell while she was trying to strangle herself.

I tried to set up a photo album, but that requires a whole lot of work. That I didn't want to do tonight. Maybe tomorrow night or some other time this week.

I'm still upset and hurt about the conversation that I had last night. I sent out a call to the men in my life that I trust, and I heard from two of the three today. Their responses were exactly what I knew they were going to be. It's interesting that while one of them gave me the response I knew he would, he is as big a part of the problem as the nameless boy and the TB are. Just like I'm not the girl for the TB and the nameless boy and all of the others in between...I'm not the girl for him either. Even though he loves me and thinks I'm nothing short of incredible. (sound familiar? yeah, sounds familiar to me too)

And why do boys tell you that if you ever need anything, to give them a call? That they'll be there for you...just after they've wounded you? I was told that last night. I said that I'd be highly unlikely to take him up on the offer, but what I wanted to say was that if I were in handcuffs and was desperate for help, I'd rather gnaw my own hand off than call him for help. I have a little pride...apparently very little...and I just wouldn't do that. I didn't call Dax when he told me the same thing. I don't know who exactly I would call if I needed male help.

I just wish I understood why.

Scared the hell out of myself when I took the baby out for the last time. Apparently a snake was hiding amongst the pothos that is trying to eat the porch. I screamed, the boys from across the street came running.

August 4, 2007

I decided to move the bed so I could vacuum all the cat hair that seems to collect under it, and then I decided that it was time to rearrange the room. It's been that way for 3 years. So I changed it. I don't quite know that I like it. I tried to apply a few feng shui principles to the rearrangement, which means I had to move the dresser. I need to go get some material to make drapes to cover the blinds behind the headboard because apparently according to feng shui, the bed should not be near windows. And it needs to be a warm skintone color to balance the coolness of the green bedding. I need another nightstand, too...so as to balance the room and invite a partner into the room.

You also should not sleep under a ceiling fan, but I'm not giving that up. Did you know that you're supposed to close all the doors in your bedroom when you sleep? Closet doors, doors to the room, adjoining bathroom doors? Interesting. Very interesting.

I read my horoscope today and it said that because of the planetary alignment, now was a good time for manifestation...and htat it was time to be very careful about telling the universe what you want because what we put out there this weekend, is likely to return to us. I don't know if I really believe in manifestation. I've tried. I've pictured myself having the job that I want, going through th emotions of a good interview, doing the job, enjoying what I'm doing, etc. I've pictured a happy relationship and have concentrated on it, but nothing every happens.

So this is what I want: I want work that fulfills and sustains me--emotionally, physically, mentally, monetarily. I want a relationship that is filled with respect and caring, with someone who respects me and is willing to work towards what is best for both of us. I want to finish this degree.

I'm going to focus my thoughts on that for awhile and see where it takes me.

I went to Laurel with Beth and Mark this afternoon. We saw the Linda McCartney photos that were on exhibit. Wow. Some really great pictures. It's hard to believe that she had no formal training. She just took pictures. I lke to think that every once in awhile, I'm in the right place at the right time, and I get a good shot.

Why do men suck so awfully? I just had one of the top five worst conversations of my life. What the hell is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? To end the agony, I say that I understand and it's OK. The problem is that I don't understand. I don't understand at all. I don't get it. I don't understand. I feel like such incredible trash right now, like I'm just a throw-away and I don't matter.

August 3, 2007

It's actually the 4th, but I'm not going to quibble about the dates. Tonight, I finished getting the Daily Wonderings done and I did a bunch of the teaching stuff. I suppose that tomorrow I'll get to the rest of the teaching stuff. And maybe some pictures. Perhaps the cooking stuff would be easier to handle.

Spent the evening at the nameless boy's parents, watching a movie with him. He had surgery to have his left shoulder reconstructed on Thursday and sent me a text asking me to come by and visit him. So, I went over. Because I'm a sweet girl.

I have some other things to talk about, but it's 1:30 in the morning. Very tired and I have things to do tomorrow.

August 1, 2007

Hard to believe that another month has gone by. Not all that pleased about it, but I suppose there's not much to be done about it.

I'm watching Respect Yourself: The Story of Stax Records on PBS. I forget about all of the really good stuff that happens on PBS when I'm not reminded of it. The only reason why I'm watching this tonight is because I saw an article in the NYT. Go figure.

I'd say that there's not a lot to say tonight, but you know, every time I say that, it seems like I wind up rambling for pages. So, right this minute it seems like I don't have a lot to say but let me write for awhile to see where we go.

I've decided that I'm going to have chapter 1 of my dissertation written by August 20th. That's when USM goes back. Chapter 1 is only like 15 pages. I think I can do that. I was going to get started on it tonight, but I had to write an article review for a journal, which about broke my heart. I didn't want to say yes, but I couldn't find a good reason to say no.

Y'all know that I'm not a big fan of the death penalty. I have a huge problems with it, and this article is more reason for all of us to ask some serious questions about the way the death penalty is administrated in this country. I'd really like to read the entire article. I may have to go up to USM in the next couple of days, find the journal and make a copy of the article so I can take a look at it, read it in more depth because you can't really evaluate something like this without taking a look at the methodology.

We didn't go for a walk tonight. It was raining. Some awful thunderstorms again this afternoon.

I'm working on some spaghetti sauce for tomorrow night's potluck dinner. I was gonna make carnitas, but there's supposed to be around 20 people there. I didn't have enough pork for that. Didn't really want to make spaghetti. I guess we're going to try to do a spaghetti fundraising dinner. I suppose I can consider tomorrow night a trial run.

Did y'all see the bridge collapse in Minnesota? How terrifying. My initial reaction is that I'm glad that I don't have to drive over any bridges any time soon. I was challenged on that, and I have to say that in fact, I won't have to drive over any bridges in the coming days. I can get to work and the store without ever crossing a bridge. That won't last, though. If I want to go out to Beth's or over to Polly's, I have to use a bridge. And that's OK, but I don't have to do it any time soon. I can't go all that far, but I can get where I need to go without a bridge. Wonder what Jason is going to say tomorrow (civil engineers design bridges).

I'm thinking about going to Meridian on Sunday to visit the cemetery that has the graves of a gypsy king and queen. And to see some of their carousel horses. Actually, that gives me a great idea. Hmmmmm....Yeah, might have to go. If I get some reading done.

I suppose I really didn't have much to say tonight after all. Sorry.