April 28, 2009

Evening Update

What an incredibly busy day it was today. Tomorrow will be terribly busy too. Plus I'll be doing some training tomorow and won't be home until late. Then I'm going to need to pack. Thursday is training too, and then I'll be making the long trip south. I might not actually get to leave here until 5:00-5:30. That puts me into Hattiesburg around 3 in the morning. Ugh.

I found the necklace I'm going to wear with my dress this weekend. It's a great outfit. The shoes match almost perfectly. I think the whole thing could be about 6 inches shorter, but I don't have time to fix that. I know how I would fix it, too. Just don't have the time. Need to take the silver links out of the necklace. It's too long. With the vneck of the dress, I need something shorter and up around my throat.

Cute.

I did some of my housework tonight. The house is clean, and I'd kinda like to keep it that way. I figure that tomorrow night I'll finish the laundry and wipe everything down. Dusting will have to wait. The spray I got for the plants seems to be working. The number of gnats in the air are much less. I will need to continue to treat the soil for a little while, though.

I should have more to write about. Even have the thoughts floating around in my head, but it ain't happening tonight.

April 26, 2009

Evening Update

I'm kinda pissed off tonight. I'm sure it's just because my period is about to start any moment now, but I'm pissed off. I'm trying to be a better person and let go of those types of things, but it's not working.

If I were a healthy person, I'd tell the person I was pissed at that I was pissed at them. But I'm not healthy. It hurts my pride that he doesn't remember that I asked him...and I'm not in the habit of begging people to spend time with me. I'll walk down the street by myself before I beg someone to spend time with me...and I equate asking him again to begging. Somehow pathetic that I have to ask again because honestly, in a non-answer, there is an answer.

I should be entering scores in CASCADE, but it's not going to happen tonight. Maybe I'll get up early in the morning and finish it then. Or at least the very first part of the day. I've got a ton of stuff to do to get ready for our trainings on Wednesday and Thursday.

I bought green shoes these evening to go with the dress for the wedding. Just need to get some jewelry to go with it.

I bought some stuff to put on the plants to help kill the gnats. So far I think it's working. I've noticing a whole lot less flying around. I suppose I just need to keep treating the dirt for awhile to make sure the eggs are dead, huh?

Need to go to bed. So I can get up early. But not until after Jon Stewart.

April 26, 2009

Evening Update

It was a good weekend. Matt came up to visit, and we had a good time, even though we really didn't get to see each other a whole lot. I had my conference to attend, so he was here alone on Saturday.

My house is really clean right now, and it's starting to look a little homier. While Matt was here by himself yesterday, I put him to work. He hung picture ledges for me. I've got pictures out on them now, and I hung another pic in the hallway. I also found some black and white photos of the Hooten family that I'd put in black frames so those are arranged on a wall. I have a couple of posters that I'd like to get framed and then put those up. I need a few more picture ledges because there are an astonishing numbers of framed photos that I still need to find a place for, and there are ton more that I could easily put into frames.

I spent most of Friday night cleaning the house. It's not that it wasn't clean...just that it was messy and cluttered, as is my normal habit. So I went through things and got rid of some stuff. I also did the cleaning that doesn't normally get done...like the dusting. (who dusts? I tend to remember to do it once every four months or so) I did some cooking as well. Not that we ate any of it, but that's what I did.

Saturday I was at the conference of the Urban Sites Network of the NWP. It was an OK conference. The session that I was most interested in was cancelled because the presenter didn't show. The other sessions that I attended were for the most part OK. I wasn't totally excited about the ideas presented at any of them, but I can see how those can be used in our classrooms next year. I'll do some work in the next couple of months to get all of that ready to go.

The highlight, though, was being in a session with George Ella Lyon. She is the poet who wrote "Where I'm From", which is a poem that gets used in classrooms all around the world. She had us write for a little while...our own "Where I'm From". She told us that it her poem change every time she writes it, and that was kinda of a freeing thing to hear because every time I write it, I try to remember what I've written before...which is kinda stifling. I decided this time I would write about storms. After her part of the session was finished, she sat by me and we spoke of some revision ideas. Then she sat with me at lunch, and we talked about families. "Family scriptures". I've been thinking about that...those things that your family says. Phrases, sayings, words that are unique to it. I'm going to have to think about it some more.

Other than that, the last two sessions of the day were particularly hard. I shut down during the first one, and if I'd known what the last session was going to be, I would have left at the break. I came home and took a nap while Matt watched the Draft.

When I woke up, we chatted for awhile, watched some more of the draft and then went out to dinner. We went to Rocky's Italian Grill, in Indiana. I'd decided we should go there because I heard on the radio that they had Fat Tire available. Both Matt and I enjoy some Fat Tire. Dinner was good. I'd like to go back there to sit on the deck, overlooking the water.

We came back to the house and watched a little television, and chatted for awhile before calling it a night. He was gone pretty early this morning. I feel bad that he came all this way and we didn't really do anything, but I understand the desire to get away from where you are for a short while. Next him he comes back, we'll do something fun like go to a baseball game.

Today has been pretty lazy. I slept after Matt left, and other than putting my photos up the ledges, I didn't do much. It was horribly hot as well, so staying home was the most logical thing. I should have done some school work, but I already gave one of my weekend days to that. Didn't feel like I should spend any more. I didn't do the traditional Sunday brunch/mimosa thing today. Won't get to do it next week either because I'll be driving.

I should go to bed. I was feeling like I was ready to go to bed around 8:30, but I toughed it out. Probably should have just given in and gone in.

I'm going to Jazzfest Friday. Back a couple of weeks ago, I asked the boy if he wanted to go with me, and he said he'd have to check. Haven't heard anything more about it, so I'm assuming that he has forgotten. If it's not important enough for him to remember it, then it's not important enough for me to remind him. Beth might go with me. I don't know if she can get Friday off or not. If she can't, that's fine. I'm good with going by myself.

I've got to buy a pair of shoes tomorrow. Something to go with the dress for the wedding this weekend. I know what I want to get them as wedding gift, but I haven't found it yet. Good thing I have a year to get them a pressie. Will have to find some suitable love poetry and a card in the meantime.

I have to say that I hate weddings. I'm not looking forward to go to this one. There are reasons, but it's too late for me to get into them tonight. It's midnight and I'm nowhere near tired enough to go to bed. *sigh*

April 22, 2009

Evening Update

It's actually the very early morning hours on the 23rd. I need to go to bed, and to be honest, I'm almost ready. Just gotta finish this cocktail and a few little things before I'm really ready to call it a night.

Shan and Eric had to let go of Bailey doggie this morning. He's been unwell for awhile, but this morning it was time. I know that particular pain. I didn't have Moose as long as Shan and Eric have had Bailey, but I know that pain. It's so hard to let them go. You can prolong it, but sometimes the easiest thing is to just le them go.

Had my doctor's appointment this afternoon. All was well, although the experience and the process is humilitating. I'm pretty secure when it comes to my body, but today...I wanted to crawl in a hole. I'm OK with myself. None of the men I've ever been with have made me feel like I'm less than beautiful, but when you're standing there and they're taking pictures of you...it hurts.

April 21, 2009

Evening Update

Someone Else's Prayer by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Tonight the brightest moon in a hundred years
Floods the streets of Rome and I am standing here
Wondering where the ghosts of antiquity
Hide on nights like this once a century
Where do shadows fall when there's only light
Why'd you follow me halfway 'round the world tonight
What I'd give right now not to even care
And then this could be someone else's prayer

And on a sleepless night by St. Stephen's Green
Oh I turned and tossed with my Irish dreams
And when the morning shone through the burned off mist
I could sense you still just as close as this
Just as close as lips brush against a cheek
It's your voice I hear and it's your name I speak
But when I look around there's no one there
How I wish you were someone else's prayer

And now the twilight comes as a silent guest
And of all its gifts I like stillness best
Except for tin roof rains that commence with spring
It's a lullaby when that tin roof sings
Now you can look for me on the streets of Rome
Or in Dublin town but I've gone back home
I would always be just a stranger there
And now you're free to be someone else's prayer

April 20, 2009

Evening Update

Today is the tenth anniversary of the shootings at Columbine. We talked about it this morning in our CARE group, and it is interesting to me the place that Columbine holds in our consciousness.

Columbine was not the first school shooting but people talk about it like it was. There were other shootings, there were other deaths, but for some reason, Columbine is the one that holds us rapt. It's interesting I think. I get that part of why Columbine occupies such an important place is because so many people died. But at other school shootings, people died too. Many people were injured, their lives shattered, left never the same again.

I have to wonder if Columbine makes them feel like the sacrifices their family has borne are somehow less than the victims at Columbine. I wonder if the parents of the children killed at Jonesboro and Pearl and Portland feel like their children are forgotten. Is their pain compounded? Once on the anniversaries of their personal tragedies and then again when Columbine is remembered every year with the intensity that it is.

What about other victims? Where is the media on those anniversaries?

I'm sick of politics. It's to the point that I'm ready to quit talking to people that I like until they can pull their heads out of their asses. The born again are always problematic; they rarely realize how big of assholes they're being when they're doing it. It makes me lose respect for them when they become one-trick ponies.

Did anyone see this piece of Keillor in the paper this Sunday? We all know that I am not a poet. I'm trying to remember the last person who wrote me poetry. I think it was X. He used to write me poems on a semi-regular basis. There were none of them very good; he insisted on a fairly simplistic rhyme scheme. Not very good poetry or not, when he was writing poetry, taking the effort to think about words and how to put them together, I knew he loved me.

It's been awhile since I've read The Over-Educated Nympho, but I've been checking again recently. She's done a couple of recent blog entries about her past having her phone number. I kinda feel that way, except I haven't changed any entries in my phone, although maybe I should. The guy who stood me up almost two years ago but still wants text sex could be my own personal Assclown; the boy could be an Asshat. Maybe they all need new names. I think that's probably a good idea. Fuckers.

I have a problem with fruit flies. I think they have something to do with my plants. I've been pouring boiling water down my drains to kill them if they're living in there, and there is no food or fruit laying to attract them. I kill them when I can. I just want them to all go away.

I still can't find that thing I was looking for. *sigh*

I am a bit on the snaggley side this evening. Bourbon isn't helping. I should go to bed.

It rained yesterday and it rained today and it's supposed to rain again tomorrow. Since it's National Poetry Month...a poem in honor:

Sometimes I wonder
when the Rain is going to
End
It comesdownandownandown
chillingthesoul
cloudingthemind
coloringallthings bleak
the Weather must break
the Sun must shine
hope must surely exists
I scan the sky watch the radar and
wait wait wait wait
it’s going to come
it’s got to come

April 19, 2009

Evening Update

Busy weekend, although today has been lazy as all get-out. Friday was an awful day. AWFUL. Had drinks with friends after work and then made my way home for a minute. I got the shopping done Friday night because Saturday was Thunder.

Had a good time at Thunder. Would do it differently next year. While being at the game was convenient, it was hard to watch the airshow from there. Or at least to hear what was going on with the air show. If they could have switched the speakers in the stadium over to the air show and the fireworks after the game was over, that would have made it just about perfect. They didn't do that, though.

The fireworks. Wow. Worth it. I don't think whoever puts the music together does such a hot job. There was no flow to what I could hear, and I wonder if people really care about that sort of thing. Seeing as how the fireworks show is broadcast over the Armed Forces network, it would make sense that they get everything just right. I don't know how hard it would be figure that piece of it out. They've been doing the show for quite awhile; they should be able to figure that out.

I'm looking forward to going back next year. Hopefully some of my friends will be there with me.

It's going to be a busy week here. Tomorrow is a lot of paperwork. Wednesday is the doctor's appointment. Friday and Saturday are the Urban Sites Network meeting. I also have a friend coming to visit. Supposed to be. I hope so, but I won't hold my breath until it actually happens.

I've lost something kinda important. I had it last night. And this morning...I have no idea where it is. I suppose it's really not that big of a deal, except...it's going to drive me crazy until I find it. I can't really imagine where it might be. I've looked the places where I was likely to put it, and nothing. I'm wondering if maybe one of the kitties didn't see it and start playing with it. It's a little rolly thing, so that might be attractive to them. Who knows. I suppose that eventually it will turn up.

I bought a dress for the wedding I'm attending in 2 weeks. Now I just need a pair of strappy lime green sandals. (You all think I'm joking). The dress is white with a brown pattern and lime green ribbon on the edges. I'm thinking some chunky silver or wood accessories. I still need to find that wedding pressie. I should probably just order them online and have them shipped. I think, though, that there has to be an oriental import store somewhere here in Louisville. Doesn't there?

I forgot that I may be having sushi Tuesday night. The guy that was with us Friday night invited me out, and I guess I'll go. Apparently it's penny sake night? I guess. I was supposed to have met up with him during Thunder, but my phone quit working about 4:30 in the afternoon. I surmise that all those people in one area trying to use their phones at the same time was the problem. As soon as I got in the car and got about two blocks from downtown, I got a flood of text messages that apparently should have been delivered throughout the afternoon. So. If he tried to contact me, I missed it.

But anyway. I may be going to sushi Tuesday afternoon. That's the important part to remember. I'm kinda nervous about the while thing. When introduced, there was no beating around the bush that he's a widow and looking for someone. Which I suppose is OK. I get that. I'm lonely up here, but the thing is that I don't know really how much I want do anything about changing that situation. There's more to say about that, but right this minute, I don't know that I want to go into it.

It was a strange Sunday brunch for me today. I got up, went to get the paper, and was trying to think of what I might like to have as a "brunch". The only thing I could think of was that I really wanted some hot wings. So that's what I had for brunch. It was pouring this morning so as soon as brunch was over, and I'd had two drinks, I laid back down with my doggie and went to sleep for three hours. Got up and did some work that I needed to have done Friday. There's been some laundry done, but other than that, not much going on.

I was looking at a writing prompt earlier and it was to describe your ideal Saturday in 50 words or less. Think you can do it? I'm not sure that I have an ideal Saturday, but I do think I have an ideal Sunday: leisurely sleep, with a slow transition to wakefulness. A newspaper, a drink, some sunshine. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Someone to share it with. A nap and a little worship along the way.

I think I'm going to go see Shooter Jennings Thursday night. Because I don't have to be at the conference until 8:00, it should be OK to come home late. I think that would be a good show. I've been loving some of his stuff lately.

I should have bought more of those spicy pickles in DC. They're really good. Someone needs to make me some of those this summer. If you're growing cucumbers, hell, I'll make them myself. I have the recipe. I know how to do it. I just need the cucumbers and the dill. I've forced myself to have one every couple of days. I could eat like seven of them at a time. (I remember going through an entire quart at a time when I was a kid) So yummy.

Must go to bed. It's after midnight. I gotta go to work tomorrow.

 

April 15, 2009

Evening Update

I paid my Mississippi State taxes tonight. *sigh* I didn't want to, but because I'm a responsible person, I did it.

It was a very busy day at work. Tomorrow is going to be busy as well. Trying to get portfolios done and getting CCAs wrapped up for this grading period is time consuming. And it sucks. It also sucks that I end each day with a headache.

There were a couple of other things that I wanted to talk about, but right this minute I can't remember them.

I know that somewhere in this apartment is a thing of wax and a stick of deodorant. I can't find either of them. I looked in the most likely place, and the most unlikely and they didn't turn up. I could go to the store and just buy new ones, but it's the principle of the thing. You know?

I don't understand teachers who don't like kids. I understand being frustrated. It's that time of year. Everyone is frustrated. I'm frustrated with teachers more so than kids. But some of the things that I hear teachers say about kids really does puzzle me...and make me very sad. I wonder if those "teachers" understand that the students in their classrooms KNOW that's how their teachers feel about them. Kids know that shit. They know if you like them. They know if you can't stand the sight of them. You don't have to say a word.

One of the things that we talk about at my school is the need to make connections with students and build relationships. I don't teach kids this year, but I've been helping with their writing in the last couple of weeks. I gotta tell you, getting kids to revise their writing, to share themselves with you, is impossible if you're not connecting and making relationships with them. Coach once told me (or rather our class...one of our first ones together I think) that teaching is all about learning the kids, letting them teach you about them and teaching them about you, letting them learn you. It's true. You don't do that, you're fucked before you start.

Kids deserve more than people who don't believe in them. We deserve more than that. It's too important.

Anyway. I need to go to bed. Think I'm going to have some hot tea to help me get ready to sleep.

 

April 14, 2009

Evening Update

So...the big news is that I have skin cancer. The dermatologist called and gave me the news. We talked for quite awhile on the phone. I have an appointment next week to go in and have some more of the area around my mole removed (to make sure they got it all) and to do a body scan...photos and such to determine if there's anything else that needs to come off or to determine a baseline for the next time I go in and have things checked out.

It's going to be fine. It was a small spot and it was caught early so there's nothing to worry about.

Shan asked me if I was scared and told me not to be scared. I'm not scared. I really am not. It's a small spot; it was caught early; I'm taking care of it. I'm not scared.

I am upset, though. Really upset.

I've been careful about my sun exposure. Almost to the point of being a joke with the sunscreen. But who is the one with skin cancer? Me.

Motherfuckers.

Talked with the dermatologist for a long time, and he said there are a couple of things I should consider. One is a hat. I have my cowboy hat that I don't wear too often. He also mentioned good sunglasses that block both UVA and UVB. I need to put that in my budget. I don't have $100-150 right this minute, but after a dress for a wedding, a wedding gift, and Jazzfest, they'll be first on my list. He also said that I need to remember to use sunscreen (already do) and to cover up as much as possible when I'm out, which is again something I already do.

It sucks. It really sucks.

And it sucks that I'm dealing with it alone. Not that there's much to deal with. The boy said that I'm a strong woman and that this will be fine. He's right. But I'd like to be curled up with someone right now, telling me that it's going to be OK. Instead, martinis are my friend. Shortly I'll have chocolate angel food cake with sliced strawberries and homemade whipped cream. Not quite sure how well that goes with gin, but that's what I've got.

I'm tired. I need to go to bed. I've had a couple of martinis (the doggie spilled most of the last one). I had dessert. There are only re-runs on tv. That means I should go to bed.

April 13, 2009

Evening Update

I've gotten some pictures updated. I didn't realize that it had been so long since I'd taken the time to actually edit photos, rename files, and create photo albums in dreamweaver. Oops. So. I think I'm almost caught up to Spring Break, although I haven't touched those photos yet. That really will have to wait until this weekend because there are so many of them. What I did today has taken me a good three-four hours.

So photo albums for you: